The Best 65 Babies Jokes

Following is our collection of Babies jokes which are very funny. There are some babies puppies jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these babies dead baby puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

what sex position produces the ugliest babies?

ask your mother

The McDonalds

When I was 8 I brought in my tomogatchi (**ignore spelling**) to a McDonald's. my family sat down to eat and I saw this girl with a tomogatchi too. She stares at me then goes into the bathroom. I wait a minute then follow her in. She was waiting for me. We linked our games and had tomogatchi babies together.

Still to this day, the most sexual thing I have ever done.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A Swallow.

Birth

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"

"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."


A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a coma...

6 months later she awakes and she asks her doctor about her babies. And he replies
"Oh you had happy healthy twins. One boy, and one girl. Luckily your brother was here to name then"
"Oh god no" says the woman "my brothers an idiot. What are their names"
"The girls name is denise" says the doctor
"Oh thats not to bad, and the boy?"
"Denephew"

Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 70% water. I can walk on babies. I'm...

In prison.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark

What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?

Ask your mom.

Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 86% water...

...I can walk on babies.

Therefore I am...

...In prison.

What sex position makes ugly babies?

Ask your parents

Top Babies Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore babies unborn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean babies pregnancies dad jokes. There are also babies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If storks deliver white babies and blackbirds deliver black babies, what bird delivers no babies?

Swallows.

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies?

A Swallow

A man visits a village

A man visits a village and approaches the town clerk "Have any great men been born in your joke of a town?"

And the clerk responded "well no you foolish man. Only babies have been born in my town."

A dark sense of humor is like a hospital.

Lots of sickness and occasionally dead babies.

What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?

A: Because 36 would be too many.


What kind of bird does not make babies?

A swallow

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

Gotta hand it to babies...

...because their short, stupid little arms can't reach anything

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

What do you call a group of babies?

an Infantry

Hey girl, are you Harambes enclosure?

Because i want to drop babies in you.

I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.

The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.

The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"

The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...

but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

What do you get when you cross babies with soldiers?

Infantry.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian man were all in the maternity ward of a hospital ready to collect their babies.

When a midwife comes over to them and explains, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but there's been a mix-up with the babies and we no longer know whose is whose."

The Englishman immediately goes over to the brown baby and picks it up.

The midwife asks, "are you sure that's your baby, sir?"

"No" says the Englishman, "but there's no way I'm going home with a french one!"

I'm so torn on abortion...

On one hand, it kills babies, which I'm for. On the other hand, it gives women a choice, which I'm against.

Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies...

Delivered by crane.

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

I'm have mixed feelings about abortion.

On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common?

They both think,"Oh god, my mom is going to kill me".

I love eating babies and smiling

but I hate punctuation

Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies

"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"

"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."

"How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke."

What do you call an army of babies?

An infantry.

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."

The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"

The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow brings bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow.

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

What do freshly pregnant teenagers and their babies share?

They both think, Mom's probably going to kill me

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

My girlfriend says she can't cope with delivering any more babies.

I think it's just a midwife crisis.

What do you call babies with guns?

Infantry

What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can?

Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.

Purchased Vs. Homemade

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.

"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."

Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."

"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I lost 15 pounds

But in my defense, babies are easy to misplace.

If a stork delivers babies what bird prevents them?

A swallow.

If a stork is the bird that brings babies, then what is the bird that prevents babies?

A swallow

Why can't ghosts make babies?

They have hollow weenies.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest babies?

Ask your mom

I don't like the new guy my neighbor has

He's awful if you ask me. Looks alone. Kinda short and barely any hair. Then he's lying in bed all day, and if he's not sleeping he's screaming at her. Also hitting the bottle quite heavily and probably didn't work a single day in his whole life.

I really can't figure out what people see in babies.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement's still dark.

Egyptian babies didn't know that one day their daddy would become a mummy

Neither did the kardashians

How do babies keep track of their fathers?

They use an extensive dada-base.

Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?

Swallows...

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

It depends on how red you want it

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the babies baby camel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working babies baby sister piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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