Babe Jokes

Following is our collection of text humor and chick one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Babe puns for adults, dirty sweet jokes or clean dearest gags for kids.

There is an abundance of toddler jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 69 funniest jokes on babe. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lauren witze you can hear about babe.

The Best jokes about Babe

One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

My wife screamed in pain during labor...

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.

"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"

"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"

A woman starts to scream while giving birth.

"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks.

"What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"

"Sorry babe. What is wrong?"

A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."

He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."

Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).

Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.

GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with

"Only with you babe..." I replied

"Awww, really?"

"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed

and she was already awake. She says to him "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian"

The guy, still half-asleep says, "oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."

"Oh good" she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."

Husband says to wife: Babe, do I please you in bed?

Wife: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Husband: What trick?
Wife: The one where you stfu and go to sleep.

A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.

While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. "

The blonde look around and says

" Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes..."

I was on the train this afternoon...

when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.

I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an erection, please don't get an erection". But she did.

A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...

...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral.

When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:

"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"

A body builder takes off his shirt.

A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!"

He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!"

He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.

She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

A blonde calls her boyfriend...

One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.

"Hey Babe!"

"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."

The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.

He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."

"Honey, do I look fat ?"

Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.

"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"

Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "

Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! I will just go get the fridge.. "

I told my girlfriend that I thought the world was flat

She asked me if I was stupid and I said no babe, you're my whole world

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

So a guy gets shipwrecked on an island with nothing but a dog and a goat.

As time passes, he decides he needs some action, and, well, the goats not lookin half bad.

However, anytime the man tries to make a move on the goat, the dog gets jealous, snaps at him and won't let him by.

Eventually, another ship wrecks, this time carrying a blonde babe. Just absolutely gorgeous. The man looks to the heavens, thanks God for answering his prayers, then looks to the girl and says:

Would ya mind taking that dog for a walk?

[NSFW]Bae: babe come over..

Bae: babe come over

Me: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple

Bae: my parents aren't home

Me: I know

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge.

It's a Babe magnet.

My girlfriend is so smart

I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said hey babe what's up? How did she know it was me?

Lost Tooth

Mother: Babe our daughter lost her first tooth

Father: I Know , I bet she won't touch my Xbox again

Mother: WHAT!!!!

Father: What??

Two lawyers are having lunch.

An attractive woman walks in, and one lawyer whispers to the other "See that hot babe over there? I screwed her!" The second lawyer looks her over very carefully, then turns back to the first lawyer and says "Out of what?"

A man goes into a casting agents office

with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"

The agent says "Show me."

The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"

The Dog says "Rough!"

The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"

The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)

The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.

The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"

OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common?

They're both ballpark figures.

Hey babe, can I be your first derivative?

Because I want to lie tangent to your curves...

The wife asks: "Honey, is the neckline on this dress to deep?". The husband looks at her and says: "No babe, but I can see your chest hair." She replies: "But I don't have chest hair!". "Then it's to deep." says the husband.

A wife comes home with some gifts for her husband.

Wife: babe, I got you this beautiful tie.

Husband: that's very nice of you. But why?

Wife: because I love you. Also, I brought you cold beer, your favorite.

Husband: oh, thank you my love.

Wife: and I was thinking, what about... after finishing these beers, we go to bed and have sex.

The husband thinks for a moment..., then he says: mary, what happened to the car?

Sometime in the Middle Ages

Queen: come to bed

King: not until i have a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: babe ur a genius

(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)

I used my friends phone to call my girlfriend

when she picked up she said "hey babe," it was so cute how she recognized me without even talking

Dylsexia makes things hard

A man sits down next to his girlfriend at a movie theater, his demeanor suggesting all is not right with the world.

His girlfriend frowns in concern. "What's up, babe? I thought you were going to the concession stand to get something..?"

Despite the dim light, she can tell his face turns red. "Well, I did," he muttered, "but the guy gave me a weird look when I said what I wanted. I had no clue what I did to offend him; then I realized... I- I asked if I could get some large cocporn."

favorite pick up line

hey babe, are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special

Babe, you can call me Solar Radiation.

Because I'm about to get caught up in your ozone.

I think my babe is an astronaut

She said she needs space.

A threesome with an older couple

Girl: Babe come over
Guy: Can't having a threesome with an older couple
Girl: My parents are not home
Guy: I know

I brought a girl back to my house, took her up to my bedroom and said, "This is where the magic happens, babe."

She said, "Oh really? I'm getting excited now!"

So I said, "Yes. Pick a card..."

A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......

Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.

Her: oh no! What did he say to you?

Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your ass"

Her: why the cold half??

Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!

Gf just passed her driving test

My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.

It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.

"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said

She slowly started unziping my flies.

I've only seen "Babe" once, but I've said "That'll do, pig" 1000 times.

My wife hates me.

A woman gets a new number

She sends a text message to her husband.

W - "Hi honey, this is my new number. Can't wait to see you tonight"

M - "Hey babe. I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with my wife"

This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...

One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"

She replies, "yes"

"what are you going to do with them?"

"Im going to eat them"

"WHAT! WHy?"

"Well I read that the average American consumes about 8 spiders per year, so I decided to do them all now to get it over with"

My girlfriend walked in on me masturbating over an optical illusion

I told her,

"Babe, wait, it's not what it looks like!"

What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events?


A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."

He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.

Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife: Who is Sabrina?

Babe are you a new software update?

Because not now.

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It's so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

It's all binary

Wife: "Honey, do you still find me attractive after all these years?"
Husband: "You are a 10 in my book babe."
Wife: "You are so sweet."
Husband: "Not a thing dear, it's all binary to me."

A pregnant woman calls her husband...

A 9 months pregnant woman wakes up in the middle of the night. She can't find her husband, so she calls him on the phone.

The husband picks up.

"Honey, where are you ?" asks the woman, worriedly.

Husband answers (obviously drunk) : "Heeeyyyy babe !! I'm at the cluub with some fellas ! OOOHHH my man Jim just got oursevles a 3rd bottle of vodka !"

The wife is sweating, she takes a deep breath and says "honey, I'm in pain, I think our baby is coming."

Sobering up, the husband replies "But darling, I don't think the bouncer is gonna let him in."

Boy sent a text to her girlfriend - Ready for tonight, Babe? You're going to use that mouth so hard.

Reply: I am Amy's father, and what is she going to do with her mouth?
Boy: Oh, she didn't tell you?
Father: What?
Boy: It's Karaoke night!

What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine?

Babe, I'm gonna crumb!

Me: Hey babe can you grab some updog on the way home?

Ex-wife: I told you I'm never coming home, you never listened to me.
Me: Not much, you? *chuckles to self*

Hey babe are you an angel?

Because I'm allergic to feathers.

A man is going to comic con

He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."

My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

Two Old Men

Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?

John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"

Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"

"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just sh!t my pants."

Babe why are you so quiet?

"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says

Girlfriend to boyfriend

GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.

BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.

GF - April fools day!

BF - Mine was on 24th March

Mother Daughter Threesome

My friend Ethan recently met a beautiful woman at a bar. Ethan is 22. She's 57. He's never been with a much older woman, but he thinks hey, why not, she's hot. They drink and flirt all night. Suddenly she asks Ethan if he's ever had a mother and daughter threesome. He says no.

They drink a bit more, then the woman says, Tonight's your lucky night! Ethan is stoked. If the older woman is a babe he can only imagine what the daughter looks like. They go back to her place. She puts the hall light on and shouts upstairs:

Mom, you awake?

A pick-up line for a lovely lady

Hey babe, are you a fart?

-cause you just blew me away.

A Jewish boy got a new German girlfriend

One night, after insane and wild sex, she goes into the shower, and whisper seductively "come join me in the shower, babe".

He frowns "Oh I wont fall for that one again".

Would you remarry?

Husband : Babe, if i die, would you remarry?
Wife : No, i would stay with my sister. If i die, would you remarry?
Husband : No, I would also stay with your sister.

What color are your panties, babe?

Boy: What color are your panties, babe?

Girl: Why do you keep asking me stupid questions, don't you ever think about anything else?

Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?

Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace panties..You want a pic?

So I was fornicating with a Russian girl...

faster faster! She yelled.

FASTER FASTER! She screamed.


Then I said:

Babe stop, I'm not russian.

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest

My date: Yep.

Me: oh

Kissing lead to foreplay...

She liked it when I used one finger,

She: "Now use two fingers"

Me: "Yeah you like that?"

She: "Now stick your hand in..."

Me: "Oh babe, you're kinky"

She: "Two hands now..."

Me: 😦"okay...."

She: "Now clap...

Me: "I can't..."

She: 😏 "I'm tight, right?"

The husband asks the wife...

The husband asks the wife:
-Babe which do you like the best, strawberry or banana?
The wife asks him:
-Why are you at the Supermarket?
The husband replys:
No I'm at the pharmacy...

Your a ten babe

On the PH scale maybe, cause you basic

Three women were bragging about their boyfriends...

The first one proudly declares, my boyfriend is so kinky, he stuck his whole arm inside of me, The second girl shrugs her off and exclaims "that's nothing, my boyfriend once stuck his whole head inside me! The third one seemingly unimpressed states, "thats nothing compared to mine" as she spreads her legs and yells "BABE COME OUT OF THERE"

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes