Babe Jokes
144 babe jokes and hilarious babe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about babe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Babe Short Jokes
Short babe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The babe humour may include short darling jokes also.
- My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with "Only with you babe..." I replied
"Awww, really?"
"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake." - A girl asked her boyfriend "Babe, would you leave me if I was unattractive?" The boyfriend replies "I'm still here, aren't I?"
- "It's really difficult, my partner is constantly in and out of prison." "Babe, that's a terrible way to tell people I'm a Corrections Officer."
- April Fools! girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father - Ophelia: "Babe, come over." Hamlet: "I can't. I'm hiding a body."
Ophelia: "My dad's not home."
Hamlet: "I know." - „Honey, I feel so ugly and fat, I really need a compliment from you... „Babe, your observation skills are really good.
- OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common? They're both ballpark figures.
- My wife pinches me for not wearing green. Babe, that's assault! Wife: Yeah, but it's just a pinch assault
- My girlfriend threatened to leave unless I stopped being delusional and admitted that I am not a Transformer But I told her Babe, I can change!
- Donald Trump was recently asked "Do you know the difference between Sunni and Shia?" He replied "I don't know which is which but I loved their song 'I got you babe'."
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Babe One Liners
Which babe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with babe? I can suggest the ones about sweetie and buddy.
- I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge. It's a Babe magnet.
- Hey babe, can I be your first derivative? Because I want to lie tangent to your curves...
- What do you call a bee that was just born? A babee.
- Babe, you can call me Solar Radiation. Because I'm about to get caught up in your ozone.
- I think my babe is an astronaut She said she needs space.
- I've only seen "Babe" once, but I've said "That'll do, pig" 1000 times. My wife hates me.
- What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events? ICandy
- Hey babe are you an angel? Because I'm allergic to feathers.
- Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!
- Babe, after we make love... I'll never be able to get over you Can you grab my phone?
- Are you a star babe? Because looking at you is burning my eyes
- What was Babe Ruth called when he was in elementary school? Childish Bambino
- Babe, you're like a camera. Everytime i look at you, i shutter.
- Yeah, I'm pretty much a babe magnet. But I'm always the same polarity.
- What did Babe Ruth name his pet pig? The Great Hambeano...
Happy Babe Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about babe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make babe pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The park
I was about to make love to my girlfriend. "I've loved you since the first moment I first saw you. I'm so glad you're mine now" I said, s**... her hair.
She started to choke up. "I've never really had s**...," she said. My first time was horrible - I was r**... in a park, aged 16."
"Oh babe," I said, "Hush. Hush. It will be so different now. We don't have to rush and I'll be gentle this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pick-up line for a lovely lady
Hey babe, are you a f**...?
-cause you just blew me away.
Babe why are you so quiet?
"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says
A man goes into a casting agents office
with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What color are your p**..., babe?
Boy: What color are your p**..., babe?
Girl: Why do you keep asking me s**... questions, don't you ever think about anything else?
Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?
Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace p**.....You want a pic?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
favorite pick up line
hey babe, are your parents r**...? Because you sure are special
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...
One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"
She replies, "yes"
"what are you going to do with them?"
"Im going to eat them"
"WHAT! WHy?"
"Well I read that the average American consumes about 8 spiders per year, so I decided to do them all now to get it over with"
Red hot ferrari color nail polish !
gf: Where is my birthday gift babe?
bf: Can you see that red hot ferrari on the other side of the road?
gf: Yes! Yes! Yes! (with extreme excitement)
bf: I bought same color nail polish for you babe! :v :v
A blonde calls her boyfriend...
One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.
"Hey Babe!"
"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."
The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.
He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."
I told my boyfriend that he might not want to go swimming after drinking a pitcher of beer..
...because he might not swim very well.
His response: "Babe, beer doesn't make you black"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Hey babe, what would you call this s**... position?"
"I dunno babe, I call every position taxes because no matter what you're getting f**...!"
What did the lake say to his girlfriend?
You're loching good today babe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Y'know babe, they said Jesus rose again in three days...
But it only takes me three minutes! *symbol c**...*
The wife asks: "Honey, is the neckline on this dress to deep?". The husband looks at her and says: "No babe, but I can see your chest hair." She replies: "But I don't have chest hair!". "Then it's to deep." says the husband.
"Babe, I swear to god I'll break up with you..."
...if you dress up like Batman in the bedroom one more t-" "SWEAR TO ME!"
What did the bread dough say to his girlfriend before he went off to war?
Sorry babe, I was kneaded.
Hey babe, wanna help me do science?
Let's send some probes into Uranus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the Machine Learning professor pick which of his undergrads to have s**... with?
He used a Naive Babe Classifier.
... Sorry for the nerd joke; I'll show myself out.
Hey babe, are you a Sasquatch?
Because I'm a cryptozoologist and I've been looking for you my whole life.
Gf just passed her driving test
My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unziping my flies.
if ur reading this we r now in a relationship, luv u babe!!
Babe, have you noticed? I bought a new brush for the toilet
Yea but i prefer the toilet paper.
After Babe Ruth died, the world became ruthless.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the t**...'s pick up line?
'hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... with an older couple
Girl: Babe come over
Guy: Can't having a t**... with an older couple
Girl: My parents are not home
Guy: I know
Simple Chat..
Conversation:
G: Im done. Let's split-up.
B: What? Why? Where did I go wrong?
G: Oh, im sorry babe wrong send.
B: Thank goodness!
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.
Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple f**... injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Started with the tips of my fingers..
We got more into it, my fingers got deeper. She says "babe t**... ring its hurting me", I respond "you mean my watch?"
Babe , Can you drive me to the office ?
I've lost my khakis .
What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?
"Babe, it's a valve!"
A body builder takes off his shirt.
A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!"
He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"
He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!"
He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!"
He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.
She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
Wax Job
I have a "friends with benefits" babe who had a Brazilian.
After all her pain and anguish, I hate to tell her it looks like a roasting chicken that is about ten days past the "Sell by" date.
Weird how the Red Sox went so long without a World Series win after selling Babe Ruth to the Yankees
You'd think they'd have been more ruthless.
A man is going to comic con
He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."
A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed
and she was already awake. She says to him "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian"
The guy, still half-asleep says, "oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."
"Oh good" she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two lawyers are having lunch.
An attractive woman walks in, and one lawyer whispers to the other "See that hot babe over there? I s**... her!" The second lawyer looks her over very carefully, then turns back to the first lawyer and says "Out of what?"
My wife said she hates Diablo 3 because it's about demons
I said, babe, it's not about demons, its about gambling!
The husband asks the wife...
The husband asks the wife:
-Babe which do you like the best, strawberry or banana?
The wife asks him:
-Why are you at the Supermarket?
The husband replys:
No I'm at the pharmacy...
A woman gets a new number
She sends a text message to her husband.
W - "Hi honey, this is my new number. Can't wait to see you tonight"
M - "Hey babe. I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with my wife"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kissing lead to foreplay...
She liked it when I used one finger,
She: "Now use two fingers"
Me: "Yeah you like that?"
She: "Now stick your hand in..."
Me: "Oh babe, you're k**..."
She: "Two hands now..."
Me: 😦"okay...."
She: "Now clap...
Me: "I can't..."
She: 😏 "I'm tight, right?"
Boy sent a text to her girlfriend - Ready for tonight, Babe? You're going to use that mouth so hard.
Reply: I am Amy's father, and what is she going to do with her mouth?
Boy: Oh, she didn't tell you?
Father: What?
Boy: It's Karaoke night!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man was lying n**...
Man was lying n**... on the beach. A s**... babe starts playing
TABLA
on his butts.
Man: 'what r u doing ?'
Girl 'Playing TABLA '
Man turns other side & said,' can u play the flute '
Babe, you're like a star that burns brighter than 1000 suns.
Because your period is about a week long.
*sniff...sniff* Guy: "Honey! Do you smell that?"
Girl: "No babe."
Guy: "Yeah me neither, start cooking."
Hey babe, are you from West Virginia?
Because your family tree is a circle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...
...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"
Guy gets woman pregnant.
Her: "hey Babe I'm pregnant! I can't wait to see if it will be a boy or a girl! What would you want it to be?"
Him: "A Joke!..."
*sarcastically* "What do you want it to be!?"
Her:"YOURS!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish boy got a new German girlfriend
One night, after insane and wild s**..., she goes into the shower, and whisper seductively "come join me in the shower, babe".
He frowns "Oh I wont fall for that one again".
My wife screamed in pain during labor...
"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"
While a couple was cuddling up the girl perks her head up and asks "babe, you'd never cheat on me would you?"
"of course not. Jeez, what is up with you galls today?"
I brought a girl back to my house, took her up to my bedroom and said, "This is where the magic happens, babe."
She said, "Oh really? I'm getting excited now!"
So I said, "Yes. Pick a card..."
It's all binary
Wife: "Honey, do you still find me attractive after all these years?"
Husband: "You are a 10 in my book babe."
Wife: "You are so sweet."
Husband: "Not a thing dear, it's all binary to me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Thor get when he sees a hot babe?
a Bjolnir
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girlfriend: Love you babe, x**...…
*-I love you too!*
I'd be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine?
Babe, I'm gonna crumb!
I asked my wife what the weather was going to be tomorrow...
She said, "It's going to be 54° and Sonny"
I said, "Sweet! Thanks for Chering!"
She said, "No problem, *I got you babe!*"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women were bragging about their boyfriends...
The first one proudly declares, my boyfriend is so k**..., he stuck his whole arm inside of me, The second girl shrugs her off and exclaims "that's nothing, my boyfriend once stuck his whole head inside me! The third one seemingly unimpressed states, "thats nothing compared to mine" as she spreads her legs and yells "BABE COME OUT OF THERE"
How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.
BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!
GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?
BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!
My girlfriend texted me today, "Hiya babe. Can't wait to see you later X"
I came home from work one day and my wife was putting cardboard over the windows, I said babe what are you doing?
She said We've updated our privacy policy
Jonny: "Babe, you know I would marry you in a heartbeat, but your dad would never let us!" Sarah: "Honey...
...dew you think we cantaloupe?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
I know, its bad. I'm sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An IT guy and his girlfriend are having phone s**...
Her: I don't know babe, I'm not feeling it anymore.
Him: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Her: "Babe, why are you sad?"
Him: "I just found out the world is flat"
Her: "No it's not silly"
Him: "You're my world"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally told my girlfriend about my clown molesting addiction
"Babe... I've been feeling funny lately."
Sometime in the Middle Ages
Queen: come to bed
King: not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen: k night
King: babe ur a genius
(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)
A couple trying to decide what to watch.
"Babe"
Yes
"Babe"
Yes
"Babe"
Babe Babe Babe Babe Babe Babe
How do you like that now?
"I meant the movie"
Oh 😊
Bob Dylan misspoke and would like to issue a correction
"It was me you were looking for, babe."
Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?
Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest
My date: Yep.
Me: oh
