The Best 72 Babe Jokes

Following is our collection of Babe jokes which are very funny. There are some babe chick jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these babe dearest puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Babe Jokes and Puns

One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge.

It's a Babe magnet.

A pick-up line for a lovely lady

Hey babe, are you a fart?

-cause you just blew me away.

Babe why are you so quiet?

"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says

A man goes into a casting agents office

with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"

The agent says "Show me."

The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"

The Dog says "Rough!"

The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"

The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)

The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.

The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"


What color are your panties, babe?

Boy: What color are your panties, babe?

Girl: Why do you keep asking me stupid questions, don't you ever think about anything else?

Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?

Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace panties..You want a pic?

favorite pick up line

hey babe, are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special

This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...

One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"


She replies, "yes"


"what are you going to do with them?"


"Im going to eat them"



"WHAT! WHy?"



"Well I read that the average American consumes about 8 spiders per year, so I decided to do them all now to get it over with"

A blonde calls her boyfriend...

One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.

"Hey Babe!"

"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."

The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.

He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."

I was on the train this afternoon...

when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.

I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an erection, please don't get an erection". But she did.

OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common?

They're both ballpark figures.

You can explore babe text reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean babe sweet dad jokes. There are also babe puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The wife asks: "Honey, is the neckline on this dress to deep?". The husband looks at her and says: "No babe, but I can see your chest hair." She replies: "But I don't have chest hair!". "Then it's to deep." says the husband.

Babe are you a new software update?

Because not now.

Gf just passed her driving test

My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.

It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.

"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said

She slowly started unziping my flies.

Would you remarry?

Husband : Babe, if i die, would you remarry?
Wife : No, i would stay with my sister. If i die, would you remarry?
Husband : No, I would also stay with your sister.

I've only seen "Babe" once, but I've said "That'll do, pig" 1000 times.

My wife hates me.

A threesome with an older couple

Girl: Babe come over
Guy: Can't having a threesome with an older couple
Girl: My parents are not home
Guy: I know

Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).

Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.

GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.

Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife: Who is Sabrina?


What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events?

ICandy

A body builder takes off his shirt.

A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!"

He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!"

He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that.

She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

I told my girlfriend that I thought the world was flat

She asked me if I was stupid and I said no babe, you're my whole world

A man is going to comic con

He's just throwing around cosplay ideas with his wife, and then he exclaims, "Oh! I could be the Comedian from Watchmen!"
To which his wife replies, "Babe, you don't need to dress up to be a minuteman.."

A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed

and she was already awake. She says to him "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian"

The guy, still half-asleep says, "oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."

"Oh good" she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."

Two lawyers are having lunch.

An attractive woman walks in, and one lawyer whispers to the other "See that hot babe over there? I screwed her!" The second lawyer looks her over very carefully, then turns back to the first lawyer and says "Out of what?"

A woman gets a new number

She sends a text message to her husband.

W - "Hi honey, this is my new number. Can't wait to see you tonight"

M - "Hey babe. I can't tonight. I'm having dinner with my wife"

Kissing lead to foreplay...

She liked it when I used one finger,

She: "Now use two fingers"

Me: "Yeah you like that?"

She: "Now stick your hand in..."

Me: "Oh babe, you're kinky"

She: "Two hands now..."

Me: 😦"okay...."

She: "Now clap...

Me: "I can't..."

She: 😏 "I'm tight, right?"

Boy sent a text to her girlfriend - Ready for tonight, Babe? You're going to use that mouth so hard.

Reply: I am Amy's father, and what is she going to do with her mouth?
Boy: Oh, she didn't tell you?
Father: What?
Boy: It's Karaoke night!

Babe, you can call me Solar Radiation.

Because I'm about to get caught up in your ozone.

Your a ten babe

On the PH scale maybe, cause you basic

A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...

...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral.

When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:

"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"

Hey babe are you an angel?

Because I'm allergic to feathers.

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with

"Only with you babe..." I replied

"Awww, really?"

"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

A Jewish boy got a new German girlfriend

One night, after insane and wild sex, she goes into the shower, and whisper seductively "come join me in the shower, babe".

He frowns "Oh I wont fall for that one again".

My wife screamed in pain during labor...

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.

"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"

"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"

[NSFW]Bae: babe come over..

Bae: babe come over

Me: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple

Bae: my parents aren't home

Me: I know

Wife: I'm going to the store, do you want anything?

Husband: Babe, you know, I've been craving sense of meaning and purpose in life. I can really use some fulfillment and completeness to my soul. I want to connect to god and discover the spiritual side of me.

Wife: Can you be more specific? Black Label or Chivas?

I brought a girl back to my house, took her up to my bedroom and said, "This is where the magic happens, babe."

She said, "Oh really? I'm getting excited now!"

So I said, "Yes. Pick a card..."

My girlfriend is so smart

I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said hey babe what's up? How did she know it was me?

It's all binary

Wife: "Honey, do you still find me attractive after all these years?"
Husband: "You are a 10 in my book babe."
Wife: "You are so sweet."
Husband: "Not a thing dear, it's all binary to me."

Hey babe, can I be your first derivative?

Because I want to lie tangent to your curves...

I think my babe is an astronaut

She said she needs space.

What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine?

Babe, I'm gonna crumb!

Three women were bragging about their boyfriends...

The first one proudly declares, my boyfriend is so kinky, he stuck his whole arm inside of me, The second girl shrugs her off and exclaims "that's nothing, my boyfriend once stuck his whole head inside me! The third one seemingly unimpressed states, "thats nothing compared to mine" as she spreads her legs and yells "BABE COME OUT OF THERE"

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

My girlfriend walked in on me masturbating over an optical illusion

I told her,

"Babe, wait, it's not what it looks like!"

Lost Tooth

Mother: Babe our daughter lost her first tooth

Father: I Know , I bet she won't touch my Xbox again

Mother: WHAT!!!!

Father: What??

Her: "Babe, why are you sad?"

Him: "I just found out the world is flat"

Her: "No it's not silly"

Him: "You're my world"

Sometime in the Middle Ages

Queen: come to bed

King: not until i have a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: babe ur a genius

(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest

My date: Yep.

Me: oh

Husband says to wife: Babe, do I please you in bed?

Wife: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Husband: What trick?
Wife: The one where you stfu and go to sleep.

Me: Hey babe can you grab some updog on the way home?

Ex-wife: I told you I'm never coming home, you never listened to me.
Me: Not much, you? *chuckles to self*

Two Old Men

Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?

John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"

Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"

"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just sh!t my pants."

A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.

While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. "

The blonde look around and says

" Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes..."

A wife comes home with some gifts for her husband.

Wife: babe, I got you this beautiful tie.

Husband: that's very nice of you. But why?

Wife: because I love you. Also, I brought you cold beer, your favorite.

Husband: oh, thank you my love.

Wife: and I was thinking, what about... after finishing these beers, we go to bed and have sex.

The husband thinks for a moment..., then he says: mary, what happened to the car?

So I was fornicating with a Russian girl...

faster faster! She yelled.

FASTER FASTER! She screamed.

FASTER PLEASE!

Then I said:

Babe stop, I'm not russian.

A woman starts to scream while giving birth.



"What's wrong, honey?" her husband asks.

"What's wrong?!?" the woman shouts, "THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"

"Sorry babe. What is wrong?"

A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."

He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."

I used my friends phone to call my girlfriend

when she picked up she said "hey babe," it was so cute how she recognized me without even talking

My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

A girl and guy are laying in bed after sex

She turns to him and says,

"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."

He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"

She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."









April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

Girlfriend to boyfriend

GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.

BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.

GF - April fools day!

BF - Mine was on 24th March

"Honey, do I look fat ?"

Asked the wife as she stood in front of the mirror.

"No, not at all..", the husband replied, "You look fabulous !!"

Wife, blushing, "Really ! Will you carry me to the fridge ? I want to eat some ice cream.. "

Husband, now visibly scared; "Don't you worry babe, just relax here ! I will just go get the fridge.. "

— Babe, did you know you sleep talk?

— Oh yeah?! How so?

— I heard you cursing me all night long last night on your sleep.

— who said I was sleeping?

We were driving on the highway and suddenly my wife said, Hey, you missed a right!

I said, Thanks babe. You MRS. right.

Let's try a joke I learned in the Philippines

A Filipino woman and her husband, an American, wake up the morning after their wedding and decide to take a shower together. In the middle of their fun, the water cuts out (as sometimes happens in the Philippines). The wife cries out, "Ay! Walang tubig!" ("Oh no! No water!" in Tagalog).

The husband replies, "Babe, you're wonderful, but if I'm being completely honest, it's not big, it's a little below average."

A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......

Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.

Her: oh no! What did he say to you?

Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your ass"

Her: why the cold half??

Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!

My wife caught me jerking off to an optical illusion....

I said "Babe, it's not what it looks like!!"

Optical illusion

My girlfriend caught me jerking off to an optical illusion. I said, "babe it's not what it looks like!".

A man takes off his shirt in the gym.

A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!

A verb walks up to a noun in a bar

-- Hey, babe, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?

-- I decline

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the babe toddler jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working babe lauren piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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