Axes Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Axes puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Axes

FBI Investigation.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."

Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.


The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Oh, Floyd!

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?''
''Yes, what can I do for you?''
''I'm calling to report my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.''
''Thank you very much for the call, sir.''
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood... only to find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly the phone rings at Virgil's house.
''Hey, Virgil, This here's Floyd... Did the Sheriff come by?''
''Yeah!''
'' Did they chop your firewood for the winter?'' ''Yep!''
Merry Christmas, buddy!''

Three Woodcutters & The Whorehouse

Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.

After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.

After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her nipple, then she let out a huge fart and flew out the window."

Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees?

They have three axes.


What does an academic dwarf call his axes?

x and y.

Rednecks git-n-er done!

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do you for?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, be he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, after the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil, this here is Flloyd... Did the Sheriff come?

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood for the winter?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Weed in wood

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'


'Yes What can I do for you?'


'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's
hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs , but he's hidin' it there.'


'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'


The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.


They sneer at Virgil and leave.


Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.


'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd... did the Sheriff come?'


'Yeah!'


'Did they chop your firewood?'



'Yep!'


'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

How do math teachers chop wood?

With axes

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes