The Best 24 Awoke Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Awoke jokes. There are some awoke groggily jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these awoke morn puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Awoke Jokes and Puns
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
So, I went out and had a few drinks..
I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway.
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Last night I slept with a married woman while her husband was black out drunk in the same room...
I awoke to a pee-filled bed and one irate wife.
When I awoke from the accident and they told me my fingers were broken...
it was hard to grasp.
As I slept, an Angel of the Lord came upon me.
In the morning I awoke and said, "Gross."
My goodness, said the grain of wheat as she awoke and found herself in a loaf of bread...
I've been reaped.
I was awoken last night by a strange, "cluck cluck cluck" sound and feathers falling on my face...
Must have been a poultry-geist...
Nothing like being awoken by a surprise BJ
I should sleep with my mouth closed
You can explore awoke slumber reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean awoke morning dad jokes. There are also awoke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence
The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:
Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'm a tree!"
Harry Potter woke up in a hospital.
A little confused he asked "where am I?"
Doctor: "why you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"
"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself
slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a coma for 8 years"
My dad came to visit for the weekend. Today he awoke and found a parking ticket on his car.
He said, "Looks like today is turning out to be a fine day."
Today I awoke with a song in my heart.
Someone had hacked my pacemaker.
I awoke and alerted my co-pilot he was on another bearing...
..."Yaw going the wrong way!"
Last night my daughter had a sleepover and I awoke to a mess of rice laying all over the living room floor
...they must've been having a pilau fight.
My daughter had a sleepover last night. I awoke to a mess of rice scattered all over the floor...
...turns out they were having a pilau fight.
I was awoken at the middle of the night by a woman bashing at my front door and screaming "help me, help me I've been raped"
After about 5 minutes of this I'd had enough and decided to let her out
So I live next to a prison...
One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.
Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*
Adam awoke from a deep sleep...
He was up and Adam.
The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.
He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.
He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.
After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you would value 4 brazilian lives so much"
Trump responded "Just tell me, how many million is a Brazilian?"
I was awoken last night by a person stealing my gate.
I did not say anything in case they took a fence!
A woman was sick and tired of hearing her husband fart all night long and repeatedly told him that he'd shit his guts out one day.
He kept doing it, so she bought an entire sack of pigs intestines from the butcher and put them in the man's underwear when he was asleep. When she awoke the next morning, he said, "You were right honey, I DID shit my guts out! But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I was able to push them back in!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the awoke sleep jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working awoke woken piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.