Awkward Silence Jokes
37 awkward silence jokes and hilarious awkward silence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about awkward silence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Awkward Silence Short Jokes
Short awkward silence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The awkward silence humour may include short awkward moment jokes also.
- I told god a holocaust joke. He didn't laugh. after a moment of awkward silence, I said: "Well I guess you should have been there".
- I remember when I was younger lying there in bed waiting for Santa to come.. I also remember the awkward silence while waiting for him to get dressed and leave.
- A son goes up to his dad and says Hey uh, dad I really don't know how to tell you this but uh…. I'm, uh, gay.
*very long and awkward silence
Dad: Hi uh, gay I'm dad - As a child I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
- I remember as a child, lying awake at night on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come... ...then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
- My hairdresser asked me how I wanted my hair cut Me : Anything that will make me look good
hairdresser : oh uhm *awkward silence* I can try - I remember laying in bed as a child waiting for Santa Claus to come.... Then there was always that awkward silence afterwards as he put his pants on and left.
- When I was a little kid, I would wait up all night waiting for santa to come. Then there was an awkward silence when he got up, put his pants on, and left.
- Einstein quietly lays in bed next to a obviously disappointed partner.. After a few minutes of awkward silence he turns to her and says, "You see, it was fast to you..."
- A couple goes on a hot air balloon ride Guy: "Do you want to marry me?"
Her: "No"
5 hours of awkward silence
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Awkward Silence One Liners
Which awkward silence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with awkward silence? I can suggest the ones about awkward and that awkward moment.
- What's the worst part about Necrophilia? The awkward silence.
- What do you call s**... between two insecure deaf people? An awkward silence
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Awkward Silence Jokes
What funny jokes about awkward silence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead silence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make awkward silence pranks.
A man went to China.
He hired a p**... to keep him company during the night, and when things got serious, she kept shouting a word in Chinese.
The next day, the man went to a golf course with a couple of business associates. They had a good afternoon until a person hit a hole in one. Everyone started shouting in excitement, and the man decided to join in, shouting the word he hears last night, thinking it was that of excitement.
Everyone turned to the man in silence. After a full minute of awkward silence, the one who made the shot asked "What do you mean, wrong hole?"
Elevator confusion
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"
Try this on someone
say to them "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start"
most likely their response will be "Okay, knock knock"
you then say "Who's there?"
They will usually be terribly confused and a hilarious awkward silence ensues
It was a bad idea doing tacos the night before the big meeting. Everyone looked shocked when I accidentally f**... loudly.
I looked back at them, just as shocked. After a moment, I broke the awkward silence, and said,
"Did you hear that a**... talking s**... behind my back?"
A pair of twins walk into a bar...
A pair of twins walk into a bar.
A man walks up to them and asks:
"So is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"
They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:
"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was s**... of me to ask"
They respond in unison "No it's fine, we were just discussing an answer to give you"
Awkward silence
Scenario: Jack is standing on Las Vegas s**... asking all the passing by girls, you know for what.
Jack: 50 dollars.
Everyone ignoring. And suddenly...
Girl: How about 500?
Jack: 500? Sure.
Went to hotel and had amazing s**.... And after s**......
Jack: Wow that was great. So how would you like to pay?
Awkward silence!!!
The other day I went to get my eyes tested.
I am quite an anxious person and thought I would try to crack a joke to break the awkward silence.
'Would you like to hear a joke?' I asked
The optometrist replied 'Sure! The cornea the better.'
Enter job interview . Interviewer asks infamous question "what is your greatest weakness in the workplace?" Pause for 10 to 15 seconds then say "I'm bad with awkward silences "
If the don't laugh then pause again and say "sometimes my jokes aren't well received " problem solved
CLOSET GAY VAMPIRE
Vampire: " I vant to s**... your c**...!!!...just the blood just the blood..."
Awkward silence.
What do you call a black man on a bike?
Thief!
My girlfriends dad told me that one the other day.. Awkward silence begins.
I'm black. :/
My knock knock joke
You: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
You: Say "Knock knock."
Friend: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Friend: ...
[Awkward silence]
You: HA! Jokes on you!
[applause]
Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune.
The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
A bunch if prisoners are sitting around telling jokes
After being locked up for such a long time, they got tired of repeating the same jokes over and over again, so they decided to just give each joke a number.
12! yelled out one of the prisoners, and everyone burst out laughing.
49! yelled out another, and again everyone burst out laughing.
22! yelled out o**... from the back, and suddenly it was quiet. No one laughed. After a long moment of awkward silence, one of the inmates leaned over to another and said, Some guys just don't know how to tell a joke.
God, Mary and the sanctity of marriage
Father explains why marriage is sacred. He gives his son all of the relevant information for procreation, marriage, God, Mary etc. Thinking that he has given his son the best information, his son responds:
So, if marriage is sacred/religious, why is God single? (There's no Mrs God!) BUT he got Mary pregnant and left her. So, doesn't that mean God is a baby-daddy, and some of these men are just walking in the footsteps of the Lord?
Father: (awkward silence)
Nixon's disease
The First Lady starts having trouble in her lady areas, so she visits the gynecologist.
The gynecologist takes her into the exam room and asks her what she's having trouble with, and she notes an itching sensation.
So the doctor looks under a magnifying loupe and sees that she has a case of the c**....
Now he just has to break the news to her.
"Oh, God. How on earth am I gonna tell the First Lady she has c**...?"
He thinks.
So, after a minute or so of awkward silence, the doctor sighs and says
"I'm very sorry ma'am, but you appear to be suffering from nixon's disease"
"What's that?" She asks
"Well, you have bugs in your Oval Office".
An awkward question!
A little boy walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper.
"Where does p**... come from?" he asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the boy.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is p**...."
The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And tigger?"
Fishing not allowed.
Ok, so I remember one from my youth times, hope it´s not too overused. here it goes:
A man is fishing in a forbidden zone, with a clear sign showing, when a police truck pulls over to confront the man. Seeing the officer coming in his direction, he hides his fishing rod, and silently watches the water:
man: Good morning, officer, is it something wrong?
officer: Good morning, do you know you cant fish here?
man: I am not fishing, sir, why would you think that?
officer: Really? so, why the bucket with fish here?
man: Oh, that! That´s my fish, my pets, I take them here to a swim and later I whistle and they come back, jump back to the bucket and we go home!
officer: You don't say... care to exemplify?
man: Well, sure!
The man proceeds to empty the bucket with the fish into the water, and waits.
(awkward silence)
officer: So... ?
man: So, what...?
officer: ARE YOU GOING TO CALL THE FISH OR WHAT?!?
man: What fish?
Two pilots
A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!"
"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike."
There's a few minutes of silence....
"I no rike Jews." the copilot suddenly announces.
"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.
"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain "It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , Gilberg, nomattah...all same."
A guy goes into a job interview...
The interviewer tells the interviewee at the end of the interview that if he answers this riddle, he will get the job.
"You have two chickens and a fox you need to get across a river. You can only take one animal in the rowboat at a time. If you leave a chicken alone with the fox the chicken will be eaten. What do you do?"
The interviewee thinks about this for a moment. After a brief awkward silence, he gives his answer.
"Well, first I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the the chickens and blame the fox for it."
The interviewer is amazed.
"When can you start?"
Fonzie Jokes: Guaranteed to solicit awkward groans in any social gathering.
Do you often find yourself thinking "what this social gathering needs is some awkward silence!" Well, you have come to the right place. these jokes are 10,000% guaranteed to get you all the groans and derrisive stares you want, guaranteed or your karma back!
Here is collection of comedy gold I've developed over the years.
Whats The Fonz's favorite baseball team?
The Oakland Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy's
What s**... transmitted disease did The Fonz contract?
Hepatitis Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
(Eyyyyyyyyyd's also works)
What's The Fonz's favorite country?
The U-S-of-Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Feel free to make up your own, its the gift that keeps on giving!
Three men are in a car that is pulled over for speeding....
We'll call them Jim, James, and John. The officer walks up to the car and says "Alright boys, drop your pants. If you can show me 16 inches between the three of you, I'll let you go." Jim drops his pants, and measures in at 7 inches. James drops his pants and also measures in at 7 inches. John drops his pants and is rocking a solid 2 inches. The officer says "Alright boys, that's 16. You're free to go." After that, the men get back in the car and sit in an awkward silence for a bit before Jim says "You boys are lucky I'm 7 inches." James says "You guys are lucky I'm 7 inches also." John replies, "You guys sure were lucky I was hard."
Pilot to co-pilot
The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between
the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the
auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,
'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'
Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all f**... same.
In a classroom...
The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose.
The teacher called one of the boys and asked if indeed this was true. The boy admitted that it was respectfully done by them. The teacher then asked him to correct the mistake and rewrite the sentence.
The boy dutifully moved forward and picked up the duster instead of the chalk to the amazement of the teacher and erased the word don't from the blackboard. The sentence now read "**50% of girls ~~don't~~ have brains**".
There was an awkward silence and then a Roar of applause from the girls for their victory. The boys and the teacher too joined in their celebration.
