Awhile Jokes
97 awhile jokes and hilarious awhile puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about awhile that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Awhile Short Jokes
Short awhile jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The awhile humour may include short whilst jokes also.
- If you ever trip in public... ...get up, laugh a little, and say, "Whoops, it's been awhile since I inhabited a body."
- You know the only good thing about quarantine? I haven't seen a jehovah's witness in awhile.
- I just got an eye infection for rubbing it too hard. I guess I can’t masturbate for awhile now.
- Why did it take up until last year for volkswagen to finally manufacture electric cars in the United States? Because it took them awhile to get the bugs worked out
- Baby skin isn't as soft as they say it is. Or maybe my rug is fake...
(Repost but haven't seen it in awhile!) - So I had been seeing this girl for awhile... And things were going really good at first.
But then I lost my binoculars. - Ever since I made a joke about koalas there's been a couple jokes popping up every once in awhile, but you know what I'm sorry. This sub has become a little un-bear-able
- A joke my dad told me awhile ago How do you get a squirrel out of a tree?
Pull down you pants and show him your nuts. - When I was 14, I attended a party in Hollywood. I swear, someone must have slipped something into my drink because after awhile I was definitely feeling spacey.
- My girlfriend broke up with me recently, told me I only care about myself and that I "never listen to her".. At least I think that's what she said, haven't seen her in awhile
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Awhile One Liners
Which awhile one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with awhile? I can suggest the ones about simultaneously and aloud.
- I can't remember the last time I listened to Staind but its been awhile.
- Why do centipedes live so long? It takes them awhile to reach their last legs.
- I'd tell you this joke I have about a chair... ...but I'm just going to sit on it awhile.
- Can't remember the last time I had a Staind song stuck in my head It's been awhile
- I tried out necrophilia for awhile The relationships felt so lifeless
- It's taken me awhile... pqwNfycKm9Sw8QdGCuzlgH9Q7q2ojOAEOtPHIrSf8daxA
- What happens when the Avengers are in trouble? They need to stay Loki for awhile
- How often do I drink Blue Moon? Once in awhile.
- What do you call a booger that you've been squishing for awhile? Boograr
Laughable Awhile Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about awhile you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make awhile pranks.
Two blondes and a car
Two blondes come out of the mall after a couple hours of shopping, and when they get to their car they realize they locked the keys inside. Luckily, they had bought some clothes so they grabbed a wire hanger and began taking turns attempting to pick the lock. After a good 30 minutes, they still hadn't gotten inside, and after trying for awhile, one girl hands the hanger to her friend and sits down next to the car. She sighs, looks up and worriedly says to her friend, "Uh oh, we'd better hurry; it looks like it might rain and the top's down."
Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...
The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a cinima
a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was f**... herself furiously. He moved over to the seat next to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so he started f**... her like crazy. After awhile he got tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. "Wasn't I good enough?" he asked. "Great," she said, "but these c**... are still itching!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The young sailor
A young sailor prepares for his first deployment as sea. As this is his first deployment the captain calls him into his quarters to ask the man if he is ready for a life at sea, surrounded by s**..., and away from women. The sailor thinks for awhile and replies "Well Captain, I'd be a lying s**... if I did not admit that the thought of not having a woman for months at a time had not crossed me mind." The Captain gives a warm smile and leans in to tell the young man something of importance. Lowering his voice the Captain says "Aye, mate tis hard at sea indeed but we've got a little secret on this ship. Below the lower deck there's a secret room originally intended for smuggling. In that room you will find a barrel with a very unique hole. See it's a magic barrel we found near the Bermuda triangle. Just go below deck and use the barrel when you get a craven. Just don't go below deck on Saturday evenings or Tuesday mornings." Overjoyed the sailor leaves the Captains quarters and heads down below deck. He is amazed at the feeling from the barrel, it's magical how the timber forms together to give a warm, wet feeling.
After his use he returns to the Captains quarters to let him know he found the barrel. He says "Captain, I found the secret barrel and it is truly magical. I only have one question, why can't I use it Saturday evenings or Tuesday mornings?"
"Aye," Says the Captain, "Cuz that's yahr days in the barrel."
A group of blondes are chanting "31 days" in a bar...
so after awhile the bartender gets curious and asks one of the blondes "why are you ladies chanting 31 days?". The group parts and the blonde responds "you see this puzzle here?? we finished it in 31 days! and the box says 2-4 years"
A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane.
The lawyer keeps trying to get a blonde to play a game with him. After awhile she finally agrees.The lawyer explains the game to her. He says that he will ask her a question and if she can't answer it she will give him $50.Then she will ask him a question and if he can't answer it he will give her $500. She agrees. He ask her to say the first seven prime numbers in order. She thinks for awhile then gives him $50.She then ask him what has no legs, three arms, and is covered in fur.He thinks for awhile then gives her $500.Curious he asks her what the answer is.She gives him $50.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A special gift
Bill is sitting at home on his computer when his wife Cindy comes downstairs. She starts telling him about her day and after awhile she realizes he is not listening at all. Fed up with all his inattentiveness she tells him, "when I wake up tomorrow I expect to see something sitting in the driveway that goes from zero to two hundred in less than five seconds."
The next morning Cindy wakes up and looks outside to find a scale sitting in front of the garage.
f**... services will be held this afternoon.
An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.
The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"
Ladies Night
A blind man enters a bar, not knowing it's ladies night. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls quiet.
In a deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde woman.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5. The woman to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah ... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
So a blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver...
The blonde cop says "I need to see your license". The blonde driver digs through her purse for awhile, and says "I can't find it. What does it look like?".
So the cop, making a rectangle with her hands, says "it's rectangular, and has your picture on it". The blonde driver searches through her purse but can't find it. She finally comes up with the only rectangular item, a small mirror.
She looks at it, shrugs, and hands it to the blonde cop. The blonde cop looks at it, shrugs, and hands it back to the blonde driver. "Oh, you can go" the blonde cop says.
"I didn't realize you were a cop".
Do you know who you're talking to?
John starts his first day at a law firm.
In his office, he grabs the phone,
John: Get me some coffee, quick!
Voice: Sorry, you've connected to a wrong line by mistake, do you know who you are speaking to?
John: No?
Voice: I am the Director of this law firm..
John: *Ponders for awhile* Do you know who you're talking to?
Director: No?
John: You don't? Excellent *hangs up*
Go fly a kite
A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.
This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"
The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do gay guys have a really good fashion sense?
Well, you would think so after spending so much time in the closet..
Read this somewhere awhile ago and made me laugh XD
A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
The doctor examines him for awhile but doesn't say a word.
Finally the man can't help himself and asks "Doctor, is this a problem?"
The doctor replies:
"Problem? It is just the tip of the iceberg!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bartender's Monkey
A guy walks into a bar, and the bartender's there behind the bar. Behind the bartender is a monkey in a cage.
The guy asks the bartender, "Hey, what's the monkey for?"
This goes on for awhile...
The bartender gives in and says "Fine, you want to see what the monkey is for?"
The bartender opens the cage, and immediately the monkey jumps out!
The bartender whacks the monkey over the head with a baseball bat. The monkey starts giving the bartender o**... s**....
The guy looks at this and exclaims, "Wow! That's Amazing!"
The bartender looks up at the guy and asks "Hey, do you want to try it?"
The guy says "Sure!, but could you not hit me so hard with the baseball bat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
A couple of weeks before my wife's birthday she pulls me aside and explains, "For my birthday I would like to see something that goes from 0 to 200 in the driveway."
Well, I stand there thinking for awhile and it hits me! I buy it, have it wrapped with a big bow.
On her birthday she comes out and sees it all wrapped and beautiful. She rips the wrapping off and....it's a scale.
Incidentally, does anyone have a couch for me to c**... on for awhile?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I have had this joke in my mind for awhile but cannot figure out the best delivery...
Why is it ok for police to keep r**... kits in their cars?
but if I have one, I am some sort of criminal.
Our homemade guacamole turned darker green after sitting out for awhile
Seems like after hitting the air, it guacsidized.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is blonde.
3. I'm a 6ft tall, 175lb blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters. "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
For awhile
I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Why does John Cena always take awhile to feel better when he's sick?
Because the Doctor can never see him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
10 yr old brother put a twist on this joke I saw awhile back. Why do the Irish serve up their chili with 139 beans?
Because one more would be one-f**... bowl of chili!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?
Because he was Snowd en!
(according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Boy approaches his Dad...
The Boy asks, "Dad, what is s**...?"
The Dad ponders for awhile and figures that now is a good time for his 10 year old boy to finally understand the true facts about where babies come from.
He then elaborates on every single detail, from putting p**... into vaginas, and even shares about his s**... life with the Boy's mother.
The Boy, visually astounded, takes a long pause to absorb all the information.
He then whips out a piece of paper.
"So Dad... Do I circle the M or the F?"
I got the job even though I kept telling them I'm not a plumber.
It took awhile to sink in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Daddy every time you go on a business trip mommy likes to bird watch"
"Oh yeah? Where's her favorite spot to bird watch?"
"The bedroom"
"What do you mean?"
"Well every time you leave mommy comes home with her bird watching friends and when they go into the room after awhile I hear her friend say " s**..."
A man is going fishing one day.
After awhile, he ran out of worms to use as bait. He noticed a cottonmouth with a frog hanging out of its mouth. Knowing frogs make good bait, he caught the snake. He picked it up by the back of the head since it couldn't bite him with a frog in its mouth. The man removes the frog and thinks "how do I let the snake go without being bit?". So, with his free hand, he reaches into his box and pulls out his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours some in the snake's mouth. The snake goes limp and the man is able to release it without getting bit. Hours later, he's done fishing and packing stuff up when he feels something on his foot. He looks down and it's the same snake, with two more frogs.
This computer can answer any question!
The computer salesman was trying to convince the CEO to buy the horribly expensive mainframe.
"It can answer *any* question! Just try it!"
The CEO thinks a minute, and asks "OK, what's my father doing right now?"
The computer grinds away for awhile, and answers "Your father is fishing in Michigan."
The CEO chortles to the salesman "Wrong! My father died five years ago!"
The computer answers "Your mothers husband died five years ago. Your father just landed a 10 pound trout."
I used to complain about the bright car lights in my rear view mirror
I removed it awhile ago, and haven't looked back since.
A man is going fishing one day...
After awhile, he runs out of bait. He sees a snake nearby with a frog in its mouth. Knowing that a frog will make good bait, he catches the snake. He removes the frog, and thinks to himself "How do I let the snake go without getting bit?". He ponders for a minute, then, with his free hand, reaches for his bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. He pops it open and pours some in the snake's mouth. The snake goes limp and the man tosses it away. Later, as he is getting ready to go home, he feels something on his foot. The man looks down to see the snake next to the whiskey, this time with two frogs in its mouth.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
While meandering in the candy aisle at the store my wife says, "you know what I haven't seen in awhile?"
Apparently, "your toes?" was not the answer she wanted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in Iran for awhile and got a little bit depressed about something for awhile
so I called the s**... hotline but the rates were expensive so I did it myself.
I've been working on this amphibian joke for awhile but I'm too nervous to say it...
...it's still a work in frogress.
Anti-Vaxers are meeting today to change their name
After finally debating for awhile, they all agreed on Pro-Disease.
BREAKING NEWS: Snails in Puerto Rico losing their homes just as badly as the people.
But with limited relief resources, they will have to slug it out for awhile.
Been awhile since I've seen some United Airline jokes on this sub
Guess they were dragged out of the meta
TIFU by sending the wrong thing to Africa
After working for the UN for awhile, I discovered that I was supposed to send aid to Africa... not AIDS.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This bar that was near my house turned into a f**... home awhile back.
The place isn't as alive as it used to be, but they've still got some cold ones in the freezer.
What do creepy men and spiders have in common?
They both have sticky hands after being on the web for awhile.
I hear being Tarred and Feathered can be really be really tiresome.
After awhile, you're just wearing down...
Why did the horseman Pestilence, take his horse to the vet?
Because it was disease ridden.
Side note: I tried posting this awhile back and worded it badly, its original though i made it up while watching Supernatural.
Walrus is driving down the street when suddenly.....
His car breaks down in the hot dessert. He calls a towing service and takes it to the nearest shop in some small town he's never been in.
Mechanic tells him it's going to be awhile. Walrus says, no problem. I'll just go across the street and treat myself to something cold at that restuarant to burn time.
About and hour later the walrus comes back and the mechanic tells him. Well, It looks like you blew a seal. Walrus quickly rubs his face and says. Oh... No that's just vanilla ice cream I just had.
In one episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Dexter fires Dee-Dee because.....
....he can't focus properly when she distracts him. So he hires this pretty blonde girl to mimic Dee-Dee, and he asks her "I want to see you dance" "That'll be 50$ extra" Took me awhile to figure that one out
I was feeling lost, so I upgraded my Microsoft Office suite...
Gave me awhile new Outlook.
A cop lights me up for speeding
Im driving down the road and a cop lights me up
So I took off and made him chase me awhile..
Finally I give up and pull over.
The cop walks up and says, "Look, its the end of my tour, Im tired,
I dont feel like doing paperwork, If you give me a good excuse, Ill let ya go"
So I say "Last week my girl left me and ran off with a cop,
I thought you were trying to bring her back"
An Alligator sees you later, a Crocodile sees you in awhile. When does a Caiman see you?
This isn't a joke, I want answers. Please. I've never wanted to know anything more.
Funny joke idea.
I don't know why some people don't like beards, they kinda grow on you after awhile.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My American Indian friend was with his sister in the back seat of my car
We sat idle for awhile and then he said, "can you turn on the i**..."... shocked, i reached around and rubbed his sisters thigh
Working in the bubble gum industry is rough...
After awhile, they just chew you up and spit you out!
[OC] My wife is always joking...
Whenever she goes out without me she makes the joke that I'm glad to see her go because then my girlfriend can come over.
After awhile we decided that the joke wasn't appropriate anymore and she stopped telling it.
Today she is going out with a friend and asked if I wanted to go. I told her I had a few things to do around here.
"so your girlfriend can come over?" she quipped.
"I thought we weren't telling that joke anymore?" I say, a little hurt.
"I'm sorry", she replied genuinely.
"it's ok," I console her, "it's just that she gets sensitive about it."
A man walks into a bar...
and let's just say he was knocked out for awhile.
E: anyway, i'll take my leave...and not hit the bar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried my hand at prostitution for awhile, and I must say
I was absolutely w**...-able at it
This will take awhile
Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.
"Want to grab a drink?" he asks the centipede, but there's no answer from the box.
A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, "Hey! Do you want to get a drink?"
"I heard you the first time!" says a small, irritated voice. "I'm putting on my shoes!"
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The lone ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They recently removed the u**... from our mens washroom at work...
I really miss that u**.... I mean I missed it once in awhile when it was there... But now I really miss it!
My great grandfather's joke
One day my great grandfather was taking his friend for a ride on his motorcycle. His friend said "It's freezing back here."
My great grandfather told him to turn his coat around so the wind wouldn't blow through the opening. His friend did and after awhile my great grandfather noticed that he had fallen off. He went back and saw a group of people with his friend laying in the middle of them. My great grandfather says "is he alright?"
One person in the group said "he seemed to be doing fine until we turned his head back around."
A Couple on their Honeymoon decided to take a trip to Africa. While walking in the countryside, they saw a beautiful lake...
There was a little boy who was standing by the bank, enjoying himself. The couple approached him and asked if it was safe to go into the water, if there were any sharks in the lake. The boy said no and went back to playing.
The couple jumped into the lake but after awhile felt uncomfortable so got out and asked the boy again if he was sure there were no sharks.
The boy, looking at the couple, a little irritated now, said: Believe me, Sharks don't come where there are Crocodiles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in line at a busy bank...
I was in line at the bank and it was very busy so I had to wait awhile. At the front was a lesbian couple setting up a 529 plan for their new daughter's education. Behind them was a gay man waitinf to refinance his car. A bisexual couple was behind the gay guy talking about a home equity loan. Behind them was a trans person looking for HSA advice for upcoming treatment. I just had to wait behind the LGBT queue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old geezers sharing jokes
Group of old geezers been getting together at the same bar for decades. They always tell each other jokes. After awhile they know all the jokes so well, they just designate a number. Like ole Joe would say, 103, and everybody would be laughing their a**... off. One day a toothless Jack said 10,587! Everyone just roared, and roared and roared! Somebody whispered to his buddy, what's so funny about dat? His buddy said, Cause we haven't heard that one before!
Two bats are going for their midnight feed
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
My dad's latest dad joke
My dad raises rabbit and goes through a lot of hay. As we're getting a new bale out a truck drives by with big round bales.
Me: that would keep you in hay for awhile.
D: rabbits can't eat those.
Me: what? Why not?
D: not good for them
Me:You mean the type of hay
D: nope, can't have those big round ones.
(This back and forth keeps going for like ten minute as I suggest why they can't have them and his just saying no)
Me: is there an actual reason why they can't have that hay?
D: (smirks) they won't get a square meal
Me:(floored)…did you just wind me up for like ten minutes to tell me a dad joke??!
D: yeah
