The Best 71 Aware Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Aware jokes. There are some aware unaware jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aware socially puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Aware Jokes and Puns
So Tekashi69 could face life in prison
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
A pirate walks into a bar...
With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender notices and says "sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel down your pants?" To which the pirate replies "Arr, it's driving me nuts."
You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.
They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.
It was a herd shot round the world.
What did they say about the psychic midget that broke out of jail?
Citizens be aware, there is a small medium at large.
Are you aware....
Are you aware that 80% of asians have Cataracts.
The rest drive Rincolns.
Fact
I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries.
Irish sectarianism joke
An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...
"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."
TIFU
And before you say anything, I'm aware she has a strange name.
You can explore aware sir reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aware alert dad jokes. There are also aware puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I like my health care like I like my hookers (oc)
Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch,...
... the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
A cop sees a car going slowly down the highway...
The cop pulls the car over and sees an old lady at the wheel, and three passengers who look terrified.
"Ma'am, were you aware you were going 34 miles an hour in an 80 zone?"
"I saw it say 34 on the sign"
"Ma'am, that's the route number. Why does everyone in your car look so traumatized?"
One of the passengers says in a shaky voice "We just got off of route 137."
An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.
They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".
The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"
This is very serious … please read and be aware:
IF YOU GET AN E-MAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"
DON'T OPEN IT....
IT CONTAINS A NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON !!
What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings?
Awarewolf
Why don't Gingers go to the dentist?
They are already aware of their corrosive gingivitis.
April is autism awareness month
Anyone here aware they have autism
Mustapha is walking with his wife.
Hassan his friend notices that his wife is walking in front of him and asks: "You know the koran says that the man should walk infront of the wife"? Mustapha:" I am aware what the koran says but this is a minefield".
Old experiment
#You are now breathing and blinking manually.
#also you are aware of your tongue now.
Let me know if this worked
The sentence "I'm aware" isn't very scary
Unless you put Wolf on the end.
My mom, who lives in Tennessee, always complains to me about all the chiggers there.
I was not aware there were any black Chinese.
What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?
One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.
(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)
What do you call a female Chinese newborn?
A youth-in-Asia
^(Yes. I'm 100% aware I'm the worst person in history)
A pirate walks into a bar
The bartender says to him:
"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"
The pirate replies:
"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?
It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.
A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.
Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?
Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.
Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.
At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.
Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?
Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.
Joke is courtesy of my dad.
What is a floppy disc that as an erection?
A hard drive.
(This is an attempt at an original joke)
(I am aware of the "as" that should be a "has")
Where do calculus students go when they're injured?
To L'Hospital.
(Yes, I'm aware the true pronunciation is loh-pi-tal)
October is domestic abuse awareness month...
Time to make your significant other aware....
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
A pirate walks into McDonalds.
This pirate has a steering wheel between his legs, but doesn't seem to notice. As he places his order, the employee at the register keeps glancing at it awkwardly. Finally, as the pirate finishes ordering, the employee says "Sir, are you aware there's a steering wheel between your legs?" The pirate looks at it and goes "Yar. It be driving me nuts."
I approached a lesbian at a bar.
I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.
"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"
I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.
"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"
There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn't show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...
Turns out he had become shelf aware.
Are you aware of the fact that many people have stopped using their remote's safety straps?
It's getting out of hand.
I'm well aware of my shortcomings
I aim for the chest, but only make it to the stomach
I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve
Until my mate Stiamh told me
Does anyone else ever suddenly get all existential and acutely aware of their own self-awareness and that other people around you have their own consciousness?
Just making sure it's not just me.
A Guy Proposing To His GF...
She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.
After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!
What do you call a wolf that meditates
Aware wolf
Just so everyone is aware, dogs are not able to undergo an M.R.I.
But Catscan.
Why did the starship captain buy a sub-lightspeed propulsion system that he didn't need?
It was an impulse purchase.
For anyone who isn't aware, this is a star trek fathers day joke.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch.
The bartender, obviously curious, says:
"Are you aware there's a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"
The pirate replies:
"AARRGGHH, It drives me nuts!"
"Doctor, I've listened to your advice, about getting my family involved in trying to help me recover."
He said, "Well, I've told you what the cures are. There are three. Two of them your children should have been able to aid you with, the third is sex."
"Yes," I said, "of that I am aware."
"So..." he began. "What does your son give you?"
"Ibuprofen."
"What does your daughter give you?"
"Paracetamol."
"Then what does your wife give you?"
"A headache."
How much does a Rainbow weigh?
Idk it's Light!
Hahahaha as far as I am aware, I just created this joke and I could not be more proud of myself!!!!
Have you ever heard the one about the pirate who walked into a bar with a steering wheel around his crotch?
The bartender said, "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel around your crotch?"
The pirate said, "ARRR, it's driving me nuts."
Policeman: "I'm very sorry, sir,..."
Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
Man: I'm aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.
An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.
The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."
An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"
I taught a wolf how to meditate
Now it's aware wolf
Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.
One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."
A guy says to his friend, "Did you know that today is S.A.D., Single Awareness Day?"
His friend says, "Yeah, but I thought you had a girlfriend."
First guy says, "I do. I'm just making sure you were aware that you are single."
After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born 'No Pun'.
That way they'll certainly be aware that they weren't intended.
A lot of people aren't aware that one of the biggest condom-engineering breakthroughs actually came from a frog.
It was his idea to rib it.
Policeman: Im very sorry Ma'am, but it looks like your husband got hit by a bus.
Lady: Im aware of that sir, but John has a wonderful personality.
I know you all are already struggling with 2020...
But be aware the year after 2021 will be Twenty-Twenty 2 Electronic Boogaloo.
People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.
Just ask your mom.
You've been warned
A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Be aware of your carbon footprint
Next time you have a lightbulb moment, think of a energy efficient led bulb
Where do cats go when all nine lives are up?
Purrgatory!
Ps: this joke works in French, Spanish, and Italian, as far as I'm aware.
Schroedinger is driving along in his car...
...When he is suddenly pulled over by the police whereupon they ask him to open his trunk.
The cop comes to the drivers side
Cop: Sir where you aware there is a dead cat in your trunk?
Schroedinger: Well he certainly is now!
Why did the wolf meditate?
To become aware wolf
I taught a wolf to meditate
Now he is aware wolf
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!",
The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"
Yesterday, I saw my apartment neighbor trying to kick in his own door
I knew he was a criminal, and had served some time for theft and B&E but I wasn't aware that he was crazy.
So I cautiously asked him what he was doing.
He replied, "Working from home."
My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.
A man is pulled over for speeding.
Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?
Man: No sir.
Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.
Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to say it?
Officer: I guess I can.
\*In the courtroom
Judge: How were you going 420 on a 45?!?
A man is sitting at home when he gets a knock on the door from a police officer…
The officer asks the man if he is married, and the man replies yes, I am.
He then asks the man if he has a recent photograph of his wife. The man tells the officer to hold on one moment while he pulls out his phone to show him a picture of her.
The officer takes one look at the photo and tells the man I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train...
The man says yes, I'm aware of that, But she has a great personality, makes me laugh, and it is a really excellent cook!
Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...
...detergents.
Today a woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
When I got face to face with the woman, I said, "Miss, are you aware that you could be cited for indecent exposure?"
"Why?" the woman asked.
"Well," I said, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."
The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"
Library
So this guy walks into a library. He approaches the librarian and says: I'll have a double whopper, medium fries and a diet coke, please .
The librarian looks puzzled and responds: Erm, sir, you are aware that this is a library...?
The man: *whispers* sorry, so that was a double whopper, medium fries and a diet coke.
I always ask what LGBT stands for...
But i never get a straight answer.
Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aware attentive jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working aware realise piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.