Aware Jokes

Following is our collection of sir humor and unaware one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Aware puns for adults, dirty alert jokes or clean socially gags for kids.

There is an abundance of attentive jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on aware. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any realise witze you can hear about aware.

The Best jokes about Aware

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

What do you call a wolf that meditates

Aware wolf

Are you aware....

Are you aware that 80% of asians have Cataracts.

The rest drive Rincolns.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...



As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...

"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."


What do you call a female Chinese newborn?

A youth-in-Asia

^(Yes. I'm 100% aware I'm the worst person in history)

What do you call a wolf that's aware of its surroundings?

Awarewolf

One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...

One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or get out of the pond naked". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

I like my health care like I like my hookers (oc)

Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!


Irish sectarianism joke

An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"

Fact

I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries.

Jim and Mary.

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

drunk driving.

I would like to share an experience with you, which has to do with drinking and driving. As you may be aware, some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. The other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much wine, and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yes, a bus. I arrived home safely and without incident.

This was really a surprise to me since I have never driven a bus before

A pirate walks into a bar...

With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender notices and says "sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel down your pants?" To which the pirate replies "Arr, it's driving me nuts."

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" the woman asked.

"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"

Policeman: Im very sorry Ma'am, but it looks like your husband got hit by a bus.

Lady: Im aware of that sir, but John has a wonderful personality.

In a crowded city…

at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. Β As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.Β 

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.Β 

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.Β 

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg.Β 

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.Β 

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.Β 

She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"Β 

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!"Β 


There was a stand-up comedian notorious for his
practical jokes.

So one day, during a performance, he asked that anyone from the audience come on to the stage. A blond girl walked up. He asked her, "Can you tell us a joke?". The blond girl was well aware that the comedian was trying to pull some prank. She had decided that, no matter what, she would not fall for any of his tricks. So she took the mike from him, and proudly announced to the audience: "I'm not stupid!".

It took a whole minute for the uproar of laughter to settle.

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn't show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

A man comes home...

To find his wife sitting seductively on the couch in sexy lingerie. She looks at him coyly and asks, "Have you ever seen a dollar all crumpled up?"

The man replies, "No..."

His wife reaches near her breast and pulls out a crumpled up $1 bill. She then asks him, "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Says the man with a puzzled look on his face.

His wife pulls a $50 bill out of her garter, crumples it up, and throws it at his feet.

She then asks him, "Have you ever seen *fifty thousand dollars* all crumpled up?

"I'm certain that's something I've never seen." Her husband says with confidence.

His wife says, "Go look in the garage, I wrecked the car"

A man gets pulled over with 5 penguins in his car.

The cop tells the man "sir you can't drive around with penguins in your car."
The man says "I wasn't aware, what should I do with them"
"Bring them to the zoo"

The next day the man gets pulled over again and the same cop approaches the car and says "sir I thought I told you to bring those penguins to the zoo"
The man says "I did, and we had such a great time today I'm bringing them to the beach"
(I know this is a silly joke, it was told to me by a friend of my grandfathers.)

Are you aware you broke the speed limit?

A man and his wife were driving on the motorway when a police car signalled for them to pull over.

Having stopped, the police officer walked over to the car and asked the man to unwind his window:

''Sir, are you aware of how fast you were just driving?''

The man replies, ''I'm sure I didn't break the speed limit officer.''

''Well I just clocked you at 78''

''Impossible officer, I never went over 70.''

''I can assure you sir, you were well over the legal speed limit''

''Well I can assure YOU that I never went over 70!''

At this point the man's wife interrupts: ''Excuse me officer, you're wasting your time''

''How so?'' replies the policeman

''There's no point arguing with my husband after he's had this much to drink''

Drinking and driving

I would like to share my experience with drinking and driving.

As most of you are aware, some of us have been known to have had close encounters with the authorities on our way home from the nights out drinking and socializing.

So a couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some close friends of mine and had just a few too many.

Knowing full well I may have been over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. As fate would have it, I passed a police checkpoint but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not even quite sure where I got it.

I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve

Until my mate Stiamh told me

An old joke from East Germany

A German worker gets a job in Siberia. Aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: "Let's establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false."

After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: "Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affairβ€”the only thing unavailable is *red ink*."

Policeman: "I'm very sorry, sir,..."

Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.

Man: I'm aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

Bus Stop Blonde

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,
and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body?!
I don't even know who you are!'


The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped
my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."

People who wonder how big any man you meet is, there is one easy way to find out without seeing them naked, and you may not have been aware of it. It WILL work 100% of time.

Just ask your mom.

A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.

Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?

Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.

Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.

At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.

Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?

Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.

Joke is courtesy of my dad.

Somebody stole my Car

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you lad?"

"Yesss, Sssshombody stol me car!" the Irishman replies.

The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It was at the end of this key"

About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see.

He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD...they got me girlfriend too!!"

Just so everyone is aware, dogs are not able to undergo an M.R.I.

But Catscan.

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

A pirate walks into McDonalds.

This pirate has a steering wheel between his legs, but doesn't seem to notice. As he places his order, the employee at the register keeps glancing at it awkwardly. Finally, as the pirate finishes ordering, the employee says "Sir, are you aware there's a steering wheel between your legs?" The pirate looks at it and goes "Yar. It be driving me nuts."

The sentence "I'm aware" isn't very scary

Unless you put Wolf on the end.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch.

The bartender, obviously curious, says:

"Are you aware there's a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"

The pirate replies:

"AARRGGHH, It drives me nuts!"

A cop sees a car going slowly down the highway...

The cop pulls the car over and sees an old lady at the wheel, and three passengers who look terrified.

"Ma'am, were you aware you were going 34 miles an hour in an 80 zone?"

"I saw it say 34 on the sign"

"Ma'am, that's the route number. Why does everyone in your car look so traumatized?"

One of the passengers says in a shaky voice "We just got off of route 137."

Why did the starship captain buy a sub-lightspeed propulsion system that he didn't need?

It was an impulse purchase.

For anyone who isn't aware, this is a star trek fathers day joke.

"Doctor, I've listened to your advice, about getting my family involved in trying to help me recover."

He said, "Well, I've told you what the cures are. There are three. Two of them your children should have been able to aid you with, the third is sex."


"Yes," I said, "of that I am aware."


"So..." he began. "What does your son give you?"


"Ibuprofen."


"What does your daughter give you?"


"Paracetamol."


"Then what does your wife give you?"


"A headache."

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."

An Indian bends from the next table and says: "Be aware of that, we heavily underestimated that once"

The mini skirt.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

I approached a lesbian at a bar.

I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.

"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"

I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.

"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"

Mustapha is walking with his wife.

Hassan his friend notices that his wife is walking in front of him and asks: "You know the koran says that the man should walk infront of the wife"? Mustapha:" I am aware what the koran says but this is a minefield".

Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.

One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."

October is domestic abuse awareness month...

Time to make your significant other aware....

A guy says to his friend, "Did you know that today is S.A.D., Single Awareness Day?"

His friend says, "Yeah, but I thought you had a girlfriend."

First guy says, "I do. I'm just making sure you were aware that you are single."

I taught a wolf how to meditate

Now it's aware wolf

Have you ever heard the one about the pirate who walked into a bar with a steering wheel around his crotch?

The bartender said, "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel around your crotch?"

The pirate said, "ARRR, it's driving me nuts."

My mom, who lives in Tennessee, always complains to me about all the chiggers there.

I was not aware there were any black Chinese.

After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born 'No Pun'.

That way they'll certainly be aware that they weren't intended.

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

A pirate walks into a bar

The bartender says to him:

"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"

The pirate replies:

"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"

A lot of people aren't aware that one of the biggest condom-engineering breakthroughs actually came from a frog.

It was his idea to rib it.

You've been warned

A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

What did they say about the psychic midget that broke out of jail?

Citizens be aware, there is a small medium at large.

I'm well aware of my shortcomings

I aim for the chest, but only make it to the stomach

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch,...

... the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

Old experiment

#You are now breathing and blinking manually.

#also you are aware of your tongue now.

Let me know if this worked

Where do cats go when all nine lives are up?

Purrgatory!


Ps: this joke works in French, Spanish, and Italian, as far as I'm aware.

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk.

The stunned doctors and nurses start asking questions - "How did you learn english?"

The baby replies "I heard many conversations and tv and radio while in the womb".

Then a doctor asks "Were you aware of the whole birth?", "yes, it was a bit stressful, but glad to get into fresh air" says the baby."

Everyone is totally amazed, then a nurse puts the baby in its mum's arms, she is sobbing "I'm your mummy", "I know mummy, I know" says the baby cuddling her.

"and do you know who this man standing next to me is?" she asks looking at her partner.

"Well not my daddy, that's for sure", says the baby,

"how do you know that?" asks the horrified mum,

The baby sighs, "I wasn't born yesterday"

This is very serious … please read and be aware:

IF YOU GET AN E-MAIL TITLED, "NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"

DON'T OPEN IT....
IT CONTAINS A NUDE PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON !!

What you get, your husband will get it 3 times more

A woman is cleaning her attic, when she finds an old lamp. Surely enough, she rubs it and a genie pops off and tells her:

"I can grant you 3 wishes, but be aware that anything you get, your husband will get it 3 times more"


The woman asks:

"First I want to be very beautiful"

The genie grants her wish and turns her into a gorgeous woman. He then says:

"Done, and now your husband is 3 times more beautiful than you are"


Then the woman asks:

"Next I want to be rich"

Once again the genie grants her wish, and tells her:

"Done, and your husband is now 3 times richer than you"


The the woman asks:
"Finally, I want to have a small small small heart attack"

A German worker gets a job in Siberia, aware of how all mail will be read by the censors, he tells his friends;

"Let's establish a code, if a letter you get from me is written in ordinary blue ink; it's true, if it's written in red ink, it's false"

After a month, his friends get the first letter;

"Everything is wonderful here, the shops are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, cinemas show films from the West, there are many beautiful girls ready for an affair, the only thing you can't get is red ink"

Are you aware of the fact that many people have stopped using their remote's safety straps?

It's getting out of hand.

School Time

A father becomes aware that his son is oversleeping again and will be late for school. He raps repeatedly on his son's door.

"Wake up, wake up, you'll be late for school!" the father says loudly.
"I don't want to go to school," his son answers.
"Why not?" asks the father.
"Three reasons," responds the son. "First, because school is so boring; second, the kids tease me all the time; and third, I hate school!"

"I am going to give you 3 reasons why you MUST go to school," the father retorts. "First, because it is your duty; second, because you are forty-five years old; and third, because you are the headmaster!"

Does anyone else ever suddenly get all existential and acutely aware of their own self-awareness and that other people around you have their own consciousness?

Just making sure it's not just me.

TIFU

And before you say anything, I'm aware she has a strange name.

What is a floppy disc that as an erection?

A hard drive.

(This is an attempt at an original joke)
(I am aware of the "as" that should be a "has")

An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.

They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".

The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes