Awards Jokes

What are some Awards jokes?

Why don't dentists display their awards?

Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.

Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

Because he was out standing in his field.

Rumours of a food shortage.....

Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

A joke my art teacher told me

This is a long one, and a groaner, but it's worth it.
There once was this town that was known for it's flowers. There were three florists who would make the best flower arrangements people had ever seen, and the town received many awards for them. The three florists enjoyed the competition, and didn't resent each other.
One day, a friar moved into the town and started his own flower shop. He made cheap bouquets and undercut the other florists. They soon started losing customers and money. The three original florists got together and decided to hire an assassin to kill the friar. They found one name Hugh, and he agreed to kill the friar.
Hugh killed him, and the three florists got there customers back, and were happy. Which just goes to show,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

ISIS Awards Night:

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?

President of the United States

So I was at a film awards event the other night... [nsfw]

I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"πŸ˜‰

What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics

In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance

(I realise this joke is now three years too late)

Who hosts the tool awards?

Emcee Hammer

Why does Marshawn Lynch sit in the back at the Kid's Choice awards?

He's just there so he won't get slimed.

As someone who didn't win a lot of awards, I enjoyed going to the dentist

it was one of the few times I was recognized by plaque

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

Jury awards $22 million to man locked in closet by East Cleveland police for four days with no food or toilet.

R Kelly is going to sue the East Cleveland police for copyright infringement.

My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover."

And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel.

Pentagon awards new military contract to United Airlines

To forcibly remove Assad

Emmy Awards

In the U.S., your program has to win an Emmy. In the U.K., programme already has one.

The police got all the democrat protesters in California to leave last night

They gave them participation awards

Did you hear about the man who cut his own head off after the Academy Awards?

He was Leonardo DiCapitated.

What do you call an awards show for drug dealers?

The gram-mies

Elton John and Miley Cyrus win best original rendition by an original artist at the 2018 Grammy Awards

For best original cover of Tony Danza

I'm producing a condensed, Cliffnotes-style, version of the 1994 Best Picture winner from the Academy Awards

I'm calling it Schindler's Gist.

If they gave out awards for sex...

You wouldn't even have a participation ribbon

As in, you have not participated. You are virgin

I got confused watching highlights from the SAG awards.

I always thought they were the 15-year reunions of the AVNs.

I was at a scholarship ceremony, and after listening to awards given for diversity, I left the room, crying. When someone asked me if I was okay, I responded....

"I'm all-white."

This is the last time I’m hosting these awards.

I don’t care anymore. I’m joking: I never did. NBC clearly don’t care either. Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars because of some offensive tweets. Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English, and they’ve no idea what Twitter is. I got offered this gig by fax.

Why are there no awards for excellence in betas?

Because no one wants to be the master beta tester.

What is the official ice cream flavor of the Academy Awards?

Vanilla, because it's all white.

I won second place at the Incel Awards

No prize, but I did get a big warm hand

How to make Awards jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Awards to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Awards? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Awards pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes