awards Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious awards puns

Why don't dentists display their awards?

Because they want to prevent plaque build-up.

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Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?

Because he was out standing in his field.

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So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

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Rumours of a food shortage.....

Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

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A joke my art teacher told me

This is a long one, and a groaner, but it's worth it.
There once was this town that was known for it's flowers. There were three florists who would make the best flower arrangements people had ever seen, and the town received many awards for them. The three florists enjoyed the competition, and didn't resent each other.
One day, a friar moved into the town and started his own flower shop. He made cheap bouquets and undercut the other florists. They soon started losing customers and money. The three original florists got together and decided to hire an assassin to kill the friar. They found one name Hugh, and he agreed to kill the friar.
Hugh killed him, and the three florists got there customers back, and were happy. Which just goes to show,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

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ISIS Awards Night:

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

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If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?

President of the United States

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So I was at a film awards event the other night... [nsfw]

I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"😉

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What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics

In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance

(I realise this joke is now three years too late)

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What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

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Who hosts the tool awards?

Emcee Hammer

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Why does Marshawn Lynch sit in the back at the Kid's Choice awards?

He's just there so he won't get slimed.

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As someone who didn't win a lot of awards, I enjoyed going to the dentist

it was one of the few times I was recognized by plaque

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Jury awards $22 million to man locked in closet by East Cleveland police for four days with no food or toilet.

R Kelly is going to sue the East Cleveland police for copyright infringement.

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Did you hear about the man who cut his own head off after the Academy Awards?

He was Leonardo DiCapitated.

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Emmy Awards

In the U.S., your program has to win an Emmy. In the U.K., programme already has one.

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Pentagon awards new military contract to United Airlines

To forcibly remove Assad

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I told them i wanted to be the Spielberg of porn

and by that i mean win tons of awards for films based on war crimes

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My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover."

And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel.

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The police got all the democrat protesters in California to leave last night

They gave them participation awards

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What do you call an awards show for drug dealers?

The gram-mies

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I got confused watching highlights from the SAG awards.

I always thought they were the 15-year reunions of the AVNs.

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If they gave out awards for sex...

You wouldn't even have a participation ribbon



As in, you have not participated. You are virgin

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Elton John and Miley Cyrus win best original rendition by an original artist at the 2018 Grammy Awards

For best original cover of Tony Danza

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I'm producing a condensed, Cliffnotes-style, version of the 1994 Best Picture winner from the Academy Awards

I'm calling it Schindler's Gist.

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I was at a scholarship ceremony, and after listening to awards given for diversity, I left the room, crying. When someone asked me if I was okay, I responded....

"I'm all-white."

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Why are there no awards for excellence in betas?

Because no one wants to be the master beta tester.

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What is the official ice cream flavor of the Academy Awards?

Vanilla, because it's all white.

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Why did Darth Vader boycott the CMA awards this year?

He found their lack of Faith disturbing.

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A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

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This High Flying 2009 film from Pixar studios won Best Animated Feature at the 82nd Academy Awards.

"What's 'Up', Alex?"

"Not much, what's up with you?"

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The acceptance speeches at this year's Acadamy Awards are expected to be very long and very, very political...

... better double down on TRUMPets in the orchestra pit.

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Why did the pasta chef cheat at the musical awards?

Because he always wanted to rigatoni.

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What would you call an Italian rapper who is so well liked that he is invited to present at awards shows?

Common D'nominator

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Lego are making an Academy Awards set.

It's star studded.

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What are the most funny Awards jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Awards? Well, here are the best Awards dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Awards pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes