Award Jokes

Following is our collection of reward humor and competitions one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Award puns for adults, dirty emmy jokes or clean gaston gags for kids.

There is an abundance of lottery jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 64 funniest jokes on award. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any medal witze you can hear about award.

The Best jokes about Award

And the award for best neckwear goes to...

huh, well would you look at that. It was a tie

Why did the cow get an award?

For being outstanding in his field.

Sorry.

I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter...

I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

The job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in his jeans.

I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award.

I can't tell you how much it means to me.


Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter?

Because it's a catastrophe :-)

Yeah, ok, I'll be going now.

I'm sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

Why did the farmer get an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What kind of award do you give someone who has not moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

They gave an award for my cat's rear

It was a catastrophe.

What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.


Last night my black colleague.......

Last night my black colleague walked away with the 'Employee of the year' award.

Luckily security stopped him at the door.

The Universal Miss award goes to

Steve Harvey.

AND THE AWARD FOR THE BEST NECKWEAR IS...

...oh, it's a tie

Did you hear? Gaston won an award!

He won the No Belle prize.

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

I lost the Sore Loser Award last night...

It's okay. The guy who won really deserved it and there is always next year.

Patrick was drinking heavily on a Tuesday night at his local pub.

He raised his glass and proclaimed, in toast, "here's to spending the rest of me life, layin' in bed next to me wife."

The toast was met with raucous cheers and applause. Patrick was given the toast of the night award, given out on every Tuesday at the pub.

When he brought the trophy home to his wife Patty she asked him what he said to get the prestigious award. Treading carefully, he replied "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sittin' in church next to me wife."

The next day Patty was shopping in the market when she ran into Patrick's best friend, also named Patrick. "What a great toast Patrick had last night" Patrick said excitedly.

Patty agreed, albeit a little confused, "yeah but I don't know where it came from, we only do that twice a year and when we do I have to pull Patrick's ear to get him to come."

I won the Most Unreliable Employee award.

I'll collect it when I can be bothered to go back in.


What award did Chewbacca win his first season as a professional athlete?

Wookie of the year.

Why did the scarecrow win an award........

....because it stood out in it's field.

A driver crosses a big, new bridge and is stopped by a police officer as he reaches the other side

"Congratulations!" says the officer with a smile "The town decided to award the millionth person to pass this bridge a prize of 1.000 dollars, and you just won the award! Say, do you already have an idea what you're going to spend the money on?"

"Yeah" says the driver "Imma gonna get me a drivers license!"

His wife quickly butts in "Oh, don't listen to him, offficer. He always jokes around when he's wasted."

Old Gramps on the back seat also chimes in "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. I knew it!"

And from the trunk a muffled voice asks "Guys, are we across the border already?"

A local farmer just received an award from the city.

It was for being outstanding in his field.

If there was an award for laziness...

I'd make someone go get it for me.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

How lazy are you?

What do you call an award given for an unexpected handjob?

A Pull-it Surprise.

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony?
Because he was out standing in his field.

Did you guys hear about the award winning farmer?

Apparently he was outstanding in his field. [modified repost]

Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got?

They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

What kind of award did the dentist get?

A plaque

Did you hear about the actor who only won an award because of the Italian mafia?

It turns out they really know how to rig a Tony.

There was once a poem contest...

Contestants were supposed to use the word **Timbuktu** in their poem. All contestants gave their best poems but then came along the priest and his poem was

*All along through my life*


*i had no children and had no wife*


*I read the Bible through and through*


*All the way to Timbuktu*


The judges and audience were taken aback by his poem and decided that he won. That was until the shepherd Dave came with his award winning poem

*When I and Tim to Brisbane went*


*We found three woman cheap to rent*


*They were three and we were two*


*So I book one and Tim book two*

Congrats to Gaston on his award!

The No-Belle Prize.

My son came home and said "I got the Zucker Award today at school!"

I said, "What's that?"

He said, "A big building with teachers and kids in it, dad, but that's not important right now"

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree...

...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

ISIS Awards Night:

The 2016 best suicide bomber award goes to Mohammed.

Unfortunately Mohammed can't be with us tonight.

What award did Gregor Mendel receive for his work in the field of Genetics?

The Nobel Peas Prize.

Nobel award winning physicist and his limo driver

A Nobel award winning physicist, who was afraid of flying, was on speaking tour of the nation's top colleges. He travelled by limousine to each destination to give his speech.
After two dozen engagements, the physicist and the limousine driver were having dinner before the next speech. The limousine driver commented that he'd heard the speech enough times, and that even though he didn't understand it, he felt as if he could deliver it word-for-word. So the physicist agreed to trade places and let him give the speech, and the physicist would sit in the back and wear the limousine driver's uniform.
After giving the speech flawlessly, the limousine driver opened the floor for questions from the students (typically there were none). However, at this particular University there was a rather egotistical student who thought he was smart enough to compete mentally with the Nobel physicist. The question took 5 minutes to get out and would require a rather lengthy explanation and some complex calculus to answer.
Without batting an eye, the limousine driver responded to the young student by saying, "The answer to that question is so easy, I'll let my limousine driver, seated in the back, respond."

A dentist receives an award.

It's the only plaque allowed in his house.

Did you hear about the cow who won an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

Driving on the highway

Ed was driving on the highway when a cop pulled him over and informed him that he'd won a $1000 safe driving award.

"So what are you going to spend the money on?" asked the cop

"I guess I'll use it to get that drivers' license." smiled Ed.

"Take no notice, officer," said Jenny in the passenger seat. "He's a real smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

Just then Ray in the back seat hissed: "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

As the cop took all this in, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said: "Are we over the border yet?"

What is a mainstream media award for accurate, fair and even-handed journalism called?

A pink slip.

What type of pasta is most likely to cheat for a musical award?

Rigatoni

And the Academy Award for Best Sound Editing goes too...

A Quiet Place.

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.

JK

Why didn't the flat-earther accept his award at the ceremony?

He didn't believe in golden globes.

Why did the scare crow win the award?

He was out standing in his field.

This has Always been my favourite pun.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

How does an Italian win an award in television?

He has to rigatoni

4 Weather Patterns Are In A Race

Sunny gets gold.

Cloudy gets silver.

Snowy gets bronze.

And Rainy gets a precipitation award.

I got the "Bookworm" award in the school because I have the most visits to the library.

Of course they don't know the library's toilet is very suitable for masturbating.

I hear they've introduced a new category to the grammies

The quietest album; and the award goes to:
Stephen Hawking... Unplugged

I have the Award for Shoplifter of the Year!

I didn't win it...

Chuck Norris won an award today

Kanye West sat politely in his seat.

Did you hear about the new cathedral with no chimes whose towers won an architectural award?

It won the no-bell prize.

My dad says people shouldn't get rewards just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took away his father of the year award

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season this year. With his impressive skating abilities and the number of goals he scored...

Its no wonder he won the wookie of the year award.



Sorry.

What does a Redditor say after winning a 1st place award in a competition?

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because it is outstanding in its field.

TIL There's a huge, televised award ceremony for coke dealers held every year...

They call it the grammies

My mate has just won an award for beating another 12 men in a bait digging contest.He has now been crowned.

The master baiter.

British Airways bags the best in-flight service award!

On a long haul UK flight, a mother took her young son to the toilet and told him she would come back for him, in five minutes.

However, he was finished in two minutes so he left the toilet and wandered off down the aisle, in the opposite direction from where his mother was.

Meanwhile, a businessman entered the toilet and locked the door.

After the five minutes were up, the mother knocked on the door and called out, "Do you need any help with the zipper?"

From behind the door, a startled male voice said, "Good God!!! That's what I call service!…."

My wife calls herself a trophy wife.

I told her that's because I won the participation award.

If you thought black people were mad about the Oscars...

wait until the nominations come out for the World's Greatest Dad Award.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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