Awaiting Jokes
20 awaiting jokes and hilarious awaiting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about awaiting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Awaiting Short Jokes
Short awaiting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The awaiting humour may include short waited jokes also.
- A woman is at the doctor's office, anxiously awaiting the results of a test. The doctor says, "You appear to have vasovagal syncope."
She fainted. - 28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court They're awaiting their sentence
- I was told that you catch more fish if you put maggots in your mouth for 5m before attaching them to your rod. Is this true? I await your replies with baited breath.
- What did Matthew McConaughey say to his publisher about his long awaited upcoming book? I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!
- I saw a couple of adjectives and a pronoun nervously smoking outside court yesterday. Probably awaiting sentencing.
- I was on a date last night, as I sat at my table, forking my food awaiting my date to arrive, I realized they had stood me up, and I had to foot the bill. Long story short...... Don't ever date a leg
- My own terrible joke. Just came up with it. What do you call someone who is all for graffiti?
A proTAGonist...
I await your displeasure. - Why did the psychopath cry as he stood in the dock awaiting his sentence? Because he lachrymose
- The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair. Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand? - My friend got his long awaited inheritance today... It simply read:
Give Sean... a hard time
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Awaiting One Liners
Which awaiting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with awaiting? I can suggest the ones about waiting in line and looking forward.
- Why is everyone impatiently awaiting the new Zelda game? It's Hylian-ticipated
- One. How many mind readers does it take to change a...wait a second!
- An eagerly-awaited cook book "Cooking with Herbs" finally released! It's about thyme.
Howlingly Hilarious Awaiting Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about awaiting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean arriving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make awaiting pranks.
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS s**... slaves ...
All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.
A ghost was arrested
And placed in a holding cell with others as they await processing. The ghost turns to the man and asks "what did you get arrested for?"
"Shoplifting" he says, "how about you?"
The ghost smiles and says "possession".
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Blind pilots
A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.
As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.
In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
A Brit lands in Sydney, and is awaiting passport control
His turn comes and he steps to the agent.
The agent asks his name, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks his occupation, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks, Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"
The Brit responds, Right, so that's still a requirement?"
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:
\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?
Spam in the Middle Ages
A prince is awaiting a letter from his loved one for three days and three nights. On the fourth day, a pigeon flies in and drops a letter on his lap. When he opens it he reads:
"Get your sword forged for cheap"
Exams
A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
Family members anxiously await news outside of the ICU
Dr Schrodinger :" there's good news and there's bad news."
"What do you mean by that?" Asks the wife.
Dr Schrodinger *takes a look inside* : " I'm afraid your husband is dead."
wife *sobbing* : "But then what's the good news?"
Dr Schrodinger: "What good news?"
The Marriage,,,
Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter
Janet's plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find
adventure during her gap year. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula
noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic
markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head.
Janet introduced this man as her new husband.
Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I
said for you to marry a rich Doctor .... a rich Doctor!"
Alzheimer's
An older woman was awaiting the results of a medical exam when her doctor informed her of some upsetting news. "I'm afraid you've got stage 4 cancer."
"Oh my god!" she shrieked.
"That's not all. To make matters worse, you have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease." he said.
She took a moment to process the news. After a few moments passed, relieved, she says "Well thank god I don't have cancer."
