Avoid Jokes
122 avoid jokes and hilarious avoid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about avoid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Avoid Short Jokes
Short avoid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The avoid humour may include short ignore jokes also.
- Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative number? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
- You know why I hate elevators? Half the time they are up to something, the other half they are just bringing you down. I should really start taking steps to avoid them..
- Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- "Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events... ... to something like "Reigning Men."
- My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- I'm terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them
- I am a social vegan. I'm avoiding meets.
- My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats So I've just deleted my Tumblr.
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Avoid One Liners
Which avoid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with avoid? I can suggest the ones about prevent and escape.
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Obviously not
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
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- Yo mama so fat. . . I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
- Does anyone know how to avoid click bait? Apparently not.
- I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
- For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
- When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers I stop at nothing to avoid them.
- Why do sumo wrestlers shave their leg? To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
- Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled. Tickets are non-refundable.
- KID : What are condoms used for? DAD : To avoid such questions.
- How to avoid clickbait Not like this
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Certainly not.
- I have a fear of elevators... ...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
- I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
- I have a fear of negative numbers... I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Rib-Tickling Avoid Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about avoid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean danger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make avoid pranks.
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...
Way too close to Syria.
Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?
It was on a strict diet of worms.
Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because
they're terrible at breaking the ice.
Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?
The Cowboys Stadium.
Because they can't catch anything there.
This week a team at NASA announced a mission to land a probe on the sun
To avoid the extreme heat of the sun, they explained, the probe will land at night.
A man goes to the restroom, and leaves his drink with a note "I spit into it", to avoid it getting stolen
He comes back and finds another note: "me too"
How do you get a hipster to take a shower?
Give them a leaky showerhead.
You know, so they can avoid the main stream.
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
How to avoid clickbait?
clearly, you wouldn't know...
I have a gun by my bed.
So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being.
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......
I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality
In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers
People stopped at nothing to avoid them
A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over
One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?
Because the steaks are too high.
An alcoholic is sitting at a bar
He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.
The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.
The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."
How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.
Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.
Do you avoid clickbait properly?
You don't
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
I keep getting claustrophobic in elevators.
I've been taking steps to avoid it.
My doctor told me to avoid trans fats.
I'm really gonna miss tumblr.
10 ways to avoid clickbait!
Well, that wasn't one of them..
I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.
I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!
If you're afraid of elevators
Take steps to avoid them.
My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats
I'm really going to miss Tumblr
Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.
But Donald ducks.
How do you get over the fear of elevators?
Just take some steps to avoid them.
How does a robot avoid getting caught for public m**...?
He nuts and bolts.
I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".
Best $600 I have ever spent!
My doctor said I should avoid trans fats
So I stopped going on tumblr
I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid s**...
"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....
Don't trust people who avoid the sun.
They're shady.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street
I hear he's unstabled
I have a crippling fear of elevators.
I've started taking steps to avoid them.
I'm deathly afraid of elevators
I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road...
...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.
Do you know the easy trick to avoid clickbait?
I guess not.
Do you guys know how to avoid clickbait?
I guess not.
Nothing is funnier than watching newscasters try to avoid saying sh*t hole
By saying as*hole
As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..
thats why my bra and p**... are always black.
Learn how to avoid clickbait!!!
Don't do what you just did!
He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,
it just never came up.
How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?
By making sure to practice safe sects
I've always been terrified of elevators.
I think it's time I took steps to avoid them.
I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder
So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
Apparently not.
Does anyone know how to avoid clicking jokes that have been ruined by putting the punchline in the title?
Why do aliens avoid having s**... in public?
They prefer to come in peace
I am a social vegan.
I avoid meet.
The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke p**.... I said no.
I tend to avoid high maintenance women.
You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.
I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.
I hate elevators.
I will take steps to avoid them.
As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.
I find it very difficult to pull it off.
I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in
That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction
I no longer need to wear a mask
Now that I have my COVID 19 positive shirt people juts avoid being near me
I am a Social Vegan
Because I avoid Meet
There are two kinds of people in this world...
Avoid both of them.
I'm afraid of negative numbers
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...
How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?
They cove-hid.
