Rib-Tickling Avoid Jokes that Bring Friends Together
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Obviously not
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Apparently not.
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Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...
Way too close to Syria.
Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because
they're terrible at breaking the ice.
Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?
The Cowboys Stadium.
Because they can't catch anything there.
I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
A man goes to the restroom, and leaves his drink with a note "I spit into it", to avoid it getting stolen
He comes back and finds another note: "me too"
How do you get a hipster to take a shower?
Give them a leaky showerhead.
You know, so they can avoid the main stream.
You can explore avoid sinusoidal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean avoid fouls dad jokes. There are also avoid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.
I'm taking steps to avoid them.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
How to avoid clickbait?
clearly, you wouldn't know...
For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats
I'm gonna miss tumblr
I have a gun by my bed.
So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being.
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......
I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.
What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?
Reality
When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers
I stop at nothing to avoid them.
In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers
People stopped at nothing to avoid them
A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over
One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"
Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?
Because the steaks are too high.
An alcoholic is sitting at a bar
He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.
The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.
The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."
How to avoid clickbait
Not like this
How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.
Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.
I'm terrified of elevators
I take steps to avoid them
Do you avoid clickbait properly?
You don't
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
I keep getting claustrophobic in elevators.
I've been taking steps to avoid it.
My doctor told me to avoid trans fats.
I'm really gonna miss tumblr.
Yo mama so fat. . .
I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
10 ways to avoid clickbait!
Well, that wasn't one of them..
I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.
I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!
If you're afraid of elevators
Take steps to avoid them.
My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats
I'm really going to miss Tumblr
Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.
But Donald ducks.
Does anyone know how to avoid click bait?
Apparently not.
How do you get over the fear of elevators?
Just take some steps to avoid them.
How does a robot avoid getting caught for public m**...?
He nuts and bolts.
I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".
Best $600 I have ever spent!
My doctor said I should avoid trans fats
So I stopped going on tumblr
I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid s**...
"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....
I have a fear of elevators...
...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.
Don't trust people who avoid the sun.
They're shady.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
I have a crippling fear of elevators.
I've started taking steps to avoid them.
I'm deathly afraid of elevators
I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.
Tickets are non-refundable.
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Certainly not.
KID : What are condoms used for?
DAD : To avoid such questions.
Do you know the easy trick to avoid clickbait?
I guess not.
Do you guys know how to avoid clickbait?
I guess not.
My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats
So I've just deleted my Tumblr.
Learn how to avoid clickbait!!!
Don't do what you just did!
I've always been terrified of elevators.
I think it's time I took steps to avoid them.
I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder
So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
Why do aliens avoid having s**... in public?
They prefer to come in peace
I am a social vegan.
I avoid meet.
The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke p**.... I said no.
I tend to avoid high maintenance women.
You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.
I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.
I hate elevators.
I will take steps to avoid them.
As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.
I find it very difficult to pull it off.
I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in
That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction
I have a fear of negative numbers...
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I am a Social Vegan
Because I avoid Meet
There are two kinds of people in this world...
Avoid both of them.
I'm afraid of negative numbers
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...
How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?
They cove-hid.
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, with who?
But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.
Instead ask, with whom? It is important to speak good English.
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Clearly not.
A barbarian s**... in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter
They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to o**... s**... only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.
Eventually, though, he was gladiator.
I'm terrified of elevators.
So I've decided that I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Give a man a duck, and he'll eat for a night.
Teach a man to duck, and he'll avoid low-flying objects.
I have developed an irrational fear of elevators
Thankfully, I can take steps to avoid them.
Why snakes avoid hospitals in US?
Because it "cost an arm and a leg" to enter one !
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Note: this is first dad joke I write and make ... hope it can put some smiles on some of people faces .. have a good evening guys
PS : in a second thought .. I should had made it " **Why snakes can't enter into hospitals in US?** " LOL
You know why I hate elevators?
Half the time they are up to something, the other half they are just bringing you down. I should really start taking steps to avoid them..
Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
The cleaning lady at my office invited me to go smoke w**... after work, but I told her no
I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women
"Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events...
... to something like "Reigning Men."
I am a social vegan
I avoid meet.
Ba dum tiss
I wish the auto manufacturers would make up their minds.
I was behind a van that said Dodge on the back of it then a truck that was marked Ram. What do they want us to do? Avoid them or hit them?
Beware of certain doctors
I went to the doctor to have blood drawn and he bit my neck and now I am very sensitive to daylight and I have suddenly become very thirsty at night.
Whatever you do, avoid Dr. Acula!
Take steps to avoid this...
Gossiping in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
I'm worried I will fall down the stairs one day...
I'd take steps to avoid it, but that's sort of the problem.
I have a phobia of edges
I'm going to start cutting corners to avoid them
I've got a fear of lifts
But I'm taking steps to avoid it
I eat to avoid boredom
It's my snacktivity
Wife: You keep on finding ways to avoid taking responsibility for your wrongdoing.
Me: I'm truly sorry that you feel this way.
