Avoid Jokes

Following is our collection of sinusoidal humor and bounce one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Avoid puns for adults, dirty fouls jokes or clean overuse gags for kids.

There is an abundance of evade jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 84 funniest jokes on avoid. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cyclists witze you can hear about avoid.

The Best jokes about Avoid

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Obviously not

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Apparently not.


-

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.


Does anyone know how to avoid click bait?

Apparently not.

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats

I'm gonna miss tumblr

When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers

I stop at nothing to avoid them.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

To avoid being mistaken for feminists.


Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.

Tickets are non-refundable.

KID : What are condoms used for?

DAD : To avoid such questions.

How to avoid clickbait

Not like this

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Certainly not.

I have a fear of elevators...

...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.

I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.

My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.


I'm terrified of elevators

I take steps to avoid them

My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats

So I've just deleted my Tumblr.

How to avoid clickbait?

clearly, you wouldn't know...

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

- Keep your back straight

- knees bent.

- Feet shoulder width apart.

- Form a loose Grip

- keep your head down

- avoid a quick backswing

- stay out of the water

- try not to hit anybody

- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you

- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others

- be quite when others are about to go

- keep strokes to a minimum

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

I'm deathly afraid of elevators

I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them

My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats

I'm really going to miss Tumblr

My doctor told me to avoid trans fats.

I'm really gonna miss tumblr.

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead.


You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

I've always been terrified of elevators.

I think it's time I took steps to avoid them.

How do you get over the fear of elevators?

Just take some steps to avoid them.

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

I have a gun by my bed.

So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being.

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.

They're shady.

How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.

Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.

An alcoholic is sitting at a bar

He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.

The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.

The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."

I keep getting claustrophobic in elevators.

I've been taking steps to avoid it.

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex...

I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.

Do you guys know how to avoid clickbait?

I guess not.

If you're afraid of elevators

Take steps to avoid them.

How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium.

Because they can't catch anything there.

Learn how to avoid clickbait!!!

Don't do what you just did!

My doctor said I should avoid trans fats

So I stopped going on tumblr

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Password security questions for the depressed

What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?

In what city did you first experience ennui?

What is your ex-wife's newest last name?

What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?

What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?

What was the middle name of your first rebound?

On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?

When did you stop trying?

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"

God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

Do you avoid clickbait properly?

You don't

What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?

Reality

I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".

Best $600 I have ever spent!

A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over

One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

10 ways to avoid clickbait!

Well, that wasn't one of them..

The farmer's wife went into a coma...

... at home, and he summoned the doctor.

"She's gone," said the doc after examining the woman. "I'm very sorry. I'll call the funeral home for you."

The morticians carried the body down the porch steps and started to round the corner of the house into the driveway when the lead bearer suddenly lurched to avoid a holly bush, lost his balance, and dropped his end of the stretcher. The jolt brought the woman back to consciousness. In a week, she'd made a full recovery and was back at the farm.

Several years later she went into a coma again. This time the doctor sadly assured her husband she was unquestionably dead.

The undertakers were summoned. As the stretcher bearers inched down the steps and headed for the driveway with the corpse, the farmer cautioned, "Watch out for that holly bush."

Thoughts from 25-35 year olds

~Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.~

~I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.~

~I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.~

~I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.~

~Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...~

Why do aliens avoid having sex in public?

They prefer to come in peace

In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers

People stopped at nothing to avoid them

You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A man goes to the restroom, and leaves his drink with a note "I spit into it", to avoid it getting stolen

He comes back and finds another note: "me too"

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

I hate elevators.

I will take steps to avoid them.

I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

Little Johnny

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."

Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day...
Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita."

Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"

Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home."

Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie! At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."

All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey, relax girls... it hasn't opened yet!"

A man was driving on the highway when suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck front of him.

Seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed that the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.

"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.

"Okay," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."

"What for?!", cried the man.

"Tacks evasion."

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because

they're terrible at breaking the ice.

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road

one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

Do you know the easy trick to avoid clickbait?

I guess not.

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

I have a crippling fear of elevators.

I've started taking steps to avoid them.

I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder

So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people

I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street

I hear he's unstabled

I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in

That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms.

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..

thats why my bra and panties are always black.

You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road...

...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.

Apparently not.

Does anyone know how to avoid clicking jokes that have been ruined by putting the punchline in the title?

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

1. Keep your back straight

2. knees bent.

3. Feet shoulder width apart.

4. Form a loose Grip

5. keep your head down

6. avoid a quick backswing

7. stay out of the water

8. try not to hit anybody

9. if you taking too long you should let others
go ahead of you

10. you shouldn't stand directly in front of others

11. be quite when others are about to go

12. keep strokes to a minimum

Nothing is funnier than watching newscasters try to avoid saying sh*t hole

By saying as*hole

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

If you're looking for true love...

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at anything to avoid making eye contact.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes