The Best 89 Avoid Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Avoid jokes. There are some avoid bounce jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these avoid overuse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Avoid Jokes and Puns

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Obviously not

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Apparently not.

-

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Avoid joke, Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"

God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"


I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.

Avoid joke, The Pill... (Semi-NSFW)

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms.

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because

they're terrible at breaking the ice.

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium.

Because they can't catch anything there.

I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

You can explore avoid sinusoidal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean avoid fouls dad jokes. There are also avoid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man goes to the restroom, and leaves his drink with a note "I spit into it", to avoid it getting stolen

He comes back and finds another note: "me too"

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead.

You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

My house-mate is terrified of negative numbers

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

To avoid being mistaken for feminists.

Avoid joke, Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

Password security questions for the depressed

What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?

In what city did you first experience ennui?

What is your ex-wife's newest last name?

What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?

What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?

What was the middle name of your first rebound?

On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?

When did you stop trying?

How to avoid clickbait?

clearly, you wouldn't know...

For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats

I'm gonna miss tumblr


I have a gun by my bed.

So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being.

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex...

I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.

What type of tea does the Social Justice Warrior avoid?

Reality

When counting down, I can't stand negative numbers

I stop at nothing to avoid them.

In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers

People stopped at nothing to avoid them

A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over

One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"

Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

An alcoholic is sitting at a bar

He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.

The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.

The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."

How to avoid clickbait

Not like this

How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.

Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.

I'm terrified of elevators

I take steps to avoid them

Do you avoid clickbait properly?

You don't

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

- Keep your back straight

- knees bent.

- Feet shoulder width apart.

- Form a loose Grip

- keep your head down

- avoid a quick backswing

- stay out of the water

- try not to hit anybody

- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you

- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others

- be quite when others are about to go

- keep strokes to a minimum

I keep getting claustrophobic in elevators.

I've been taking steps to avoid it.

My doctor told me to avoid trans fats.

I'm really gonna miss tumblr.

Yo mama so fat. . .

I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

10 ways to avoid clickbait!

Well, that wasn't one of them..

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

If you're afraid of elevators

Take steps to avoid them.

My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats

I'm really going to miss Tumblr

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

Does anyone know how to avoid click bait?

Apparently not.

How do you get over the fear of elevators?

Just take some steps to avoid them.

How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

I've just finished reading a brilliant book titled, "How to avoid getting ripped off".

Best $600 I have ever spent!

My doctor said I should avoid trans fats

So I stopped going on tumblr

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

I have a fear of elevators...

...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.

They're shady.

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

I try to avoid the homeless horse down the street

I hear he's unstabled

I have a crippling fear of elevators.

I've started taking steps to avoid them.

I'm deathly afraid of elevators

I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled.

Tickets are non-refundable.

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Certainly not.

KID : What are condoms used for?

DAD : To avoid such questions.

You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road...

...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.

Do you know the easy trick to avoid clickbait?

I guess not.

Do you guys know how to avoid clickbait?

I guess not.

Nothing is funnier than watching newscasters try to avoid saying sh*t hole

By saying as*hole

My doctor told me I should avoid trans fats

So I've just deleted my Tumblr.

As a man i avoid wearing pink shirts or anything too feminine ..

thats why my bra and panties are always black.

Learn how to avoid clickbait!!!

Don't do what you just did!

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

I've always been terrified of elevators.

I think it's time I took steps to avoid them.

I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder

So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people

Apparently not.

Does anyone know how to avoid clicking jokes that have been ruined by putting the punchline in the title?

Why do aliens avoid having sex in public?

They prefer to come in peace

I am a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

I hate elevators.

I will take steps to avoid them.

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in

That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction

I have a fear of negative numbers...

I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I am a Social Vegan

Because I avoid Meet

There are two kinds of people in this world...

Avoid both of them.

I'm afraid of negative numbers

I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke...

How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?

They cove-hid.

I always ask a funny question on first dates.

"Are you a serial killer? "

Its healthy to avoid competition in a relationship.

What band do elderly people try to avoid?

The Strokes

Reasons to Avoid Water

* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people exposed to water will die

Rich people use their money and infleunce to avoid standing trials about their crimes

Jeffrey Epstein learnt this the hard way

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, with who?

But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.

Instead ask, with whom? It is important to speak good English.

Why do sumo wrestlers avoid skydiving?

Because a fat man falling to Japan is a bad idea

Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Clearly not.

A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the avoid evade jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working avoid cyclists piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes