The Best 54 Avocado Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Avocado jokes. There are some avocado mesquite jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these avocado olives puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Avocado Jokes and Puns

What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of?

Avocado pickers

Chemistry Humor...

"What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02214129×10^23 pieces?"


What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x10^23 pieces?


Avocado joke, What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x10^23 pieces?

Avocado or Donald Trump?

Avocado or Donald Trump for president?
Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush
The other one is an avocado.

I had an arguement with a philosophy major

I told him NO, I don't want avocado on my footlong!

People laugh at my car because its a weird green colour.

At least I avocado.

An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment

Husband: "I said you were the good kind of fat!"

Avocado joke, An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment

Here's a funny joke based on the word avocate in french.

The word avocate in french means two things, avocado, and lawyer. Why? Because both of them are expensive and slimy on the inside. Sorry if anyones a lawyer... or an avocado.

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

What do you call it when you punch someone with an avocado?


I wanted to drive to the shop to buy some guacamole

I didn't avocado

You can explore avocado mango reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean avocado hummus dad jokes. There are also avocado puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?


What do you get if you cross a duck with an avocado?


What instrument did the Avocado play in the school marching band?

The Guacenspiel

I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole...

....but I don't avocado.

You may be able to drive but do you


Avocado joke, You may be able to drive but do you

My friend called and said, " on your drive over later please don't forget to bring all the ingredients for the Guacamole ".

I said sure, there's only one problem..........I don't avocado.

What do you call an avocado cut up into 6.022*10^23 times?


Guacamole and I want to take a road trip across America...

We don't avocado.

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

I would have driven my date to the Mexican cantina....

But I didn't avocado

How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news?

I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.

what does the one-upping hipster say?

hold my avocado

What sound does a duck make when it has sex with an avocado?


Smuggling one avocado into the US will make your day

Smuggling two will make your hole weak.

Where are avocados grown?


They say you cant judge an avocado...

Until you guacamole in his shoes.

Saw a bird eating a piece of avocado toast.

Guess it was some kind of millennial falcon.


What language does a black avocado speak?


What do you call an avocado that's been destoned?

An avocada.

Saw a falcon eating avocado toast.

Guess it's a millennial falcon.

What does a duck say when it gets hit by an avocado truck?

"Guac, guac!"

If I owned an avocado farm

I would label the container for all the good avocados "Avocados" and the container for all the bad avocados "Avocadon'ts".

How Do Avocados Communicate?

With Guac-ie-talkies!

What did one avocado say to the other avocado in the club?

Back that Hass up!

How do you make an avocado tactical?

You turn it into GuacaMOLLE

What do you get when you mix MDMA with an avocado?


What did the guacamole say to the avocado?


What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

Why do Elephants....

Paint their testicles green?

So they can hide in avocado trees!

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.

It was a millennial falcon.

I don't have a truck to take my alligator pears to market.

I avocado.

What do you call an avocado from heaven?


What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado

A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me

A zoomer was invited to his millennial friend's wedding, and was asked to give a toast.

He didn't avocado.

What's the difference between a baby boomer and an avocado

One is a soft, wrinkly vegetable

The other one is an avocado

How many avocados are in 1 mole of guac?

6.023 x 10^23 . It is also called as the avocado's number.

I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...

...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.

What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 molecules of avocado?

A guac-mole

What do you call an expired avocado?

A guacamoldy

Farmers would make a lot more money if they didn't grow avocado.

They should try growing twovocadoes.

If two avocado are avocados

then shouldn't three avocado be avocatres , and four be avoquatro , and five be avocinco ?

what do you call it when you get avocado in your eye?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the avocado citrus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working avocado tomato piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes