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Average Jokes

158 average jokes and hilarious average puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about average that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out why average jokes are so funny! We'll explore the funniest jokes and the statistics behind them. Learn how puns, using a person's average height and speed, or simply putting an 'above average' twist on an 'ordinary' event can make a joke great. Plus batting average, percentages and more stats to get the funniest out of your average jokes.

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Funniest Average Short Jokes

Short average jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The average humour may include short median jokes also.

  1. I read online today that humans, on average, eat more banana than monkeys. It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  2. If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist... I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.
  3. I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.
  4. The average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old I'm finally above average for something
  5. What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden? The average intelligence of both countries goes up.
  6. Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
  7. A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar Guy: You're the most average girl out here.
    Girl: Hey, you're mean!
    Guy: No, you are.
  8. My sister made me some coffee today Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis
    Her: It was good?
    Me: I just said it was average.
  9. Doctor: describe your average night Patient: they wear suit of armor
    Doctor: no, i mean at bed time
    Patient: they probably take it off
  10. While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing? He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

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Average One Liners

Which average one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with average? I can suggest the ones about ordinary and normal.

  1. I told this girl, "you're very average." She said, "that's mean."
  2. My math teacher said I was average... How mean.
  3. Where are average things manufactured? At the satisfactory.
  4. What's smarter than the average bear? 50% of all bears.
  5. My girlfriend says I'm average. I think she's mean.
  6. An average person loses virginity at the age of 17 I always knew I was above average
  7. My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!
  8. What is the average maths teacher like? Mean
  9. What do you feed a hungry robot? Mega-bites.
    Just an average joke by my sister
  10. If Shrek had been an average movie, it would've been Mediogre
  11. My statistics professor told me I was average... ... I told her "that's Mean".
  12. Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire... on average.
  13. Everyone tells me I'm average... That's just mean.
  14. What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
  15. The worst thing about mean jokes is... The average person doesn't understand them.

Average Iq Jokes

Here is a list of funny average iq jokes and even better average iq puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common? Both are raising the world's average IQ
  • I support the anti-mask people Thanks to them the average IQ is rising
  • Immigration to the US is a good thing. Everytime someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.
  • Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July. The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.
  • I went to a Trump rally the other day, and the only thing higher than the average IQ of the crowd... Was the average BMI.
  • Everything in Florida is in the 80s The Temperature, the Humidity, the Average Age, and the IQ.
  • Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ The other two are Russian Hackers.
  • Everyone gets what they want out of brexit The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.
  • Most people have below average IQ If you believe that, you're in the bottom half.
  • Survey found that 1 in 3 Democrats are of below average IQ The other two are dead or imaginary.

Average Joe Jokes

Here is a list of funny average joe jokes and even better average joe puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This is the first time that a US president is named Joe. Goes to show, it's still not true that any average Joe can become president.
  • What's a better term for the average Joe? ReguLarry
  • I went to a local meet-up of Average Joes ...they were all pretty mean.
  • I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction... ... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.
  • What do you call an unimpressive looking, chubby, unintelligent Joe in America? Above average.
  • I saw Brad Pitt on the street then I suddenly became a hot movie actor and he turned into your average Joe. Because we exchanged "looks".
  • The main character of Megalo Box is a phenomenal boxer. He's no average Joe.
  • Statistically speaking..... Isn't a mean Joe just an average Joe?
Average joke, Statistically speaking.....

Average Height Jokes

Here is a list of funny average height jokes and even better average height puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Knowledge is knowing Napoleon.. ... was about the average height for his time.
    Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.
  • What is the average height of a pothead? 5'8".
  • I don't think I should pay my vertically challenged Irish servant the same wage as staff of average height. But that's just my O'Minion.
Average joke, I don't think I should pay my vertically challenged Irish servant the same wage as staff of average

Happy Average Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about average you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean typical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make average pranks.

Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

One time a friend called me average...

to which I replied, you're mean.

The average woman would rather be beautiful, than
smart

...because the average man can see better than he can think

My wife called me mean...

... so I called her average.

A w**... Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a w**... contest to see who has the biggest w**...! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"
So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a w**... contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run c**... collective farm.)
A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."
The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"
„Cuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.
They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"
„She said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says „Come with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says „Oink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.
„Piggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says „Welcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes „Meeh!
Boss says „Don't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

How much does the average introvert weigh?

Not enough to break the ice.

Did you know?

On average, people are pretty mean.

On average, a single male has s**... 89 times a year.

Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy new year!

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

Where are average cars made?

The satisfactory.

This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

Did you hear about the guy with the perfectly average f**... features.

I hear it was a mean look.

They say the average man thinks about s**... every 6 seconds

That's why I try to eat hotdogs in 5

Stats show the average person has s**... 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

Where are average things built?

In a satisfactory

On average, an American man will have s**...

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have s**... only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

My stats teacher told me I was average.

I thought that was mean.

Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?"

"I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."

A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."
The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

Where are average people made?

The satisfactory

How would you describe the average bully?

Mean.

Did you know there is a species of deer that can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house cannot jump.

Someone told me my math skills were average.

I replied that they were just being mean.

A professor was teaching a class of hyperintelligent youngsters on Game Theory

"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.

Public speaking is the #1 fear of the average person. #2 is death.

This means that at a f**..., more people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
-j**... Seinfeld

The average person has s**... 90 times a year.

Man this going to be an epic new years eve!

Why was 5 a good lover?

Because he waited 4 3 2 come 1st.
_____
Follow up:
Q: "Funny. But really, how good was the 6 4 5?"
A: "Just average, but the 6 was only a 5 4 3 2."
______
 
^^^\( ^^^I ^^^made ^^^this ^^^up ^^^give ^^^me ^^^a ^^^cookie. ^^^)

What's the difference between people who voted for Trump, and those that didn't?

On average, about $30,000 in student debt.

Two antennas get married . . .

. . . the ceremony was average but the reception was outstanding

I took the girl from my maths class on a date

We met for a few drinks at the bar on campus. After a while I took a look around the room.
"Wow, you're the most average girl in here."
"What?! You're mean!" She screamed.
"No, you are."

A guy walks into a bar and sees a girl

Guy: You're the most average girl here
Girl: You're so mean
Guy: No, you are

My math teacher told the whole class I'm average...

she's mean

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.

Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

Recently, a group of scientists discovered...

a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

If I had a dollar every time I was called sexist...

I'd be making more money than the average woman

At what age does the average 4chan user find out they're autistic?

thREEEEEEEEE

Who would pay a ridiculous amount of money for a pair of average over-hyped headphones?

Beats me.

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?

Because he always preferred the high C's

An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen...

He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".

They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom

Or $2000 if you count the abortion.

I walked up to a girl in a bar and told her "you're the most average girl in here"

Her: well you're very mean
Me: No you

I'm 24 years old and still a v**....

At least i'm above average at one thing.

If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.

This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.

My girlfriend and I have s**... an average of twice a week.

I have s**... zero times a week and she has it four.

On average women gain weight if they're married

When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.

A guy was on a boring date with a girl, so he said You're the most average girl here . She said You're mean

He said No you are

Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump

What is the average grade of a pirate in college?

High C's

What do you call an average looking ogre?

Mediogre.

I accept that my son is only average at school...

...he means well.

A recent study found .....

........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

What do you call a couple of average ghosts?

Paranormals

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase e**... vocalizations during s**.... Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.
It's a very powerful w**...-moan.

I hate it when people use the average of several data points to represent their data.

It's just mean.

I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human e**....

I wonder who's sending the other one?

Why should you never call someone average?

Because it's mean.

Today someone told me I am average.

I told them that's just mean.

Average joke, Today someone told me I am average.

jokes about average