The Best 84 Average Jokes

Following is our collection of Average jokes which are very funny. There are some average gpa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these average lifespan puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Average Jokes and Puns

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

One time a friend called me average...

to which I replied, you're mean.

The average woman would rather be beautiful, than
smart

...because the average man can see better than he can think

My wife called me mean...

... so I called her average.

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"

So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"


Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run commie collective farm.)

A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."

The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"

β€žCuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.

They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"

β€žShe said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says β€žCome with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says β€žOink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.

β€žPiggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says β€žWelcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes β€žMeeh!

Boss says β€žDon't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

My statistics professor told me I was average...

... I told her "that's Mean".

How much does the average introvert weigh?

Not enough to break the ice.

On average, a single male has sex 89 times a year.

Tomorrow is going to be really awesome for me!

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.

Happy new year!

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

You can explore average stats reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean average mean dad jokes. There are also average puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?

Drool

This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

Did you hear about the guy with the perfectly average facial features.

I hear it was a mean look.

They say the average man thinks about sex every 6 seconds

That's why I try to eat hotdogs in 5

Stats show the average person has sex 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

My stats teacher told me I was average.

I thought that was mean.

An average person loses virginity at the age of 17

I always knew I was above average


Everyone tells me I'm average...

That's just mean.

A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."

The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

Where are average people made?

The satisfactory

How would you describe the average bully?

Mean.

Someone told me my math skills were average.

I replied that they were just being mean.

Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire...

on average.

My math teacher used to call me average.

How mean!

The average person has sex 90 times a year.

Man this going to be an epic new years eve!

Why was 5 a good lover?

Because he waited 4 3 2 come 1st.

_____

Follow up:

Q: "Funny. But really, how good was the 6 4 5?"
A: "Just average, but the 6 was only a 5 4 3 2."

______
 

^^^\( ^^^I ^^^made ^^^this ^^^up ^^^give ^^^me ^^^a ^^^cookie. ^^^)

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar

Guy: You're the most average girl out here.

Girl: Hey, you're mean!

Guy: No, you are.

The worst thing about mean jokes is...

The average person doesn't understand them.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a girl

Guy: You're the most average girl here

Girl: You're so mean

Guy: No, you are

If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist...

I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.

Recently, a group of scientists discovered...

a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.

TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants

My math teacher said I was average...

How mean.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

If I had a dollar every time I was called sexist...

I'd be making more money than the average woman

At what age does the average 4chan user find out they're autistic?

thREEEEEEEEE

Immigration to the US is a good thing.

Everytime someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.

Who would pay a ridiculous amount of money for a pair of average over-hyped headphones?

Beats me.

Why did the pirate prefer slightly above average students?

Because he always preferred the high C's

What is the average maths teacher like?

Mean

An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen...

He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".

My sister made me some coffee today

Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis

Her: It was good?

Me: I just said it was average.

They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom

Or $2000 if you count the abortion.

I walked up to a girl in a bar and told her "you're the most average girl in here"

Her: well you're very mean

Me: No you

Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

I'm 24 years old and still a virgin.

At least i'm above average at one thing.

An average Englishman has sex 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has sex once or twice a year.

This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.

My girlfriend and I have sex an average of twice a week.

I have sex zero times a week and she has it four.

My girlfriend says I'm average.

I think she's mean.

On average women gain weight if they're married

When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.

A guy was on a boring date with a girl, so he said You're the most average girl here . She said You're mean

He said No you are

Did you know that there's a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can't jump

What is the average grade of a pirate in college?

High C's

What do you call an average looking ogre?

Mediogre.

I accept that my son is only average at school...

...he means well.

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Where are average things manufactured?

At the satisfactory.

The average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old

I'm finally above average for something

I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human excrement.

I wonder who's sending the other one?

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would've been

Mediogre

Why should you never call someone average?

Because it's mean.

Today someone told me I am average.

I told them that's just mean.

The average person is really mean

sorry if I didn't make you laugh, I'm not a co***median***

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own ass.

I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I'm finally above average for something.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

Why are massages in Thailand better than in the United States?

In Thailand, an average sized woman walks on your back. In the United States, an average sized woman walks on your back.

A statistician walks up to a girl in the bar

**Guy**: You're the most average girl out here.

**Girl**: Hey, you're mean!

**Guy**: No, you are.

My math teacher called me average

How mean is that ?

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My classmates think the math teacher is mean.

I think he's just average.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average

He's a mean person!

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

I was talking to a girl at a party

Me: You're the most average girl here
Her: You're mean
Me: Actually you are

Everyone gets what they want out of brexit

The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

Apparently the average person had sex 90 times this year...

...these last two weeks are going to be incredible!

Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I'm about to have a wild couple of days.

My dad is mean

Which is why I always get shouted at for being below average

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the average size jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working average normal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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