Avail Jokes
38 avail jokes and hilarious avail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about avail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Avail Short Jokes
Short avail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The avail humour may include short ability jokes also.
- I like my women how I like my coffee I'm not fussy, I'll have whatever's available. Thanks.
- Why did the EA executive cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass! - If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder... Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'
- The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part documentary! Parts A through D are freely available to download, but You have to fight for your right to Part E!
- What's the good part about Naming your child? That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
- I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She looked up and whispered, They're right behind you.
- *First day as drug dealer* *Giggles* "coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?"
*gets stabbed* - Doctor: Ok let's start with the good news Doctor: Your son will always find an available parking slot.
- I told my doctor "exercise is the best antidepressant available " "Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied
- A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese. It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.
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Avail One Liners
Which avail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with avail? I can suggest the ones about aver and peak.
- I like my drinks like I like my women. Whatever's available.
- Women are like parking spaces The good ones are taken and the available ones are disabled
- Condoms are available in three sizes: Small, medium, and liar.
- My parents got me the cheapest circumcision available It was a rip off
- Yo mama is like groceries during a pandemic... ...available for curbside pickup.
- Clown Wanted. Must be available to work funny hours.
- What type of doctor treats tumors and is available 24/7? An Oncallogist
- Joan Rivers was not available for cremation... They had to recycle her instead.
- My friend told me his autobiography was available at the library... His story checks out.
- Phone Provider: The next call representative will be available in 10-15 Flute Solos
- I wish more men were gay That way there would be more available women to turn me down
- What do you call a doctor that's always available? An on-call-ogist.
- I like my women like I like my parking spaces Available, and underneath my car
- What Game on the App Store is not available in Africa? Where's my Water.
- Real estate available on Guantanamo Bay! Don't worry about rent - Boarding is free!
Comical Avail Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about avail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make avail pranks.
Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield
The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"
A man is sitting next to woman on a bus
The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to s**... on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start s**..., I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.
After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his t**... and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!
A drunk enters...
...a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn't say a word. After a while the priest coughs... nothing... he coughs again... nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts b**... on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:
"You're knocking to no avail, buddy... there ain't any toilet paper here either..."
A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.
He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"
Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
A young kid was smart, but was failing math.
He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."
A man and his zebra walk into a bar.
A man and a zebra walk into a bar.
They both pull up a stool, and proceed to order shot after shot until they're both so drunk that the zebra falls right off his stool, hits the ground, and passes out.
After the man tries to wake the zebra up with no avail, he gets p**... off and starts to walk out of the bar, leaving the zebra on the floor.
The bartender yells, 'Hey! My man! You can't just leave that lyin' there!'
And the man says, 'That's not a lion, it's a zebra'.
The Nuns robes
The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.
A man is filling is car up with gasoline ...
And spills some on his arm. He doesn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, he lights a cigarette and his arm catches on fire. He stuck an itnout the window to try and put it out, to no avail.
A policeman sees him, pulls him over, and helps him out out the fire. Then he writes him a ticket.
i**... transportation of a fire arm.
A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.
The students search feverishly, to no avail
A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.
All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.
On the wisdom of King Solomon
This Driver has Solomon's Wisdom
Two women in a bus were fighting bitterly over the last seat available.
The conductor already tried to intervene but to no avail. So the driver shouted, "Let the ugly one take the seat!"
Both women stood for the rest of the journey.
I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...
I fought the slaw and the slaw won.
The contrary Mother-in-law
A neighbor came running to Nasserddin Hodja's house with the news that the Hodja's mother-in-law had been washing her laundry in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. "And we cannot find her body," he continued. "We searched everywhere downstream for her, but all to no avail."
"You should have searched upstream," replied the Hodja. "My mother-in-law is so contrary that she would never go with the flow."
My adult life is like a broken keyboard.
Nothing is under Control;
Lost all of my Alternatives,
Really need some Space for myself, but;
All I can do is Escape but to no avail.
My b**...-enthusiast friend has been dating around for sometime now to no avail.
His love life is pretty much a swing and a miss.
So a guy buys a TV on finance from a local shop...
However, he didn't pay any money for it at all. Countless warnings were sent to him, telling him that he must pay for the TV in the instalments agreed to, or they would seize the TV.
The warnings came to no avail. The guy was called upon by the courts to explain why he had not responded to the payment requests.
The judge asked How can you explain why you ignored these letters? .
The man replied Well, judge. The contract stated that I didn't have to pay any interest at all for 6 months.
A boy walks in on his parents having s**...
The boy, traumatized, runs out of the bedroom.
"I'll go talk to him" the father says to his wife.
The father goes to the boy's room but he isn't there. The father checks the bathroom, but he isn't there. The father checks the living room, the kitchen and both yards to no avail. Finally, the Father checks Grandma's room and finds his son giving it long and hard to his grandmother.
"Oh my God!" The father exclaims. The son looks up and stares his dad dead in the eyes,
"Not so funny when it's your mother, is it Dad?"
Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.
He took great care of it , and was graded A for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.
Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.
Then one day Hagrid comes running up to Harry, holding what looks like a portable cage with a scaly looking animal inside.
What's this? An excited looking Potter asks.
Your A lizard, Harry.
A woman is cleaning her bathroom...
...and slips. She does the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She calls her husband.
"I'm kinda stuck to the floor...".
He tries to lift her, but can't do it. So he calls a plumber.
They both tried to pull her up, to no avail.
So he says "I'm sorry, but I think we'll have to break the tiles to get her free, and the hospital should do the rest.".
Then the husband says "Hey, we could f**... her instead.".
The plumber, flabbergasted, says "Why?".
"If we get her wet enough, we can slide her over to the kitchen. The tiles there were only $30 per square foot.".
There was once a Jewish boy who was terrible at math
...his parents had tried everything: private tutors, online lessons, and after school programs, to no avail. Finally, they gave in, and sent him to one of the best math-oriented schools in the city, which happened to be Christian.
At the end of the first semester, the boy showed his parents his report card, and they were amazed. He had gotten all A's in everything, even math!
"How'd you do it?" His dad asked him.
"What did that school teach you that made you so good at math?" Inquired his mom.
"Well, when I walked in," the boy responded, "there was a guy nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business!"
I found my daughters diary and read it.
So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.
For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out her closet, I found her diary. My initial reaction was just to put it back as i didn't want to invade her privacy, so I finished cleaning and left her room. But later that evening, my curiosity got the better of me and I got the diary, took it to my room and read it.
I was horrified to discover that she has a new boyfriend, and that they've been having s**.... She described in graphic detail all the k**... stuff they'd been doing and how she had performed o**... s**... on him. And then, just at the point I thought that the debauchery could not get any worse, you'll never guess what I came across next. Page 64, the bed sheets and my own leg a little bit.
Earl and Larry are out hunting one day...
They are tracking an elk and after a while, Larry, looks up and says, "Earl, do you know where we are?"
"No idea," said Earl, " but I know what to do. If we shoot into the air three times, someone will hear it and come save us. "
With nothing to lose, they shot into the air three times and waited. After several hours, and nobody coming to rescue them, they tried a second time, again to no avail.
It was getting dark, and Earl suggested they try it one last time.
"OK Earl," Larry sighed, " but if this doesn't work, I'm afraid we're on our own. I'm down to my last three arrows."
