Avail Jokes

Following is our collection of utilize humor and frantically one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Avail puns for adults, dirty hour jokes or clean rescue gags for kids.

There is an abundance of beneficial jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 23 funniest jokes on avail. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any stocker witze you can hear about avail.

The Best jokes about Avail

A man is sitting next to woman on a bus

The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to suck on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start sucking, I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.

After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his throat and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!

A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.

He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.

Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.

"What's his name?" The girl ask him.

"Tiny" the man responds.

"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.

"Because he's my newt"

A drunk enters...

...a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn't say a word. After a while the priest coughs... nothing... he coughs again... nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts banging on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:

"You're knocking to no avail, buddy... there ain't any toilet paper here either..."

Newspaper ad - RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."

The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"

To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

A doctor, a priest and a model are driving.

So the three of them are driving on a country road, when they hit a bunny. They stop and get out, overwhelmed with sympathy for their fluffy victim, it lies motionless on the road


The doctor draws on all his skills to try and get the bunny up again, but to no avail. The priest kneels down and gives the bunny his last rites and blesses it. They are about to bury it when the model stops them.


She takes a can of hairspray and sprays the bunny all over. It gets up and hops away as the priest and the doctor stand speechless. Ten yards down the road the bunny turns around and waves at the tree companions. Twenty yards away, it turns around and waves again. This goes on until the bunny disappears into the high grass beside the road.


"What on earth is in that spray can?", asks the doctor.


"I don't know ..." replies the model, "... but it certainly works as advertised" And she hands the doctor the can.


The can reads: "instantly revives your hair, adds a permanent wave"


So drunk he can't stand up

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face. The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.

When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"

"Why do you say that?" he asks innocently.

"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

---------

So a guy buys a TV on finance from a local shop...

However, he didn't pay any money for it at all. Countless warnings were sent to him, telling him that he must pay for the TV in the instalments agreed to, or they would seize the TV.

The warnings came to no avail. The guy was called upon by the courts to explain why he had not responded to the payment requests.

The judge asked How can you explain why you ignored these letters? .

The man replied Well, judge. The contract stated that I didn't have to pay any interest at all for 6 months.

Blonde Breakfast Dilemma

A man watches as his blonde girlfriend comes downstairs to make breakfast.

At first she attempts to lift the stove, struggles, and sighs.

Next she tries lifting the microwave, again to no avail. Finally she lifts the toaster and smiles, makes toast and eats her breakfast.

This goes on for a couple of days before her boyfriend finally asks what in the world is going on.

The blonde replies, "My new medication doesn't allow me to operate heavy machinery and the toaster is the only thing I can lift."

Earl and Larry are out hunting one day...

They are tracking an elk and after a while, Larry, looks up and says, "Earl, do you know where we are?"


"No idea," said Earl, " but I know what to do. If we shoot into the air three times, someone will hear it and come save us. "

With nothing to lose, they shot into the air three times and waited. After several hours, and nobody coming to rescue them, they tried a second time, again to no avail.

It was getting dark, and Earl suggested they try it one last time.


"OK Earl," Larry sighed, " but if this doesn't work, I'm afraid we're on our own. I'm down to my last three arrows."

A young kid was smart, but was failing math.

He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."

There was once a Jewish boy who was terrible at math

...his parents had tried everything: private tutors, online lessons, and after school programs, to no avail. Finally, they gave in, and sent him to one of the best math-oriented schools in the city, which happened to be Christian.

At the end of the first semester, the boy showed his parents his report card, and they were amazed. He had gotten all A's in everything, even math!

"How'd you do it?" His dad asked him.
"What did that school teach you that made you so good at math?" Inquired his mom.

"Well, when I walked in," the boy responded, "there was a guy nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business!"


A woman is cleaning her bathroom...

...and slips. She does the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She calls her husband.

"I'm kinda stuck to the floor...".

He tries to lift her, but can't do it. So he calls a plumber.

They both tried to pull her up, to no avail.

So he says "I'm sorry, but I think we'll have to break the tiles to get her free, and the hospital should do the rest.".

Then the husband says "Hey, we could fondle her instead.".

The plumber, flabbergasted, says "Why?".

"If we get her wet enough, we can slide her over to the kitchen. The tiles there were only $30 per square foot.".

A blonde decided to go ice-fishing

...so she packed up all her gear and went ice fishing. She cut a hole and put the fishing line down the hole. After 15 minutes, after feeling nothing, she wasn't sure there would be a fish, so she prayed to her God, asking for a fish to please come bite her line. A few minutes later, a loud booming voice said: "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" So she packed up her stuff and she found another spot. Again, she prayed for a fish to biter her line, but to no avail. Again, she heard a loud, booming voice, "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" Still feeling hopeful, the blonde moved her stuff and cut a third hole in the ice. This time, without even praying, the loud booming voice said, "GET OFF THE ICE, THE GAME IS ABOUT TO START!"

Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded A for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day Hagrid comes running up to Harry, holding what looks like a portable cage with a scaly looking animal inside.

What's this? An excited looking Potter asks.

Your A lizard, Harry.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex

The boy, traumatized, runs out of the bedroom.

"I'll go talk to him" the father says to his wife.

The father goes to the boy's room but he isn't there. The father checks the bathroom, but he isn't there. The father checks the living room, the kitchen and both yards to no avail. Finally, the Father checks Grandma's room and finds his son giving it long and hard to his grandmother.

"Oh my God!" The father exclaims. The son looks up and stares his dad dead in the eyes,

"Not so funny when it's your mother, is it Dad?"

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.

The students search feverishly, to no avail

So a blonde goes to the hospital...

and tells the doctor that everywhere she touches she suffers emense pain. She procceeds to touch her elbow and yelps in pain. She then procceeds to touch her forehead, her leg, her arms all with the same result of her yelping in pain. The doctor then procceeds to examin all the places she touched with no avail to the cause of her pain. After a few mins of pondering the sourse of her pain, the doctor decides to take a look at her hand and tells her, "Ma'am, you have a splinter."

The Nuns robes

The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.

I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.

For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out her closet, I found her diary. My initial reaction was just to put it back as i didn't want to invade her privacy, so I finished cleaning and left her room. But later that evening, my curiosity got the better of me and I got the diary, took it to my room and read it.

I was horrified to discover that she has a new boyfriend, and that they've been having sex. She described in graphic detail all the kinky stuff they'd been doing and how she had performed oral sex on him. And then, just at the point I thought that the debauchery could not get any worse, you'll never guess what I came across next. Page 64, the bed sheets and my own leg a little bit.


A man is filling is car up with gasoline ...

And spills some on his arm. He doesn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, he lights a cigarette and his arm catches on fire. He stuck an itnout the window to try and put it out, to no avail.

A policeman sees him, pulls him over, and helps him out out the fire. Then he writes him a ticket.

Illegal transportation of a fire arm.

I had a dream I was attacked in my kitchen by a giant head of cabbage. I grabbed a knife and stabbed, hacked, and slashed at it, but it still kept coming! I threw a jar of mayonnaise at it, to no avail -- then I hurled a bag of carrots, but nothing would stop it! In the end...

I fought the slaw and the slaw won.

Where Is God?

Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor's desk and they just look at each other. Finally, the Pastor says, "Where is God?" The boy just sits there and doesn't answer. The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, "Where is God?" The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn't answer. The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy's refusal to converse and practically shouts "Where is God?" To the pastor's surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office. The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother's room. He shuts the door and pants, "We're in BIG TROUBLE. God's missing and they think we did it!"

The contrary Mother-in-law

A neighbor came running to Nasserddin Hodja's house with the news that the Hodja's mother-in-law had been washing her laundry in the river when she fell into the water and drowned. "And we cannot find her body," he continued. "We searched everywhere downstream for her, but all to no avail."

"You should have searched upstream," replied the Hodja. "My mother-in-law is so contrary that she would never go with the flow."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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