Autumn Jokes
Following is our collection of september humor and summertime one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Autumn puns for adults, dirty releaved jokes or clean roots gags for kids.
There is an abundance of ottawa jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 37 funniest jokes on autumn. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any october witze you can hear about autumn.
The Best jokes about Autumn
My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…
She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"
I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."
UK: We call it "Autumn", from the French word "Automne", and later, from the Latin "autumnus".
USA: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAVES FALL DOWN
Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze
Because you make me wanna jacket
Art Gallery Nudes
A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.
She asks, "What are you waiting for?"
He replies, "Autumn."
A Canadian woman living near the border
A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:
"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian government agrees, but says that since we're the only family living here, they want our permission to sign this land over to the US."
The woman jumps out of her chair and exclaims, "Where do I sign? I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"
National Pride Day should be September 21
September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.
How stock markets work!
It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied,
'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'
This is how stock markets work!
How national weather service predicts weather.
It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,' the weather man responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Is it going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied,
'It's definitely going to be a very cold winter.'
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy.'
Humpty Dumpty
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Bing Crosby
A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*
Autumn is best enjoyed in all her glory.
Unfortunately, the police officers who arrested me outside her window didn't agree.
What do you call a pepper in late autumn?
A little chili
Did you know that when leaves fall off of trees in the Autumn, it's because of nostalgia?
They're trying to get back to their roots.
What does the tree says in autumn ?
Leaf me alone.
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.
Never date a girl named Autumn
because she'll leave you.
It's the first day of Autumn so let's make like Humpty Dumpty!!
And have a great Fall!
Ah Toronto, the only city where the leaves fall in autumn...
...and the Leafs fall in the spring
There was one a girl called autumn
She once asked her mom
mom why am I called autumn?
her mom then said
when you were leaving the hospital a crisp
autumn leaf fell on your head
this makes rose curious so she asks the same thing
mom where did my name come from and the mom says while we were leaving the hospital a rose fell on your head
This of course prompts cinderblock to ask the same thing dykcsuoknnvcxsaetuiokmbvxawehk she says
If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? Fall.
2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice
It blows.
(Get well soon Carrie)
Why are leaves bad material for parachutes?
because they don't survive the fall (autumn)
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
What do Trees do in Autumn?
Take a Leaf of absence.
Whenever Autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colourful leaves.
It sounds better than saying I'm a street sweeper.
What do you call an autumn season that has gone by?
Fell
What did one autumn leaf say to another? I'm falling for you.
Last autumn, a nice flower salesmen sold me some poppies in some cool cylinders.
Oh boy! Two more months and here I come, fall opiate tubes!
Why do birds fly south in the Fall? Because it's too far to walk.
What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?
What happens when Winter arrives?
Autumn Leaves.
It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
My favorite part of Fall is walking through a hundred spider webs a day and screaming every single time.
What is a scarecrows vehicle of choice?
An Autumn mobile
I have a daughter named Autumn. She's disabled now...
... ever since the fall.
What happens to a leaf in Autumn?
It *leaves*.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.