Following is our collection of autopsy professor humor and morgue one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Autopsy puns for adults, dirty postmortem jokes or clean forensic gags for kids.
There is an abundance of corpse jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes on autopsy. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lying witze you can hear about autopsy.
Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up
A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, naked, and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."
It was open Mike night.
Husband: I walked in the room and she was lying there naked! What was I supposed to do?
Wife: The Autopsy!
Doctor: Oh my God, stop the autopsy!!
The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
doctor being questioned as a witness:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
In a trial, a doctor who had performed the autopsy on the victim was called up to the stand by the prosecuting lawyer. After the doctor swears not to lie, he takes his seat getting ready to answer the lawyer's questions.
**Lawyer:** "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
**Doctor:** "No."
**Lawyer:** "Did you check for blood pressure?"
**Doctor:** "No."
**Lawyer:** "Did you check for breathing?"
**Doctor:** "No."
**Lawyer:** "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
**Doctor:** "No."
**Lawyer:** "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
**Doctor:** "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
**Lawyer:** "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
**Witness:** "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
... Until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy
This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Her: I can't believe you had sex with my sister!
Him: I was at my job, and she was there just lying on the table naked. What else was i supposed to do?
Her: The freaking autopsy!
I was forced to leave when one of my reports said "Cause of Death: Autopsy"
Coroner: Report complete.
Police: What was the cause of death?
Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy.
"To the morgue."
"But I haven't died yet!"
"The doc said 'to the morgue' — to the morgue it is!"
"But what is wrong with me?!"
"The autopsy will show!"
When the press asked if an autopsy would be performed, the coroner was quoted as saying: "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch his body."
The pathologist who does his autopsy is in for a treat.
One asks the other, "What do you think it'll be like?"
The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".
It was open mike night.
they found a 12 year old wiener stuck in his throat.
He cracked open a cold one with the boys.
"I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."
The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."
Official notice : Bruce Forsyth died of a seizure, nice to seizure, to seizure nice
It was a Careless Whisper
He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a stroke.
They suspect murder however an autopsy reveals that all of the inside organs are in completely wrong areas, they conclude with he is very disorganised
...autopsy results revealed.
You give them an autopsy
How, you ask? I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
They're just doing and autopsy
Peacefully, in her sleep.
But then we done an autopsy and found out we were wrong. She died in the worst way possible.
During an autopsy.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.