Autopsy Jokes

Following is our collection of autopsy professor humor and morgue one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Autopsy puns for adults, dirty postmortem jokes or clean forensic gags for kids.

There is an abundance of corpse jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 32 funniest jokes on autopsy. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lying witze you can hear about autopsy.

The Best jokes about Autopsy

A man cheats with his wife's sister

Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!

Wife: You slept with my sister!

Man: When i got to work she was just laying there naked on my table! What was I supposed to do?!

Wife: The autopsy!

PS: Didnt make this up

A man comes home from work...

A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.

She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"

He replies "Well she was lying on the table, naked, and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"

"Perform the autopsy."

Everyone was excited at the autopsy club...

It was open Mike night.

Wife: I cannot believe you had sex with my sister!

Husband: I walked in the room and she was lying there naked! What was I supposed to do?

Wife: The Autopsy!

Man: Doctor, is it serious?!

Doctor: Oh my God, stop the autopsy!!


A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today...

The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.

The Lawyer and the Witness

doctor being questioned as a witness:

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"


Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

The Autopsy Trial

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Witness in a trial

In a trial, a doctor who had performed the autopsy on the victim was called up to the stand by the prosecuting lawyer. After the doctor swears not to lie, he takes his seat getting ready to answer the lawyer's questions.

**Lawyer:** "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

**Doctor:** "No."

**Lawyer:** "Did you check for blood pressure?"

**Doctor:** "No."

**Lawyer:** "Did you check for breathing?"

**Doctor:** "No."

**Lawyer:** "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

**Doctor:** "No."

**Lawyer:** "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

**Doctor:** "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

**Lawyer:** "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

**Witness:** "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Open Mike Night sounded like a lot of fun...

... Until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy

Courtroom joke

This was actually said in court and taken from a transcript:

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

Witness: "No."

Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."


A man was arguing with his wife...

Her: I can't believe you had sex with my sister!

Him: I was at my job, and she was there just lying on the table naked. What else was i supposed to do?

Her: The freaking autopsy!

I Used to work in a pathology lab...

I was forced to leave when one of my reports said "Cause of Death: Autopsy"

Coroner's Report

Coroner: Report complete.


Police: What was the cause of death?


Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy.

"Nurse, where are we going?"

"To the morgue."

"But I haven't died yet!"

"The doc said 'to the morgue' — to the morgue it is!"

"But what is wrong with me?!"

"The autopsy will show!"

The Police are looking into George Michaels' death.

When the press asked if an autopsy would be performed, the coroner was quoted as saying: "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch his body."

The man who invented the Kinder Surprise had died.

The pathologist who does his autopsy is in for a treat.

Two medical students are about to witness an autopsy for the first time...

One asks the other, "What do you think it'll be like?"

The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".

There is a new autopsy club in town and last night it was packed.

It was open mike night.


Autopsy shows Michael Jackson died from food poisoning....

they found a 12 year old wiener stuck in his throat.

What did the lead coroner do when he and the other coroners were asked to perform an autopsy?

He cracked open a cold one with the boys.

A patient complained to his doctor...

"I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."

Autopsy finished on Bruce Forsyth

Official notice : Bruce Forsyth died of a seizure, nice to seizure, to seizure nice

Autopsy confirms George Michael choked on a chocolate bar

It was a Careless Whisper

Michael Jackson's latest autopsy report states that he didn't actually die at home.

He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a stroke.

An autopsy is performed on a potential murder victim

They suspect murder however an autopsy reveals that all of the inside organs are in completely wrong areas, they conclude with he is very disorganised

Good news; Ruth Bader Ginsburg shows no evidence of cancer

...autopsy results revealed.

How do you find out if a dead man has autism?

You give them an autopsy

I found out I'm a necrophiliac.

How, you ask? I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.

not necessary to have a high IQ to be an attorney?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

I always wondered why do people cut themselves

They're just doing and autopsy

We thought my grandmother died in the best way possible.

Peacefully, in her sleep.
But then we done an autopsy and found out we were wrong. She died in the worst way possible.

During an autopsy.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes