Automatically Jokes

Following is our collection of signal humor and permanently one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Automatically puns for adults, dirty appliances jokes or clean autopilot gags for kids.

There is an abundance of automatic jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 26 funniest jokes on automatically. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any automation witze you can hear about automatically.

The Best jokes about Automatically

I invented a new golf ball that'll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches.

Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."

The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."

The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.

An old man goes back to bed ...

And asks his wife " does the light in our bathroom turn on and off automatically ", she replies with "No why?", the old man sighs and says "well.... I'm going to buy a new fridge tomorrow"

Three wives

Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian.

The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemaid. Now she does all that, and I just sit and relax all day long."

The American says: "Well, after we got married, I told my husband the same. Didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with some big appliance. Now it does all that automatically, and I just sit and relax all day long."

The Russian says: "After we got married, I told my husband that I wouldn't do all that either. I didn't see him for a day, two, three. On the fourth day I was finally able to see something with my right eye."

Have you heard about the device that automatically swaps out Xbox discs for you?

It's a game changer.


A routine call to an elderly patient..

A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients.
He asks, And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?
Mr. Johnson replies, I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!
The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.
The doctor tells her, Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…
Mrs. Johnson yells, STEVEN! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The redneck then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

New Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so
I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Every time I walk into a restaurant...

I automatically find the condiments, because my Heinz-sight is 20/20.

When in doubt ...

Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?

Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.

Why do women not propose to men?

Because as soon as a woman goes down on her knees, a man automatically unzips.


Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year...

Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him...

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

I want to name my new band "In search of 72 virgins".

That way people will just automatically assume we are the bomb.

Attempting to Set A New Password


Attempting to Set A New Password:


Website: Sorry that password has expired - you must register a new one.


User: Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?


Website: No, but your password has expired - you must get a new one.


User: Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working
pretty good?


Website: Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire
every 30 days.


User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?


Website: No, you must get a new one.


User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember

.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.


User: OK, roses.


Website: Sorry you must use more letters.


User: OK, pretty roses


Website: No good, you must use at least one number.


User: OK, 1 pretty rose


Website: Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.


User: OK, 1prettyrose
Website: Sorry, you must use additional letters.


User: OK, 1fuckingprettyrose


Website: Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.


User: OK, 1FUCKINGprettyrose


Website: Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.


User: OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose


Website: Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use
additional letters.


User: OK, 1FUCKINGprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow


Website: Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used

Ok, don't panic…

If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.

Automatic light

A husband speaks to his wife after waking up in the morning, frantic.

"Honey, you won't believe it! I went to the bathroom last night and the light turned on automatically! Weird huh?"

Annoyed, she yells at him:

"You crapped in the fridge again!"

This awesome new TV automatically set subtitles to Italian for my Italian girlfriend

I guess the CIA picked up on her hand gestures.

I've invented a golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4 inches.

They work brilliantly, just don't carry them in your back pocket.


Why would Cheap Apple Headphones make great shoelaces?

Because they automatically tie themselves

Men Are Like Bluetooth

Men Are Like Bluetooth…

Always Connected When Wife Is Around…
The Moment Wife Is Away…

They Automatically Starts Searching For New Devices…

NBC

Every time I see or hear anything related to the NBC news network, my brain automatically goes: Nuclear, Biological, Chemical.

Driving home from the bar, one of the boy's was showing off his new self-driving car.

"Look" he said proudly as the car stopped automatically at an intersection.


From the back seat, one of the drunks wakes up to say: "One way or another, don't all cars stop on their own?"

You automatically go Sick-o Mode after having sex with a girl

With AIDS.

A pokemon trainer walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Wow, you're in luck, we're running a contest, and the first to drink 15 bottles of Samuel Adams new lager wins a MagiKarp!"

The trainer replies, "Uhh, who cares? Why would anyone bother competing for a MagiKarp?"

The bartender answers, "Because anyone who drinks Sam Adams automatically gets TM 87"
"What's TM 87?"
"*Swagger*"

A man is alone and lost in the desert.

He takes his phone :
-Hello?
-Please help i'm lost on the desert. This phone automatically calls for the nearest person, what's your location ?
-ISS

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes