The Best 39 Automatic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Automatic jokes. There are some automatic realism jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these automatic robotic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Automatic Jokes and Puns

Why does Lebron James drive automatic?

He has no clutch.

One a Vietnamese game show, two brothers won 5 million dollars cash and an automatic convertible

It was a Nguyen Nguyen situation.

Not to insult any history purists but...

Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?

He hated stall'in.

Automatic joke, Not to insult any history purists but...

Automatic light

A husband speaks to his wife after waking up in the morning, frantic.

"Honey, you won't believe it! I went to the bathroom last night and the light turned on automatically! Weird huh?"

Annoyed, she yells at him:

"You crapped in the fridge again!"

Why were the absurdly dressed chickens escorted from the basketball game?

Because two flagrant fouls is an automatic ejection.


So 3 Nazis walk into a B.A.R.

They all died within 6 seconds. (If you didn't know B.A.R stands for Browning Automatic Rifle.)

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

Automatic joke, Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

What is Polish roulette?

It's similar to Russian roulette, but instead of a revolver it's played with an automatic pistol.

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

What do Emos and automatic lights have in common?

They'll both off themselves eventually.

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

You can explore automatic transmissions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean automatic headlights dad jokes. There are also automatic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call an automatic goalkeeping machine?

Automatic Neuer

Obama calls for greater truck control laws.

Apparently the the truck in France had a fully automatic transmission.

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

I'm opening a store that specializes in selling automatic weapons.

It's called Bloodbath & Beyond

A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him

She texts him : "your new vehicle has been launched".

He replies : " is it with gear stick or automatic?"

Automatic joke, A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him

So a bunch of Japanese soldiers walked into a bar

By bar I mean Browning Automatic Rifle

I feel embarrassed when I mistake a manual sink for an automatic sink...

but I feel pain when I do the same with a door.

I got pretty annoyed by the automatic door earlier.

But I just let it slide.


Automatic light.

HUSBAND: My dear, its like the light in the toilet is now automatic!
WIFE: Wat happened?
HUSBAND: When I open the door the light came on and after I urinated and closed the door the light went off!
WIFE: Drunkard! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Instead of "guys", use "comrades" in your talks at conferences.

It's a good way to get the audience. And maybe automatic recording.

I saw a door that read, Caution: automatic door . At this point in our history, non-automatic doors should read, Caution: regular door .

Tthose are the ones I run into.

For most of human history, our vehicles had an automatic stopping system to take us home and ensure we didn't crash when we were drunk or sleeping.

Then we got rid of the horse.

Never Forget Your Password Again

Set it to "incorrect" so when you type in the wrong password you'll get an automatic reminder:

"Your password is incorrect"

Two members of Welsh rock band The Automatic have quit.

The remaining two now call themselves The Semi-automatic.

An American goes to a shop.

And asks for a full automatic rifle, 40.000 bullets and a pack of penicillin.

The shop owner says: I am sorry sir, I canΒ΄t sell you the penicillin without a prescription.

My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.

It suffers from premature evacuation.

Kalahsnikov is making an electric and a hybrid car.

It'll come in two transmissions: automatic and semi-automatic

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic

Driving an automatic transmission car is like riding a bike

Only two pedals

What do you call a Mexican inside an automatic mysemdjvrajhdfcu&$2. FHA's Jedi wa$iqagegdv yevdesubws😜

Jrnchchcuzkakoaldjvuvvf

What do you call an automatic car that wants to be a manual?

A car with tranny problems

You automatically go Sick-o Mode after having sex with a girl

With AIDS.

I have a BREATHTAKING reminder for y'all

Automatic breathing deactivated.

And blinking too lol

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more…

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, it just won't move at all. After trying to drive at night for a week, with no luck, she furiously calls the dealers and they send out a technician to help...

He examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it, so he asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

Full of anger, she growls, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

Lockdown here in Australia is confusing.

I have no idea what's open or closed anymore. I just walk up to the automatic doors and if my face hits the glass I just turn around and go home.

A 50 year old man is at the gym with his personal trainer when they both see a fit, drop-dead gorgeous woman of about 40 enter.

The man watches as the woman walks to the desk to check in then asks his trainer, "what machine should I use to impress her?"

The trainer looks at the woman then at the man then back at the woman and again more closely at the man and responds, "the Automatic Teller Machine."

I was sitting on an automatic toilet when it malfunctioned and abruptly flushed underneath me…

Scared the shit outta me.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the automatic settings jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working automatic auton piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes