Automatic Jokes

Following is our collection of transmissions humor and realism one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Automatic puns for adults, dirty headlights jokes or clean robotic gags for kids.

There is an abundance of settings jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes on automatic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any auton witze you can hear about automatic.

The Best jokes about Automatic

Obama calls for greater truck control laws.

Apparently the the truck in France had a fully automatic transmission.

So There's This German Driving Game...

...with all these servers for multiplayer. One server has this automatic cheat-detection system that bans players if it thinks they're hacking at all.

Well unfortunately, there's this one stretch of one particular freeway where the road is so bad it blasts drivers off into the sky. The cheat system detects this, thinks they're hacking, and bans them immediately.

This went on for a couple days until one of the admins said, "Okay guys. Vwe have to do something about zis autobahn problem."

A new Supermarket opened near me.....

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

And, just before the mister turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying on the stove.

The veggie department features the smell of freshly buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore

The new supermarket

A new supermarket just opened up nearby.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and
smell fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is
the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled
steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and
cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon
and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked
bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore, though.

Why does Lebron James drive automatic?

He has no clutch.


Not to insult any history purists but...

Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?

He hated stall'in.

Instead of "guys", use "comrades" in your talks at conferences.

It's a good way to get the audience. And maybe automatic recording.

My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.

It suffers from premature evacuation.

Automatic Water Mister

The new neighborhood supermarket has an automatic water mister to Keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore!

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic

Never Forget Your Password Again

Set it to "incorrect" so when you type in the wrong password you'll get an automatic reminder:

"Your password is incorrect"


Automatic light.

HUSBAND: My dear, its like the light in the toilet is now automatic!
WIFE: Wat happened?
HUSBAND: When I open the door the light came on and after I urinated and closed the door the light went off!
WIFE: Drunkard! you have gone to urinate in the FRIDGE again!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I saw a door that read, Caution: automatic door . At this point in our history, non-automatic doors should read, Caution: regular door .

Tthose are the ones I run into.

Automatic light

A husband speaks to his wife after waking up in the morning, frantic.

"Honey, you won't believe it! I went to the bathroom last night and the light turned on automatically! Weird huh?"

Annoyed, she yells at him:

"You crapped in the fridge again!"

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

Kalahsnikov is making an electric and a hybrid car.

It'll come in two transmissions: automatic and semi-automatic

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

Why were the absurdly dressed chickens escorted from the basketball game?

Because two flagrant fouls is an automatic ejection.


An American goes to a shop.

And asks for a full automatic rifle, 40.000 bullets and a pack of penicillin.

The shop owner says: I am sorry sir, I canΒ΄t sell you the penicillin without a prescription.

I have a BREATHTAKING reminder for y'all

Automatic breathing deactivated.


And blinking too lol

A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him

She texts him : "your new vehicle has been launched".

He replies : " is it with gear stick or automatic?"

So a bunch of Japanese soldiers walked into a bar

By bar I mean Browning Automatic Rifle

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

One a Vietnamese game show, two brothers won 5 million dollars cash and an automatic convertible

It was a Nguyen Nguyen situation.

I got pretty annoyed by the automatic door earlier.

But I just let it slide.

Two members of Welsh rock band The Automatic have quit.

The remaining two now call themselves The Semi-automatic.

I'm opening a store that specializes in selling automatic weapons.

It's called Bloodbath & Beyond

For most of human history, our vehicles had an automatic stopping system to take us home and ensure we didn't crash when we were drunk or sleeping.

Then we got rid of the horse.

So 3 Nazis walk into a B.A.R.

They all died within 6 seconds. (If you didn't know B.A.R stands for Browning Automatic Rifle.)

Driving an automatic transmission car is like riding a bike

Only two pedals

What do you call an automatic car that wants to be a manual?

A car with tranny problems

You automatically go Sick-o Mode after having sex with a girl

With AIDS.

What do you call a Mexican inside an automatic mysemdjvrajhdfcu&$2. FHA's Jedi wa$iqagegdv yevdesubws😜

Jrnchchcuzkakoaldjvuvvf

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes