Auto Mechanic Jokes
37 auto mechanic jokes and hilarious auto mechanic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about auto mechanic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Auto Mechanic Short Jokes
Short auto mechanic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The auto mechanic humour may include short car mechanic jokes also.
- [at auto mechanic] \[at auto mechanic\]
MECHANIC: Can I help you?
ME: My car won't start
MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle
ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening? - I'm an auto mechanic... So I can safely say I don't understand the gay agenda.
But I do understand the Trans mission. - A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars. It was an auto body experience.
- An auto mechanic is playing poker and gets dealt a bad hand. He sighs and says manifold :(
- My auto mechanic offered to give me the good news first: "Your glove compartment and sun visors are in excellent condition."
- How did the auto mechanic pass his class on government? He had all the right answers hon da' civics exam!
- Why are auto mechanics flocking to San Francisco? They heard how often residents there tend to blow trannies.
- After Scar was kicked out of the animal kingdom, he got a job fixing car horns at an auto mechanic. Beep repaired
- Why do auto mechanics make the best lovers? Because they know how to s**..., squeeze, bang, blow.
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Auto Mechanic One Liners
Which auto mechanic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with auto mechanic? I can suggest the ones about mechanic and mechanic shop.
- The auto mechanic put my car on the lift without asking me first. That's jacked up.
- You hear about that mechanic who almost died? ... He had an auto-body experience
- I don't understand Auto tune Neither does my mechanic
- How can you tell when an auto mechanic jus had sext One of his fingers is clean!!
Rib-Tickling Auto Mechanic Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about auto mechanic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car repair jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make auto mechanic pranks.
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
A penguin is driving his car when it starts making noise . . .
He takes it to the auto shop, the mechanic says it'll take about an hour. So he goes to the ice cream shop across the street. Penguins love ice cream. He comes back and the mechanic says, "it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says, "No, its just ice cream."
Ice cream
A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
I know the feeling...
An auto mechanic in the hospital was chatting nervously with his surgeon while being prepped for an operation. "Sometimes I wish I'd gone into your line of work," he told the doctor. "Everything you doctors do is so cut and dried and tidy. With me, I spend half a day taking an engine apart and putting it back together, and it seems like I always have a couple of parts left over."
"Yes," said the surgeon. "I know the feeling."
A doctor changes Careers.
A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.
He takes test, and waits for his score.
He gets a 150 out 100. He calls the instructor to find out why he scored it that way.
The instructor says " Well you got 50 points for Diagnosing the issue correctly, 50 points for rebuilding the engine correctly, and 50 points for doing it all thru the exhaust manifold.
A gynecologist decides it's time to hung up his speculum.
A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.
"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."
The blonde and the 710 k**...
A blonde walks into an auto shop to ask a question.
Blonde: I have a k**... under the hood of my car that says 710 on it. It only turns one way and when I turn it, nothing happens. Can you tell me what it does?
Confused, the mechanic says show me.
She takes him out to her car and when the hood is raised, the blonde points to the 710 k**....
The mechanic laughs, rolls his eyes and says Madam, your OIL cap was put on upside down. Have a nice day!
An Eskimo brings his SUV into the shop for repairs.
Mechanic says, "Let me take a look. I'll be with you in a few min." The Eskimo notices they have an ice cream parlor next door, so he heads over while he waits. When he returns to the auto shop, the mechanic stops him and says, "Well... You need a fan belt and it looks like you blew a seal." The Eskimo replies, "Nope. It's just ice cream."
Penguin is having some car trouble so he drops it off at the auto repair shop
Mechanic tells him it might take a while, so the penguin goes down the street to the ice cream shop to pass the time.
When he returns to the repair shop, the mechanic comes out and says, "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin gets an initial horrified look on his face and then laughs, replying "oh, no, haha, that's just ice cream on my chin."
What do you call an auto mechanic who is a female-to-male transgender?
A t**...-fixing t**... fixed-on tran-he.
A gynecologist has a midlife crisis.
He decides to leave the medical profession and become an auto mechanic. He goes to auto mechanic school, and pretty soon it's time for the final exam.
He finishes the exam and is amazed that the instructor has given him a grade of 200. He says to the instructor, "I thought the highest you could score on the test was 100."
"It is, " the instructor replies. "I gave you 50 for taking the engine apart correctly, 50 for putting it back together correctly, and the extra 100 for doing it through the muffler. "
- From The Dirty Joke Book, page 16
Mr Penguin decides to go to the beach...
...as it is a beautiful hot summer day. He packs up the car and drives to the coast. Just before he gets there, the car sputters and backfires, and the engine starts to smoke. He's able to pull into an auto shop, and the mechanic tells him to come back in about 20 minutes.
Mr Penguin decides to walk around and window shop. He soon finds an ice cream parlor and gleefully orders a cone. Since he has flippers he has a hard time holding the cone, and ends up smearing ice cream all over his beak.
Mr Penguin makes it back to the auto shop and the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
And Mr Penguin says "Oh no, I just ate some ice cream."
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic because it has been running rough.
The mechanic tells the penguin that he can check it out to see what the problem is but it will take sometime.
The penguin says "okay," and he heads to the soda shop across the street and gets a soft serve.
After about an hour the penguin goes back to the auto shop. He ask the mechanic how it is looking.
The mechanic says, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak with the back of his flipper and says,"nope. just vanilla ice cream."
The gynecologist decided she wanted to change careers.
So she applied to an auto mechanic school. After completing all the coursework, she took her final exam. After the exam, the professor was handing out the test results. When she got hers, she was thoroughly confused.
"Professor, it says here that I got 150% on my test. There must have been some kind of mistake. There wasn't any extra credit."
"No, that score is correct." said the professor, "The first 50%, that was for taking the motor apart. The second 50% was for putting it back together correctly. The extra 50% I gave because you did it all through the tailpipe."
The Gynecologist had become
fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.
The day of the final exam came. The Dr had to completely rebuild an engine, which he did in record time. When the grades were posted, he was surprised to see that he had achieved a score of 125%. Curious, he spoke to his teacher.
"I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything but how can I have gotten a score above 100%?" he asked.
"Well" said the instructor, 'You took the engine apart perfectly, that accounts for 50% of the grade, you put it back together flawlessly, that accounts for 50% or the grade. The extra 25% is because never in my career have I seen that all done through a four inch exaust pipe!"
A penguin is driving his car through Arizona...
His engine begins to shudder and overheat, so he pulls off at the nearest exit. As luck would have it, there is a small auto repair shop close to the exit. He drops his car off for the mechanic to inspect and notices an ice cream shop just across the street.
Mr. Penguin chooses a vanilla cone and due to his lack of suitable appendages, gets ice cream all over his face. Upon finishing his cone, he returns to the mechanic to pick up his car. As he approaches the shop the mechanic approaches him and exclaims, "Looks like you blew a seal!" to which Mr. Penguin replies, "Oh no! It's just ice cream, I swear!"
A penguin is driving his car...
A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
