Auto Jokes
143 auto jokes and hilarious auto puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about auto that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of hilarious jokes about cars and auto parts! Find laughs from all your favorite vehicles, whether they're manual or automatic, grand theft auto or Das Auto. Get a chuckle out of auto insurance, auto parts or even Volkswagen jokes!
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Funniest Auto Short Jokes
Short auto jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The auto humour may include short vehicle jokes also.
- What does Grand Theft Auto and Europe in the 1930s have in common? If you have a star, you're being chased
- If I ever opened a car repair shop, I would call it "Auto-Correct". Then I'd paint the floor with those red squiggly lines...
- Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'
- A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo." The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."
- Ruth and Johnny Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly.
- Def leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.
Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me. - My father works as a statistician at Ford. He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.
- My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car. She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!
- [at auto mechanic] \[at auto mechanic\]
MECHANIC: Can I help you?
ME: My car won't start
MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle
ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening? - Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush. Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
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Auto One Liners
Which auto one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with auto? I can suggest the ones about motor and cars.
- Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
- Why do orphans play Grand Theft Auto So they can be wanted.
- I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography
- The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey.
- What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.
- When she texts "I Love You"... but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"
- Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car? It's the Mach-E Auto.
- I hear they took Aaron Hernandez out of Madden and put him in Grand Theft Auto V.
- Why did Walter White go to the auto repair shop? Because he was Braking Bad.
- What did the crew do when Blackbeard died? Switched on the auto-pirate.
- The auto mechanic put my car on the lift without asking me first. That's jacked up.
- What would you have if all autos in the US were painted pink? A Pink Car Nation!
- You hear about that mechanic who almost died? ... He had an auto-body experience
- Shouldn't Henry Ford have written an auto-biography?
- Why aren't there any baby Transformers? Because Auto-Bots pull out!
Auto Correct Jokes
Here is a list of funny auto correct jokes and even better auto correct puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the auto-correct programmer who lost his job? He was fried.
- I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day. Abort*
Sorry, I hate auto correct. - The person who wrote the auto-correct logic was killed in a bizarre farming accident. Rest in Pieces!
- I hate auto correct. It can go straight to he'll.
- Why does auto-correct capitalize everything? I prefer communism
- 5% of the time I make typing mistakes while messaging english speaking friends and 95% the German auto-correction will just.. Flicken es...
- What do you call a computer that auto corrects all slurs? A pc pc.
- Mr. Singh, why do you look sad? People who write to me tend to have their spell-checker and auto-correct on.
- Whoever invented auto-correct, can go to hello.
- When you turn off auto correct ALL LOPE IS HOST!
Auto Mechanic Jokes
Here is a list of funny auto mechanic jokes and even better auto mechanic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A person walks into an auto shop and says I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.
The car mechanic thinks for a few moments says, OK, that seems like a fair trade. - I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars. It was an auto body experience.
- An auto mechanic is playing poker and gets dealt a bad hand. He sighs and says manifold :(
- I don't understand Auto tune Neither does my mechanic
- My auto mechanic offered to give me the good news first: "Your glove compartment and sun visors are in excellent condition."
- How did the auto mechanic pass his class on government? He had all the right answers hon da' civics exam!
- After Scar was kicked out of the animal kingdom, he got a job fixing car horns at an auto mechanic. Beep repaired
Grand Theft Auto Jokes
Here is a list of funny grand theft auto jokes and even better grand theft auto puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got bored the other day so I decided to play a game of grand theft auto The local police did NOT appreciate that
- Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying "excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians". Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop.
- Play a real life version of 'Grand Theft Auto' By spending the day in Manchester.
- PokemonGo became old, I am more excited for... Grand Theft Auto GO.
- Rockstar has pretty much confirmed it's making a new Red Dead ... ... Grand Theft Auto V dlc with new customizable skins inspired by attire in the famous western-themed game.
- What do you call an Argentinian victim of grand theft auto? Carlos
- I have a Yelp Page My restaurant, Grand Theft Auto, is doing well, but I can't seem to get 5 stars
- What do you call it when two big polish guy's push a car? Grand theft Auto
- What do you call a game about The Purge? Grand Theft Auto
Auto Repair Jokes
Here is a list of funny auto repair jokes and even better auto repair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts? Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.
Cheeky Auto Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about auto you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean manual jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make auto pranks.
We'll We'll We'll...
...if it isn't autocorrect...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Autocorrect is a great feature...
but it can also be your worst e**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happened when the car took l**...?
It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!
why do automotive line workers like the 1st Amendment.
It gives them the right to assemble.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... Asphyxiation....
How do you even get into something like that? Do you just jump in head first or do you have someone show you the ropes?
Automatic light
A husband speaks to his wife after waking up in the morning, frantic.
"Honey, you won't believe it! I went to the bathroom last night and the light turned on automatically! Weird huh?"
Annoyed, she yells at him:
"You crapped in the fridge again!"
when she gives me her autograph
I love it when she signs the restraining order without dotting the i with a heart, playing hard to get I see!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...
They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.
So a Hipster goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Smart Car.
The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Autocorrect can be a real birch.
d**...!
How much does automail cost?
An arm and a leg.
Autoerrection has saved my life
Autocorrect is like my girlfriend.
It always changes what I said to something I didn't mean.
Autocorrect:
Can't live with it, can't live meow it.
I Am Using Your Wife.
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
Autocorrect is horrible...
I'm so tired of this shirt
Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?
Because they don't come with a manual
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does autocorrect and women have in common?
They both jump to concussion
Autopsy confirms george michael choked on a chocolate bar
It was a Careless Whisper
An Eskimo brings his SUV into the shop for repairs.
Mechanic says, "Let me take a look. I'll be with you in a few min." The Eskimo notices they have an ice cream parlor next door, so he heads over while he waits. When he returns to the auto shop, the mechanic stops him and says, "Well... You need a fan belt and it looks like you blew a seal." The Eskimo replies, "Nope. It's just ice cream."
Why do the Autobots have a positive outlook on the future?
Because their leader is Optimist Prime.
A Polish man read...
That 90% of fatal auto accidents happen within 10 miles of home. As the father of two teenage drivers, he picked up and moved the family 25 miles away to be extra safe.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call white people pushing a car up a hill?
w**....
What do you call asian people pushing a car up a hill?
Asian power.
What do you call mexicans pushing a car up a hill?
Grand theft auto.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When do you known that Chinese Americans are moving into the neighborhood?
All the Mexicans are buying auto insurance .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Autopsy shows Michael Jackson died from food poisoning....
they found a 12 year old wiener stuck in his t**....
Auto-cannibalists come off as way too prideful.
They're so full of themselves.
jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.
They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil
What was under Prince's autopsy table?
Purple Drain
Autocorrect Inspired Poem
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
Haiku na Mattatta
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... asphyxiation is the biggest gamble
You don't know whether you're c**... or going
I got a flat tire recently...
I was lucky enough to have spotted it before I was able to drive off to my local bowling alley. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have any extra tires on me, nor was I willing to go to my local auto shop and get one.
Fortunately, I did have the bowling ball and 10 pins I was planning on bringing with me, so all I had to do was knock down 9 pins with the bowling ball, and then knock down the last one to get a spare.
What did the autocomplete say when it was asked to start a fire?
No matches found.
I just rented a car from an auto rental in Berlin and I seem to have a little problem with the satnav
It only shows me the route to Poland.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know, I'm into auto e**... asphyxiation, but there is one downside.
You can never really tell if your coming or going.
A Tesla drives into a bar...
due to Auto Pilot malfunction...
I know the feeling...
An auto mechanic in the hospital was chatting nervously with his surgeon while being prepped for an operation. "Sometimes I wish I'd gone into your line of work," he told the doctor. "Everything you doctors do is so cut and dried and tidy. With me, I spend half a day taking an engine apart and putting it back together, and it seems like I always have a couple of parts left over."
"Yes," said the surgeon. "I know the feeling."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What'd they call the movie about auto e**... asphyxiation?
Die Hard
Autocorrect often makes me write things I don't Nintendo
But Sony if I'm not careful
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't need s**... because....
My auto correct ducks me daily.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Here's a pretty good joke about your pet marine mammal having s**... in an auto parts store.
Your welcome in advance.
Autopilot really won't replace good, high paying jobs for airline captains...
I talked to one who said his career was just taking off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.
It suffers from p**... evacuation.
Autocorrect has friend zoned me.
It said that it loves me like a brothel.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Chief Auto Parts change the company's name?
i**... trouble
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't want my son buying Grand Theft Auto. Having s**... with prostitutes, stealing from innocent people, driving recklessly...
I can teach him about these for free.
Autocomplete isn't perfect, it has its prostitutes.
Problems*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was going to tell a joke about auto e**... asphixiation.
But i wouldn't hold my breath.
Tesla's autopilot doesn't like Malevitch
If it's white on white, they'll just ignore it.
What's an automobiles favorite article of clothing?
A CARdigan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend is so s**...
I took a cab to his house and he was all worried I was going to get the coronavirus. I told him not to worry. I have auto immune disease.
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.
Is it because of the fowl language?
AutoCAD Conspiracy.
I'm always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD... they always seem to be plotting something.
Why do the Autobots do their Christmas shopping at night?
Because that's when they get pajamas on Prime.
It's okay, even I would downvote this.
The autopsy report came back from the inmate who hung himself in his cell
He had the Epstein-behindBarrs virus
A gynecologist decides it's time to hung up his speculum.
A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled in auto mechanic school.
He performed well in the course but was still shocked when he got an off-the-chart 200 on his final exam. He asked the instructor to explain the grade.
"I gave you 50 points for taking the engine apart correctly," the teacher said, "50 points for putting it back together correctly -- and an extra 100 points for doing it all through the muffler."
Autocorrect walks into a bar
DUCK!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some one told me to leave my auto correct on
I told them to e**... ash
