Autistic Jokes

Following is our collection of aspergers humor and aut one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Autistic puns for adults, dirty asd jokes or clean unvaccinated gags for kids.

There is an abundance of spectrum jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on autistic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any autist witze you can hear about autistic.

The Best jokes about Autistic

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead.

I told my son he couldn't get a fidget spinner because his dad and I have tried so hard to make sure he didn't become autistic...

Unfortunately he died of measles a couple days ago

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar

The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

Do you know why more vaccinated than unvaccinated children have autism?

Because you have to be alive to be autistic

Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

TIL that children that don't get vaccines are actually less likely to be autistic

Cause they're more likely to be dead.

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"

First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

A son says to his father...

A son says to his father "Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"

The father replies "No son, you're autistic."

What do you call a stick with autism?


At what age does the average 4chan user find out they're autistic?


Are you made of gold, titanium, sulfur, and carbon?

Because you're AuTiSTiC.

I used to think my drawings made me autistic...

it turns out my Grandma was just from Boston.

I let the autistic kid have my seat on the bus.

And that, is how I lost my job _and_ my license.

What is slowly making a comeback?

The autistic child i just insulted.

My autistic 7 year-old battling cancer told me this joke while adopting a shelter puppy

I let my kids play only with the autistic children.

That way I know for sure they've been vaccinated.

My mom told me I was autistic

But I'm not good at drawing.

I used have a friend who was on the spectrum

I asked him, On what spectrum, the electromagnetic spectrum?

He responded, No, I'm autistic.

So I responded, So what, you don't understand jokes?

If you're German and autistic?

Wouldn't you be auschwitztic?

What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?

A clock!
One provides the tic, the other provides the talk

Credit to my Autistic Big Bro

Worst pickup lines

I must be autistic, because you've been running through my mind all day.

A grown man called me autistic today.

Never talking to my psychiatrist again.

What's for dinner when a cannibal cooks up an autistic person?


After extensive research, I've concluded that unvaccinated children will have a higher chance of not being on the Autistic Spectrum

Instead, they have a considerable higher chance of being dead...

My teacher told me that I am unique

But when I told my mom what my teacher said she replied," Sweetie, just because you are autistic doesn't make you special".

My friend told me that I must be autistic for not vaccinating my children.

It's such a shame that people still don't know how autism works.

It's true that vaccinated kids have higher chances of becoming autistic

Because they actually live to develop it

Being autistic is a bit like being a photon...

Getting from here to someplace else is instantaneous, but what happens in between is incomprehensible.

(source: am autistic)

What was the autistic kid on the floor doing?

His best

I gave some autistic kids weed...

And now I have baked potatoes.

Roses are red

Violets are violet

This makes no sense

Autistic pilot

I shouldn't make blanket statements about autistic people but…

a lot of them do enjoy being wrapped in blankets.

What do you call an autistic soldier?

Special forces.

I beat up a British man today for calling me autistic.

Turns out he just really likes my drawings.

Results show that unvaccinated children are much less likely of turning out autistic.

Because they're dead.

What do you call a group of autistic soldiers?

Special Forces

You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?

You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.

He's dead now but at least he's not autistic

A british man reviewed my art the other day

He said I was very autistic. How mean!

Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?

He was way too autistic for his own good.

How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder?

Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

I saw an autistic kid being beat up by three guys. I couldn't just stand there.

There was no way he stood a chance against all four of us.

An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar

You only know because they mention it every other sentence

What was the autistic boy doing on the ground?

His best.

Why do autistic kids solve math problems for fun?

Because they enjoy being mentaly challenged.

What did the Jewish Bostonian woman declare to her Sunday bridge group about her recent knitting project?

"I'm so AUtistic!"

Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?

I have an autistic nephew...

and I'm starting to think my dog is autistic as well because she also barks at the vacuum.

What do you call a Minecraft server run for autistic children?

A regular Minecraft server.

You know, all autistic people have had vaccines..

Because if they didn't they would be dead.

What do you call an autistic Jew?


What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever?

Mercury Rising.

What did the white police officer say to the black transvestite gay married bisexual autistic handicapped veteran?

We won't know until the internal investigation is completed.

What company did the autistic man start?

Charter Spectrum

What do you call an autistic metal band?


I work with an autistic kid. The other day I drew something terribly on the computer screen and told him I'm artistic

He said me too I'm on the spectrum.

I'm probably the best artist in my class...

...yet my British art teacher keeps calling me autistic.

They told me I was altruistic...

...I gave all my stuff away before I found out they misspelled Autistic :(

Why was the 4 year old autistic child crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis.


An autistic person with an erection walks into a wall, what hits the wall first?

Feeling strange, Mr. Bond?

That's because my assistant just injected you with the measles vaccine. You're autistic now.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes