Autism Jokes

Following is our collection of measles humor and autistic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Autism puns for adults, dirty vaccinate jokes or clean vaccination gags for kids.

There is an abundance of spectrum jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes on autism. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any epilepsy witze you can hear about autism.

The Best jokes about Autism

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

You have to be alive to have autism.

Do you know why more vaccinated than unvaccinated children have autism?

Because you have to be alive to be autistic

Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

The unvaccinated die before they get the chance

Autism joke, Vaccinated kids are more likely to develop autism

Vaccinated children have a higher chance of getting autism.

After all, you have to be alive to get autism.

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

"Mom, why didn't you vaccinate me?"

"I didn't want you to get autism, honey."

"Thanks mom. I could have not survived having autism and polio at the same time."

TIβ€Œβ€ŒL Childreβ€Œβ€Œn whβ€Œβ€Œo arβ€Œβ€Œe unvaccinateβ€Œβ€Œd arβ€Œβ€Œe lesβ€Œβ€Œs likelβ€Œβ€Œy tβ€Œβ€Œo havβ€Œβ€Œe autism.

Yoβ€Œβ€Œu havβ€Œβ€Œe tβ€Œβ€Œo bβ€Œβ€Œe alivβ€Œβ€Œe tβ€Œβ€Œo havβ€Œβ€Œe autism.β€Œβ€Œ

Autism joke,

I installed anti virus software on my computer

Now my computer has autism

People give anti-vaxxers a hard time, but they gave us one important thing...

A control group for our studies confirming that vaccines do not cause autism.

I installed anti-virus on my PC

Now the damned thing has autism.

What do you call a stick with autism?


The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"

After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:

"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"

did you know that more vaccinated people have autism then unvaccinated?

because the unvaccinated are dead.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism?

Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.

Did you know unvaccinated children are less likely to have autism?

Cause they are more likely to be dead.

Autism joke, Did you know unvaccinated children are less likely to have autism?

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools' Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

Anti vaccinated kids show no sign of autism

Because autism isn't detected until age 3

Unvaccinated children are less likely to have autism

Because they're more likely to be dead

If I had a vaccine for every bullshit news article that's been spread about by stay at home moms on Facebook

I would have autism.

A New Scientific Study on Vaccines

A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults

So an anti-vaxxer tells me that vaccines cause autism.

So I reply "Oh, so you've gotten vaccinated, then?"

~~Sorry if it's a terrible joke.~~
No regrets

Many top scientists are on the autism spectrum..

And that means that autism causes vaccines.

Did you hear about the new anti-vaxxer relationship counseling book?

Men are from Mars, Autism is from Mercury.

What do kids with autism get when you vaccinate them?

To live

A new study came out today showing that kids who are NOT vaccinated are actually more likely to have autism.

Turns out autism is hereditary.

All of the parents who claim that vaccines cause autism have nothing to be afraid of.

You can't get autism twice.

You know, I heard listening to Queen has been scientifically proven to give people autism.

Apparently because of the unusually high Mercury content.

I was just told I've been diagnosed with autism

I'm not sure how to react to that

I'm an anti vaccine activist, and didn't vaccinate my children.

They're all dead, but at least they don't have autism!

You know about that rumor, that vaccines cause autism?

Don't worry, it'll die down in around three years or so.

What do you call a puppy with autism?


I vaccinated my brother a year ago, but it didn't work...

Still doesn't have autism.

My friend told me that I must be autistic for not vaccinating my children.

It's such a shame that people still don't know how autism works.

How do you blow an anti vaxxers mind?

Invent the cure for autism

What do you call an albino hog with autism?

Pigmentally Challenged

My doctor just diagnosed me with autism

I don't know whether to laugh or cry

Why were the anti-vaxxing parents crying?

They found out autism is genetic

How many Anti-Vaxxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As a mother, I choose not to screw it in. Light bulbs are dangerous weapons created by the Soviet Union, and I will not screw it in; it could severely hurt my child. As everyone knows, light bulbs are the principle source of autism in this world, and I have to take a stand on it.

I didn't vaccinate any of my kids and none of them got autism.

None of them lived past the age of 2, but that's beside the point.

How did the vaccine cause autism?

It didn't

Concerning Michael Flynn

The real question on republicans minds right now: what happens to the validity of Flynn's testimony when he gets autism after receiving immunity?

Friend of mine is gay and also found out he has Autism

He can't even think straight

Growing up we used to vaccinate each other by going "Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now I got a cootie shot."

Which explains why so many of my classmates had autism.

TIL that vaccines contain a small amount of mercury, a chemical component that leads to autism.

-Idiotic Soccer Mom, 2k16

How do you find out if a dead man has autism?

You give them an autopsy


Autism Speaks

FUN FACT: people who aren't vaccinated have a 0% chance of getting autism!

Because they're dead.

I Told my friends vaccines cause autism before they were going to vaccinate, and they proved me right!!

They don't talk to me anymore.

Everybody in my family has a disorder. My mom's depressed, my dad has ADHD, and my brother has autism.

There's nothing wrong with me though. I'm perfect.

It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism...

It's because of the high Mercury content.

There's a high proportion of people with ASD in scientific fields.

Autism causes vaccines.

Unvaccinated kids are more likely to not have autism.

Because they'll be dead

There was this huge autism conference for physiologists.

Sadly it fell through due to communication problems.

Vaccinations do not cause autism...

You have to be alive to have autism.

There might be something to this idea that vaccinations cause autism. I don't have kids...

But my dog is nearly five and she's still not talking.

I really hate anti-vaxxers

They must all have autism after being vaccinated

I tried to create an account on a website with my username being a boy that has autism from my favorite childhood TV show. It stopped me and said

"No special characters allowed in username."

What's the most ironic organization name in the country?

Autism *Speaks*

April is autism awareness month

Anyone here aware they have autism

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes