Authority Jokes

Following is our collection of personnel humor and transparency one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Authority puns for adults, dirty permission jokes or clean committee gags for kids.

There is an abundance of breakdown jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 33 funniest jokes on authority. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any supremacy witze you can hear about authority.

The Best jokes about Authority

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

A man with authority walks into a bar...

Orders everyone a round

Why do lesbians prefer going to Sports Authority?

They don't like Dicks...

Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority..

Because they hate Dick's

Why did the lesbian go to Sports Authority?

because she didn't like dicks.


My boss fired me.

"Why?" I asked.

He said, "You always question authority."


I said, "How?"

Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dicks.

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas...

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . . . .

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored

before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs . . . . . "Your Badge, show him your Badge!"


Familiarity on the job.

A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority?

Because they don't like dicks.

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station...

The other's a busty crustacean!

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office...

"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Why did Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, say he doesn't shop at Sports Authority?

Because he prefers Dick's.

Why doesnt justin bieber shop at Sports Authority?

Cause he prefers Dicks.

A police officer stops at a local ranch

He talks with the old rancher, and tells him." I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs".
The rancher says, " OKay, but do not go in that field over there," as he is pointing out the location the police officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me".
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the rancher.
" See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land ... have I made myself clear".

The rancher apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.

A short time later the old rancher hears loud screaming,
looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.

"Your badge, Show him your badge!"


Deputy Investigation goes Wrong.

WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation





A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer who's the owner.



He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for illegal grown marijuana.'



The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'



The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says,



"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land". "No questions asked or answers given". "Have I made myself clear!!??" "Do you understand!!??"



The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.



Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy running for his life and close behind is the a huge breeder bull.



With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.



The officer is clearly terrified.



The old farmer immediately throws down his **** fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....





"Your badge! Show him your F**king badge!"

did i ever tell you about the time that i was contacted by a former partner who was working in italy via the money transfer service i was using?

I was not ready when my ex communicated by the paypal authority

So Sports Authority is going out of business.

I hear their competitors are real Dicks.

Something you don't know about me - I'm an authority on wasp sounds.

Anyway I was out for the day and it started to rain. So I wandered into a junk shop, I was looking through the records, the LPs were of no interest so I looked in the singles. Johnny Mathis, Val Doonican, Wasp sounds fro...wait! What's this? "Wasp Sounds From Around The World!" I want this! It's only 50cents! So asked the guy in the shop to play it, just so I know it's OK. "Yes, of course!". Then it started to play...Bzzzz...Bzzwzzz...Wzzzzz..." etc. Anyway it finished. I said to the guy "I'm a world authority on wasp sounds but there's not a single wasp on there. "Oh! That's odd!" he said. Then "Aha! I know why! I played the bee side!"

Why do lesbians shop at sports authority?

They don't like dicks

Does Obama have the authority to give away the Internet?

When asked to comment, President Obama responded "Yes, ICANN"

Sports Authority must be a publisher now...

..All I hear now are discussions about Chapter 7 and Chapter 11!

Take 4 right hand turns if you are being followed in your car

I read on Reddit that if you think you are being followed, you should take 4 right-hand turns and then see whether that car is still behind you. I recently experienced this fear, and so I took 8 right hand turns out of an abundance of caution and then checked the rear-view mirror. Sure enough, that car was still there, right behind me!

I told the next authority figure I could find, but the parking deck attendant just took my ticket, looked at me funny, and closed her window, so I drove away...

Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?

Because they're afraid of Dicks!

I have issues with authority. I also have issues with electric potential.

Every time I see lightning I wanna know who put the clouds in charge.

You know there's a kinda of religious authority that's made up of simians who open doors?

Yeah, the monk-keys

What do communist dictators and mods have in common?

One blatantly pushes around their authority and silences all who ask questions, the other tries to run a Marxist country.

Why doesn't Aaron Rodgers shop at Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dicks.

Why didn't Dave shop at Sports Authority?

Because he likes Dick's

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes