The Best 53 Authorities Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Authorities jokes. There are some authorities agency jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these authorities disappearance puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Authorities Jokes and Puns

One day I took my pet eagle to school...

But everyone made fun of me and the school authorities took my eagle and complained my parents.

So the next day I took my desert eagle to school.

I don't understand how Authorities can tell us that we "Can't Negotiate with terrorists..."

I just got a free can of Coke with my kebab...

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

Authorities joke, In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Helicopter crash

A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?

Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...


Art Thief

An art thief pulls off an incredible heist at the Louvre. He loads a bunch of priceless paintings in the back of his van and drives off.

He is about to make the perfect getaway when his van suddenly stops. The authorities nab him, and one of them asks "what happened to the van?"

The thief replies:

"I did not have the Monet

to buy Degas

to make the Van Gogh"

Took a Cab Home

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with all of you about drinking and driving.

As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several drinks of Scotch followed by some rather nice red wine... a dry Chianti I think it was. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before, I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I'm not sure what to do with it.

Authorities joke, Took a Cab Home

A fox snuck into the chicken coup last night and killed them all...

Authorities were unsure whether to label it a coup d'etat or a henocide...

There was a body of a man found in a manhole in New York.

Authorities determined his death was a sewercide.

Massacre between rival musicians at the Symphony Orchestra today, .

Authorities have condemned this act of Violins

If you have a radio or a device that acts like a radio, you should contact the authorities.

Because it's radioactive.

You can explore authorities fbi reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean authorities espionage dad jokes. There are also authorities puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

Someone stole all the toilet seats at the station!

Authorities have nothing to go on.

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

A dwarf who is a mystic escapes from jail.

The local authorities warned the people of a small medium at large

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

Authorities joke, Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

Authorities fear 'affluenza' teen may have fled the country, but vow: 'We're going to find you'

... and give you a stern talking-to.

After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.

The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'

Two boys were arrested...

Two boys were arrested -- one was drinking battery acid, and one was eating fireworks.
The authorities charged one and let one off.


The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said...

... he did it for the Kix.

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg.

Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery.

Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy

Gang Rape

testing the water to see if I get referred to the local authorities also, inspired by someone else with a rape joke

Did you hear about the crazy train that went on a killing spree?

Authorities believe it had a loco motive.

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a suicide plumber

I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman

Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?

A Mexican man has been running away from the cops for 3 days...

The authorities stated that he is a Juan-ted man

Authorities have released the name of the United passenger from yesterday's incident

Soo Yoo

Doctor of death!

Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.

A training plane with 4 people crashes

into a graveyard. 79 victims were found dead in the first hour of search and rescue. Authorities fear that the number may rise.

Seems like authorities are reporting a plane has exploded carrying vintage 80s Japanese cars ...

It's raining Datsun cogs

At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe she is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. She is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

Captain Morgan now facing sexual assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

Authorities discover that Tom Hanks has killed thousands of people

with kindness

A man died today.

Authorities found $27 billion dollars at his home in Nigeria... Apparently he had been trying to give it away for 15 years, but no one would respond to his emails.

Have you watched the news lately?

They say theres a mexican train killer on the loose.

The authorities say he's got loco-motives.

Name Change

A guy goes to the municipal authorities asking to change his name.
- You, Sir, need to have a serious reason to change your name, what's yours?
- Well, my name is John Shitson.
- Oh, I see, it's a valid reason. So, what do you want to change your name to?
- Peter Shitson.

I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...

authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up in France?

Authorities say there's nothing left but de Brie

The authorities caught the dying battery

He was not charged

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

Today the authorities busted the local T-Rex shop, causing a huge uproar amongst the dinosaur community

Apparently he was a small-arms dealer

Two mexicans attempted to rob an old train for its parts

Authorities say it's a loco motive

a mexican was kidnapped and taken to one of the florida keys as prisoner, one day he found a phone and was able to contact the authorities, when asked where he was, he said:

Akey

The police were called to a NASCAR event when belligerent fans became violent after being asked to remove the Confederate flags they had brought to the event.

Authorities believe it to be race-related.

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor wanted for murder?

The authorities are saying he had loco motives.

A new disease in France turns people into bread.

French authorities are unable to contain the spread, and the disease begins to make its way through Europe and to the rest of the world.

It's a paindemic.

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

I work as a comedian in China, and the authorities are always vetting my material.

>!everythIng is Always Moderated wIthiN a Justified mAnner, precIse and Legitimate. !<

Authorities unveil the the rioter who tazed himself to death in the balls has been charged.

Charged in the nards

A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....

Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...

The Mosque denied all responsibility!

So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!

The case is hereby dismissed!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the authorities departments jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working authorities forensic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes