Author Jokes

Following is our collection of mockingbird humor and literature one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Author puns for adults, dirty journal jokes or clean fiction gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tolkein jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes on author. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any series witze you can hear about author.

The Best jokes about Author

My author friend claims that he 'accidentally' glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him.

But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.

Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.

JK. Rolling

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar.

*[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

What if Thor become Gold Thor?

He will become an Author.


Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

What did the erotic novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.

What did he get from his publisher?

A hard copy.

A Pole, a German and a Russian go to prison...

A Pole, a German and a Russian are sent to prison. They each receive a 50-year sentence with no parole. The guard, when putting them in their cells, shows mercy on them and offers to give each of them a small supply of their favourite things to occupy their times. The Pole picks a collection of books by his favourite author, the German picks a case of strong beer, and the Russian picks a huge pack of cigarettes. After the 50 years pass, the guard checks on his prisoners. The Pole thanks the guard for allowing him to gain knowledge in his time, the German complains that he ran out of alcohol a week into his sentence, and the Russian asks the guard for a lighter.

A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words.

He received a short sentence.

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter


Did you hear about the author who got half the length of all of his fingers chopped off?

He writes everything in shorthand now

The author of what's been described as the world's worst thesaurus has dismissed the comments.

He's described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

Too many authors to cite?

No problem et al.

Authorities have released the name of the United passenger from yesterday's incident

Soo Yoo

Turkish gallows humor

A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.

JK

Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper?

Knott, et al.

What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery?

A semi-colon


In Turkey, a prisoner goes to the prison library and asks for a book.

The librarian answers Unfortunately, we do not have the book here. But the author.

Understanding Women

A FATHER SAYS TO HIS SON :
"MY BOY, WHEN YOU ACCUMULATE THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY A PIZZA IS BAKED ROUND,
PUT IN A SQUARE BOX , EATEN IN TRIANGLES, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. "
Author Unknown

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

Who's the top selling author in Russia?

Salman Rush B

A boy brought his new book to show his friend....

He boasts to his friend: "The author must have been very thorough when he wrote this book, he took 10 years to write it!"

"That's nothing", the friend replies, "have you heard of the man who was sent to prison and took 20 years to finish a sentence?"

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month?

It was a period piece.

What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?

Author

Did you guys hear about the frog that became a best-selling author?

His work was absolutely ribbiting.

What did the neckbeard call the children's author who was rubbing his back?

*M'Seuss*

Something you don't know about me - I'm an authority on wasp sounds.

Anyway I was out for the day and it started to rain. So I wandered into a junk shop, I was looking through the records, the LPs were of no interest so I looked in the singles. Johnny Mathis, Val Doonican, Wasp sounds fro...wait! What's this? "Wasp Sounds From Around The World!" I want this! It's only 50cents! So asked the guy in the shop to play it, just so I know it's OK. "Yes, of course!". Then it started to play...Bzzzz...Bzzwzzz...Wzzzzz..." etc. Anyway it finished. I said to the guy "I'm a world authority on wasp sounds but there's not a single wasp on there. "Oh! That's odd!" he said. Then "Aha! I know why! I played the bee side!"

Author Unknown

"A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense."

Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?

In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -

"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."

But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the punchline is but can't.

The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author

When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.

Who's your favourite fantasy author?

Mine is Karl Marx

Authorities discover that Tom Hanks has killed thousands of people

with kindness

What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common?

They both create a lot of plotholes.

This book of incantations is useless.

The author failed to run a spell check.

Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be

J. K. Rowling over in her grave.

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case

Check out his story!

I'm actually a very close personal friend of the author of Harry Potter.

jk

Who authorizes all U.S. naval special operations?

The SEAL of approval.

Why did 'Civil Disobedience' take so long to write?

The author was being Thoreau

Where do authors buy their Deus Ex Machinas?

At the convenience store!

The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today.

RIP Ewan Whosarmy

I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns...

The author classified the book as "non-friction"

Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter?

Because he killed all the 140 characters.

Seems like authorities are reporting a plane has exploded carrying vintage 80s Japanese cars ...

It's raining Datsun cogs

how do authors cross an ocean?

in a penmanship!!!

The authorities caught the dying battery

He was not charged

What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup?

The plot thickens!

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

Who is the conjoined twin pirates' favorite author?

George Arrgh Arrgh Martin

The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said...

... he did it for the Kix.

Authorized, Bona Fide, Established...

those are some Legit synonyms.

What do authors do when they are being chased?

They make like Dr. Jekyll and Hyde!

An author signs up to do a lot of lectures around the world...

...but gets electrocuted after only three.

It was a short circuit.

If I was an author I would make my pen name...

*Page Turner.*

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes