Author Jokes

112 author jokes and hilarious author puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about author that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover hilarious jokes about authors and their books! We've collected the funniest jokes about authors, publishers, novels and more - perfect for bookworms looking for a good laugh. No matter your literary tastes, these jokes will have you mockingbird-ing!

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Funniest Author Short Jokes

Short author jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The author humour may include short writer jokes also.

  1. My author friend claims that he 'accidentally' glued himself to his autobiography, but I don't believe him. But that's his story, and he's sticking to it.
  2. Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
  3. Last night I dreamed I was the author of The Lord of the Rings. I've been Tolkien in my sleep.
  4. Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week. Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.
  5. A hole has been discovered in the fence that surrounds a nudist camp. Authorities are looking into it.
  6. A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
  7. Thinking of changing my name to Authorized Personnel Imagine the places I could go with a name like that.
  8. Did you hear about the lego truck that crashed on the highway? Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...
  9. I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?
  10. Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'mafia' concrete..... ....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

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Author One Liners

Which author one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with author? I can suggest the ones about editor and avatar.

  1. How does the author of harry potter get down a hill? By walking. JK. Rolling
  2. What is the highest religious authority among oranges called? The Pulp.
  3. A man with authority walks into a bar... Orders everyone a round
  4. What's an author's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird.
    (Yes I know it's horrible :P)
  5. What if Thor become Gold Thor? He will become an Author.
  6. Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book? It was Wei Tu Long.
  7. Someone stole all the toilet seats at the station! Authorities have nothing to go on.
  8. Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury? HG Wells.
  9. What is it called when a novelist has joint pain? Authoritis
  10. What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth? Hg Wells
  11. What do you call a female author? paige Turner
  12. Why doesn't the bible have an "about the author"? It was written by a holy-ghostwriter
  13. Too many authors to cite? No problem et al.
  14. Which Russian author never paid his respects? Dusty F Key
  15. Author Unknown "A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense."

Books And Author Jokes

Here is a list of funny books and author jokes and even better books and author puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words. He received a short sentence.
  • Turkish Joke A prisoner goes to the warden and asks for a book. The guard makes a phone call then says:
    We don't have the book but we have the author across the hall.
  • Read a book about gay marriage in Ireland The authors' names are: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
  • Turkish gallows humor A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."
  • Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today. JK
  • What happens when the God Of Thunder starts writing books? He becomes an author.
  • Did you hear about the author who writes using invisible ink? Here's a list of his books:
  • In Turkey, a prisoner goes to the prison library and asks for a book. The librarian answers Unfortunately, we do not have the book here. But the author.
  • I just got done writing a book! I think I have authoritis...
  • Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month? It was a period piece.

Book And Author Jokes

Here is a list of funny book and author jokes and even better book and author puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What book are you reading? Some new Danish author.
  • What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books? Author
  • This book of incantations is useless. The author failed to run a spell check.
  • The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today. RIP Ewan Whosarmy
  • Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case Check out his story!
  • I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns... The author classified the book as "non-friction"
  • What happens if you write too many books? What?
    You will get author-itis.
  • I appreciate it when authors decide to go for an embossed cover on their book It's always a nice touch
  • Several clergy have co-authored a new book. Its titled, "Ministers Do More Than Lay People"
  • The author of the Harry Potter books was trying so hard to be funny. But it wasn't funny to me. J.K. I was Rowling
Author joke, The author of the Harry Potter books was trying so hard to be funny. But it wasn't funny to me.

Author Name Jokes

Here is a list of funny author name jokes and even better author name puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Authorities have released the name of the United passenger from yesterday's incident Soo Yoo
  • A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors .... Dickens Cider is proving very popular
  • What author has two toys an ev and a sky in his name? Dostoyevsky
  • If I was an author I would make my pen name... *Page Turner.*

Bad Author Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad author jokes and even better bad author puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common? They both create a lot of plotholes.
Author joke, What do a bad author and a grave robber have in common?

Hilarious Fun Author Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about author you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean creator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make author pranks.

Bit of a different post here - an author introduces a joke but never reveals the punchline...anyone heard this joke? Or make up your own punchline?

In *Infinite Jest* by David Foster Wallace, at one point there's a line -
"...asking Mario if he knows what you call three Canadians copulating on a snowmobile."
But he doesn't say the punchline. I'm assuming maybe this is a commonish kinda joke? I've tried to think of what the punchline is but can't.

What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup?

The plot thickens!

Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper?

Knott, et al.

Why didn't George RR Martin (GOT author) use Twitter?

Because he killed all the 140 characters.

What does an author have after they get abdominal surgery?

A semi-colon

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

Authorized, Bona Fide, Established...

those are some Legit synonyms.

The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author

When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.

What did the e**... novel author get from his editor?

Sticky notes.
What did he get from his publisher?
A hard copy.

Who's the top selling author in Russia?

Salman Rush B

how do authors cross an ocean?

in a penmanship!!!

An author signs up to do a lot of lectures around the world...

...but gets electrocuted after only three.
It was a short circuit.

Seems like authorities are reporting a plane has exploded carrying vintage 80s Japanese cars ...

It's raining Datsun cogs

Why did 'Civil Disobedience' take so long to write?

The author was being Thoreau

Here in about 50 years, when Harry Potter is on its 5th reboot, this time with an all house elf cast, the author will be

J. K. Rowling over in her grave.

Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

A boy brought his new book to show his friend....

He boasts to his friend: "The author must have been very thorough when he wrote this book, he took 10 years to write it!"
"That's nothing", the friend replies, "have you heard of the man who was sent to prison and took 20 years to finish a sentence?"

Who is the conjoined twin pirates' favorite author?

George Arrgh Arrgh Martin

Authorities discover that Tom Hanks has killed thousands of people

with kindness

I'm actually a very close personal friend of the author of Harry Potter.


Who authorizes all U.S. naval special operations?

The SEAL of approval.

The author of what's been described as the world's worst thesaurus has dismissed the comments.

He's described the comments as unfair, unfair and unfair.

Who's your favourite fantasy author?

Mine is Karl Marx

Did you guys hear about the frog that became a best-selling author?

His work was absolutely ribbiting.

The authorities caught the dying battery

He was not charged

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

Did you hear about the author who got half the length of all of his fingers chopped off?

He writes everything in shorthand now

What did the neckbeard call the children's author who was rubbing his back?


A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

Where do authors buy their Deus Ex Machinas?

At the convenience store!

Understanding Women

Author Unknown

Authorities unveil the the rioter who tazed himself to death in the b**... has been charged.

Charged in the nards

Russian literature is built on suffering.

Either the character suffers, the author suffers, or the reader suffers. If all three are suffering, then it's considered a Russian masterpiece.

I heard your son in the university is quite an author. Does he write for money?

"Yes, in every letter."

What's the difference between L. Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand?

One author is delusional and whose fans follow blindly like a religion...and the other is L. Ron Hubbard.

An authoritarian walks into a bar

An authoritarian walks into a bar and orders everyone around

Authorities in Lake Tahoe are on the lookout for three bears that have collectively broken into more than 30 homes

Current leads suggest that the bears' location to be somewhere in the goldilock zone

Last night I dreamed I was the author of a successful fantasy series…

Wife said I've been Tolkien in my sleep

How long will it take an author to write "The Guide To All The World's Great Beers"?

It depends on how many drafts they have to go through.

Author joke, How long will it take an author to write "The Guide To All The World's Great Beers"?

jokes about author