Austrian Jokes

Following is our collection of sauerkraut humor and aryan one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Austrian puns for adults, dirty mussolini jokes or clean advisers gags for kids.

There is an abundance of gestapo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes on austrian. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any spaniard witze you can hear about austrian.

The Best jokes about Austrian

A German, an Austrian, a nun and a young attractive woman on a train

A German, an Austrian, a nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are broken so in every tunnel it gets really dark.

The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain. When it gets bright again its obvious that the Austrian was slapped in the face.

The nun thinks: Well he tried to grope the young woman, so she slapped him.

The young woman thinks: He tried to grope me but messed up and touched the nun, who slapped him.

The Austrian thinks: That german guy tried to grope the woman and she tried to slap him, missed and hit me.

The German thinks: In the next tunnel ill hit him again.

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

What Austrian girls and wine have in common?

Both mature in a cellar.

As told by an Austrian engineer

Three engineers, a Brit, a Frenchman, and an Austrian, were found guilty of treason in a former colony. The sentence was death by guillotine, but the engineers were given a choice of receiving the penalty face-up, or face-down. The Brit chose face-up and the blade miraculously stopped inches short of his throat. This was seen as a sign from God, and the Brit was set free. The French engineer also chose face-up, and once again, the blade stopped inches from the throat. Again, a miracle, and the Frenchman was set free. The Austrian, not to be outdone, chose face-up, but just before the blade was released was heard to proclaim, "Wait a minute, I see the problem."

What's the greatest trick the Austrians ever pulled off?

It was to convince the world that Mozart was Austrian and that Hitler in fact was German.


Did you hear about what happened to the Austrian prince?

He got serbed

What is the greatest accomplishment of the Austrian people?

Successfully convincing the rest of the world that Beethoven was Austrian and that Hitler was German.

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.

What do you call an Austrian woman's undergarments?

A Freudian Slip.

Why are Austrians so good at telling jokes?

They live in hill-areas.


"Checkmate"

"No, she's Austrian, but her father was Czech"

Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...

It's only because he's Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street.

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street, suddenly the German stops.

"Vait up you guys. I need to slip into ze bank for und moment." says the German. The trio walk towards the bank and the German and the Austrian walk inside. They turn around. The Czech is stood in the doorway.

"Vhat are you vaiting for?" asks the Austrian.

"It says no checks." replies the Czech.

What do you call an Austrian who believes in flat earth?

Nothing, they don't exist

Have you heard of the Austrian man Duerf?

He was the world's leading reverse psychologist

Switzerland on Austrians: Why is the Austrian flag 'red-white-red'?

So that they can't raise it upside-down

What's Austrian and took over France?

Croissants

Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find?

Because he was Haydn.


What do you call a Bavarian?

Half Austrian and half human being.

How are Libertarians and National Socialists similar?

They both follow Austrian economics.

If the Swiss flag is a big plus...

... the austrian flag is a big minus.

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

What Do You Call a Group of Starving Austrian Separatists?

Hungary

How many Jews can you fit in a car?

One hundred. Five and the rest in the ashtray.

(An Austrian friend told me this joke.)

Who was that Austrian F1 driver, Niki erm Niki..

Lauda

WHO WAS THAT AUSTRIAN F1 DRIVER?

What do you call an Austrian who is new to playing a game?

Danube.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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