Austrian Jokes

42 austrian jokes and hilarious austrian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about austrian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have a laugh with some funny Austrian jokes and find out why Austrian economics, Hungarian sauerkraut and Mussolini are the perfect ingredients for a good chuckle. Enjoy this collection of Austrian humor!

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Funniest Austrian Short Jokes

Short austrian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The austrian humour may include short invade jokes also.

  1. An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security. Airport security:"Nationality?"
    Austrian: "Austria"
    Airport security: "Occupation?"
    Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"
  2. WWI started because an Austrian guy was killed... And WWll started because an Austrian guy wasn't
  3. There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend. Czech mate.
  4. Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President... It's only because he's Austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...
  5. The Olympics Austrians: We are the best in Super-G.
    Swiss: Pfft, we are better than you.
    USA: Shut up, we are the bestest!
    Italians: Mamma Mia!
    Czechs: Hold my beer and my snowboard.
  6. Switzerland on Austrians: Why is the Austrian flag 'red-white-red'? So that they can't raise it upside-down
  7. How many Jews can you fit in a car? One hundred. Five and the rest in the ashtray.
    (An Austrian friend told me this joke.)
  8. As an Austrian, you know what really bothers me about German electronics? They don't come without an Anschluss.
  9. How are Libertarians and National Socialists similar? They both follow Austrian economics.
  10. What Do You Call a Group of Starving Austrian Separatists? Hungary

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Austrian One Liners

Which austrian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with austrian? I can suggest the ones about army and allies.

  1. ww1: Because someone shot an Austrian WW2: Because someone didn't shoot an Austrian
  2. What Austrian girls and wine have in common? Both mature in a cellar.
  3. Did you hear about what happened to the Austrian prince? He got serbed
  4. Why are Austrians so good at telling jokes? They live in hill-areas.
  5. What do you call an Austrian woman's undergarments? A Freudian Slip.
  6. "Checkmate" "No, she's Austrian, but her father was Czech"
  7. What do you call an Austrian who believes in flat earth? Nothing, they don't exist
  8. Have you heard of the Austrian man Duerf? He was the world's leading reverse psychologist
  9. Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find? Because he was Haydn.
  10. What's Austrian and took over France? Croissants
  11. An American, a German and a Austrian
  12. What do you call an Austrian who is new to playing a game? Danube.
  13. Who was that Austrian F1 driver, Niki erm Niki.. Lauda
  14. If the Swiss flag is a big plus... ... the austrian flag is a big minus.
  15. What do you call a Bavarian? Half Austrian and half human being.

Austrian joke, What do you call a Bavarian?

Cheerful Austrian Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about austrian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make austrian pranks.

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

What's the greatest trick the Austrians ever pulled off?

It was to convince the world that Mozart was Austrian and that h**... in fact was German.

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.

There was once an Austrian physicist who discovered that the sound of an object changes pitch as it passes by an observer...

...But before he could publish his findings someone stole his work and took all the credit for it.
Turns out the physicist had a Dopplerganger.

What is the greatest accomplishment of the Austrian people?

Successfully convincing the rest of the world that Beethoven was Austrian and that h**... was German.

3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar

Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?
Sigmund Freud says: I'll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass
Carl Jung says: I'll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass
Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
Third guy says proudly: oui oui, I am from France
Bartender: well, a french lager probably like your pals; bottle or a pint?
Jacques says: a lager oui, but do you have it in Lacan?

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.
"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"
"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

TIL that Austrian physicist Erwin Schrodinger suffered from a debilitating bowel condition that would often result in him soiling himself unexpectedly.

However, it was impossible for him to tell when he had had an accident, and lived in a perpetual state of both being soiled and unsoiled simultaneously.
This became known as Schrodinger's s**....

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street.

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street, suddenly the German stops.
"Vait up you guys. I need to slip into ze bank for und moment." says the German. The trio walk towards the bank and the German and the Austrian walk inside. They turn around. The Czech is stood in the doorway.
"Vhat are you vaiting for?" asks the Austrian.
"It says no checks." replies the Czech.

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

Austrian joke, Austria, mid-1950s