Austria Jokes

Following is our collection of hungary humor and zis one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Austria puns for adults, dirty denmark jokes or clean austrian gags for kids.

There is an abundance of italy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes on austria. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any switzerland witze you can hear about austria.

The Best jokes about Austria

How do you ask an Austrialian for nudes?

sapnu puas

If World War One were a bar fight.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

What Austrian girls and wine have in common?

Both mature in a cellar.

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game

"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.


Austria declares war on China:

„We have 200 soldiers and 3 Tanks

China accepst: „We have 4 Million Soldiers, a Million Tanks an a couple hundred nuclear warheads

Austria replies:„We abort the declaration, we can't provide enough accomodations for the war prisoners

19th century monarchy humor, anyone?

So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"

One day a giant tornado went through Austria...

...but luckily all the children were already in the basement.

I just got deported by the government of Austria due to my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions, and all the flights to America are full.

Don't worry, I'll just get to the helicoper

Why did Turkey disappear?

Because Austria was Hungary.

Why are Austrians so good at telling jokes?

They live in hill-areas.


Asked my grandpa if he watched Austria Hungary football match

he asked me who played against

I was traveling in europe

Went to Austria with a tour group and stopped at a famous cemetery, we could all here a strange sound, after afew minutes I asked the tour guide 'what's that noise?' He looked me without missing a beat and said "don't worry its just Beethoven de-composing"

Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young.

After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized.

What do you call an extraterrestrial life form from Austria?

Australian

Today's FIFA match will be played by Austria and Hungary

Me: Against whom?

My friend asked me if I was hungry...

I said no, I'm Austria.

Why was the Austrian composer so hard to find?

Because he was Haydn.

What's Austrian and took over France?

Croissants


Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for Easter Break.

When he returns to California his friend says to him, "Arnie, I heard you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?"

Arnie replied : "Oh it was terrible! My Father ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite generally, we all had an awful day."

His colleague then says, "Oh Arnie that's no good at all, I'm sorry to hear! Does that mean you don't love easter anymore?"

Arnie: "Oh no,of course not! I still love Easter, baby."

Why is Austria Hungary like a prime number?

Because it is inseparable and indivisible.

What do Arnold Schwarzenegger and Adolf Hitler have in common?

They are both politicians, their name starts with A, they are from Austria, and are seen as national hero's in a foreign country.

If I had a Euro for every gender in Austria...

I'd have three euros and a whole lot of confusion over what they could buy.

My mum asked me if I wanted any breakfast. I said 'no, I'm not Hungary'

I'm Austria

Who was that Austrian F1 driver, Niki erm Niki..

Lauda

WHO WAS THAT AUSTRIAN F1 DRIVER?

Due to growing environmentalist concerns, Germany and Austria decided to limit the amount of ores and minerals they were extracting from the ground.

They said, "Mine fewer!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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