The Best 46 Australians Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Australians jokes. There are some australians mate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these australians mania puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Australians Jokes and Puns


An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"

How do Australians find sheep in the long grass?


What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?


Australians joke, What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

What do Australians call upside down cake?


A man is attacked by a group of Australians

He was covered in Bruces.

What do Australians use for sun burns?

Aloe, mate.

I'm sorry

Australians joke, What do Australians use for sun burns?

Did you know that camels aren't indigenous to Australia? They were shipped there by the British.

Oddly enough, so were the Australians.

I think Australians are obsessed with true information.

They keep telling me to "get fact".

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks leap out of our trenches and charge your lines, we cry 'Allah! Allah!' But when you charge us, you shout 'Bloody BASTAAARRRDD!!!'"

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

You can explore australians kangaroot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean australians australian dad jokes. There are also australians puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What is one thing that both Australians & Americans share the same view on?


What do Australians and wetting yourself in the basement have in common?

They're both incontinence down under.

So if Trump doesn't like conversations with Turnbull and Australians don't like conversations with Turnbull, is Turnbull...

... Malcolm in the middle?

Australians don't have sex

Australians mate

What do Australians wear under their pants?

Down Undies

Australians joke, What do Australians wear under their pants?

Why do Australians hunt with one eye

Because a bad eye can't

But a good eye might

Dad joke for Australians

Did you hear about the hipster swagman?

He was hanging out under the shade of abah tree before it was cool.

Why do Australians greet each other with "mate"?

Because everyone used to be an inmate.

LOL - laughing at my own joke!

What's an Australians definition of fore play?

Brace yourself Sheila

Two Australians walk into a shady biker bar..

..somewhere in Texas. Inside of course is the whole gang drinking, music stops, crickets...
The boss of the gang asks:
Did you come here to die?
Australians respond:
No, we came in yesterday

How do Australians connect to the internet?

They use the LAN down under.

What do Australians get from education?


Explain this Flat-Earthers!

If the Earth is flat, why do Australians have to strap everything including themselves to the ground in order to not fall up?

Australians don't mate...

They didgeridoo-it.

Australians are casual racists...

Full time racism is too hard

How do Australians have babies?

They mate.

How do Australians know who won the chess game?

They check, mate.

What road do Australians drive on?

The M8.
What road do pirates drive on?
The M80.

Why do Australians abroad always work in pubs?

They're used to being behind bars.

They say criminals often return to the scene of the crime

That must be why there's so many Australians in London nowadays

Two Australians are fighting over the last loaf of bread at the supermarket

They're both holding on to the loaf when one of them says:

It's stale mate.

Why do Australians call each other mate?

They were all inmates

Why are Australians so good at chess?

Because they always leave you with the check, mate

I don't understand how Australians can be homophonic.

I mean, G'day is just gay with a d rammed into it.

They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.

No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.

I saw an Australian cooking show and everyone cheered when the chef made meringue

It surprised me.

Australians usually boo meringue.

I heard Australians don't have sex

They mate.

One for the Australians:

A Victorian walks into a bar.

How do Australians order monkies?

Amazon Prime, mate.

Why did Barbie smell like fish?

Because Australians like throwing shrimp on her.

Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..

After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."

A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class

The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

A joke for Australians

The Garbo's doing his rounds and he gets his mate,the bogan's place and the bin ain't out the front. So the Garbo knocks on the door. "G'Day, Bogan. Long time no see. Where's ya bin?" Asks the Garbo. "I bin on holidays." Says the Bogan. "Nah mate, where's ya bin?" Repeats the Garbo. "I just said," responds the Bogan, "I bin on holidays." "No no. Where's ya wheelie bin?" Clarifies the Garbo. The Bogan responds, "Well I wheelie bin in jail but I tell people I was on holidays."

What do Australians say when they play chess?

Check, mate!

How do Australians clean their butts?

Bidet, mate.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the australians nsw jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working australians checkmate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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