Aussi Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Aussi puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Aussi

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...

School is my answer

An Aussie phones an ambulance because his mate's been just hit by a car

Aussie: Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I think both his legs are broken.

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...

Operator: Are you there sir?

More heavy breathing and another minute later...

Operator: Sir, can you hear me?

This goes on for another few minutes until...

Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?

Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

An Aussie kiss is like a French kiss...

But down under

An Aussie soldiers and an American soldier are pinned down in the Middle East.

The Aussie gets up and begins flailing his arms and laughing. When he gets back down, the American says

What, did you *come* here to die?

The Aussie responds Nah, I came here yesterday.

Three Aussie guys...

Three Aussie guys, Gazza, Bazza and Wozza, were working on a high-rise building in Woolloomooloo. Unfortunately, Gazza falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bazza says, 'Someone should go and tell his wife.'
Wozza says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bazza says, 'Where did you get that, Wozza?'
'Gazza's wife gave it to me.'

Bazza continues, 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?'

'Well not exactly,' Wozza said. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Gazza's widow".'
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Beer you are.'

How does the Aussie Chessmaster pay his bills?


How do you ask an Aussie waiter for the bill?


My Aussie friend doesn't understand Chess

He says check mate even when I have a way out

Old Aussie joke: Why is the lady on the Red Heads matchbox always smiling?

There are 48 heads in her box - of course she`s happy!

Aussies dont have sex


What do Aussie bass strings say?


My aussie friend was clearly impressed with me..

When i spotted him amongst the dense crowd of people.

Without skipping a beat, first thing he said to me was, good eye mike!

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

"Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!"
("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")

What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

As an Aussie; 10am is when I make a cuppa Twinings English Breakfast for the local marsupials

it's a really koala tea time

An Aussie wins a game of chess and calls for the bill, then his friend collapses in his chair.

He says: Checkmate. Check, mate then Checks his mate

What did the Aussie say when his friend ran out of TP?

Bidet mate!

My Aussie drug dealer is obsessed with meat from the back of an animal

He was up doing loins all night.

Why didn't the Aussie need to wear glasses?

Because he had a good eye, mate!

What name did the Aussie give his pal who was in a vegetative state?


What do Aussies call a kangaroo that lives with them?

A roommate.

Two Aussis were playing chess.

They were concentrating really hard but rarely talked. On Move 46, the Aussie played Ke2+ and said "Checkmate."

"What do you mean checkmate? I can move away mate."

An Aussie, an Englishman and a Cossack are in a plane.

They're going to France.

Aussies have sex on the mind all the time...

Eh, mate?

What's an Aussies favorite kind of pie?

Boo meringue

You know you're an Aussie if...

sᴉɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ no⅄

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes