Auschwitz Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Did you hear that Auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go?

They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.

What do you call gingers in Auschwitz?

Concentrated Orange Jews

What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz?

Plenty of seats on the train ride home.

What was Adolf Hitler's campaign slogan?

*"Auschwitz the old, in with the Jews!"*

I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers

The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz

I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz.

Most of the German officers did.

My grandfather died at auschwitz

He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.

My Grandfather died in Auschwitz

Poor guy fell out of the guard tower

I used to brag to my grandson about how many girls I picked up at Auschwitz.

He said it doesn't count since I used a dust pan and brush.

An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,

"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."

God doesn't laugh.

The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

What did the Jews rate their stay at Auschwitz?

One star.

I don't understand why people are in awe when I tell them my grandfather survived Auschwitz.

Most of the other German officers did too!

What do you call a Nazi's concealed weapon?

Auschwitz blade!

Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating?

1.1 million stars

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes...

My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

What's the best hotel in the world?

Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars.

Jews rated their trip to auschwitz

It was one star

The men's group at my synagogue took a trip to see Auschwitz.

They all gave it one star.

What is the most successful hotel?

Auschwitz, 6 million stars.

Hitler asks a jewish kid...

Hitler wants to hear the dreams of jewish kids. So, he visits Auschwitz and finds one kid sitting in a corner, freezing to death.

"Hallo kinder, what is your dream?"

"Herr Hitler, when I grow-"

"IF..IF you grow up."

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

So many jokes about the Holocaust but how would you feel if your grandparent died in Auschwitz?

My grandad did, he fell off the guard tower.

The Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum released a PSA that visitors were not allowed to play Pokemon GO!

Because they didn't want people pretending to be Ash

Why did so many jews die at Auschwitz?

Because the exit doors were coin operated.

My grandpa died in Auschwitz

He fell down from the watchtower.

How do you pick up a girl from Auschwitz?

With a dust pan

How do you pickup chicks in Auschwitz ?

With a dustpan..

A 9/11 widow, a black slave, a jew who survived Auschwitz and a clairvoyant walk in to the Challenger Spacecraft

"I don't like where this joke is going" says the clairvoyant

What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?

Auschwitz

I got in trouble for masturbating in the showers

Apparently it ruined the school trip to auschwitz

A friend of mine got caught masturbating in the showers.

It completely ruined our class trip to Auschwitz.

What is the best formula for leaving Auschwitz?

Lenght of chimney x wind speed

A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.

"Auschwitz," the German replies.

"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.

"Yes, but the services are incredible."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers."

Concentration camps are not a matter to joke about! People died there and it is not funny. My Grandpa died in Auschwitz

He fell from the guard tower

Dark jokes Saturday: What is the most offensive brand name you can come up with? Winners get gold!

My contribution:

"Auschwitz" air freshener.

My friends David reviewed Auschwitz on Tripadvisor...

..he gave it a star.

Could you guys not make jokes about the holocaust here? My grandfather died in the holocaust, and it's really offending me.

He fell out of one of the guard towers at Auschwitz

Holocaust jokes aren't funny. My great grandfather died in Auschwitz.

He fell off of a watch tower.

What did Hitler say when he heard that the Allies were winning?

AUSCHWITZ!!!

What do you call the oompa loompas at Auschwitz?

Concentrated orange jews.

I heard that Auschwitz had to ask people to stop playing Pokemon Go.

Which is weird, because they have the same slogan.

Gotta catch 'em all.

I've started up a chip shop in Auschwitz.

I called it "Arbeit Macht Fries".

People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My grandpa died in Auschwitz...

He fell off a watchtower

How do you get to Auschwitz from Berlin?

You have to take the Third Reich.

What would Germans call a painfully offensive joke?

Ouchwitz

>say ouch when offended or in pain

>Witz is the German word for joke

>sounds like auschwitz

How good are the showers at Auschwitz?

They're to die for.

Does anyone know why my friends are so shocked to find out my Grandfather survived Auschwitz?

I mean, most German officers did, right?

My friend got caught wanking in the showers on a school trip.

It really ruined the tour around Auschwitz.

My Grandfather Died In Auschwitz

He fell off the watchtower.

What Gives Me Uncontrollable Gas?

Auschwitz.





(I played this hand in CAH <3)

What Do You Call a Fight Between Auschwitz Prisoners

Star Wars

How do you catch chicks in auschwitz?

With a dust pan

The Romans once said "All roads lead to Rome"

Much like how the Nazi's said "All railroads lead to Auschwitz"

What did Hitler say from heaven when the Russians took over Auschwitz

Stop it that's Mein Kampf!

My grandfather was a Holocaust survivor and made it out of Auschwitz alive.

Then again, most of the Waffen SS did.

The post about the Auschwitz survivors reminded me about this. An old jewish man...

An old Jewish man played the lottery every day, and finally after a lifetime of buying tickets, he wins big. The very first thing he bought was a giant golden statue of Adolf Hitler and put it on display in his front lawn.

Of course, the man became a local celebrity. He just won the lottery and everyone was coming by his house to congratulate him. A local news reporter stopped by and asked the old man, "Sir, congratulations on winning so much money! But I have to ask... What's with the giant statue of Hitler on your front lawn?

The old man smiles... he rolls up his sleeve, reveals his forearm and says "Well... he DID give me the winning numbers.


(Yeah, I see you cringing)

Caffeine makes me so gassy...

... so I think Auschwitz to decaf

I hate jokes about jewish people because my grandpa died in auschwitz!

he got drunk and fell off the watchtower....

My grandfather was killed at Auschwitz :(

He fell out of the guard tower shooting at the Jews.

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

Why were Jevovah's Witnesses kicked out of Auschwitz?

They tried to sell the watchtower.

What are the funniest auschwitz jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Auschwitz? Well, here are the best Auschwitz puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Auschwitz pick up lines to share with friends.

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