Aunt Uncle Jokes
56 aunt uncle jokes and hilarious aunt uncle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aunt uncle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Aunt Uncle Short Jokes
Short aunt uncle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aunt uncle humour may include short auntie jokes also.
- What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet? I mean, didn't they get bored?
I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either. - Two drunk men are talking in a bar - You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt - Drill Sgt: "What do you mean by saying that you have two uncles?" Private: "I don't have an aunt sir!"
- "What did grandpa and grandma do for fun back in the day?" i don't know why but this question was never answered by anyone from my 17 aunts and uncles.
- What did the stormtrooper say when he was frying Luke's aunt and uncle? I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning Beru.
- I hear they are changing the name Aunt Jemima Not so sure "Uncle Toms" is the best replacement.
- Which of Peter Parker's guardians would keep his secret? His uncle wouldn't, but his aunt may.
- I recently watched the movie Uncle, with Paul Rudd in it You people may know it as Aunt-Man
- People ask me how I have so many cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers. I respond with It's all relative
- I tried to date this girl from Alabama, but her whole family was way too racist. Her sister, her aunt, her brother, her uncle, and her mom and dad.
All four of them are just nuts.
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Aunt Uncle One Liners
Which aunt uncle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aunt uncle? I can suggest the ones about uncle nephew and uncle.
- My transgender uncle is a superhero... We call him Aunt-Man.
- My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.
- Uncle Ben would never discourage Peter from joining the Avengers. But his aunt May.
- Why was the baby ant confused? Because all of it's Uncles were Aunts(Ants)
- What do you get... When you cross Aunt Jemima with Uncle Ben?
Rice cakes! - I saw my uncle cheating with another woman but I aunt snitching
- If your Uncle was an animal, what one would he be? An Aunt-eater.
- What do you call your transgender Jewish uncle? Aunt Frank
- Did you hear the one about my hairy, cannibalistic uncle? He was an aunt-eater.
- What is Uncle Ben's favorite condiment? Aunt Mayonnaise
- What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her? It's an aunt-*on*-him.
- What do you call your gay Uncle? Aunt Man
- You know you're a r**... when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.
- My t**... uncle is Missing!! But I have an aunt now so that's cool.
Comical Aunt Uncle Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about aunt uncle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean untie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aunt uncle pranks.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn."
I also in payoff on f**... days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
A Question of Communication
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?
She replied, "About four acres with a little home in the middle of the property."
"No," said the judge. "I mean, what is the foundation of this case?"
"It's made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle in town, as well as my husbands parents."
He said, "Do you have a grudge?"
"No," she replied. "Since we have a carport, we've never really needed one."
"Ma'am, has your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded. "About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Madame, why do you want a divorce?"
"I've never wanted a divorce," the woman replied. "My husband does. He says he can't communicate with me."
Two Dollies
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.
For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.
One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."
I found an ant in the men's restroom.
Why an Aunt? I can understand why an Uncle would be in there.
My little brother wished for bigger family gatherings
So I listed my single uncles on dating websites. "You want aunts? That's how you get aunts."
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?
The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.
A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.
A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask him about Disneyland he says absolutely not, we don't have enough money.
But then later you find out that he went with out you anyway.
- Corey Kahaney
Do you know what you get when you mix Uncle Ben's Rice with Aunt Jemima pancake syrup?
Horrible food
Van Gogh Family
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lesser known relatives:
* The really obnoxious brother - Please Gogh
* The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh
* His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh
* An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh
* And his magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh
Two old friends
Two old friends meet passing on the street one day. But one seemed hopeless, and almost on the verge of tears.
His friend asked, "What has the world done to you?"
The sad man said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew kicked the bucket, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"Sounds like you should be grateful..."
"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."
Now the friend was really confused. "Then, why are you so sad?"
"This week... nothing!
Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...
Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
i**... isn't really that bad. You can ask my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, and cousins.
They're both in the next room.
My Aunt Ruth went missing
It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to t**... some of them. You could say he was.....
Ruthless
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
Little Suzy sees her mother in bed with the mailman
Innocent but curious, she tells her father the very next day.
"Ok, Suzy" replies her father, "Our relatives are coming over for dinner later. I think you ought to tell them what you saw too."
At dinnertime, Suzy is waiting for everyone to sit down. As soon as Uncle Billy Bob takes his seat, she beats her glass like a triangle to call attention.
"I saw mommy and the mailman the other day..." she starts
Her father butts in, looks at his wife, and yells "Unfaithful! Come on, dear, finish the story."
"...doing what daddy and Aunt Christie do whenever mommy's not home." she continues
A man had a 5 year old kid who is still yet to talk.
Then one day the kid talked and said "uncle". Next day his uncle died. A week later he said "aunt". Next day his aunt died. A week later he said "dad". Next day their neighbor died.
My sister and her husband are throwing a gender reveal party for their soon to be born child.
I'm d**... excited to know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt!
Little Johnny
An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,
"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"
Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"
Little Johnny: "Run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "Oh my God! That's terrible! Are your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or any of your relatives at home?"
Little Johnny: "No! All of them run over by the tractor ..."
Insurance officer: "What are you doing all day then?"
Little Johnny: "Drive the tractor!"
Little Timmy and Little Mandy were playing together at the kindergarten.
Timmy says to Mandy, When we're older, let's get married!
Mandy turns to him and says, I'm sorry Timmy, I like you and all, but I'm not allowed to marry you.
Why not? asks Timmy.
Because in my family, we have a tradition of only marrying each other. It's gone back generations.
Timmy is stunned. You only marry within your family?
Mandy replies, Yeah. My mom with my dad, my grandpa with my grandma, my uncle with my aunt…