Following is our collection of Aunt jokes which are very funny. There are some aunt marge jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aunt grampa puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
When you cross Aunt Jemima with Uncle Ben?
Rice cakes!
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
She calls herself a Phlegminist.
The pope was working on a crossword puzzle and the man saw that one of the problems was a four letter word for female that ended in "unt".
The man wanted to help the pope, but really didn't want to say the answer. Finally, after thinking and thinking, the man tells the pope "aunt". The pope thanks the man and erases his answer.
Aunt
Aunt.
Aunt Man
"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"
"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"
The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."
The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"
"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.
"So why is my name-"
The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
it's a double aunt tundra
You can explore aunt granddad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aunt uncle dad jokes. There are also aunt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
-Mom, why is my cousin named Diamond?
-Because Aunt Carol Loves Diamonds
-What about me?
-Enough questions Harambe
Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!
Son: Mom, what do you love?
Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!
My aunt Marge has been ill for so long I've started thinking, "I can't believe she's not better.."
after a while they started to grow on her.
Maybe that's why her relationships don't work out so well
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
And poke me in the ribs and say, "you're next." she stopped after I did the same to her at a funeral.
Aunt!
Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.
Does she walk with a limp?
No, she's just a bit shorter.
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
"Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?
She died in a fire
I guess she was the first person to see Spiderman home coming.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i rape someone. A month ago it was raining and i raped my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i raped my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i raped my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.
The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!
They stopped when I started doing the same at funerals.
She swears by it.
Mom, why is my sister's name Cameron?"
"Well, son, your father loves romance, and Cameron is an anagram of romance. So we called her Cameron."
"Oh, that makes sense. Thanks, Mom!"
"No problem, Alan."
During the Holidays my Aunt comes up to me and ask if I would like some fudge. I enthusiastically agree.
>Her: "Male Fudge or Female Fudge?"
>Me: "What's the difference?"
>Her: "Male Fudge has nuts!"
they are still exchanging goodbyes
It's gotten to the point we're we've had to preface every meeting with:
Careful, Aunt Artica is very cold
She should never have asked me to be a pallbearer.
*On a first date*
Inner me: okay don't let them know you stalked them online
Them: my aunt-
Me: Martha or Susan?
It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...
when she died and went towards the light it was just to shut it off.
After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.
Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .
Through tears she says, Of course
He takes a moment and says Plethora .
His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.
My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...
Sorry
I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.
Danny Tanner was the focus of Full House.
D.J. Tanner is the focus of Fuller House.
Aunt Becky will be spending time in the Big House.
Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big she
can only fasten eight."
Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aunt: I don't know. Why?
Her: To get to the old lady's house
Aunt: ???
Her: Knock knock
Aunt: Who's there?
Her: The chicken
It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to torture some of them. You could say he was.....
Ruthless
- You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt
I expected them to waffle.
Looking out at the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, the groom whispers to the best man "you know except for my wife-to-be, my two sisters, my aunt and my mom, I must have nailed every woman here!" The best man whispers back between us, we've done the whole room!"
Aunt Tifa.
they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket
the funeral was ruthless.
Oh how waffle!
It's mayham!
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.
...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.
Then one day the kid talked and said "uncle". Next day his uncle died. A week later he said "aunt". Next day his aunt died. A week later he said "dad". Next day their neighbor died.
One day her three daughter run up to her mom and one of them yells
"mom!!! Why am I named rose?"
"Well sweetie, when you where born a rose pedal fell on your head"
The second daughter.
"Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?"
"Because when you where born a violet somehow fell on your head"
The third child.
"Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?"
"Oh shut up brick"
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
It's how you tell someone to go to hell in a way that makes them look forward to the trip.
Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally
But his aunt May.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aunt unt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working aunt arctica piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.