Aunt Jokes
119 aunt jokes and hilarious aunt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aunt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a good joke to amuse your aunt? Read this article for a collection of funny aunt jokes ranging from crazy aunt stories to advice from a dear agony aunt. From grandpa and granddad to mother and aunt - there's something for everyone!
Funniest Aunt Short Jokes
Short aunt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aunt humour may include short uncle jokes also.
- What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet? I mean, didn't they get bored?
I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either. - What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!
Son: Mom, what do you love?
Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions! - I hate it when my aunts and grannies come up to me at weddings and say "You're next." So now I just do the same to them at funerals.
- My spinster aunt thinks that statue of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing. ...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.
- My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling. I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.
- Apparently Canada banned trans fats today... I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
- My mom's sister was telling me she forgot a bunch of basic math... Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally
- I asked my aunt how much a couple is, she said two or three Maybe that's why her relationships don't work out so well
- My Aunt is a firm believer that Mucous Membranes have rights. She calls herself a Phlegminist.
- Two drunk men are talking in a bar - You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt
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Aunt One Liners
Which aunt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aunt? I can suggest the ones about untie and grandma.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- Why is Jon Snow so ticklish? Aunts in his pants...
- My transgender uncle is a superhero... We call him Aunt-Man.
- My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
- Two of my mom's sisters moved to the Alaskan wilderness. it's a double aunt tundra
- What is a four-letter word for a woman that ends in "unt"? Aunt.
- Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member? Aunt Tifa.
- What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes? Oh how waffle!
- My Uncle John is hosting a gender reveal party Sorry, I mean my Aunt Jane.
- In the 5th month of every year, my aunt let's her pigs in the field.... It's mayham!
- Who's a penguins favourite family member? Aunt arctica
- Aunt Millie's secret recipe has been stolen by Sara Lee's brother. Alleged Lee.
- How do you pronounce "Aunt"? "Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?
- What is Bruce Jenner's nephew's favorite movie? Aunt Man
- What does a turtle call his aunt? Tort-tia
Aunt Uncle Jokes
Here is a list of funny aunt uncle jokes and even better aunt uncle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Drill Sgt: "What do you mean by saying that you have two uncles?" Private: "I don't have an aunt sir!"
- Uncle Ben would never discourage Peter from joining the Avengers. But his aunt May.
- What do you get... When you cross Aunt Jemima with Uncle Ben?
Rice cakes! - "What did grandpa and grandma do for fun back in the day?" i don't know why but this question was never answered by anyone from my 17 aunts and uncles.
- What did the stormtrooper say when he was frying Luke's aunt and uncle? I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning Beru.
- I hear they are changing the name Aunt Jemima Not so sure "Uncle Toms" is the best replacement.
- Which of Peter Parker's guardians would keep his secret? His uncle wouldn't, but his aunt may.
- If your Uncle was an animal, what one would he be? An Aunt-eater.
- What do you call your transgender Jewish uncle? Aunt Frank
- I recently watched the movie Uncle, with Paul Rudd in it You people may know it as Aunt-Man
Yo Aunt Jokes
Here is a list of funny yo aunt jokes and even better yo aunt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of Maple Syrup does yo mama use? Aunt Jemima. Hehehe.
Share Hilarious Aunt Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about aunt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean niece jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aunt pranks.
Who is the rudest person in my mathematical family?
Aunt Sally
Naughty Mom!
Son- Mom..
Mom- yes... :-)
S- Y my cousin named diamond ?
M- Coz ur aunt loves diamond.
S- And what about me ?
M- enough questions Dicky..!!
Why should I excuse your dear aunt Sally?
Her operations were not unprecedented.
So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.
"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"
A kid asks his mother about his cousins...
"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"
The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."
The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"
"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.
"So why is my name-"
The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"
A boy asks his mother a question
Boy: "Mom, why's my cousin named Jasmine?"
Mom: "That's because your aunt likes flowers."
Boy: "Mom, what do you like?"
Mom: "Oh, be quiet Richard"
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
I was asked by my doctor if mental illness ran in the family...
I told him "I have an aunt who wants to vote for Hillary Clinton"
Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives
His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.
A son asks his mom...
-Mom, why is my cousin named Diamond?
-Because Aunt Carol Loves Diamonds
-What about me?
-Enough questions Harambe
I recently found out that my aunt is both a bigot and illiterate when...
she refused to shop at the local fabric store because they were having a sale, but it was only for muslins.
My aunt Marge..
My aunt Marge has been ill for so long I've started thinking, "I can't believe she's not better.."
I planted some daffodils on Aunt Millie's grave. She never liked them, but....
after a while they started to grow on her.
Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a t**...?
Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.
My aunt lost a foot when someone dropped a bowling ball on her
Does she walk with a limp?
No, she's just a bit shorter.
Four across...
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love threesomes. I try to make sure to have one every Sunday.
Its me, Aunt Jemima, and Mrs. Butterworth!
What would happen if Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth got into a smackdown?
It would be a sticky situation!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peter Parker was at home alone one day, when suddenly aunt may walks in on him m**....
I guess she was the first person to see Spiderman home coming.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i r**... someone. A month ago it was raining and i r**... my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i r**... my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i r**... my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.
She swears by it.
My auntie has been eating soil for years...
Really keeps her grounded
Gimme a White Russian, Hold The Russian.
At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. Chocolate milk for dinner? she asked.
It's delicious! said my daughter.
Her aunt shrugged. Well, its 8 a.m. somewhere.
I was wondering something about my mexican friends...
Why do they all have an aunt named tia?
Male or Female Fudge?
During the Holidays my Aunt comes up to me and ask if I would like some fudge. I enthusiastically agree.
>Her: "Male Fudge or Female Fudge?"
>Me: "What's the difference?"
>Her: "Male Fudge has nuts!"
What did my Indian mom say to my Indian aunt just as she was at the door leaving after dinner?
they are still exchanging goodbyes
My dad's sister, Artica, has been very rude to everyone ever since her husband left her
It's gotten to the point we're we've had to preface every meeting with:
Careful, Aunt Artica is very cold
My aunt freaked out when I dropped my baby cousin...
She should never have asked me to be a pallbearer.
First Date
*On a first date*
Inner me: okay don't let them know you stalked them online
Them: my aunt-
Me: Martha or Susan?
Having a baby girl? You should name her Artica.
It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got kicked out of my aunt's f**... for singing a song...
It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...
I hate to say my aunt was parsimonious, but . . .
when she died and went towards the light it was just to shut it off.
What do you call a cow with 1 leg
My diabetic aunt
High aunt
My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...
Sorry
It's going to snow tonight. My wife's aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8
I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.
It's not a good idea to use Roman numerals when talking to family members
I got grounded for a month for saying "wow, you're 40 now?" to my aunt.
After a wedding
After a wedding, an elderly lady named Enna is nowhere to be found. The groom is frantic and tells his bride the festivities cannot continue. When she asks why, he says,
Without Aunt Enna, no reception.
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings
My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, Well Shashank? Do you think you'll be next?
.
.
We've settled this quickly once I've started doing the same to them at funerals.
Full House is becoming a trilogy
Danny Tanner was the focus of Full House.
D.J. Tanner is the focus of Fuller House.
Aunt Becky will be spending time in the Big House.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...
Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
b**..., but her b**... are so big she
can only fasten eight."
My daughter pulled this on her aunt
Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aunt: I don't know. Why?
Her: To get to the old lady's house
Aunt: ???
Her: Knock knock
Aunt: Who's there?
Her: The chicken
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw my uncle cheating with another woman
but I aunt snitching
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My Aunt Ruth went missing
It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to t**... some of them. You could say he was.....
Ruthless
What do you get when you cross Bambi, and a ghost?
Bambi's mom
(Credit to my aunt for this one)
Quaker surprised me about how decisive they were when canceling aunt Jemima.
I expected them to waffle.
A groom is standing at the alter with his best man
Looking out at the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, the groom whispers to the best man "you know except for my wife-to-be, my two sisters, my aunt and my mom, I must have nailed every woman here!" The best man whispers back between us, we've done the whole room!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
my aunt ruth died in a horrible e**...
they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket
the f**... was ruthless.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle j**... a horse as she was telling me that.
A man had a 5 year old kid who is still yet to talk.
Then one day the kid talked and said "uncle". Next day his uncle died. A week later he said "aunt". Next day his aunt died. A week later he said "dad". Next day their neighbor died.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Auntie, what's diplomacy?
It's how you tell someone to go to h**... in a way that makes them look forward to the trip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sister and her husband are throwing a gender reveal party for their soon to be born child.
I'm d**... excited to know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.
The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.
I suffer from depression, but my aunt, who dotes on me, always knows how to cheer me up
you could say she's the perfect auntie-dote to my misery
Crossword
The Pope is doing a crossword puzzle at the Vatican. He turns to the Cardinal and asks, What is a word for a woman that ends in 'u-n-t'?
The Cardinal says, Aunt.
The Pope says, Got an eraser?
Who was Marvel's first transgender superhero?
Aunt Man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Knock Knock
\-Who's there?
\~Daisy
\-Daisy who?
\~Daisy me rollin'!
I know it's terrible but my aunt named Daisy just came up with this and I thought it was so s**... it made it funny and wanted to share.
My aunt named her son "Shine".
I didn't know why she gave him such an awkward name.
Until one day when I listened to her singing her son to sleep:
"You are my son, Shine,
My only son, Shine..."
\-----
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mother recently passed away, and my aunt and cousins are a bunch of reprobates.
Isn't that what you call them when they're trying to contest the will?
