The Best 62 Aunt Jokes

Following is our collection of Aunt jokes which are very funny. There are some aunt marge jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aunt grampa puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

What do you get...

When you cross Aunt Jemima with Uncle Ben?

Rice cakes!

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctorΒ΄s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "itΒ΄s my old aunt here."

"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

My Aunt is a firm believer that Mucous Membranes have rights.

She calls herself a Phlegminist.

A man is sitting on a plane next to the pope...

The pope was working on a crossword puzzle and the man saw that one of the problems was a four letter word for female that ended in "unt".

The man wanted to help the pope, but really didn't want to say the answer. Finally, after thinking and thinking, the man tells the pope "aunt". The pope thanks the man and erases his answer.

What's a four letter word describing a female that ends in -unt?

Aunt


What is a four-letter word for a woman that ends in "unt"?

Aunt.

What is Bruce Jenner's nephew's favorite movie?

Aunt Man

So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.

"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"

A kid asks his mother about his cousins...

"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"

The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."

The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"

"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.

"So why is my name-"

The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Two of my mom's sisters moved to the Alaskan wilderness.

it's a double aunt tundra

Top Aunt Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore aunt granddad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aunt uncle dad jokes. There are also aunt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Vincent Van Gogh's Relatives

His Obnoxious brother: Please Gogh.
His Dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh.
His prune-loving brother: Gotta Gogh.
His Convenience-Store-Owner cousin: Stop'n'Gogh
His Constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The Ballroom dancer aunt: Tan Gogh
His Nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
His Fruit Loving cousin: Man Gogh
His sister who loves disco: Go Gogh
His bouncy little Nephew: Poe Gogh.

A son asks his mom...

-Mom, why is my cousin named Diamond?

-Because Aunt Carol Loves Diamonds

-What about me?

-Enough questions Harambe

What mom loves...

Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!

Son: Mom, what do you love?

Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

My aunt Marge..

My aunt Marge has been ill for so long I've started thinking, "I can't believe she's not better.."

I planted some daffodils on Aunt Millie's grave. She never liked them, but....

after a while they started to grow on her.

I asked my aunt how much a couple is, she said two or three

Maybe that's why her relationships don't work out so well

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

When I was single my old Aunt used to come up to me at family weddings

And poke me in the ribs and say, "you're next." she stopped after I did the same to her at a funeral.


What's a four letter word pertaining to females ending in -unt?

Aunt!

Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a transsexual?

Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.

My aunt lost a foot when someone dropped a bowling ball on her

Does she walk with a limp?

No, she's just a bit shorter.

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:

"A word, four across, ending with unt..."

The other man asks him:

"Well, what's the clue?"

He replies:

"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."

"Aunt?"

"Ah, yes it is!"

The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.

"Can I borrow an eraser?"

How do you pronounce "Aunt"?

"Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?

My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race

She died in a fire

Peter Parker was at home alone one day, when suddenly aunt may walks in on him masturbating.

I guess she was the first person to see Spiderman home coming.

A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.

Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.

Priest : What have you done my son?

M : Everytime it rains i rape someone. A month ago it was raining and i raped my aunt.

P : may god forgive you my son.

M : a week ago it was raining again and i raped my neighbour.

P : may god forgive you my son.

M : just yesterday i raped my daughter.

*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*

M : father, what are you doing?

P : It's starting to rain.

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.

What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and say "You're next! You're next!"

They stopped when I started doing the same at funerals.

My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.

She swears by it.

A son ask his mother and his aunt Lana about his sister's name

Mom, why is my sister's name Cameron?"

"Well, son, your father loves romance, and Cameron is an anagram of romance. So we called her Cameron."

"Oh, that makes sense. Thanks, Mom!"

"No problem, Alan."

Male or Female Fudge?

During the Holidays my Aunt comes up to me and ask if I would like some fudge. I enthusiastically agree.

>Her: "Male Fudge or Female Fudge?"

>Me: "What's the difference?"

>Her: "Male Fudge has nuts!"

What did my Indian mom say to my Indian aunt just as she was at the door leaving after dinner?

they are still exchanging goodbyes

My dad's sister, Artica, has been very rude to everyone ever since her husband left her

It's gotten to the point we're we've had to preface every meeting with:

Careful, Aunt Artica is very cold

My aunt freaked out when I dropped my baby cousin...

She should never have asked me to be a pallbearer.

First Date

*On a first date*

Inner me: okay don't let them know you stalked them online

Them: my aunt-

Me: Martha or Susan?

I got kicked out of my aunt's funeral for singing a song...

It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...

I hate to say my aunt was parsimonious, but . . .

when she died and went towards the light it was just to shut it off.

An elderly woman is holding a funeral for her recently deceased husband

After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears.

Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt , asks May I say a word .

Through tears she says, Of course

He takes a moment and says Plethora .

His aunt, wiping her eyes, says Thank you, that means a lot.

High aunt

My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...

Sorry

Apparently Canada banned trans fats today...

I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...

It's going to snow tonight. My wife's aunt called to tell her she might get 6-8

I told her it depends on how easy I go on the whiskey.

Full House is becoming a trilogy

Danny Tanner was the focus of Full House.
D.J. Tanner is the focus of Fuller House.
Aunt Becky will be spending time in the Big House.

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big she
can only fasten eight."

My daughter pulled this on her aunt

Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Aunt: I don't know. Why?

Her: To get to the old lady's house

Aunt: ???

Her: Knock knock

Aunt: Who's there?

Her: The chicken

My Aunt Ruth went missing

It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to torture some of them. You could say he was.....

Ruthless

Two drunk men are talking in a bar

- You know? my uncle is now resting in peace
- I had no clue your uncle had died
- No, the one who died was my aunt

Quaker surprised me about how decisive they were when canceling aunt Jemima.

I expected them to waffle.

A groom is standing at the alter with his best man

Looking out at the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, the groom whispers to the best man "you know except for my wife-to-be, my two sisters, my aunt and my mom, I must have nailed every woman here!" The best man whispers back between us, we've done the whole room!"

Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member?

Aunt Tifa.

my aunt ruth died in a horrible explosion

they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket

the funeral was ruthless.

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle!

In the 5th month of every year, my aunt let's her pigs in the field....

It's mayham!

My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

A man had a 5 year old kid who is still yet to talk.

Then one day the kid talked and said "uncle". Next day his uncle died. A week later he said "aunt". Next day his aunt died. A week later he said "dad". Next day their neighbor died.

My aunt has three daughters

One day her three daughter run up to her mom and one of them yells
"mom!!! Why am I named rose?"
"Well sweetie, when you where born a rose pedal fell on your head"
The second daughter.
"Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?"
"Because when you where born a violet somehow fell on your head"
The third child.
"Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?"
"Oh shut up brick"

Cakeday Joke, a day late...

A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"

"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."

Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"

"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."

Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*

His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."

Auntie, what's diplomacy?

It's how you tell someone to go to hell in a way that makes them look forward to the trip.

My mom's sister was telling me she forgot a bunch of basic math...

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally

Uncle Ben would never discourage Peter from joining the Avengers.

But his aunt May.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aunt unt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aunt arctica piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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