The Best 49 August Jokes
Following is our collection of funny August jokes. There are some august feb jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these august augustus puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest August Jokes and Puns
Rorschach's Joke
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
I bought a winter jacket at Urban Outfitters last August
I got a really good deal because I bought it before it was cool.
Who came after Augustus?
Septembrus
Lorraine and Clearly
A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the funeral, People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the funeral he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"
What Chemist is known for frequenting 4Chan?
August Kekulé
With medical advances over the Summer, it's expected that Oscar Pistorious will walk this August.
I just found out that August is National Masturbation Month.
I thought it was the month before. And the month before that. And the month before that. And the month before that...
Best Dont Judge Challenge August 2015
I booked a day trip to Svalbard in April!
I get back in August.
How many seconds are there in one year?
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is...
He responded with June, July, and August
You can explore august apr reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean august oct dad jokes. There are also august puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Hopefully next August will be good
The last one was a bit 08/15 in my opinion
Me and my crush are getting married
I am getting married on 31st august and she is on 31st october :(
Why is there gold blowing through the wind?
Because it's August.
My friend just asked me why I'm wearing my sweatshirt in August
I told him I'm a trendsetter, I wear sweatshirts before its cool.
What do you call a slow-learner born the beginning of August?
A leotard
What do you call a mentally challenged person born in early to mid August?
A leotard.
What are a school teachers 3 favorite words?
June, July, and August.
People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
I recently found my Journal from my trip to Europe. Allow me to share an entry.
August 30, 1997, 11:49pm - [Paris]
Woah! Princess Diana just waved and smiled at me from her car! What are the odds!
August 6, 1945 Hiroshima
The day Rice Krispies were invented.
Justin Bieber Jokes
Dear Justing Bieber Haters, Please respect him... I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2016 I was in coma for 2 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song. So I got up.. And I turned off the radio.
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!
Me in August, and her in November.
Q: What is the worst date you've ever been on?
A: Worst date I've been on was August 13th. Remind me to never stand on a calendar again.
Is today really August?
Or are Julying to me?
:)
I celebrate Halloween in August
When you show up at someone's door at night in August with a mask on, you get better stuff.
Today is 10/10, or as the super-strict Olympic judge calls it...
August 6th.
What inspired you to become a teacher?
Because of two reasons:
July and August ...
Don't blame the holidays,
you were fat in August.
The worst thing about August Ames and Shyla Stylez dying
Bought some 250 million year old Himalayan salt
But it expires in August.
A kid asks his mom: "Mom, why am I getting a Christmas gift in August?"
The mom answers:
\- Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
Why can't you find any lions after August?
Because the pride goeth before the fall.
What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?
Don't July to me!
When and where was the biggest BBQ party?
Hiroshima, August 6th 1945
Mommy, why do I get Christmas presents in August?
Mom: They are cheaper than chemotherapy.
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
Can someone help me with a decision?
Are we buying school supplies come August or more alcohol and weed?
Obesity is a problem and needs to be dealt with immediately
But remember, 50% off fast food restaurants for the month of August. Help the economy
Wow, it's August 2020?
This year flu by............................
I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the shit out of my girlfriend.
I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.
People in China are all preparing to celebrate the 100th anniversary - and so should we!
Winnie the Pooh's birthday is August 21, 1921 which is only about a month off :)
9th August 2021: a blond American woman is at the Canadian immigration counter......
The immigration officer is puzzled for a minute and then the light comes on.
"Thank you ma'am for that view but it is vaxxed not waxed'
Which month really blows?
August
A Soviet citizen is buying a car
He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."
A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum
Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th August?
Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.
August without gust is...
Gold
Has anyone's gardening skills improved during the quarantine?
I planted myself on the couch in August and have grown significantly since.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the august february jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working august dec piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.