August Jokes

49 august jokes and hilarious august puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about august that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make the most of August by having a good laugh! Here you'll find a collection of hilarious jokes, perfect for all ages, guaranteed to put a smile on everyone's faces and make this month even more special - especially if it's your kid's birthday or you're celebrating 15th August! From puns and one-liners to jokes about Jun, Jul, and Apr - there's something for everyone!

Quick Jump To

Funniest August Short Jokes

Short august jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The august humour may include short autumn jokes also.

  1. My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.
  2. A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th August?
    Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.
  3. How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
  4. Has anyone's gardening skills improved during the quarantine? I planted myself on the couch in August and have grown significantly since.
  5. People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
  6. I celebrate Halloween in August When you show up at someone's door at night in August with a mask on, you get better stuff.
  7. Mommy, why do I get Christmas presents in August? Mom: They are cheaper than chemotherapy.
  8. What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The August 1945 atomic bombings of hiroshima and Nagasaki.
  9. People in China are all preparing to celebrate the 100th anniversary - and so should we! Winnie the Pooh's birthday is August 21, 1921 which is only about a month off :)
  10. I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is... He responded with June, July, and August

Share These August Jokes With Friends

August One Liners

Which august one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with august? I can suggest the ones about may month and end of summer.

  1. Wow, it's August 2020? This year flu by............................
  2. August without gust is... Gold
  3. Pride month should really be moved to August... Because pride cometh before the Fall
  4. Bought some 250 million year old Himalayan salt But it expires in August.
  5. Why is there gold blowing through the wind? Because it's August.
  6. Which month really blows? August
  7. Is today really August? Or are Julying to me?
  8. Don't blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
  9. What do you call a slow-learner born the beginning of August? A leotard
  10. When and where was the biggest BBQ party? Hiroshima, August 6th 1945
  11. Why can't you find any lions after August? Because the pride goeth before the fall.
  12. Today is 10/10, or as the super-strict Olympic judge calls it... August 6th.
  13. August 6, 1945 Hiroshima The day Rice Krispies were invented.
  14. What do you call a mentally challenged person born in early to mid August? A leotard.
  15. I booked a day trip to Svalbard in April! I get back in August.

August 1945 Jokes

Here is a list of funny august 1945 jokes and even better august 1945 puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When is a door not a door? 6th of August 1945, Hiroshima.

August Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny august kid jokes and even better august kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A kid asks his mom: "Mom, why am I getting a Christmas gift in August?" The mom answers:
    \- Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
August joke, A kid asks his mom: "Mom, why am I getting a Christmas gift in August?"

August joke, A kid asks his mom: "Mom, why am I getting a Christmas gift in August?"

Playful August Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about august you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean march jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make august pranks.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...

A Soviet citizen is buying a car

He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.

He said, Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?
Larry looks at the boss and said, Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…

I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the s**... out of my girlfriend.

I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.

Dear Justin Bieber haters...please respect him.

I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2014 I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song...
So I got up...and turned off the radio.

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?

January = Greg
February = Ian
March = Greg
April = Ian
May = Ian
June = Greg
July = Ian
August = Greg
September = Greg
October = Ian
November = Greg
December = Ian

Rorschach's Joke

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."

What does Augustus Caesar and a straight stick used for measuring inches have in common?

They're both imperial rulers

Who came after Augustus?


9th August 2021: a blond American woman is at the Canadian immigration counter......

The immigration officer is puzzled for a minute and then the light comes on.
"Thank you ma'am for that view but it is vaxxed not waxed'

Lorraine and Clearly

A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the f**..., People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the f**... he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"

Obesity is a problem and needs to be dealt with immediately

But remember, 50% off fast food restaurants for the month of August. Help the economy

Justin Bieber Jokes

Dear Justing Bieber Haters, Please respect him... I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2016 I was in coma for 2 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song. So I got up.. And I turned off the radio.

One day in August, Julius Caesar was standing on the balcony in his palace, watching the leaves drop silently from the trees.

He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.

What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?

Don't July to me!

August joke, Is today really August?

jokes about august