Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include August puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
Mother: "because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.."
Me in August, and her in November.
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
He goes to the appropriate ministry and informs them that he would like to purchase a vehicle.
There are currently shortages, it will be three years before your car is available, the minister informs the man. We will have it sent to your house when it's ready.
"Three years," he responds. "What month?"
"August," says the minister.
"August? What day in August?" Asks the man.
"The Second of August," says the minister.
"Morning or Afternoon?" Asks the man.
"Why do you need to know?" Asks the minister, getting exasperated.
"The plumber is coming in the morning," the man responds.
There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.
Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale.
"Whew!" he sighed.
As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come back in an hour or so?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe! "Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said.
He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin than in him!
"Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips.
He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive.
"Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream from his chin.
When you show up at someone's door at night in August with a mask on, you get better stuff.
**Rorschach's Journal August 24, 2012**
I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke.
**Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.**
Mom: They are cheaper than chemotherapy.
Septembrus
The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
But it expires in August.
He responded with June, July, and August
Because it's August.
A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the funeral, People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the funeral he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"
Dear Justing Bieber Haters, Please respect him... I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2016 I was in coma for 2 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song. So I got up.. And I turned off the radio.
Don't July to me!
you were fat in August.
I got a really good deal because I bought it before it was cool.
Or are Julying to me?
:)
A leotard
Are we buying school supplies come August or more alcohol and weed?
The mom answers:
\- Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
It was a cold August night. The inky black harbor was quiet, almost too quiet. As a walked down the cobblestoned steps a breeze sent a chill down my back. Fog clouded my vision, but as I boarded my modest little steamer I could see so clearly in my mind, an image. I tried to rid my mind of this thought, but the more I tried the harder it became. On the dock I was, and very close to dock was what thought was in my head. So I thought of the unintelligible nonsense Ramavian_Zola, which, to this day, I use to clearly my mind of those thoughts that are so hard and plague my mind for so long, and so erect in my head.
A leotard.
I get back in August.
I told him I'm a trendsetter, I wear sweatshirts before its cool.
August 6th.
August 30, 1997, 11:49pm - [Paris]
Woah! Princess Diana just waved and smiled at me from her car! What are the odds!
Hiroshima, August 6th 1945
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.