The Best 45 Audio Jokes

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books

I don't know why. I guess they just really speak to me.

What did the audiophile premature ejaculator say when he arrived at the scene of the emergency?

"I came as soon as I heard!"

I'd share with you the audio log of Felix Baumgartner's jump again...

...but I'd hate to sound like a broken record.

Those cheap Beats headphones might be fakes! Here's how to tell.

Connect headphones to a decent audio source. Play any music. Listen closely to the music.

1. Note the nuances of the bass. Is it clean and well-defined?
2. Are the high frequencies nice and crisp?
3. Pay attention to the mid-range frequencies - are they balanced with the high and low frequencies?

If you answered YES to any of the above steps - sorry, you were ripped off!

I only like low quality audio

But so what? Stop giving me FLAC

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

TIL Merriam-Webster's audio pronunciation of "Gullible" says "Guilty" instead.

I can't believe my computer has the audacity to edit audio

I bought a book about knots...

I was hoping for an audio book, but apparently all the narrators kept getting tongue tied.

What is a caveman's favourite audio compression algorithm?

OGG

What did the audio visual cable say when it got 80% on its final?

HDMI

I tried to make a living mixing audio files to the left and right

...but it didn't really pan out.

The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time...

Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!

How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?

Remove the audio jack

Someone broke into my car and stole my speakers.

It was grand theft audio.

I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones

Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced

What's a Star Wars fan's least favorite type of audio file?

A .midichlorian

What do audiophiles like listening to?

Audio files.

An .mp3 file and a .jpg file were out on a date...

The .jpg says, "I love high-fidelity music!" The .mp3 says, "Really? I'm an audio file too!"

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

Why do audio engineers only count to 2?

Because you lift on 3.

My audio engineer messed up my tracks.

He's gonna get a lot of FLAC for it.

What do you get when you add another circle to the Audi logo?

Audio.

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

Went to an Audiologist and got hearing aids.

Turns out all those years of phone sex caught up with me.

I'm trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician...

Was it... Ear Bud?

I know a woman who has a fetish for audio engineers.

She's obsessed with aural sex.

Someone broke into my car but only took the stereo system.

It was grand theft audio.

You listen to an audio book that is 8 hours of silence.

At the very end, the narrator says Oh, aloud?

Friend just told me that his audio system just got burnt.

I guess it was lit in his room tonight.

What do you call an audio file of the bear from Jungle Book talking about the 2018 midterms?

A baloo.wav

What type of media is Cab Calloway most known for?

Au-di Au-di audio

I asked my friend what kind of car audio system he preferred and he said it didn't matter because they were all the same...

...apparently he has a problem with stereotypes.

I'm opening a store that only sells vaults for storing valuable items and high fidelity audio equipment

It's called Safe and Sound.

I lost my moms audiobook

I lost my moms expensive audio book,

I'll never hear the end Of it

I was having issues getting my phone audio to connect to my car stereo

So I changed the name of my device to "Titanic".

Now its syncing.

Remember that audio clip that went viral?

The one where different people heard different a word? Well, the person who discovered that clip hasn't found another internet sensation since. Guess you could say they're resting on their Yannys.

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

Blonde dies on a bus listening to music..

The audio was telling her to breath but she hit pause on accident.

If you're having any kind of problem, ask an audio engineer

They always give sound advice

I asked my girlfriend for an audio book, but she got me an encyclopedia instead.

That speaks volumes.

For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,

This bitch had the Audacity.