Audience Jokes
123 audience jokes and hilarious audience puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about audience that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you interested in incorporating audience participation into your act? This article offers tips on how to use audience jokes to engage your audience and deliver a successful performance. Learn the best techniques for utilizing the good energy of a stage, including how to read an auditorium and know the right time to make a joke.
Quick Jump To
- Short Audience Jokes
- Audience One Liners
- Good Audience Jokes
- Audience Member Jokes
- Audience Participation Jokes
- Studio Audience Jokes
- More Audience Jokes
Funniest Audience Short Jokes
Short audience jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The audience humour may include short crowd jokes also.
- Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
- Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha
- Gordon Ramsey goes to Australia and makes a lemon meringue pie. The whole audience cheers! "That's strange," he says, "I thought Australians usually boo meringue."
- Do you know why I don't make fat jokes? Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience.
- NBC is planning a sitcom about the life of Abe Lincoln. Shot in front of a live studio audience.
- "Do you know why I don't make fat jokes?" "No. Why?"
"Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience." - What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common? Both were shot before a live audience.
- Netflix is coming up with a new series about Abraham Lincoln. The finale…will be shot before a live audience.
- Beethoven to his audience: Beethoven: Make some noise for the next symphony
Audience: YEAAAAAAAAA!!!
Beethoven: I can't hear you - A Mexican magician tells his audience... "I will disappear on the count of three."
He counts down.. "uno... dos..."
And then he disappears, without a tres.
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Audience One Liners
Which audience one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with audience? I can suggest the ones about audition and folks.
- I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
- Why should you always post jokes in American English? They can reach a wider audience.
- I never get school shooting jokes. Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
- I never get any of the school shooting jokes they must be aimed at a younger audience
- I never got school shooter jokes Guess they're aimed at a younger audience.
- Why do ballerinas dance on their toes? So they don't wake up the audience!
- Why do golf commentators speak softly? To not wake the audience.
- As a blind comedian, I've been trying to understand my audience. But who am I kidding?
- I usually dont get school shooting jokes. Typically they are aimed at a younger audience.
- Why is it easy to tell jokes in a prison? You have a captive audience.
- Why did the comedian go to doctor? Because the audience gave him the clap
- I wrote a dieting book. I think it will appeal to a wide audience.
- Why was the poet teaching at a prison so happy? She had a captive audience
- I don't get all these school shooting jokes They must be aimed at a younger audience
- Hey, did you hear about the prison talent show? They had quite the captive audience.
Good Audience Jokes
Here is a list of funny good audience jokes and even better good audience puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Instead of "guys", use "comrades" in your talks at conferences. It's a good way to get the audience. And maybe automatic recording.
- The rain and the karaoke contest The rain entered the karaoke contest. The rain won first place, and had such good singing, the audience wanted an enpour.
- So, Midas actually had a pretty good musical career. He always knew how to bring in an [Au]dience.
Audience Member Jokes
Here is a list of funny audience member jokes and even better audience member puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are noble gases the worst audience members for a comedic performance? They don't react.
- So the square root of -1 is performing in a Broadway show Suddenly, an audience member stands up and shouts "I'm sure everyone will agree that i could replace you!"
- I realized that Oprah is one of the few celebrities to love up to her name. Because her audience members Winfrey stuff.
- I realized that Oprah is one of the few celebrities to live up to her name. Because her audience members Winfrey stuff.
***I reposted because of typo in title.
Audience Participation Jokes
Here is a list of funny audience participation jokes and even better audience participation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had the worst audience participation at my concert That's the last time I sing If You're Happy and You Know It at a depression treatment facility.
Studio Audience Jokes
Here is a list of funny studio audience jokes and even better studio audience puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the new Abraham Lincoln sitcom on ABC? Shot in front of a live studio audience.
Humorous Audience Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about audience you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean congregation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make audience pranks.
What did the comedian turned kidnapper say to his hostages?
It's nice to have a captive audience.
The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.
The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.
She turns to him and says,
"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"
"Yeah?" He responds
"His brother's a doctor"
I used to do this impression where I was a blind anaesthetist;
stopped 'cause the audience wasn't feelin' it and I couldn't see the point.
[THIS IS A REQUEST; DO NOT UPVOTE] Does anyone have a joke where the audience of the joke says the punchline?
If this isn't the right place for this, kindly redirect me.
I attended a very touching live demonstration on b**....
There wasn't a dry eye in the audience.
Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's f**...?
Neither did his audience.
The first Jewish President is being sworn in
His mother is in the audience, she turns to the man sitting beside her and says "See my son up there? Well, his brother is a doctor!"
A magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says "uno... Dos..." And then vanishes.
He disappeared without a tres.
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
Beethoven asks his audience: "Is everyone ready to hear some symphonies!?"
The audience cheers as beethoven exclaims: "I can't hear you!"
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.
A Comedian Walks onto A Stage and Says...
I did a gig recently where I got booed off stage for saying that I live at home with my parents. As soon as I said it the whole audience starts shouting: Booooo! That's the last time I do a charity gig for an orphanage
Hispanic Magician
So a Mexican magician stands up in front of his audience and tells them, "Ok hombres, on the count of three, I'm gonna make myself disappear! Uno, dos..." p**...! He disappeared without a tres.
Did you hear the one about the Mexican magician?
He told his audience that he'd disappear on the count of 3. He counted "Uno! Dos!"... And disappeared without a tres.
A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *p**...*
He disappeared without a tres.
A mime is performing an act in Paris
An Englishman, Frenchman, Spanish man, and German man are watching the mime perform. The mime notices that they cannot see him very well. He places a box down and signals to the audience if they can see him.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
So I told my dad a joke about Sandy Hook the other day. He didn't think it was funny
I guess it's aimed at a younger audience.
A Mexican performs a magic trick.
He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *p**...* … he disappeared without a tres!
I know a hypnotist who could control the whole audience.
He'd enter the room, say 'sleep' and everyone would fall asleep.
He'd say ''laugh'', the audience would burst out laughing.
One day, he entered the room where he would make his show as usual, but tripped in the stairs; and yelled '**...''!
The room took three hours to clean.
What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician?
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands.
A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
An Irish man decides to go on Mastermind....
He's called to the chair.
'Your chosen subject?' asks the presenter.
'Easter Rising of 1916, sir,' he replied.
Time starts now ... What was the date of the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'Who led the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
'How many men were involved in the Easter Rising of 1916?'
'Pass.'
Suddenly an Irish voice boomed from the studio audience:
'That's right, p**... - tell them nothing!'
I once saw a Spanish magician...
He told the audience that he was going to make his hat disappear on the count of three. So he tapped it with his wand and said, "Uno, dos," and it disappeared without a très.
I told my boss that when I get nervous, I like to imagine my audience n**......
... she said I should probably stop teaching the 2nd grade.
Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?
He couldn't handle his boos.
What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
"Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."
A comedian was getting attacked for his routine being too sexist
So, he replaced the word "women" with "white, rich, republican women". The audience stopped complaining.
I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
Lenin in Warsaw
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.
International Boundaries
An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots and French in Canada, and how they intermarried with the Indians. "You'll find," he said "quite a number of Scot & French half-breeds, but you will not find any English half-breeds."
A Scot in the audience shouted, "The Indians have to draw the line somewhere!"
The Sun Mission
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.
Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material
A magician lost a leg during his performance.
The audience was suprised he could pull it off.
Soviet Economics
1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??
So there was a tribal chief who decided he needed the biggest hut in the village...
so he gathered the grass he needed and built the only two story hut in the village. He placed his throne on the second story and held audiences there. One night while he slept the throne fell through the floor and crushed his head. The moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
Poetry contest
A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!
A Spanish magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3
He says uno, dos... then p**..., he disappears without a tres
A magician says to his audience...
A magician says to his audience "I can make myself appear in 100 different places in this room". He says "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Nothing happens so he tries once again, "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Still nothing happens. Flustered he asks to be excused while he checks his handbook. He closes the book and says " Sorry, I've been saying the wrong magic word, 3, 2, 1, Allahu Akbar!" Needless to say his audience was blown away.
When I get nervous on stage people say "imagine the audience n**..."
But that just makes it harder for me.
A Mexican magician stands before his audience.
And for my last trick. I will disappear on the count of 3... Uno. Dos. *p**...* and the magician vanished, without a tres.
My friend told me he suffered from stage fright.
I told him he should try imagining his audience n**.... He seemed really eager to try that, thanked me and left.
A few minutes later, I realized he ran a puppet show for children.
There are two rules to remember in the entertainment industry.
The first is to always leave the audience wanting more. And the second
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
A lecturer had reached one of his most important points
"He who gives in when he is wrong is wise: but the man who gives in when he is right is..."
"Married," someone shouted from the audience.
My brother didnt like the school shooting jokes I was making
I think I should aim for a younger audience.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'Uno, dos… and p**...!
He disappeared without a tres.
The next LG phone needs to appeal to all audiences and be a plus size phone
We'll call it the LGbtq+
A Mexican Magician tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says, Uno, Dos........ *p**...*....... he disappeared without a tres.
Mind Your Words...
In a packed auditorium, a hypnotist hypnotized the whole audience with a Pendulum.
Suddenly, the Pendulum fell down.
He said "s**..."...
It took 3 Days to clean the whole auditorium...
At a conference a s**... therapist was discussing his book s**... in a Marriage
The therapist asked the audience how many couples have s**... daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... weekly about 30% raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... monthly the remaining audience raised their hands
Finally he asked how many have s**... yearly o**... in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have s**... one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day
I don't get school shooting jokes...
Maybe it's because they're aimed at younger audiences.
Spanish Magician
A Spanish magician announced to his audience that "he would disappear on the count of three" then said "uno, dos" and then disappeared without a tres.
A strong boxer
has a foam board to practice on.
He punches it 10,15,20 times in a row, so hard that each punch makes a crater in the foam.
After he finishes practice, he turns to an imaginary audience, shows them the board, and tells them
"here's the punchline"
A contestant made a meringue on Australian Masterchef and the crowd started clapping and cheering.
The host said, "This is very unusual for an Australian audience. They normally Boo meringues!!"
I had a joke about bad snipers
but I am afraid it won't hit the intended audience.
A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.
A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person? The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde jokes for the rest of the performance. The blonde says I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the guy on your lap.
An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years
A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!"
The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said if we continue the way we are that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years."
The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said *fifteen* years."
I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book
It's about a v**... whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.
I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.
Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.
Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.
Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.
"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.
Stalin looks at the man and says; "Bless you."
TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes
He became widely known as the pun usher.
NBC is making a new documentary series on the life of Abraham Lincoln.
The finale will be shot in front of a live audience.
Can we have a moment of silence for the late Bob Saget
............ yep, that's what his audience sounded like.
