The Best 9 Auctioneer Jokes

Following is our collection of Auctioneer jokes which are very funny. There are some auctioneer vender jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these auctioneer dollars puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Auctioneer Jokes and Puns

The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.

If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!

There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, Two thousand five hundred!

What do you have to know to be an auctioneer?

Lots

Seller: 500$ for this parrot

Guy: 500$ HERE.
Voice in background: 1000$ HE-RE.
Seller: 1000$ going 1st..
Guy: 1100$ HERE.
Voice in background: 5000$ HE-RE.
Seller: 5000$ going twice....
Guy: 5100$ HERE.
Voice in background: 25.000 HE-RE.
Guy: 25.100 HERE.
Seller: Sold!!
Guy: I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out he can't talk!!!
Auctioneer: Dont worry he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

My local auctioneer passed away due to excessive diarrhoea.

I think he was going once... going twice...gone


What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day?

"I bid you fair well"

What was missing in the Million Man March?

A chain and an auctioneer.

Why do auctioneers say "Going once... Going twice..."?

More-bid curiousity.

Why didn't the spoiled auctioneer help anyone with their auctions?

Because he refused to do anyone's bidding!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the auctioneer ebay jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working auctioneer excuthe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes