Auctioneer Jokes

Following is our collection of vendor humor and vender one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Auctioneer puns for adults, dirty bid jokes or clean dollars gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ebay jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 10 funniest jokes on auctioneer. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any excuthe witze you can hear about auctioneer.

The Best jokes about Auctioneer

A lady went to an auction...

And was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up for sale, the auctioneer asked, "How much am I bid for this parrot?" and the lady bid with "Seven hundred dollars". "Eight hundred!" "Eighty hundred fifty!" "Nine hundred fifty!" go the next several bids, and the lady bid "One thousand dollars!" Bidding goes on this way for several minutes until she found herself the proud owner of an parrot for $1500.

She approached the auctioneer and asked him "Can the bird talk?" to which the auctioneer replied "Lady, who do you think was bidding against you?"

What do you have to know to be an auctioneer?

Lots

Parrot Joke

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Seller: 500$ for this parrot

Guy: 500$ HERE.
Voice in background: 1000$ HE-RE.
Seller: 1000$ going 1st..
Guy: 1100$ HERE.
Voice in background: 5000$ HE-RE.
Seller: 5000$ going twice....
Guy: 5100$ HERE.
Voice in background: 25.000 HE-RE.
Guy: 25.100 HERE.
Seller: Sold!!
Guy: I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out he can't talk!!!
Auctioneer: Dont worry he can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.


One day a man went to an auction.

While
there, he bid on a parrot.
He really wanted this bird, so he got caught
up in the bidding.
He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so
he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intend-
ed, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to
the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can
talk.
I would hate to have paid this much for it, only
to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer. "He can
talk.
Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

My local auctioneer passed away due to excessive diarrhoea.

I think he was going once... going twice...gone

What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day?

"I bid you fair well"

What was missing in the Million Man March?

A chain and an auctioneer.

Why do auctioneers say "Going once... Going twice..."?

More-bid curiousity.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes