Following is our collection of buy humor and seller one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Auction puns for adults, dirty bushel jokes or clean auctioneer gags for kids.
There is an abundance of bid jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes on auction. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sale witze you can hear about auction.
I've won, but at what cost?
Even if you don't win anything, you'll still be the highest bidder!
A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
"Not Gutenberg?!"
"Yeah, that was it"
"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"
"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"
And was smitten by a beautiful parrot for sale and decided that she must own this gorgeous bird! When the bird came up for sale, the auctioneer asked, "How much am I bid for this parrot?" and the lady bid with "Seven hundred dollars". "Eight hundred!" "Eighty hundred fifty!" "Nine hundred fifty!" go the next several bids, and the lady bid "One thousand dollars!" Bidding goes on this way for several minutes until she found herself the proud owner of an parrot for $1500.
She approached the auctioneer and asked him "Can the bird talk?" to which the auctioneer replied "Lady, who do you think was bidding against you?"
After a while, he asks him:
"So what do you think?"
His friend replies:
"Well, I'm sold."
French rifle, never used, dropped once.
Lots
That way even if I don't win anything, I'm always the highest bidder.
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Happy Cake Day to me!
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.
Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
Now he does my bidding
A hoarse whisperer.
You wouldn't believe how much they went for at the auction.
As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.
While
there, he bid on a parrot.
He really wanted this bird, so he got caught
up in the bidding.
He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so
he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intend-
ed, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to
the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can
talk.
I would hate to have paid this much for it, only
to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the Auctioneer. "He can
talk.
Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
It was poultry in auction
Everyone nears him now has a chance of catching the cold-bid 19 virus.
"I've won......but at what cost?"
He had stumbled into the wrong auction
"I bid you fair well"
An auction
A cattle-list
You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.
More-bid curiousity.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.