Auction Jokes

Funniest Auction Short Jokes

Short auction jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The auction humour may include short sell jokes also.

1. One of shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
2. My wife says I'm addicted to auctions, but she's wrong... I stopped after going once…going twice…
3. Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000 Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
4. You know you're getting old when when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
   Happy Cake Day to me!
5. I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
6. We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month They've been going left for years
7. What do you call a man working at a stable auction at the end of the day? A hoarse whisperer.
8. How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
9. I value my kids more than anything else in my life. You wouldn't believe how much they went for at the auction.
10. A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder... It was poultry in auction

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Auction One Liners

Which auction one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with auction? I can suggest the ones about market and offer.

1. What did the deaf person think when he won the auction? I've won, but at what cost?
2. Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.
3. I was hooked on auctions after only going once ... ...going twice…
4. What do you have to know to be an auctioneer? Lots
5. I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions. So I bid her farewell.
6. I mind controlled a guy to get me something at an auction Now he does my bidding
7. What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day? "I bid you fair well"
8. What do you call 5 black guys on a stage? An auction
9. What was missing in the Million Man March? A chain and an auctioneer.
10. How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.
12. Why do auctioneers say "Going once... Going twice..."? More-bid curiousity.
13. Why did Snoop Dog win the auction? He was the highest bidder.
14. Auctioneers fight over a bike.
15. I'll never buy something at a police auction again Too expensive

Auction Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny auction up jokes and even better auction up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My local auctioneer passed away due to excessive diarrhoea. I think he was going once... going twice...gone
• A plague bearer walks into an auction house during winter. Everyone nears him now has a chance of catching the cold-bid 19 virus.
• Why do black people hate the world fairs? To be honest I don't know. Iam too busy enjoying the cotton candy , cruises , and auctions!
• The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday. I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.
• A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation He had stumbled into the wrong auction
• I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on. You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.
• How do you get ranchers to quickly react to offerings at a livestock auction? A cattle-list
• I'm stuck at an auction, bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I'm in it for the long hall.
• Why didn't the spoiled auctioneer help anyone with their auctions? Because he refused to do anyone's bidding!
• After several hours, I won a stressful auction for a wigwam and a teepee It was just two tents.

Silly Auction Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about auction you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make auction pranks.