Auction Jokes

Love to laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about auctioneering! From bidding on cars to livestock auction up prices, these jokes are sure to have you in stitches. Whether you’re an avid buyer or a curious onlooker, these auction jokes will surely make you think twice before you bid.

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Best Short Auction Jokes

These are our top auction puns. Have fun with a good auction joke in English with simple auction humour.

  1. One of shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
  2. A Farmer and his cows A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
  3. My wife says I'm addicted to auctions, but she's wrong... I stopped after going once…going twice…
  4. So a French ww2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read... French rifle, never used, dropped once.
  5. Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000 Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
  6. You know you're getting old when when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
    Happy Cake Day to me!
  7. I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too
  8. We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month They've been going left for years
  9. What do you call a man working at a stable auction at the end of the day? A hoarse whisperer.
  10. How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
Auction joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these auction jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of auction puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Auction One Liners

Which auction dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with auction?

  1. What did the deaf person think when he won the auction? I've won, but at what cost?
  2. Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.
  3. I was hooked on auctions after only going once ... ...going twice…
  4. I got addicted to auctions after only going once. Going twice...
  5. What do you have to know to be an auctioneer? Lots
  6. What does a deaf person say after winning an auction? "I've won... but at what cost?"
  7. I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions. So I bid her farewell.
  8. I mind controlled a guy to get me something at an auction Now he does my bidding
  9. A deaf man wins an auction "I've won......but at what cost?"
  10. What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day? "I bid you fair well"
  11. What do you call 5 black guys on a stage? An auction
  12. What was missing in the Million Man March? A chain and an auctioneer.
  13. How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.
  14. Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.
  15. Why do auctioneers say "Going once... Going twice..."? More-bid curiousity.

Auction Up Jokes

Here is a list of funny auction up jokes and even better auction up puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I value my kids more than anything else in my life. You wouldn't believe how much they went for at the auction.
  • A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder... It was poultry in auction
  • My local auctioneer passed away due to excessive diarrhoea. I think he was going once... going twice...gone
  • A plague bearer walks into an auction house during winter. Everyone nears him now has a chance of catching the cold-bid 19 virus.
  • Why do black people hate the world fairs? To be honest I don't know. Iam too busy enjoying the cotton candy , cruises , and auctions!
  • The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday. I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.
  • A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation He had stumbled into the wrong auction
  • I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on. You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.
  • How do you get ranchers to quickly react to offerings at a livestock auction? A cattle-list
  • I'm stuck at an auction, bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I'm in it for the long hall.
Auction joke, I'm stuck at an auction, bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor.

Silly Auction Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about auction to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make auction prank.

Get s**... Before an Auction

Even if you don't win anything, you'll still be the highest bidder!

The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.

If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!
There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, Two thousand five hundred!

"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

"Not Gutenberg?!"
"Yeah, that was it"
"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"
"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"

A man brings his black friend to a s**... auction

After a while, he asks him:
"So what do you think?"
His friend replies:
"Well, I'm sold."

I always make sure I get s**... before I go to an auction.

That way even if I don't win anything, I'm always the highest bidder.

Bidding at a local auction.....

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000."
There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"

I snorted coke and m**..., smoked four blunts, and injected h**... today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

Little Johnny, The UPS Guy, And Johnny's Mom

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and r**..., and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

On a hunch, I tried looking for the m**... at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

Auction joke, I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these auction jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.