The Best 31 Auction Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Auction jokes. There are some auction seller jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these auction auctioneer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Auction Jokes and Puns

So a French WW2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read...

French rifle, never used, dropped once.

What do you have to know to be an auctioneer?


A Farmer and his cows

A farmer counted his Cows before taking them to auction and counted 196 of them. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Auction joke, A Farmer and his cows

What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction?

Please sir, I want some moors.

I'm stuck at an auction, bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor.

I'm in it for the long hall.

What do you call 5 black guys on a stage?

An auction

A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder...

It was poultry in auction

Auction joke, A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder...

How do you get ranchers to quickly react to offerings at a livestock auction?

A cattle-list

I saw some things at the auction labeled Art Objects"

Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000

Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.

You can explore auction buy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean auction bushel dad jokes. There are also auction puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

After several hours, I won a stressful auction for a wigwam and a teepee

It was just two tents.

A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation

He had stumbled into the wrong auction

Get Stoned Before an Auction

Even if you don't win anything, you'll still be the highest bidder!

I always make sure I get stoned before I go to an auction.

That way even if I don't win anything, I'm always the highest bidder.

"The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

"Not Gutenberg?!"

"Yeah, that was it"

"You idiot, one of those sold at auction recently for over a Million dollars!!"

"Oh, I don't think it would be worth anything that much. Some clown by the name of Martin Luther scribbled all over it"

Auction joke, "The other day I came across an old worn out Bible, printed by Guten-something"

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

I was at an auction that tried to pass off a guitar as the one Prince wrote Purple Rain on.

You could tell it was fake because Prince puts stars over his i's.

A man brings his black friend to a slave auction

After a while, he asks him:

"So what do you think?"

His friend replies:

"Well, I'm sold."

Little Johnny, The UPS Guy, And Johnny's Mom

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

I value my kids more than anything else in my life.

You wouldn't believe how much they went for at the auction.

What does one auctioneer say to the other at the end of the day?

"I bid you fair well"

Why do auctioneers say "Going once... Going twice..."?

More-bid curiousity.

What do you call a man working at a stable auction at the end of the day?

A hoarse whisperer.

A plague bearer walks into an auction house during winter.

Everyone nears him now has a chance of catching the cold-bid 19 virus.

A deaf man wins an auction

"I've won......but at what cost?"

What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?

I've won, but at what cost?

I mind controlled a guy to get me something at an auction

Now he does my bidding

You know you're getting old when

when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

Happy Cake Day to me!

The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.

If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!

There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, Two thousand five hundred!

One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction

Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the auction bid jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working auction sale piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes