attractive Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious attractive puns

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

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A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest.

Now it's your turn to speak.

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A wife yells at her husband

Wife: "How could you do this to me?!"

Husband : "what did I do?"

Wife: " You slept with my sister, you bastard!"

Husband : "Well, when I went to work she was lying naked on my table and you know she's an attractive woman, what did you expect me to do?"

Wife: "The fucking autopsy."

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If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..

.. they would eventually find me attractive

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They would eventually find me attractive.

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My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm stalking her or following her. She's worried that I may be obsessed with her and anytime she hears a noise in her house she is... purified. Wait, hold on: "petrified". Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

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Who is the greatest?

A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all

BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest

VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest

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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak!

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My girlfriends parents are very religious.

The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

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CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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A guy walks into a pub...

...And sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl...

they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.

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An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

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CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help
you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?...

Their knees.

(Not sure if this one translates well to english)

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An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night.

And brought it to a table of friends.

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A man comes home from work...

A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.

She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"

He replies "Well she was lying on the table, naked, and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"

"Perform the autopsy."

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I could never cheat in a relationship

That would require 2 people to find me attractive

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How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?

Attractive.

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If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive...

They'd eventually find me attractive..

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What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

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My girlfriend's parents are very religious…

The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we weren't allowed to sleep together.

It was a bit of a shame – he was very attractive.

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My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

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If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive

They'd soon find me attractive

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Can I help you?" she asks.

"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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An attractive Girl sits on a guys lap

After a few second the girl asks "You don't have a boner? How do you do it?"
The man replies "Its harder than you think."

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A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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I could never cheat in a relationship...

Because that would require two people to find me attractive.

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On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".

A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...

"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."

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The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

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The one thing that all women find attractive

...a man who doesn't fall for clickbait

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A man walks into a Bar.

A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, May I buy you a cocktail?

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."

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A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I sure am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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My wife came home to find me in bed with a young, attractive blonde girl

She said "what the fuck are you doing?"
I replied, "we're practicing our golf swings"
"That's a stupid answer!".....I said, "well, that was a stupid fucking question"

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive...

Girls would soon find me attractive

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If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive...

Girls would find me attractive

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What are the most funny Attractive jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Attractive? Well, here are the best Attractive dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Attractive pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes