Attraction Jokes
79 attraction jokes and hilarious attraction puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attraction that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a collection of hilarious jokes about attraction and fairgrounds, from physics and chemistry to fatal attraction and tourist attractions! Read now to have a laugh, and don't forget to check out your local aquarium and other attractors too!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Attraction Short Jokes
Short attraction jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attraction humour may include short attracted jokes also.
- If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive.. .. they would eventually find me attractive
- What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
- My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
- What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to english) - A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied. - An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night. And brought it to a table of friends.
- In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
- If I had a Dollar for every time a woman told me I was unattractive they'd eventually find me attractive.
- My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive Traditionally women tend to get both done
- People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
Share These Attraction Jokes With Friends
Attraction One Liners
Which attraction one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attraction? I can suggest the ones about motivation and affection.
- I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive
- Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- I'm never going to find a soul mate. I really only find redheads attractive.
- The one thing that all women find attractive ...a man who doesn't fall for clickbait
- How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer? Attract her.
- The more you weigh, the more attractive you are. Gravitationally speaking.
- How do attractive men pay for things? They handsome money to the cashier
- If you're trying to meet an attractive nurse It helps to be patient.
- What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress? Magnets
- What do you call an attraction to both genders but a preference for one? A bi-as
- Who is the most attractive person in the world ? Magneto
- Your mom is very attractive... ...mainly due to her massive gravitational pull.
- The most attractive part of Amy Schumer is.... Her Gravitational pull.
- What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive? Terminal illness.
- what do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders Biking
Magnetic Attraction Jokes
Here is a list of funny magnetic attraction jokes and even better magnetic attraction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm such a great chick magnet Too bad I'm the kind that repels rather than attracts
- What did the male magnet tell the female magnet? When I saw your backside I was repelled, but now that I see your frontside I am very attracted
- You may become more attractive If you eat magnets
- Is it just me or are magnets really attractive?
- The Bank just rejected my loan request to start a magnet themed attraction park. They were repelled by the concept.
- Have you ever fallen in love with a magnet? I hear they're quite attractive.
- Why are magnets so arousing? They're very attractive.
- I'm such a chick magnet. Too bad I only attract girls with braces.
- Why did gravity and magnetism hook up? We don't fully know, but there were definitely forces of attraction at work.
- Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
Tourist Attraction Jokes
Here is a list of funny tourist attraction jokes and even better tourist attraction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A tourist asks a Scottish villager "Do you have a local attraction?"
"We used to- he answers- but she got married." - I was recently in Belfast and saw a tourist attraction called "The Titanic Experience". It's great. When you walk in the door they slam you in the face with a big chunk of ice.
- What do you call an attractive girl in Poland A tourist.
Or swap in Poland for wherever, spread the love. - Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the turbines of Hoover Dam.
Since then, the Colorado River is a tourist attraction. - What's a ghost's favorite tourist attraction? The BOO-seum.
(
Law Of Attraction Jokes
Here is a list of funny law of attraction jokes and even better law of attraction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Women are the only physical entity that defy the laws of gravitation. Increase in mass does not lead to an increase in the orce of attraction.
- What's the most attractive law of science? Gravity.
Everything falls for it. - Why wasn't the man considered attractive? The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.
- I'm attracted to you... and the laws of gravity say that you're attracted to me, too.
- I am objectively attractive According to Newton's law of universal gravitation, mass attracts mass. So that's why you're into me
Cheerful Fun Attraction Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about attraction you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean temptation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attraction pranks.
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.
No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.
She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
If I had a dollar for every time a girl told me I was unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
ba dum tsss
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the r**... find his sister in the wood?
Attractive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding
Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been m**... on a bus..."
A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.
I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."
I recently came out as pansexual.
But I'm only attracted to cast iron.
I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.
I guess it's true what they say:
"Once you go black, you never go back"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm s**... attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.
But don't worry. It's safe s**....
The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man comes home from work...
A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, n**..., and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!
I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'
Oxygen and potassium went on a date...
...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.
If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive...
Girls would find me attractive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make 10 pounds of ugly fat attractive?
Put a n**... on it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?
Can I c**... at your place tonight?
A man walks into a Bar.
A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, May I buy you a cocktail?
"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."
"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
"No, they spread."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.
How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .
If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive
They'd soon find me attractive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Son asks his dad the meaning of the word gay
Dad, what does gay mean?
Well, it can mean two things. It can mean that a man is attracted to another man. Or it could mean happy.
Dad, are you gay?
No son, I'm married to your mother.
A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "sugar daddy".
He's an artificial sweetner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.
I said, Don't cry over skilled m**....
If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive...
they would eventually find me very attractive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old g**... like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".
People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.
For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.
I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.
I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."
My grandpa once told me he dated Marie Curie.
He was attracted to her glowing spirit and radiant personality.
Sadly, their relationship became toxic.
[First Date] Her: I'm usually attracted to men with power.
Me: That's great, I always pay my electric bill on time.
How to approach an attractive woman in Ireland.
Here's a guide for any Americans guys visiting Ireland.
The best way to chat up an attractive looking woman in Ireland is to ask her: So, what part of Poland are you from? .
Hey Doctor, any idea why I seem to be so attracted to fat girls?
That'd be gravity, my boy.
