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Attracted Jokes

118 attracted jokes and hilarious attracted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attracted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Attracted Short Jokes

Short attracted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attracted humour may include short attraction jokes also.

  1. If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive.. .. they would eventually find me attractive
  2. What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
  3. My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
  4. I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl... they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
  5. If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... ....they would start to find me attractive.
  6. What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
    (Not sure if this one translates well to english)
  7. A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
    No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.
  8. An very attractive woman took a seat next to me at a bar last night. And brought it to a table of friends.
  9. In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  10. If I had a Dollar for every time a woman told me I was unattractive they'd eventually find me attractive.

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Attracted One Liners

Which attracted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attracted? I can suggest the ones about fascinated and intrigued.

  1. I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive
  2. Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
  3. Why do most programmer use dark mode? Because the light attracts too many bugs
  4. I'm never going to find a soul mate. I really only find redheads attractive.
  5. Why does a programmer prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs
  6. Yo mama is so fat She is literally attractive
  7. The one thing that all women find attractive ...a man who doesn't fall for clickbait
  8. I always cry before talking to attractive girls Any tips against pepper spray?
  9. How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer? Attract her.
  10. Yo mama so fat.. Your dad was attracted to her by the force of gravity.
  11. The more you weigh, the more attractive you are. Gravitationally speaking.
  12. How do attractive men pay for things? They handsome money to the cashier
  13. If you're trying to meet an attractive nurse It helps to be patient.
  14. What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress? Magnets
  15. How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Attractive

Attracted joke, How does a Welshman find a sheep in <a href="/grass-jokes.html" title="Grass jokes">tall grass</a>?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about attracted can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of attracted puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Attracted Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about attracted you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean impressed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make attracted prank.

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

A woman scanned the guests at a party...

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?', she asked.
The man replied, 'B. J. Titsengolf''

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Mutual Agreement

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so s**... and so beautiful all at the same time!"
The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me s**... so I would be attracted to you!"

Two Molecules are Talking to Each Other...

The first one asks, "Why don't you like me?"
The water molecule says, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that attracted to you."
The other cries, "Is it because I'm fat?!"

Last day for your taxes

A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

Are you a v**...?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

45 year old charming guy

Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and s**... attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.
. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."

I was on the train this afternoon...

when I sat across from a very attractive babe from Thailand.
I spent the next 10 minutes thinking to myself, "don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...". But she did.

Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.

I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Guy walks into a gym

He asks the manager which machine he could use that would attract the most women.
The manager points to the ATM.

Confession

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,the drunk replies:"No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

A guy goes into a bar...

He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.
After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.

If I had a dollar for every time a girl told me I was unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

ba dum tsss

How did the r**... find his sister in the wood?

Attractive.

On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been m**... on a bus..."

A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.

I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

I recently came out as pansexual.

But I'm only attracted to cast iron.
I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.
I guess it's true what they say:
"Once you go black, you never go back"

I'm s**... attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe s**....

A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl.

It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

My girlfriends father wouldn't let us sleep together when I stayed over at her house

Which is a shame because he's very attractive.

A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some s**... thing to a tractor. (Attract her)
First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.

If I had a dollar for every time a woman find me attractive...

I'd have a dollar, thanks mom

A man walks into a bar and sees a young, attractive woman.

He approaches her and asks, "Excuse me, Miss. I was curious, would you be willing to sleep with me for one million dollars?" She responds, "Well certainly!" Again he asks, "How about for $10?" This time she answers, "Not at all. What do you think I am?" The man replies, "I have already established what you are. I'm just trying to negotiate a better price."

A man comes home from work...

A man comes home from work and he finds his wife furious at him.
She screams "Why did you sleep with my sister while you were at work!?"
He replies "Well she was lying on the table, n**..., and you know she's an attractive woman, so what did you expect me to do?"
"Perform the autopsy."

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.
He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.
And Brian has a c**....'

Many burn victims are not very attractive,

But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.
Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
The other chemicals were like 'omg'!
Two noble gases went on a date.
There was no reaction.
Two protons went on a date.
There was no attraction.
Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.
They felt a little sour after it.
Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.
They had a basic night out.
Sodium and chlorine went on a date.
There was assault.
Potassium and water went on a date.
It was lit.

My friend told me shes s**... attracted to horses and its tearing her up inside

Literally

An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

How do you make seven pounds of fat look attractive?

Put a n**... in the middle of it

If I had a nickel for every time a girl didn't find me attractive...

Girls would find me attractive

A blonde goes to a blood bank to earn a little money to pay the bills...

She steps into the elevator along with an attractive young man.
"Are you going to the blood bank too?" she inquires.
"no" he replies: "I go to the s**... bank, because I get four times the cash as I get for a pint of blood".
A week later, they meet again in the same elevator. The guy asks: " Off to the blood bank again?"
The blonde just shakes her head and says :" Mmm-Mmm"

An attractive woman was reading The History of p**... on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"
She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest p**... in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"
She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?

An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.

My girlfriend's dad is so religious, he won't let us sleep together...

Which is a shame, because he's a really attractive man...

How do you make 10 pounds of ugly fat attractive?

Put a n**... on it.

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I c**... at your place tonight?

When I was at the gym, I asked the trainer, which is the best machine to hit to attract a woman?

He pointed outside and said The ATM

A man walks into a Bar.

A man walks into a bar and sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, May I buy you a cocktail?

"No thank you," she replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I came to her house, her father insisted that we could not sleep together. It was a shame, he was very attractive.

The beautiful wife

One day a man walks up to his wife with a question. "Honey, why are you both so beautiful and so s**...?"
She responds: "Well, god made me so beautiful so that you would be attracted to me."
The man nods.
"And he made me so s**... so that I would be attracted to you."

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....

If I had a dollar for every time a girl found me unattractive

They'd soon find me attractive

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Son asks his dad the meaning of the word gay

Dad, what does gay mean?
Well, it can mean two things. It can mean that a man is attracted to another man. Or it could mean happy.
Dad, are you gay?
No son, I'm married to your mother.

I told my friends I have a date with an attractive woman. They laughed and said she was imaginary.

Jokes on them, because they're imaginary too.

In Honor of His First Emmy, My Favorite Henry Winkler Joke

Henry Winkler boards a plane and sits in First Class. The attractive stewardess says, "Would you like a drink?" and he says, "Yes, thank you."
She brings him the drink, and then asks, "Would you like some headphones?"
He says, "Absolutely. But by the way, it's pronounced 'Fonz.'"

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

I saw a very attractive guy s**... his child after he threw his fries on the ground

I also threw my fries on the ground.

My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.

I said, Don't cry over skilled m**....

A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...

A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"

She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.
She agreed, and the guru had the best s**... of his life with the woman.
Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.

A woman decides to surprise her husband at work, and walks into his office to find him talking on the phone and his very attractive secretary perched on his lap.

As soon as he sees his wife, the husband speak into the phone, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue running this office with only one chair."

If I had a dollar for every time a girl didn't find me attractive

***They'd eventually find me attractive***

After getting lost in the huge Costco, I couldn't find my wife after25 minutes looking for her....

I went up to a very attractive woman and I told her: I lost my wife
The woman looked at me: I don't know how talking to me is going to help you find your wife
I said, just wait 3, 2, 1... my wife rounds the corner, hey honey what are you doing?

If I had a dollar for every girl who found me unattractive...

they would eventually find me very attractive.

If I had £1 for every girl who found me unattractive

They'd probably start to find me attractive

Attracted joke, If I had £1 for every girl who found me unattractive

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these attracted jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.