attorneys Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious attorneys puns

What do attorneys and sperm have in common?

1 out of 3 million has the potential to be a human being


Tip: when making a sex tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.


A farmer walked into an attorneys office...

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, May I help you?

The farmer said, Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.

The attorney asked, Well, do you have any grounds?

The farmer replied, Yeah. I got about 140 acres.

The attorney said, No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?

The farmer said, No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.

The attorney said, No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?

The farmer said, Yeah, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere.

The attorney said, No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?

The farmer said, Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.

The exasperated attorney said, Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?

The farmer said, No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.

Finally, the attorney asked, Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

And the farmer replied, Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her!


Why are there no Irish attorneys?

None of them can pass the Bar.


Defense attorneys are just like porn stars.

Their only job is to get you off.


My wife's parents are both attorneys.

I hate it when the at-laws come to visit.


Nguyen and Nguyen, Attorneys at Law

"It's always a win-win with us!"


Where there's a will...

There's always a couple of attorneys trying to contest it.


What do attorneys wear to court?



criminal defense attorneys are like whores

Their only job is to get you off...


Lawyer Humor (From a textbook)

A traffic court judge found himself facing two attorneys, both of whom he knew very well. Both were charged with speeding violations. "Gentlemen," he said, "I could not be truly objective in either of your cases, so I'm going to let you judge each other's case." Both Lawyers agreed. Attorney Number One climbed to the bench. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone. How do you plead?" he asked Attorney Number Two. "Guilty," was the response. "I fine you $50," said Number Two. Then they exchanged places. "You are charged with driving 40 in a 25 mph zone," said Number Two. "What is your plea?" "Guilty," said Number one. "Then I fine you $200," said Number Two. "Hey! That's unfair," said the first. "I fined you only $50." "Yes," was the reply, "but there is too much speeding going on. This is the second case we've had like that today"


Government and attorneys are the same.

Everyone hates them until you need one.


Why do geometrists make good trial attorneys?

Because they are very good at protracting all the angles.


What is the official name for 1,000 dead attorneys at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

And for 10,000 dead attorneys?

A new hope.


Three Jews and a Polish man walk into the Bar

The Jews pass and become successful attorneys


What do you call 25 attorneys buried up their chin in cement?

Not enough cement


What are the most funny Attorneys jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Attorneys? Well, here are the best Attorneys dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Attorneys pick up lines to share with friends.


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