Attorney And Doctor Jokes

An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.

The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'
'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.
'Why?' asks the doctor.
The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'

A heart transplant

A patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in a car accident, the 2nd is a 35 year old businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.
"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"

not necessary to have a high IQ to be an attorney?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

A grade school teacher was asking students...

...what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!"
The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation.
Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid?"

3 nickles

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son for breakfast. He gives the young boy
3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts
choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping
him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well
dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is
sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At
the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly
folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and
makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the
boy's t**... and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then
ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs
up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman hands the nickel to the father and
walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen
anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'
"No," the woman replied. "Divorce Attorney"

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary.
A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!”
Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff.
Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones.
He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton.
The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!”
Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff.
The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal.
The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “b**..., come!”
b**... entered and was told to do his stuff.
b**... immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.