attitude Jokes

funny attitude jokes and hilarious stories

INTRODUCTION

What are Attitude jokes? Attitude jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the Top 714 attitude jokes to have fun with friends and family. Most famous jokes about attitude ever. Funniest attitude sayings and gags.

Go to table of contents

BEST ATTITUDE JOKES

What are the best attitude jokes? First are the Top 10 Attitude jokes of all time. They are selected among the best 714 attitude ever told. Below are some new and well-known jokes.

A gay says: "Dick has been made only for the ass; if it was suitable for pussy it should be made like an axe!

dirty gay men sex

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

I'm going to open a half way house for girls who don't want to go all the way!

women

Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit.

people

Girl:want to have a good time Guy:sure Girl:for you its free

men women

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.

rude

I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.

communication health rude time

I think therefore I can't get anything done.

Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

communication rude sarcastic

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

life work
Go to table of contents

FUNNY ATTITUDE JOKES

What are the funniest attitude jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best attitude funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 714 jokes that are about attitude.

Till now my life was a mystery now I am going to make it a history.

The best part of being married on Valentine's Day is having all your expectations fulfilled. Because you have no expectations.

Netflix and scroll through the selections until it's too late to start watching anything.

I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... "Lazy."

I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to contribute to cows having body issues.

Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning.

Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store.

I'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law.

Why do Republicans spend so much money on bathroom fixtures? They really love the Grand Old Potty!

For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

I'm smiling. This should scare you.

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

You're not sure – outrun and make sure.

Yesterday I decided to change my WiFi name to "Hack me if you can" and when I woke up this morning I saw the name changed to "Challenge accepted" somebody help.

Spent 15min tracing a suspicious noise that tuned out to be the lid not screwed on the Coke bottle tightly enough. If you need a top sleuth.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

I estimate I have enough energy to attend two more social events in my lifetime.

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not at least 15% off.

I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.

Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.

Burglar gently waking me... "you live like this?"

I'm just a burned out bulb on the billboard of life.

How do I stay humble? Well, it's not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

My brain boots up like a 10 year old PC that frequents gambling and adult websites.

They lie about marijuana: "Marijuana makes you unmotivated." Lie. When you're high, you can do anything you normally do just as well. You just realize it's not worth the fucking effort. There's a difference.

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope.

Do you need space? Join NASA!

I need hug(e amount of money).

I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.

I call my car the "Pussy Wagon" because that's where I go to cry.

Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!"
Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.

If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

It's 10 pm, time to eat the fridge.

Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...

I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.

There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you're going through Hell, keep going.

I hugged someone once and they expected it every time they saw me. I'll never do that again.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

My girl always tells me "Life is about the little things", but I just hate when she talks about her Ex.

I met my soulmate. She didn't.

You're about as useful as a bucket without a bottom.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I hate when people ask for likes... Like if you agree!

Sure, I may be slow, but I do lousy work.

It's gonna be ok.

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank; I have no words for how angry I am.

The real reason I keep my car messy is just in case anyone ever tries to steal it maybe they will feel sorry for me instead.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

Look, if crying doesn't solve the problem, then maybe I'm just not the person you should be asking.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it.

I'm watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy.

That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."

At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.

I'm single by choice. Unfortunately, it's not my choice.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

They said too much of everything is bad... But too much of goodness ain't bad?

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.

My mind wants to dance but my body is a really awkward white guy.

Can a woman make you a Millionaire? Yes, if you're a Billionaire.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way. I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny.

What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip.

To weigh 50 kilos and say that you're fat, that is so female…

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and a fake number.

God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.

My life is a lot like that driver who signals right, but turns left.

My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts.

Me: "How much for the baby dragon?"
Pet store clerk: "Sir, that's a lizard."
Me: *not listening* "When do they start breathing fire?"

I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

What do ghosts read? Booooks!

I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonald's.

How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

Imagine that you are in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...

We can copy any document for you. We do not require the original.

Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.

I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.

Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.

I've agreed so much with my wife that my head just starts nodding at the sound of her voice.

If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.

I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.

Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.

How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?

Despite my specific instructions, no one that has listened to my voicemail has left me a massage after the beep.

In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is – I don't have such a principle.

Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.

You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy...take two.

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!

If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: "It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you."

Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?

I'm pretty sure Twitter is the smoking section of Facebook.

In our youth we were so pretention in our vision of lustful attractiveness, but with advancing age we can now appreciate one's beauty within, thank goodness, because now we are rightfully mirror shy.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.

There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.

RSVP: ⚪️yes ⚪️no ⚫️yes now but then no later on

I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

What will it take to reunite Nirvana? Two more bullets.

You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog.

Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!

I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.

I'll be doing a book signing today at Barnes & Noble from 2pm until they kick me out for writing in random books.

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

I'm not crazy; I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

I am rarely more focused on 5 seconds than when I'm waiting to skip an ad on the internet.

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly... I'm not a fan.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

I've been waiting to get a book on how to commit suicide from the library but the last guy hasn't brought it back.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

My teenage angst has lasted 30 years.

Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries

I'm here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.

Hi, can I follow you home tonight? Sorry, that came out a little strong, my mom always told me to follow my dreams.

Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

Appreciate how some people don't come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.

I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.

If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.

The grass is always greener on the other side because its fertilized with bullshit.

Most guys walk up and stick it in... I stick it in then walk up...

I don't care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory.

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? Her: What? You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

Why, yes, I am dressed for the weather.I am wearing a house.

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell "WELCOME TO NARNIA".

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.

An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.

I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.

Updating your relationship status in public is fine. Updating your relationship problems in public is stupidity.

Never hypothetically ask yourself if the person in front of you can go any slower, because the answer is yes.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it.

If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.

Neil Armstrong's only regret while he was alive was that he forgot to take a selfie on the moon.

I would tell a history joke, but they're too old fashioned.

I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.

If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.

Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.

If you are a bit paranoid, does that mean you're upset with the numbers from 0 to 3?

All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

Throws salad into a garden: "Go home boy... you're free now."

I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.

The results of a Harvard study found that 9 out of 10 people who do not eat meat suffer from chronic constipation, proving that what happens in vegans, stays in vegans.

Sorry I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.

I'd pat my own back but my ego is too busy shaking my hand.

I always adjust the seat and mirrors when I drive my husband's car so he doesn't forget he's married.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen.

You can't be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Me in my 20's: "Dresses like I'm on the catwalk."
Me in my 30's: "dresses like I walk cats."

I have a lot in common with my Velcro wallet. We're both simple and great at holding everything in.

If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree.

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

What do women and modern computers have in common? Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy.

It is better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.

I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

On St. Patrick's Day I like to make believe I'm Irish. Just like at Christmas when I make believe I'm good.

Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth.

Snowmen don't need scarves, idiots.

Even if you were eaten, there will still be a two way out.

I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.

Marriage through the ages creates new reflexive responses, for example it was only the other night the wife panted that she was so very hot, so I turned on the airconditioner.

I'm starting to think cyber security is at the same level as mall security

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

My patience has stretch marks.

I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status "I'm getting a divorce," he was the first one to click Like.

There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If you're waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, 'cause it's gonna be a really long time.

I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"

For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis.

How come you're responsible if you do your taxes in March, but I'm crazy when I do my trick-or-treating in September?

I changed my password everywhere to "incorrect". That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, "Your password is incorrect".

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexics. I was in Daniel.

How good are you at powerpoint? I Excel at it!

I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.

When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly.

I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.

Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends because he was so clothes minded!

Virginity is curable.

The longer you sleep – the more sleep you need. The more you eat – the bigger is your appetite.

You could very well be going to heaven but it won't be hell in hell without you!

I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician

There is no "me" in team. No, wait, yes there is!

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my sat nav said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."

I'm drawn toward women who are beautiful when they are angry because once we start dating that's how they'll look 90% of the time.

You are so gay your favorite game is leapfrog with unicorns.

Books are just TV for smart people.

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

Doing yoga got me out of the habit of biting my fingernails. Now I bite my toenails.

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly...

Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.

Sorry, I'm late. I got here as soon as I felt like it.

On a scale of newlyweds to married 25 years, how willing are you to admit I'm right?

Smoking is a slow death! But we're not in a hurry…

All my party planning skills revolve around exit strategies.

Karma takes too long, I'd rather beat the shit out of you just now.

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

That whole "letting go" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss.

I'm black in complexion, not dark in color.

Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

It's two in the morning. Do you know where your blankets are?

Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Before starting to stand up comedy I used to think I'll die of hunger. Now, I'm quite sure about it.

I like to finish other people's sentences because... my version is better.

The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

In America, you find a party, in Russia, party always finds you.

The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

Why won't women make good Carpenters? Because men have been saying this much is a foot for years.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.

Do you know why I make puns? Because it's my respunsibility.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

Titanic was such a beautiful movie, it always gets me. Makes me wanna go on a cruise like that one day.

Is yur name Atilla cuz you can be my hun anytime!

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my salad?"

White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."

It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.

Don't worry laundry, it's Friday night and nobody is doing me either.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

I couldn't join the KKK if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough. Turns out my parents weren't even related.

I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking.

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it.

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

I was going to be a computer forensics expert, but couldn't hack IT.

My dog is completely exhausted from destroying everything in my house

Not to brag, but I still fit into the lack of enthusiasm I had in high school.

Relationship status: Autocorrect changes my girl to my grill.

Why was tiger looking inside the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

3-year-old: What's a swear word?

Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.

3:

Me:

3: Is my middle name a swear word?

It's funny how one person can make you never trust anybody...

My hope for you is that you someday find the end of your sentence

I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.

Coldplay is like depression you can hear.

When Miley Cyrus gets naked & licks a hammer it's "art" & "music". But when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "have to leave the hardware store".

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

You can tell a girl likes you if she stares at your phone instead of her own.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.

Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain.

Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid and Crystal Meth? He said he could stop anytime.

This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.

If at first you don't succeed: try management.

I might drive you crazy, but at least I'll take the scenic route.

I love dangerous sex, in fact, I masturbate with no hand.

My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

Woke up early to go for a run and got as far as still laying here.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

You don't notice the air, until someone spoils it.

I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said "If you can read this the b*tch fell off."

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

My dad used to tell me "always leave them wanting more", which is probably why he lost his job in disaster relief.

My favorite part of Fall is walking through a hundred spider webs a day and screaming every single time.

I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.

I always wanted to learn to procrastinate... just never got around to it.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

I'm sure my neighbor Nicholas is trying to poison me... You're such an Arse, Nick.

I work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out...

Why can't fishermen be generous? Because their business makes them sell fish!

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.

If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser.

I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, but I didn't know her first name was "Always".

You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.

Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I'm not getting much interest.

If you were a triangle youd be acute one.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

I'm sure there's a supplement I could take or another easy solution to cure my laziness. Someone look into it for me.

Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

If you are not part of the solution, you're probably running for President

With my luck I'll probably be reincarnated as me.

Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away.

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too.

I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.

Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off...

If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.

I may not be the brightest nail in the bucket, but at least I have a point.

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about.

Cancer cures smoking.

What is the difference between Scientology and Christianity? People don't believe in scientology.

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

I'm at my most amazing when no one is paying attention.

I'm in a long distance relationship, her restraining order ends tomorrow.

Our family motto is "Who took my phone charger?"

Me: Let's stay in bed. Me also: Good idea.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try. My fucking goldfish died.

How is education going to make me smarter?

Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...

My sexual experiences are much like my exams. A lot of nervous build up before hand, performance is rushed and the end results are often disappointing.

If I tell you I'm thinking about you, don't get too excited, because I'm also thinking about nachos.

Me in public: "There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

When I said "I was afraid of the dentist", I meant the bill.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Why do witches not wear underwear? So they get a better grip.

Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.

Autocorrect just changed "I have so much anxiety I can barely breathe" to "I'm fine."

Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.

The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.

I like the way your medication thinks.

I always give 110%. Oops. Left out the decimal point. I always give 1.10%.

I don't ignore people, I just choose to not notice them.

You must be a full moon, coz everytime you are around me, I turn into a beast.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.

Why do people ask me if I'm "hiding", if I was hiding you wouldn't see me!

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Marriage and smoking are similar. You start because you want to and you continue because you have to.

My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common? They both think,"My moms gonna kill me".

I became a vegetarian – switched to weed.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

I just drank a monster energy drink and I'm still depressed but like, excitedly.

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Finally I got laid on top of a how woman, I was on the upper berth and she on the lower one.

Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

The only thing harder than midterms was my penis when I found out Bruce Jenner was switching genders.

We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff... and I want it (:

There are no limits to my perfection – a monkey was thinking while looking at a human.

I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!

Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

I'm Only Here For The Free Food

How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

You should argue with your wife only when she's not around.

If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you.

If it ain't broke, I haven't borrowed it yet.

My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.

Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm possible."

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the full sentence was "You're pretty annoying." but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.

My walk of shame is walking past the people I just said goodbye to because I went in the wrong direction and had to go back.

I am known at the gym as the "before picture."

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Alcohol makes people do things they know they shouldn't but kinda want to. E.g I started sleeping 20 hours a day.

Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

It seems like less people are solving their differences with dance offs.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!

If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.

I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.

You know you've got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

Legends don't die... I am a living example!

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

My dad was a stalker. I want to follow him in his footsteps.

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

I don't care what you think you're good at, there's a 7-year-old kid on YouTube doing it better.

In my experience there's two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way.

When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.

I'm not trying to boss you around just do what I say.

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.

People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.

"What else can we think about?"
- Insomnia

Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.

Our conscience is clear- we don't use it.

I got myself into this, and I'll get myself even deeper into this.

The Invisible Man can fart and pretend that he is not to blame.

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle.

Men swear they know everything until you ask them who is she.

Dance Dance Revolution is an intense game but an even more intense to-do list

I'm rubber and you're glue. She's tape. He's a stapler. Those guys are paper clips. All my friends are office supplies.

You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.

I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.

I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.

When people won't talk to me, it doesn't bother me. When a dog won't let me pet them, man, that really hurts.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you're sleeping with.

I am depressed in every way except emotionally.

I'm not racist, I have a colored tv.

The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it's over.

I'm trying to get on your good side, but I haven't found it yet.

My dog and I both freak out whenever the doorbell rings but we run in opposite directions.

There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups.

Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.

They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.

Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend.

Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?

Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

I can't get enough minimalism.

What is Gods favorite car? A Prius.

Hit snooze until the panic sets in.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Yet he lives in the jungle for over 30 years.

The Italian boxing team boycotted the Olympics when they heard it was going to be one on one.

I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.

If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends – they might not give you a chance to change your mind…

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.

Facebook is telling me to "reconnect" with my brother...hmmm, I see him everyday

Scientists are concerned the legalization of marijuana in Canada may result in an entire nation of overly friendly and polite people.

I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!

You should be wearing a jersey so i dont have to ask for your name or number

Everything is rightly confused.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn't at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

Honk all you want, but if I don't eat these donuts at this green light I'll have to share them at home.

No Déjà vu please...I Don't want to go through that again

Grocery store flowers on Valentine's Day: show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

For me, being "clean and sober" means I'm showered and headed to the pub.

My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.

I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels.

Sure, I'd love to help you out... now, which way did you come in?

I don't date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

I've found if you say "well well well" as soon as someone sits down across from you, you immediately get the upper hand for about 2 seconds.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?

Why was the snowman so brave? Because he had big snow balls.

I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?

If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.

I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.

I'm tired of people assuming I've got a good personality because I'm ugly.

I mostly just scroll through Instagram as a reminder of what brands I said out loud yesterday.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Some people say sex is bad for you... Those people are virgins.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob if we don't get support people are going to think we're nuts.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.

I came into this world screaming and I still haven't stopped.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Here, you can always find a party. Where I come from, the Party can always find you.

Eternally long a woman can be looking at 3 things in a supermarket. And then, bang! She buys 7 things!

An asteroid 1,200 light years away has a 0.6% chance of colliding with the Earth, and you all just walking around like everything is fine.

I could never figure out why I was never any good at math!

Your way sounds super safe and rational. Let's do it my way.

What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"

I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.

If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.

I made voodoo dolls of my dogs just so I could still rub their bellies while I'm at work.

They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.

Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen.

2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people:
1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

If you are having a blind date on a glacier. Don't break the ice.

When a woman says "what?" It's not because she didn't hear you. She's just giving you a chance to change what you said.

A slut is someone who'll have sex with anyone, a bitch is someone who'll have sex with anyone except you.

I don't care who you are, but if you're reading this I still don't care.

A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."

We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Thanks to Heroin I think I'm addicted to needles.

So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter.

I always knew that I could never be a lawyer because of my inability to pass a bar.

I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.

I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.

I'm not a stalker, I'm just an unpaid private investigator.

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

I can't decide which room not to clean first.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.

Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

Always identify who to blame in an emergency.

The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

To the question ‘What are you doing here?' 72% answered negative.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Any car is a self-driving car if you don't give a shit.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.

If I was a dog, and you were a flower, I'd lift up my legs, and give you a shower.

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just nuts.

Stop with the blind jokes ... I don´t see the point.

Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

My wine drinking is merely functional... My personality is better with a little marinade.

We need to show compassion for the mentally ill without letting them run for President.

When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors. They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.

If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him.

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep - that's got to be the ultimate rejection.

I think Facebook needs a group so gingers can mark themselves as safe in this heat.

What do heroin, jaywalking and prostitution have in common? They're all illegal, but people do them anyway.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

I'm in the mood to multiply

To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

By age 35 you should hate the last three albums by your favorite band.

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

Why did the scarecrow win the competition? He was 'outstanding' in his field!

What's the difference between God and a Doctor? God knows he's not a Doctor!

If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

This may sound arrogant but I think I could make a better Periodic Table.

If you were a pole I would dance all over you.

I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

If you feel unsure about a new haircut, ask a man if it looks okay. But ask him many, many, many times. Never be satisfied with his answer.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

The real rich is the one who can enjoy from the cheapest things.

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.

I changed my password to "incorrect", so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

I'm at a McDonalds and their phone just rang. I have to assume whoever is making that call is a completely unstable human being.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?

I don't like telling dairy jokes 'cause they're always too cheesy.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

I like my women the same as I like my whiskey. 20 years old and mixed up with coke!

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Where does one apply to be a "kept man"?

I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!" Fucking b*tch.

Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.

You know she loves you when she picks your nose. How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.

PewdDePie, I used to be a fan but now I am a air conditioner.

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

Fathering two daughters seemed like a good idea, but then glitter.

I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick Days I will be 100% drunk.

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

Why can't you take anything balloons say seriously? They're always full of hot air!

People keep telling me to become a stand-up comedian and I'm like "Ugh, standing."

The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.

Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

I always cry at weddings, especially my own.

People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it.

I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.

If you are here - who is running hell?

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

What's the best thing about being a meth addict? Only one sleep till Christmas.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.

Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.

Who's your friend?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

Atheist problems: being considered strange because you don't believe in a magic man in the sky!

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

What do politicians and porn stars have most in common? They're experts at switching positions in front of camera.

They call me coffee cause I grind so fine.

I watched a documentary on LSD last night, it really changed my perception.

Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school? His heart wasn't in it.

Can't wait to start my New Years resolution in 2018!

Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.

If you get in the mood to do some work, someone will always wake you up.

Lazy People Fact #5812672793. You were too lazy to read that number.

Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"

A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily…

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

One day I'll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.

I should have known it would never work out between me and my ex-girlfriend - after all, I'm a Pisces and she's a bitch.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.

An invention of the hug: "You look sad. Let me choke your whole body"

Shut up, will you?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. Then I was born

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

I wanted to be a hair stylist for bald people.

Oh... I didn't tell you... Then It must be none of your business...

I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Well, a joke's on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?

What's a sexoholic's favorite roller coaster? Iron Rattler.

Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing – you will not only regret but will also suffer.

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Do one thing that scares you every day. Maybe do four things. Live in constant fear.

I'm a people person, but from a distance.

Me: Real women don't care about romantic clichés. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with.

Why is a doctor always calm? Because it has a lot of patients.

I wish I could get bitten by a radioactive confident person.

Strangers have the best candy.

I would tell a swimming joke, but I think it's too watered-down to be funny.

I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

Go to table of contents

ABOUT

What are Attitude jokes about? Attitude is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about attitude.

Are Attitude jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring attitude joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also view attitude jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with attitude jokes on YouTube.

Go to table of contents

CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best attitude jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 714 jokes about attitude. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty attitude jokes to your kids.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Find jokes will make you cry in laughter. Some of these attitude jokes will make her, him laugh. Find and save jokes to tell your friends. Have fun and dig deeper into our jokes archive.

Can I save Attitude jokes? You can do this from Joko Jokes iOS app. It is available for free download from App Store. Bookmark jokes so we ca rank them by how many bookmarks every joke has. Every bookmark increase its position in Joko Jokes' rankings.

Where to read Attitude jokes? Save any joke to your bookmarks for futher reference. Read any Attitude joke from Bookmarks. You can do this from Joko Jokes - funny jokes daily iPhone app.

How to share Attitude joke? You are free to share every Attitude joke found on Joko Jokes. Share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

Browse a lot of Attitude books and funny books with jokes about Attitude on Amazon.

Go to table of contents
JokoJokes