attitude Jokes

funny attitude jokes and hilarious stories

INTRODUCTION

What are Attitude jokes? Attitude jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the Top 714 attitude jokes to have fun with friends and family. Most famous jokes about attitude ever. Funniest attitude sayings and gags.

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BEST ATTITUDE JOKES

What are the best attitude jokes? First are the Top 10 Attitude jokes of all time. They are selected among the best 714 attitude ever told. Below are some new and well-known jokes.

I'm Only Here For The Free Food

food

What will it take to reunite Nirvana? Two more bullets.

birthday life puns

Me in my 20's: "Dresses like I'm on the catwalk."
Me in my 30's: "dresses like I walk cats."

age animal

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

food

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

intelligence sarcastic

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob if we don't get support people are going to think we're nuts.

communication dirty people

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

life New Year

If it ain't broke, I haven't borrowed it yet.

stupid

They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.

age sarcastic time

I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

car work
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FUNNY ATTITUDE JOKES

What are the funniest attitude jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best attitude funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 714 jokes that are about attitude.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

The longer you sleep – the more sleep you need. The more you eat – the bigger is your appetite.

"What else can we think about?"
- Insomnia

Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not at least 15% off.

There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.

If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status "I'm getting a divorce," he was the first one to click Like.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

If you are having a blind date on a glacier. Don't break the ice.

It's 10 pm, time to eat the fridge.

I changed my password to "incorrect", so anytime I forget and enter the wrong thing, the computer tells me what it is.

I couldn't join the KKK if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough. Turns out my parents weren't even related.

You must be a full moon, coz everytime you are around me, I turn into a beast.

I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.

I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.

I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.

An invention of the hug: "You look sad. Let me choke your whole body"

I am depressed in every way except emotionally.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

You can tell a girl likes you if she stares at your phone instead of her own.

It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

I wanted to be a hair stylist for bald people.

Why do witches not wear underwear? So they get a better grip.

Do you know why I make puns? Because it's my respunsibility.

I'm in the mood to multiply

In principle, I can stop drinking, the thing is – I don't have such a principle.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels.

I'm drawn toward women who are beautiful when they are angry because once we start dating that's how they'll look 90% of the time.

Here, you can always find a party. Where I come from, the Party can always find you.

I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the full sentence was "You're pretty annoying." but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.

When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

I like the way your medication thinks.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!"
Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

The Invisible Man can fart and pretend that he is not to blame.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

I could never figure out why I was never any good at math!

The Italian boxing team boycotted the Olympics when they heard it was going to be one on one.

My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper.

Before starting to stand up comedy I used to think I'll die of hunger. Now, I'm quite sure about it.

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

My walk of shame is walking past the people I just said goodbye to because I went in the wrong direction and had to go back.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

My life is a lot like that driver who signals right, but turns left.

If you are here - who is running hell?

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.

I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Hi, can I follow you home tonight? Sorry, that came out a little strong, my mom always told me to follow my dreams.

Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"

When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."

I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff... and I want it (:

I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, but I didn't know her first name was "Always".

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

I mostly just scroll through Instagram as a reminder of what brands I said out loud yesterday.

If you're going through Hell, keep going.

I love dangerous sex, in fact, I masturbate with no hand.

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

What's the best thing about being a meth addict? Only one sleep till Christmas.

I don't like black jokes because I have one in my family tree. He's still hanging there.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.

Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

Always identify who to blame in an emergency.

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

How do I stay humble? Well, it's not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

I'm sure my neighbor Nicholas is trying to poison me... You're such an Arse, Nick.

Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I'm not getting much interest.

Where does one apply to be a "kept man"?

I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.

All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?

An asteroid 1,200 light years away has a 0.6% chance of colliding with the Earth, and you all just walking around like everything is fine.

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

Yesterday I decided to change my WiFi name to "Hack me if you can" and when I woke up this morning I saw the name changed to "Challenge accepted" somebody help.

You're about as useful as a bucket without a bottom.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now.

Scientists are concerned the legalization of marijuana in Canada may result in an entire nation of overly friendly and polite people.

Any car is a self-driving car if you don't give a shit.

If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you.

Do one thing that scares you every day. Maybe do four things. Live in constant fear.

My wine drinking is merely functional... My personality is better with a little marinade.

I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree.

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly...

My hope for you is that you someday find the end of your sentence

I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexics. I was in Daniel.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm possible."

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

Men swear they know everything until you ask them who is she.

Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*

I got myself into this, and I'll get myself even deeper into this.

How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

No Déjà vu please...I Don't want to go through that again

I'm not trying to boss you around just do what I say.

Shut up, will you?" "Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?

I might drive you crazy, but at least I'll take the scenic route.

I've found if you say "well well well" as soon as someone sits down across from you, you immediately get the upper hand for about 2 seconds.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle.

Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.

On St. Patrick's Day I like to make believe I'm Irish. Just like at Christmas when I make believe I'm good.

If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.

At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.

Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away.

I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.

I'm not a stalker, I'm just an unpaid private investigator.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

It's two in the morning. Do you know where your blankets are?

Why, yes, I am dressed for the weather.I am wearing a house.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.

I'm at a McDonalds and their phone just rang. I have to assume whoever is making that call is a completely unstable human being.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

Alcohol makes people do things they know they shouldn't but kinda want to. E.g I started sleeping 20 hours a day.

How is education going to make me smarter?

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just nuts.

I hugged someone once and they expected it every time they saw me. I'll never do that again.

What's a sexoholic's favorite roller coaster? Iron Rattler.

I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.

What do heroin, jaywalking and prostitution have in common? They're all illegal, but people do them anyway.

The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

I hate when people ask for likes... Like if you agree!

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

Snowmen don't need scarves, idiots.

Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.

I am rarely more focused on 5 seconds than when I'm waiting to skip an ad on the internet.

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

Karma takes too long, I'd rather beat the shit out of you just now.

Look, if crying doesn't solve the problem, then maybe I'm just not the person you should be asking.

I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

You can consider yourself lucky in life, if the cognac you drink is older than the woman that you're sleeping with.

I always cry at weddings, especially my own.

Spent 15min tracing a suspicious noise that tuned out to be the lid not screwed on the Coke bottle tightly enough. If you need a top sleuth.

Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Most guys walk up and stick it in... I stick it in then walk up...

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

Why is a doctor always calm? Because it has a lot of patients.

Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!

I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.

If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherfucker a reason.

In America, you find a party, in Russia, party always finds you.

I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about.

I became a vegetarian – switched to weed.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."

Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.

Lazy People Fact #5812672793. You were too lazy to read that number.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

Why won't women make good Carpenters? Because men have been saying this much is a foot for years.

I like to finish other people's sentences because... my version is better.

What is the difference between Scientology and Christianity? People don't believe in scientology.

If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

On a scale of newlyweds to married 25 years, how willing are you to admit I'm right?

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my sat nav said, "In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out."

If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.

I'd pat my own back but my ego is too busy shaking my hand.

I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.

I came into this world screaming and I still haven't stopped.

People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.

Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

3-year-old: What's a swear word?

Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.

3:

Me:

3: Is my middle name a swear word?

With my luck I'll probably be reincarnated as me.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later.

Why was the snowman so brave? Because he had big snow balls.

Me: Real women don't care about romantic clichés. My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers.

When Miley Cyrus gets naked & licks a hammer it's "art" & "music". But when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "have to leave the hardware store".

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Fathering two daughters seemed like a good idea, but then glitter.

I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!" Fucking b*tch.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years.

I changed my password everywhere to "incorrect". That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, "Your password is incorrect".

What do women and modern computers have in common? Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy.

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."

For me, being "clean and sober" means I'm showered and headed to the pub.

Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off...

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.

Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.

By age 35 you should hate the last three albums by your favorite band.

I would tell a history joke, but they're too old fashioned.

Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.

I'm not crazy; I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.

I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.

I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.

Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.

Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.

All my party planning skills revolve around exit strategies.

RSVP: ⚪️yes ⚪️no ⚫️yes now but then no later on

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

Dance Dance Revolution is an intense game but an even more intense to-do list

If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?

The best part of being married on Valentine's Day is having all your expectations fulfilled. Because you have no expectations.

My dad was a stalker. I want to follow him in his footsteps.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.

Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.

I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.

If I tell you I'm thinking about you, don't get too excited, because I'm also thinking about nachos.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"

If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I'm watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy.

I've agreed so much with my wife that my head just starts nodding at the sound of her voice.

What fruit do you eat when you are sad? Blueberries.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

I don't care what you think you're good at, there's a 7-year-old kid on YouTube doing it better.

Do you like the internet? Cause I can put you on there if you come back to my place.

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too.

Your way sounds super safe and rational. Let's do it my way.

Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

People keep telling me to become a stand-up comedian and I'm like "Ugh, standing."

Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Why can't you take anything balloons say seriously? They're always full of hot air!

I don't like telling dairy jokes 'cause they're always too cheesy.

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try. My fucking goldfish died.

A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily…

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope.

I'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law.

Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it.

I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.

If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.

If you're waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, 'cause it's gonna be a really long time.

I'm just a burned out bulb on the billboard of life.

I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.

I've been waiting to get a book on how to commit suicide from the library but the last guy hasn't brought it back.

Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!

I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

My favorite part of Fall is walking through a hundred spider webs a day and screaming every single time.

Never hypothetically ask yourself if the person in front of you can go any slower, because the answer is yes.

Me: Let's stay in bed. Me also: Good idea.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

The results of a Harvard study found that 9 out of 10 people who do not eat meat suffer from chronic constipation, proving that what happens in vegans, stays in vegans.

Stop with the blind jokes ... I don´t see the point.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...

I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.

Everything is rightly confused.

The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.

You are so gay your favorite game is leapfrog with unicorns.

Why did the scarecrow win the competition? He was 'outstanding' in his field!

Why was tiger looking inside the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

I don't care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory.

I'm rubber and you're glue. She's tape. He's a stapler. Those guys are paper clips. All my friends are office supplies.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.

I don't ignore people, I just choose to not notice them.

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

If at first you don't succeed: try management.

Eternally long a woman can be looking at 3 things in a supermarket. And then, bang! She buys 7 things!

I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.

Updating your relationship status in public is fine. Updating your relationship problems in public is stupidity.

I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.

Throws salad into a garden: "Go home boy... you're free now."

Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.

Till now my life was a mystery now I am going to make it a history.

I'm at my most amazing when no one is paying attention.

Virginity is curable.

Hit snooze until the panic sets in.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends because he was so clothes minded!

Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries

A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend.

You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.

The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.

They call me coffee cause I grind so fine.

Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.

Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

We can copy any document for you. We do not require the original.

What's the difference between God and a Doctor? God knows he's not a Doctor!

How come you're responsible if you do your taxes in March, but I'm crazy when I do my trick-or-treating in September?

Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.

I need hug(e amount of money).

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way. I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

I'll be doing a book signing today at Barnes & Noble from 2pm until they kick me out for writing in random books.

Appreciate how some people don't come out of ATM till they find the meaning of life right there.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Even if you were eaten, there will still be a two way out.

I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.

There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups.

Sorry, I'm late. I got here as soon as I felt like it.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Marriage through the ages creates new reflexive responses, for example it was only the other night the wife panted that she was so very hot, so I turned on the airconditioner.

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. Then the librarian told me to take it out.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

Do you need space? Join NASA!

Sure, I may be slow, but I do lousy work.

Sure, I'd love to help you out... now, which way did you come in?

Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

I'm trying to get on your good side, but I haven't found it yet.

You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

Is yur name Atilla cuz you can be my hun anytime!

I want to go to IKEA, hide in a wardrobe, wait for someone to open it and yell "WELCOME TO NARNIA".

My teenage angst has lasted 30 years.

I'm starting to think cyber security is at the same level as mall security

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people:
1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

One day I'll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a 14.4k dial up connection.

I work out almost every day. Friday I almost worked out, Saturday I almost worked out, Sunday I almost worked out...

Dear Week, I'm so over you. I'm leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don't try to find us for at least 2 days.

Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"

I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Burglar gently waking me... "you live like this?"

I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.

How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

Treat Two-faced people like mushrooms. Keep them in the dark and feed them shit.

I like my women the same as I like my whiskey. 20 years old and mixed up with coke!

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

You could very well be going to heaven but it won't be hell in hell without you!

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.

Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid… I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician

I'm sure there's a supplement I could take or another easy solution to cure my laziness. Someone look into it for me.

I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.

I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?

You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

My mind wants to dance but my body is a really awkward white guy.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

In our youth we were so pretention in our vision of lustful attractiveness, but with advancing age we can now appreciate one's beauty within, thank goodness, because now we are rightfully mirror shy.

I always wanted to learn to procrastinate... just never got around to it.

If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.

They said too much of everything is bad... But too much of goodness ain't bad?

We need to show compassion for the mentally ill without letting them run for President.

To the question ‘What are you doing here?' 72% answered negative.

To weigh 50 kilos and say that you're fat, that is so female…

Me in public: "There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."

I'm smiling. This should scare you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?

I just drank a monster energy drink and I'm still depressed but like, excitedly.

If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him.

What do politicians and porn stars have most in common? They're experts at switching positions in front of camera.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Our conscience is clear- we don't use it.

I estimate I have enough energy to attend two more social events in my lifetime.

Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

When a woman says "what?" It's not because she didn't hear you. She's just giving you a chance to change what you said.

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn't at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.

If you feel unsure about a new haircut, ask a man if it looks okay. But ask him many, many, many times. Never be satisfied with his answer.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

Who's your friend?

My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.

I may not be the brightest nail in the bucket, but at least I have a point.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

My dog is completely exhausted from destroying everything in my house

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

I watched a documentary on LSD last night, it really changed my perception.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

My patience has stretch marks.

So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter.

I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors. They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

Finally I got laid on top of a how woman, I was on the upper berth and she on the lower one.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. Then I was born

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

How good are you at powerpoint? I Excel at it!

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly... I'm not a fan.

Can't wait to start my New Years resolution in 2018!

Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.

I was going to be a computer forensics expert, but couldn't hack IT.

Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no.

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

In my experience there's two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way.

Oh... I didn't tell you... Then It must be none of your business...

I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.

I'm black in complexion, not dark in color.

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

You know you've got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.

Don't worry laundry, it's Friday night and nobody is doing me either.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing – you will not only regret but will also suffer.

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis.

Despite my specific instructions, no one that has listened to my voicemail has left me a massage after the beep.

The grass is always greener on the other side because its fertilized with bullshit.

Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

Remember, it's not what you do... it's what you get away with.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

I'm a people person, but from a distance.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.

Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?

Honk all you want, but if I don't eat these donuts at this green light I'll have to share them at home.

I should have known it would never work out between me and my ex-girlfriend - after all, I'm a Pisces and she's a bitch.

I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick Days I will be 100% drunk.

Neil Armstrong's only regret while he was alive was that he forgot to take a selfie on the moon.

Atheist problems: being considered strange because you don't believe in a magic man in the sky!

Not to brag, but I still fit into the lack of enthusiasm I had in high school.

When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly.

Titanic was such a beautiful movie, it always gets me. Makes me wanna go on a cruise like that one day.

Facebook is telling me to "reconnect" with my brother...hmmm, I see him everyday

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Autocorrect just changed "I have so much anxiety I can barely breathe" to "I'm fine."

Smoking is a slow death! But we're not in a hurry…

I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.

Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.

You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog.

Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.

Our family motto is "Who took my phone charger?"

People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep - that's got to be the ultimate rejection.

Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.

I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.

Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth.

Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

My dog and I both freak out whenever the doorbell rings but we run in opposite directions.

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

Couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom.

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy...take two.

The real reason I keep my car messy is just in case anyone ever tries to steal it maybe they will feel sorry for me instead.

Thanks to Heroin I think I'm addicted to needles.

Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know...

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into a glass. Just wanted to make that clear.

The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.

Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store.

Imagine that you are in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...

I am known at the gym as the "before picture."

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

I'm tired of people assuming I've got a good personality because I'm ugly.

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonald's.

I'm single by choice. Unfortunately, it's not my choice.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I always give 110%. Oops. Left out the decimal point. I always give 1.10%.

You know she loves you when she picks your nose. How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.

They lie about marijuana: "Marijuana makes you unmotivated." Lie. When you're high, you can do anything you normally do just as well. You just realize it's not worth the fucking effort. There's a difference.

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it.

My girl always tells me "Life is about the little things", but I just hate when she talks about her Ex.

I have a lot in common with my Velcro wallet. We're both simple and great at holding everything in.

My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny.

I always adjust the seat and mirrors when I drive my husband's car so he doesn't forget he's married.

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

I call my car the "Pussy Wagon" because that's where I go to cry.

Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?

It seems like less people are solving their differences with dance offs.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.

You can't be a real country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.

Can a woman make you a Millionaire? Yes, if you're a Billionaire.

Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school? His heart wasn't in it.

I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.

Cancer cures smoking.

You should be wearing a jersey so i dont have to ask for your name or number

You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial.

The possibilities are endless, but I just want the good ones.

My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds. I gave her a scale.

Netflix and scroll through the selections until it's too late to start watching anything.

Marriage and smoking are similar. You start because you want to and you continue because you have to.

I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.

That whole "letting go" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss.

If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

The only thing harder than midterms was my penis when I found out Bruce Jenner was switching genders.

I wish I could get bitten by a radioactive confident person.

If I was a dog, and you were a flower, I'd lift up my legs, and give you a shower.

I met my soulmate. She didn't.

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

This may sound arrogant but I think I could make a better Periodic Table.

What do pregnant teenagers and their babies have in common? They both think,"My moms gonna kill me".

There are no limits to my perfection – a monkey was thinking while looking at a human.

Why can't fishermen be generous? Because their business makes them sell fish!

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Strangers have the best candy.

What do ghosts read? Booooks!

If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.

Legends don't die... I am a living example!

Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank; I have no words for how angry I am.

I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to contribute to cows having body issues.

I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen.

I don't date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.

If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

I'm in a long distance relationship, her restraining order ends tomorrow.

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my salad?"

If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends – they might not give you a chance to change your mind…

If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.

They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

I would tell a swimming joke, but I think it's too watered-down to be funny.

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.

White smoke from under my hood means either my starter went out or my car has elected a new Pope.

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... "Lazy."

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!

Books are just TV for smart people.

You should argue with your wife only when she's not around.

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

I think Facebook needs a group so gingers can mark themselves as safe in this heat.

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? Her: What? You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

If you were a triangle youd be acute one.

My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.

There is no "me" in team. No, wait, yes there is!

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection. A fake name and a fake number.

Relationship status: Autocorrect changes my girl to my grill.

If you are a bit paranoid, does that mean you're upset with the numbers from 0 to 3?

The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

If you get in the mood to do some work, someone will always wake you up.

Doing yoga got me out of the habit of biting my fingernails. Now I bite my toenails.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

I can't get enough minimalism.

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Well, a joke's on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

I think therefore I can't get anything done.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

My brain boots up like a 10 year old PC that frequents gambling and adult websites.

I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking.

When I said "I was afraid of the dentist", I meant the bill.

It's funny how one person can make you never trust anybody...

I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!

I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches.

Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Yet he lives in the jungle for over 30 years.

I don't care who you are, but if you're reading this I still don't care.

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

Girl:want to have a good time Guy:sure Girl:for you its free

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

A gay says: "Dick has been made only for the ass; if it was suitable for pussy it should be made like an axe!

Why do Republicans spend so much money on bathroom fixtures? They really love the Grand Old Potty!

I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said "If you can read this the b*tch fell off."

Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...

You're not sure – outrun and make sure.

I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

PewdDePie, I used to be a fan but now I am a air conditioner.

Woke up early to go for a run and got as far as still laying here.

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing.

If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!

Coldplay is like depression you can hear.

Why do people ask me if I'm "hiding", if I was hiding you wouldn't see me!

You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.

It's gonna be ok.

I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.

When people won't talk to me, it doesn't bother me. When a dog won't let me pet them, man, that really hurts.

The real rich is the one who can enjoy from the cheapest things.

A slut is someone who'll have sex with anyone, a bitch is someone who'll have sex with anyone except you.

If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: "It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you."

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan.

I'm here for whatever you need me to do from the couch.

I made voodoo dolls of my dogs just so I could still rub their bellies while I'm at work.

I'm not racist, I have a colored tv.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Me: "How much for the baby dragon?"
Pet store clerk: "Sir, that's a lizard."
Me: *not listening* "When do they start breathing fire?"

If you are not part of the solution, you're probably running for President

How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?

I can't decide which room not to clean first.

We need to look at how the world really works, not just accept the way we are told it works.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

They should build the wall with Hillary's emails because nobody can get over them.

Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

You don't notice the air, until someone spoils it.

I'm pretty sure Twitter is the smoking section of Facebook.

What is Gods favorite car? A Prius.

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

If you were a pole I would dance all over you.

Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid and Crystal Meth? He said he could stop anytime.

I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers.

Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip.

I always knew that I could never be a lawyer because of my inability to pass a bar.

I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.

My dad used to tell me "always leave them wanting more", which is probably why he lost his job in disaster relief.

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

It is better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.

Grocery store flowers on Valentine's Day: show someone you care slightly more than not at all.

Some people say sex is bad for you... Those people are virgins.

The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it's over.

I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.

My sexual experiences are much like my exams. A lot of nervous build up before hand, performance is rushed and the end results are often disappointing.

I'm going to open a half way house for girls who don't want to go all the way!

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

Sorry I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.

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ABOUT

What are Attitude jokes about? Attitude is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about attitude.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best attitude jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 714 jokes about attitude. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty attitude jokes to your kids.

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