Attic Jokes
101 attic jokes and hilarious attic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a whole new level of amusement as we explore the intriguing world of attic jokes. Impress your friends with observations about the enclosed space, the stairs, the closet, and the journey back downstairs. Learn to spell attic and use the ICup attic joke generator to find more laughs.
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Funniest Attic Short Jokes
Short attic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attic humour may include short loft jokes also.
- How many dead lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? More than 6, because my attic is still dark. Very dark.
- I was getting the Xmas decorations down from the attic when i found a present i forgot to give last year..... Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.
- People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since august, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
- I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown. Sales are going through the roof.
(I'll take my things and leave now..) - I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
- My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400. He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition.
- She said "should I invite my mum down for Christmas?" "No, leave her in the attic", I replied
- My neighbour My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof. - There might be something wrong with the walls in our attic. I'm going to describe it to you Asbestos I can.
- I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine. It's a family hair loom.
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Attic One Liners
Which attic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attic? I can suggest the ones about garage and cellar.
- I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
- Found my old copy of Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic It has not aged well.
- Women are like raincoats. In a box in my attic marked "raincoats."
- I'm running a boat making company from my attic. The sail are through the roof.
- Now that the tide pod fad is dying down lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.
- I've started a boating business from my attic. The sails are going through the roof.
- What's brown and runs in the attic? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
- I'm selling boats out of my attic And my Sails are through the roof
- What is brown and sits in a toilet in a dutch attic? The diarrhea of Anne Frank.
- Im going to open a Kosher Hotdog stand in my attic. It's called Anne's Franks.
- I started a yacht business in the attic. Sails are through the roof
- Yo mama so fat when she climbed into the attic she fell into the basement.
- I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic, it was in mint condition
- Why did the house have an intervention? Because it has an attic.
- What do you call a Star wars fan in an attic? Annakin Frank
Spell Attic Jokes
Here is a list of funny spell attic jokes and even better spell attic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Everyone look down your shirt and spell attic.
- Look at your chest and spell ATTIC I sound like a 10 year old xD
- Spell "attic" without laughing out loud
- Spell "attic" backwards and try not to laugh
- Spell "Attic" A t**... I see aswell.
Silly Attic Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about attic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean basement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attic pranks.
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...
...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.
It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.
Wrong spot
There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!"
A Husband Told His Wife...
"I'm putting this briefcase full of money in the attic. When I die and go to Heaven, I'll take it up there with me."
Well the day comes when he dies and a few months later the wife goes to the attic and finds the briefcase still where he left it before he died.
"I knew I should have put it in the basement..."
Two drunks are looking to get laid
After a hard night drinking so they make their way to a nearby brothel. The madam, noticing the extent of their intoxication, puts them up in two attic rooms with a couple of blow up dolls. When they meet again afterwards, one says to the other " I think my woman was dead beause she just did not move and was stone cold." The other one said " I think mine was a witch... as soon as I bit her n**..., shelets out a big f**... and flies out of the window"
I was in the attic the other day...
...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.
It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy.
So I've been clearing out my attic...
... and I've decided to get rid of my hoover- it was just gathering dust.
An old man found a box in his attic.
Inside were two knit bonnets and $250,000. He went to his wife and asked if she knew anything about it. She explained, "Every time I was mad at you, I'd knit a bonnet." The man was happy to find that, in 40 years of marriage, he'd only angered his wife twice. "OK, that explains the bonnets, but what about the money?" the old man asked. His wife smiled and said,"That's from selling all the bonnets I've made over the years."
WAR BOARDER
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Two Jews were smoking in the attic.
They got baked.
Cleaning the Attic
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Hey - get out!
We don't want
your type in here!''
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic.
Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday.
What do you call an attic with a lot of issues?
Problematic.
A husband leaves his money in the attic...
His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.
The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."
A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."
Mum, father hanged himself!
A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"
Did you hear about the old man selling boats in the attic?
The sails were going through the roof.
In the house of mathematics, where are the tautologies found?
They're kept in the Axiom Attic.
Cleaning Day
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies, "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
What do you call an upstairs room where junkies hang out?
A drug attic.
My brother is renovating his entire attic
He has very lofty ambitions.
My dad told me about the birds and the bees today...
Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.
Some conspiracy theorists live alone in the basement.
Others live alone in the ~~white house~~ attic.
Billy's mom comes home to see him crying...
Billy, what's wrong son?
Dad hanged himself in the attic! replied Billy, "eyes in tears".
The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.
As she gets up to the attic she notices that nothing is there and little Billy started giggling...
HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!!
He hanged himself in the basement!
I think my neighbor might be involved in some i**... activities.
I heard him confess to tax evasion when I was smoking m**... in his attic.
I once opened a boat business in my attic
The sales went through the roof
Wife hanging from a rope.
I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic. There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!" I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."
I saw my ex and it just ruined my whole day.
I should probably just stay out if the attic.
You will never guess what I found in my attic bathroom...
The diarrhea of Anne Frank
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Mommy mommy! Daddy hanged himself in the living room!
*mom rushes to the living room*
Kid: Haha! April fools! He did it in the attic!
An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic
And then p**... , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .
The old lady said
- I want to be young and beautiful again
- I want to very rich
- my cat should become a handsome prince
p**... the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and her cat now transformed into a prince started crying ..
She asked what happened ?
Cat : I guess you forgot the time you had me neutered !!
To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...
Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!
Why should you never keep pharmaceuticals under the roof?
To avoid it becoming a drug attic.
What do you call a roof addicted to m**...
A drug attic
a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.
the sails were through the roof.
A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.
As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a t**....
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
My neighbour jean guy's house caught on fire, I asked him what he was going to do..
He say don't worries, I gots more wood in the attic
A man put a bag of money in his attic.
He told his wife, This way, when I die, I can take the money with me on my way to Heaven.
When the man died, his wife went up into the attic, and sure enough, the bag of money was still there.
She said, I knew he should have put it in the basement.
I heard a chicken in my attic, but I've never seen one in my house before
I'm guessing it's a poultrygeist
I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the s**... out of my girlfriend.
I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.
People in glass houses...
A pacific island tribal king was infamous for conquering surrounding islands and stealing the defeated king's throne, and then stowing it, like a trophy, in the attic of his grass hut.
One day when sitting on his throne in said grass hut, the ceiling collapses under the weight of his trophies and the king is killed.
Which goes to prove that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic
Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out
You can't take it with you
A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."
A man went to confession (again)
"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"
"Of course you can."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
I found an old violin and a painting in the attic.
The antique dealer said, "The good news is you've got a Stradivarius and a Picasso. The bad news is Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Picasso made c**... violins."
Speaking of loft insulation
I had a man ring the bell the other day and ask if I was interested in getting felt up in the attic, so I punched him in the face and slammed the door.
Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.
How did you die?
I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?
A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.
It's ironic.
What is?
If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!
An old man was dying, and asked his wife for a favor...
He said, I will be dying soon, so I'd like you to put all my prized possessions in the attic, so that when I die, my spirt can grab the items as I ascend to heaven.
The wife obliged, and when her husband passed a few days later, she ran up to the attic to see if he managed to take his belongings.
The attic was still full of all the possessions she put there.
She shook her head and said, I knew I should have put all his possessions in the basement.
We just found an original Stradivarius and a previously undiscovered Rembrandt in my grandad's attic!
Unfortunately it turns out that Rembrandt made useless fiddles and Stradivarius couldn't paint worth a cuss.
I Started A New Business Making Yachts In My Attic This Year
The sails are going through the roof
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
A man who claimed he'd found a £100 million Picasso in his attic, which later turned out to be fake, has been accused of selling more forgeries...
Police said when they went to arrest him, he made a terrible scream, which they've also taken as evidence.
