Attic Jokes
98 attic jokes and hilarious attic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a whole new level of amusement as we explore the intriguing world of attic jokes. Impress your friends with observations about the enclosed space, the stairs, the closet, and the journey back downstairs. Learn to spell attic and use the ICup attic joke generator to find more laughs.
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Funniest Attic Short Jokes
Short attic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attic humour may include short loft jokes also.
- How many dead lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? More than 6, because my attic is still dark. Very dark.
- People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since august, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy
- I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown. Sales are going through the roof.
(I'll take my things and leave now..) - I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
- My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400. He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition.
- She said "should I invite my mum down for Christmas?" "No, leave her in the attic", I replied
- My neighbour My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof. - There might be something wrong with the walls in our attic. I'm going to describe it to you Asbestos I can.
- I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine. It's a family hair loom.
- a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic. the sails were through the roof.
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Attic One Liners
Which attic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attic? I can suggest the ones about garage and cellar.
- I started a boat business in the attic. The sails are going through the roof
- Found my old copy of Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic It has not aged well.
- Now that the tide pod fad is dying down lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.
- What's brown and runs in the attic? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
- I'm selling boats out of my attic And my Sails are through the roof
- I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic, it was in mint condition
- Why did the house have an intervention? Because it has an attic.
- What do you call a Star wars fan in an attic? Annakin Frank
- Two Jews were smoking in the attic. They got baked.
- You will never guess what I found in my attic bathroom... The diarrhea of Anne Frank
- My brother is renovating his entire attic He has very lofty ambitions.
- What do you call an upstairs room where junkies hang out? A drug attic.
- Everyone look down your shirt and spell attic.
- Why did the student keep his award in the attic??? Because he was told, "Keep it up."
- Why did the drug attic go to the chiropractor? He was looking for some good crack.
Spell Attic Jokes
Here is a list of funny spell attic jokes and even better spell attic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Look at your chest and spell ATTIC I sound like a 10 year old xD
- Spell "attic" without laughing out loud
Silly Attic Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about attic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean basement jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attic pranks.
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...
...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.
It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.
Wrong spot
There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!"
A man goes into a confession booth in Germany...
He says "Please forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest responded, "What is your sin my child?"
The man replies "During WWII I took in a Jewish man and hid him in my attic."
The priest then exclaims, "Good sir, that is not a sin at all. That was a righteous burden you took upon yourself. You should be proud of your actions."
The man hesitated for a moment and said "Well... I had him pay rent."
The priest simply stated "That isn't the most Christian thing to do, however it is not a sin."
The man then smiled feeling cleared of all wrongdoing. He got up to leave, but then paused once more and said
"Father?"
"Yes my child?"
"Do I have to tell him that the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly Italian man went to his parish priest
and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her s**... favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do you think I should tell her that the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
There was once a great Polynesian king
He lived in a magnificent palace made of woven grass and sat on a beautiful throne.
One day another kingdom gave him a gift: a new throne, even more exquisite than the one he already had. The king wanted to replace his old throne right away, but he didn't want to just throw it away; he had so many good memories tied to it!
Instead, he had it moved to the attic, and then he proceeded to sit on his new throne. Unfortunately, since the palace was made of woven grass, it couldn't support the weight of the old throne. Thus the old throne came crashing down, falling on top of the king and killing him instantly.
The moral of the story: Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two drunks are looking to get laid
After a hard night drinking so they make their way to a nearby brothel. The madam, noticing the extent of their intoxication, puts them up in two attic rooms with a couple of blow up dolls. When they meet again afterwards, one says to the other " I think my woman was dead beause she just did not move and was stone cold." The other one said " I think mine was a witch... as soon as I bit her n**..., shelets out a big f**... and flies out of the window"
The Old African King
There was once a highly respected King of an African tribe. Every year since his thirtieth birthday, he had been given a brand new throne to sit in for the year. Each year, the new throne far surpassed the beauty and value of the one prior to it. The problem was, each person in this tribe lived in grass huts, so the king had no choice but to put his old thrones in his attic.
So, on his sixtieth birthday, the king had room for only one more throne in his attic. His servants took it up, and as they sat it down the ceiling came crashing down onto the king and killed him.
Moral of the story: those who live in grass houses, shouldn't stow thrones.
Got Change?
An elderly couple is in financial dire straits. Their pension is running out and things are starting to look desperate.
After several pointless job interviews and attempting to sell some junk from the attic, they reach the sad conclusion that the only hope they have is for the wife to sell her "favors" on the street.
And so, in the morning, the wife leaves the house and doesn't come back until late at night. Her husband is anxiously waiting at the door.
"So, how much did you make?" he asks.
"$719.25", she replies before collapsing on the couch.
"Wha...? Who paid you with a quarter?!?"
"Everybody."
An old man found a box in his attic.
Inside were two knit bonnets and $250,000. He went to his wife and asked if she knew anything about it. She explained, "Every time I was mad at you, I'd knit a bonnet." The man was happy to find that, in 40 years of marriage, he'd only angered his wife twice. "OK, that explains the bonnets, but what about the money?" the old man asked. His wife smiled and said,"That's from selling all the bonnets I've made over the years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like raincoats.
In a box in my attic marked "raincoats."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the end game as a ghost?
Wait in an attic and try and scare some accountant into solving my m**...?
Cleaning the Attic
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Hey - get out!
We don't want
your type in here!''
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic.
Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday.
When are Latkes traditionally eaten?
While hiding in an attic.
A husband leaves his money in the attic...
His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.
The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."
A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."
Did you hear about the old man selling boats in the attic?
The sails were going through the roof.
In the South Pacific...
Many years ago, in the South Pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King's birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him. And each year, the King would put last years gift up in the attic of his small house. After many years of ruling the island, the weight of the large number of birthday presents stored up in the attic became too heavy and caused the house to fall down.
The moral of the story is that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
In the house of mathematics, where are the tautologies found?
They're kept in the Axiom Attic.
Cleaning Day
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies, "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
Why does the space between the ceiling and the roof need an intervention?
Because, it's an attic.
My dad told me about the birds and the bees today...
Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.
What part of the house got busted for drugs?
The attic
Some conspiracy theorists live alone in the basement.
Others live alone in the ~~white house~~ attic.
Mom to grown up son: "I donated all those old comic books you had in the attic to Goodwill."
"I didn't want to just throw them away."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my neighbor might be involved in some i**... activities.
I heard him confess to tax evasion when I was smoking m**... in his attic.
What you get, your husband will get it 3 times more
A woman is cleaning her attic, when she finds an old lamp. Surely enough, she rubs it and a genie pops off and tells her:
"I can grant you 3 wishes, but be aware that anything you get, your husband will get it 3 times more"
The woman asks:
"First I want to be very beautiful"
The genie grants her wish and turns her into a gorgeous woman. He then says:
"Done, and now your husband is 3 times more beautiful than you are"
Then the woman asks:
"Next I want to be rich"
Once again the genie grants her wish, and tells her:
"Done, and your husband is now 3 times richer than you"
The the woman asks:
"Finally, I want to have a small small small heart attack"
Wife hanging from a rope.
I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic. There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!" I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."
I saw my ex and it just ruined my whole day.
I should probably just stay out if the attic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic
And then p**... , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .
The old lady said
- I want to be young and beautiful again
- I want to very rich
- my cat should become a handsome prince
p**... the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and her cat now transformed into a prince started crying ..
She asked what happened ?
Cat : I guess you forgot the time you had me neutered !!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man brings a big dog into a bar
He asked the waitress for 2 glasses of beer, one for him and the other for his dog. The dog grabbed the bottle with his mouth and chugged down the beer, as skillful as his owner.
The waitress was very impressed and excitedly asked "What other tricks can your dog do?"
The man looked at her and said "My dog can also do s**...!"
So, the waitress brought both of them up into the attic, took off all her clothes, laid down on the sofa, spread her legs and looked at the dog. But the dog just stood there and did nothing.
Angry, the man took off all his clothes and shouted at the dog angrily "You s**... dog, this will be the last time I will show you how to do s**...!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When you're in the garage, you're Asian. When you're in the kitchen, you're African. When you're in the attic, you're Australian. In the bathroom...
European!
I just found Grandma's teeth in the attic
They speak of the past
Why should you never keep pharmaceuticals under the roof?
To avoid it becoming a drug attic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a roof addicted to m**...
A drug attic
I found an old game.
Anne Frank simulator, looked okayish (as good as an attic can look) and had decent sound. Although the game has a big bug. During the tutorial everytime I jump I get shot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.
As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a t**....
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
My neighbour jean guy's house caught on fire, I asked him what he was going to do..
He say don't worries, I gots more wood in the attic
I heard a chicken in my attic, but I've never seen one in my house before
I'm guessing it's a poultrygeist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the s**... out of my girlfriend.
I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.
People in glass houses...
A pacific island tribal king was infamous for conquering surrounding islands and stealing the defeated king's throne, and then stowing it, like a trophy, in the attic of his grass hut.
One day when sitting on his throne in said grass hut, the ceiling collapses under the weight of his trophies and the king is killed.
Which goes to prove that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic
Now the pesky buggers are b**... on the attic door asking to be let out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You can't take it with you
A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found an old violin and a painting in the attic.
The antique dealer said, "The good news is you've got a Stradivarius and a Picasso. The bad news is Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Picasso made c**... violins."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Speaking of loft insulation
I had a man ring the bell the other day and ask if I was interested in getting felt up in the attic, so I punched him in the face and slammed the door.
Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.
How did you die?
I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?
A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.
It's ironic.
What is?
If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!
An old man was dying, and asked his wife for a favor...
He said, I will be dying soon, so I'd like you to put all my prized possessions in the attic, so that when I die, my spirt can grab the items as I ascend to heaven.
The wife obliged, and when her husband passed a few days later, she ran up to the attic to see if he managed to take his belongings.
The attic was still full of all the possessions she put there.
She shook her head and said, I knew I should have put all his possessions in the basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We just found an original Stradivarius and a previously undiscovered Rembrandt in my grandad's attic!
Unfortunately it turns out that Rembrandt made useless fiddles and Stradivarius couldn't paint worth a cuss.
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
A man who claimed he'd found a £100 million Picasso in his attic, which later turned out to be fake, has been accused of selling more forgeries...
Police said when they went to arrest him, he made a terrible scream, which they've also taken as evidence.
