The Best 75 Attic Jokes

Following is our collection of Attic jokes which are very funny. There are some attic upstairs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these attic shoebox puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Attic Jokes and Puns

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

What is brown and sits in a toilet in a dutch attic?

The diarrhea of Anne Frank.

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.

It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

Wrong spot

There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!"

What's brown and runs in the attic?

The Diarrhea of Anne Frank


A Husband Told His Wife...

"I'm putting this briefcase full of money in the attic. When I die and go to Heaven, I'll take it up there with me."

Well the day comes when he dies and a few months later the wife goes to the attic and finds the briefcase still where he left it before he died.

"I knew I should have put it in the basement..."

Two drunks are looking to get laid

After a hard night drinking so they make their way to a nearby brothel. The madam, noticing the extent of their intoxication, puts them up in two attic rooms with a couple of blow up dolls. When they meet again afterwards, one says to the other " I think my woman was dead beause she just did not move and was stone cold." The other one said " I think mine was a witch... as soon as I bit her nipple, shelets out a big fart and flies out of the window"

I was in the attic the other day...

...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago.

It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy.

So I've been clearing out my attic...

... and I've decided to get rid of my hoover- it was just gathering dust.

An old man found a box in his attic.

Inside were two knit bonnets and $250,000. He went to his wife and asked if she knew anything about it. She explained, "Every time I was mad at you, I'd knit a bonnet." The man was happy to find that, in 40 years of marriage, he'd only angered his wife twice. "OK, that explains the bonnets, but what about the money?" the old man asked. His wife smiled and said,"That's from selling all the bonnets I've made over the years."

Why did the house have an intervention?

Because it has an attic.

You can explore attic downstairs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean attic wanda dad jokes. There are also attic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


WAR BOARDER

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

Women are like raincoats.

In a box in my attic marked "raincoats."

Two Jews were smoking in the attic.

They got baked.

What's the end game as a ghost?

Wait in an attic and try and scare some accountant into solving my murder?

Cleaning the Attic

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Hey - get out!
We don't want

your type in here!''

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."

The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"

She replies, "They all did."

Credit goes to u/umm_umm_

My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400.

He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition.

Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic.

Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday.


What do you call a Star wars fan in an attic?

Annakin Frank

[NSFW] I was seeing a girl once, five actually...

Then the sorority started looking into the strange sounds in the attic.

What do you call an attic with a lot of issues?

Problematic.

A husband leaves his money in the attic...

His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.

The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."

A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."

Mum, father hanged himself!

A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"

Did you hear about the old man selling boats in the attic?

The sails were going through the roof.

In the house of mathematics, where are the tautologies found?

They're kept in the Axiom Attic.

Cleaning Day

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies, "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas

It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

Why does the space between the ceiling and the roof need an intervention?

Because, it's an attic.

What do you call an upstairs room where junkies hang out?

A drug attic.

My brother is renovating his entire attic

He has very lofty ambitions.

My dad told me about the birds and the bees today...

Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.

What part of the house got busted for drugs?

The attic

Some conspiracy theorists live alone in the basement.

Others live alone in the ~~white house~~ attic.

Billy's mom comes home to see him crying...

Billy, what's wrong son?

Dad hanged himself in the attic! replied Billy, "eyes in tears".

The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.

As she gets up to the attic she notices that nothing is there and little Billy started giggling...

HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!!

He hanged himself in the basement!

Mom to grown up son: "I donated all those old comic books you had in the attic to Goodwill."

"I didn't want to just throw them away."

I think my neighbor might be involved in some illegal activities.

I heard him confess to tax evasion when I was smoking meth in his attic.

I started a boat business in the attic.

The sails are going through the roof

Why did the student keep his award in the attic???

Because he was told, "Keep it up."

I once opened a boat business in my attic

The sales went through the roof

Wife hanging from a rope.

I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic. There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!" I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life. As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."

I saw my ex and it just ruined my whole day.

I should probably just stay out if the attic.

You will never guess what I found in my attic bathroom...

The diarrhea of Anne Frank

I'm running a boat making company from my attic.

The sails are through the roof.

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad

That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

She said "should I invite my mum down for Christmas?"

"No, leave her in the attic", I replied

What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?

One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.

Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

Mommy mommy! Daddy hanged himself in the living room!

*mom rushes to the living room*

Kid: Haha! April fools! He did it in the attic!

An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic

And then poof , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .

The old lady said

- I want to be young and beautiful again

- I want to very rich

- my cat should become a handsome prince

Poof the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and her cat now transformed into a prince started crying ..

She asked what happened ?

Cat : I guess you forgot the time you had me neutered !!

When you're in the garage, you're Asian. When you're in the kitchen, you're African. When you're in the attic, you're Australian. In the bathroom...

European!

To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

Why should you never keep pharmaceuticals under the roof?

To avoid it becoming a drug attic.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

What do you call a roof addicted to meth

A drug attic

a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

I found an old game.

Anne Frank simulator, looked okayish (as good as an attic can look) and had decent sound. Although the game has a big bug. During the tutorial everytime I jump I get shot.

Everyone look down your shirt and spell attic.

I found a vintage Altoids box from the 60s in my attic,

it was in mint condition

I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine.

It's a family hair loom.

A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.

As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a tampon.

Im going to open a Kosher Hotdog stand in my attic.

It's called Anne's Franks.

A man goes for confession ...

The priest says Tell me son why are you here

Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.

The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?

Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.

This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.

The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown.

Sales are going through the roof.

(I'll take my things and leave now..)

My neighbour jean guy's house caught on fire, I asked him what he was going to do..

He say don't worries, I gots more wood in the attic

A man put a bag of money in his attic.

He told his wife, This way, when I die, I can take the money with me on my way to Heaven.
When the man died, his wife went up into the attic, and sure enough, the bag of money was still there.
She said, I knew he should have put it in the basement.

I started a yacht business in the attic.

Sails are through the roof

I heard a chicken in my attic, but I've never seen one in my house before

I'm guessing it's a poultrygeist

I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the shit out of my girlfriend.

I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.

I've started a boating business from my attic.

The sails are going through the roof.

People in glass houses...

A pacific island tribal king was infamous for conquering surrounding islands and stealing the defeated king's throne, and then stowing it, like a trophy, in the attic of his grass hut.

One day when sitting on his throne in said grass hut, the ceiling collapses under the weight of his trophies and the king is killed.

Which goes to prove that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

My kids kept trying to find the Christmas presents so I put them in the attic

Now the pesky buggers are banging on the attic door asking to be let out

You can't take it with you

A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.

A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "Stupid idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."

My neighbour

My neighbour started a new business making boats in his attic.
The sails are through the roof.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the attic cupboard jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working attic bedroom piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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