Attendance Jokes
46 attendance jokes and hilarious attendance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attendance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best white sox attendance jokes.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Attendance Short Jokes
Short attendance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attendance humour may include short registration jokes also.
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- My coworker just found out she won't be able to attend next week's Innuendo Conference… I guess I'll have to fill her slot instead.
- Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.
- This is the third time my friends have agreed to attend a Whitesnake concert and haven't turned up Here I go again on my own.
- I attended a meet called "How Stop Taking Things Literally". "What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day.
I said, "My legs." - A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?
-What are my options?
-Yes and No - A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store. He picked up a false shoulder, arm and wrist.
The store attendant asked "Would you like a hand with that?" - My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"
- Jesus walks into a hotel... He hands the attendant 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
Share These Attendance Jokes With Friends
Attendance One Liners
Which attendance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attendance? I can suggest the ones about membership and ticket.
- Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert? He was baroque.
- What I deal with as a parking attendant… It's a lot.
- What did the football player say to the flight attendant? Put me in coach.
- Something really funny happened during attendance... ...You had to be there.
- A man walks into a brothel.. The attendant behind the desk says "Beat it. We're closed".
- What do you call a dance that starts at 10? Attendance
- What kind of church does a triangle attend? Anglican.
- Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering She wasn't Aladdin.
- I once made an apathetic club. No one cared enough to attend the meetings, though.
- So, I purchased tickets and attended a competition for hitting bongs… It was a Rip Off
- What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant? Today is a good day to fly.
- Attended my russian Friends wedding It was quite a soviet union
- Why cant the US kill COVID It doesn't attend school
- What do you call it when a flight attendant gets pregnant? Pilot error.
- Catholic Church service on Sunday has been renamed! They now attend Sunday Mask.
Take Attendance Jokes
Here is a list of funny take attendance jokes and even better take attendance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Descartes Takes a Flight The flight attendants says, "M. Descartes, would you care for a cocktail?" Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.
- Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
Perfect Attendance Jokes
Here is a list of funny perfect attendance jokes and even better perfect attendance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Teacher: I'm having trouble with one of my students. Principal: What's the problem?
Teacher: Not only is he the worst behaved child in class, he has a perfect attendance record - I was supposed to go to prison for a long time, but thankfully i got was released early Thanks to thirty years perfect attendance.
Hilarious Attendance Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about attendance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean receipt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attendance pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For anyone attending Stan Lee's f**......
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...
.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."
My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:
that's me, and it's pronounced noelle
A high school senior visits a psychic...
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
I received a wedding invitation.
It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I sleep better n**...
Why can't this flight attendant understand that?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Henry Winkler on a plane
Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"
He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... police officer came to work
A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."
A blonde walks into a drycleaners
and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?
The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
