Attendance Jokes

48 attendance jokes and hilarious attendance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attendance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best white sox attendance jokes.

Quick Jump To

Best Short Attendance Jokes

Short attendance puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attendance humour may include short registration jokes also.

  1. Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
  2. My coworker just found out she won't be able to attend next week's Innuendo Conference… I guess I'll have to fill her slot instead.
  3. Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is.
  4. This is the third time my friends have agreed to attend a Whitesnake concert and haven't turned up Here I go again on my own.
  5. I attended a meet called "How Stop Taking Things Literally". "What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day.
    I said, "My legs."
  6. A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?
    -What are my options?
    -Yes and No
  7. A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store. He picked up a false shoulder, arm and wrist.
    The store attendant asked "Would you like a hand with that?"
  8. My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
  9. I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"
  10. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
Attendance joke, How do you milk a sheep?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about attendance can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of attendance puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share Jokes With Friends

Attendance One Liners

Which attendance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attendance? I can suggest the ones about booking and membership.

  1. Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert? He was baroque.
  2. What I deal with as a parking attendant… It's a lot.
  3. What did the football player say to the flight attendant? Put me in coach.
  4. Something really funny happened during attendance... ...You had to be there.
  5. A man walks into a brothel.. The attendant behind the desk says "Beat it. We're closed".
  6. Where do physicists attend church? At the center of mass.
  7. What do you call a dance that starts at 10? Attendance
  8. What kind of church does a triangle attend? Anglican.
  9. Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering She wasn't Aladdin.
  10. I once made an apathetic club. No one cared enough to attend the meetings, though.
  11. Why didn't the sun have to attend university? It's already got thousands of degrees.
  12. So, I purchased tickets and attended a competition for hitting bongs… It was a Rip Off
  13. What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant? Today is a good day to fly.
  14. Attended my russian Friends wedding It was quite a soviet union
  15. Why cant the US kill COVID It doesn't attend school

Take Attendance Jokes

Here is a list of funny take attendance jokes and even better take attendance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You know the difference between a woman attending Sunday morning mass and a woman taking a Friday night bath? One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.
  • Descartes Takes a Flight The flight attendants says, "M. Descartes, would you care for a cocktail?" Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.
  • Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
  • Ladies, most men are like professors that don't take attendance... It doesn't matter to them if you come.

Perfect Attendance Jokes

Here is a list of funny perfect attendance jokes and even better perfect attendance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Teacher: I'm having trouble with one of my students. Principal: What's the problem?
    Teacher: Not only is he the worst behaved child in class, he has a perfect attendance record
  • I was supposed to go to prison for a long time, but thankfully i got was released early Thanks to thirty years perfect attendance.
Attendance joke, I was supposed to go to prison for a long time, but thankfully i got was released early

Hilarious Attendance Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about attendance you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean ticket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make attendance prank.

For anyone attending Stan Lee's f**......

Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.

A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

that's me, and it's pronounced noelle

A high school senior visits a psychic...

"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking

An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.

The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

I sleep better n**...

Why can't this flight attendant understand that?

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Henry Winkler on a plane

Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"
He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."

A man is attending the Super Bowl, when he notices an empty seat.

Thinking this to be strange, the man asks the person sitting next to the empty seat if he knows who sits there. The guy replies: Well, I bought two tickets for my wife and I a long time ago, but she passed away. So the man asks: Couldn't you have brought someone else?
"They're all at the f**...."

A n**... police officer came to work

A n**... police officer came to work and his commander, shocked, asked him: "why did you come n**...?"
The police officer said: "There was a party last night I attended. At 00:00 all lights went off and we were in the dark. All of a sudden a voice said that all females should undress. You could hear u**.... Then after a while the same voice said all the males to get undressed. Everybody did that, so did I. And then after a minute the voice said GET TO WORK"
Commander: "And?"
Police officer: "And I came to work."

Attendance joke, A n**... police officer came to work

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these attendance jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.