Attack Jokes
129 attack jokes and hilarious attack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article covers various jokes related to attack-related themes such as Attack on Titan, attack helicopters, heart attacks, tanks, getting nuked, and DDOS. Learn about the funniest and most humorous quips and gags related to the topic of attack in this article.
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Funniest Attack Short Jokes
Short attack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attack humour may include short strike jokes also.
- Vandals have attacked the National Origami museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...
- I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
- Zelensky: Why did you invade Iraq? United States: Because we "suspected" nuclear weapons.
Zelensky: So why not attack Russia now?
United States: Because we know that Russia has nuclear weapons. - Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
- I'm being attacked by Russian hacker! Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.
- I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
- My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack.. They're two things I'll never see coming.
(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke) - Did you know they tested the mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
- Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear? Depends on how fast you can carry it.
- Did you here about the woman who got attacked by a gang of mimes? They performed unspeakable acts on her.
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Attack One Liners
Which attack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attack? I can suggest the ones about raid and fight.
- Last night I was attacked by a gang of mime. They did unspeakable things to me.
- Why did the mexican take a Xanax? For hispanic attacks
- Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
- What do you call a Frenchman that's been attacked by a bear? Claude
- My wife attacked me with a baguette She's been charged for assault with a breadly weapon
- MySpace got hit by a DDOS attack.. More than 8 users were disconnected.
- My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.
- What do you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler.
- The national anthem is under attack And I won't stand for it!
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- What do Putin, Batman and Will Smith have in common? They all attacked a comedian
- What is the worst time to have a heart attack? During a game of charades
- Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar... "Is that a fret?"
- My grandfather died at auschwitz He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.
- "I think i'm having a heart attack. Quick! Dad, call me a doctor..." "You're a Doctor."
Heart Attack Jokes
Here is a list of funny heart attack jokes and even better heart attack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack. If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.
- A woman has a heart attack in a plane. The stewardess asks "Is there a doctor on board?".
A person comes forward and announces "I'm a vegan." - Heart-Attacks are overrated I mean your heart works non-stop all of your life, would it kill you if the poor guy took a break for 5 minutes ?
- What do you call a black guy having a heart attack? An ambulance.
- Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken
- I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen. He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way. - What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives? A 'murical.
- How do you revive a homeless American from a heart attack? You threaten to call an ambulance.
- Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree... Bear attacks are definitely worse.
- What causes a pirate to have a heart attack? Something clogged their arrrrrrteries
Surprise Attack Jokes
Here is a list of funny surprise attack jokes and even better surprise attack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As the bishop advanced towards the queen, the queen pulled a surprise attack and took out the bishop Believe me, the other Vatican priests were just as surprised as you are
- What was the ninja pigs' surprise attack called? Hambush
- What do you call an Egyptian surprise attack? A Tut offensive.
Asthma Attack Jokes
Here is a list of funny asthma attack jokes and even better asthma attack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two ladies meet up for coffee... The first lady asks if she came on the bus. The other replies, "Yes, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
(I work in a hospital, a patient told me this.) - 2 old ladies in a cafe Ethel : " Did you come on the bus?"
Doris: "Yes!! but I made it look like an asthma attack. " - What is it called when a gamer fights someone? An Asthma attack.
- What did David Lee Roth use to suppress his asthma attacks? an Eddie Vanhaler
- I had an asthma attack while walking to work today... Even I didn't believe it when 3 asthmatics jumped out of a bush and started hitting me.
Panic Attack Jokes
Here is a list of funny panic attack jokes and even better panic attack puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the Mexican start taking anti anxiety medicine Because of his panic attacks
- A muenster attacked Emmenthal institution. Everyone cheddared with panic. There was de brie everywhere. It was no Gouda.
- I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel. I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
- An astronaut is having a panic attack on the ISS The gravity of the situation was too little for him.
- What did you get your mom for Mother's Day tomorrow? Besides a tiny, brief panic attack?
Heartwarming Attack Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about attack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean defense jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attack pranks.
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.
No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Heart Attack
THE HEART ATTACK
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband n**... lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally n**... and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten b**...', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
n**... playing hide and seek with the kids!!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over...
Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, Step out of the car says the cop, I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test. I can't , Jim responds You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack. Alright, says the cop, then you're going to have to take a blood test. Can't do that either, Jim responds, I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death. Ok, the cop answers then I will need a u**... sample. Sorry, says Jim I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low. Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me. Can't do that either responds Jim. Why not? Demanded the exasperated cop. Well, because I'm drunk!
So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell...
So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. He goes up to the chalkboard and draws a period. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Little Johnny replies "I don't know, but when my sister said she missed hers my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor shot himself!"
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...
.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Careful what you wish for!
I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik
This is the worst joke I've ever told, and I think it's hilarious. Am I really alone?
A woman bursts into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor! I'm having a panic attack!"
The doctor looks at her and says, "Calm down."
Blonde Co-Pilot
This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sunday Morning s**...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Two women meet in heaven...
There's these two women meeting for the first time in heaven who's names are Carol and Lydia. Carol leans over and asks Lydia what the cause of her death was. Lydia says, "Well I froze to death. How did you die?" To which Carol replies "I died of a massive heart attack." Very concerned, Lydia asks "What caused the heart attack?" Carol starts then explaining on how she thought her husband was cheating on her. And how she had come home early to catch him in the act but, to her surprise, only found her husband sitting in the den reading a book. But convinced there was another women in the house, she frantically started destroying the house looking for the other women until she was so exhausted that her heart just stopped working. Amazed at the story, Lydia looks at Carol and says, "If you would have looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
Army commando recruitment - from India
A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"
Let's make it Aussie joke day.
A man on vacation in Queensland suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. On waking, he weakly asks the nurse, "Was I brought here to die?" The nurse replies, "No, they brought you in yesterday."
An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
"So how was your golf game today, dear?"
"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."
The vaccine conspiracy
Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"
Two Women Talking in Heaven
1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
Saudi TV Mistake
Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake.
What has four legs and one arm?
An attack dog in an elementary school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What gave h**... a heart attack?
Seeing his gas bill
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dark humor is like a t**... attack...
the timing needs to be just right.
I did a self defense course
I would't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion
A jew in his deathbed...
A jew in his deathbed is surrounded by his family. He asks if the wife is there; she was. He asks if his son was there; he was. He asked if his daughter was there, and she was.
As he finds out everyone's there, he has a heart attack. His final words were:
-Why... is no one... in the shop...
I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells
Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery
I don't think my wife likes me very much
when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best explanation of Star Wars
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a t**... attack which kills 300'000 people.
Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing...
He looked thoroughly worn out.
"Tough day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Oh, you have no idea," he said. "The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there we were, 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started off strong...
Killed 'em both.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doing a s**... attack is...
...a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Mexican self defense
A Mexican passed a Japanese man and a Korean man as they were discussing their favorite type of martial arts.
Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense arts.
Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, teaches defense and attack.
At this point the men notice the Mexican and ask him what he practices
Mexican: Judono
Men: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's too soon to make jokes about the Sweden t**... Attack
We should wait for it to happen first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A t**... tells the s**... bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...
The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"
How do you know the US isn't going to attack North Korea?
They didn't arm them first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.
Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.
I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."
I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.
A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.
The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are 2 hunters in the woods
suddenly, one of the hunters has a heart attack and falls over. The other hunter calls 911. "Operator, I think my friend is dead," he says. "Well before we do anything else, we need to make sure he is dead," responds the operator. There is silence. Then there is a loud bang. "Ok, now what do I do"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you see the story in the newspaper about the s**... attack at the laundry?
The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"
President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions.
the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.
Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.
And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.
A woman helps a man who is having a heart attack.
The woman asks the gathering crowd, "Any doctor here?" One man answered, "I'm a doctor, what's going on?" The woman says, "He's having a heart attack, can you help?" The man says, "I'm a doctor in philosophy." The woman says, "He is going to die!!". The doctor replies, "We are all going to die."
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.
The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some f**... reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"
"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
There's radical feminist plot to attack the postal service...
They heard it was a mail dominated industry..
( Possibility OC?)
An elderly couple were on vacation in Israel
While they were there the wife suddenly dies of a heart attack.
A local mortitian explains the husband that it would cost him 100$ to bury her in Israel but it would cost him 3.000$ to have her transported to America tp have her buried at home.
The husband thinks about it for a while and then says to the mortitian that he would like to have her transported home.
The mortitian asks the why he wouldn't let her be buried in Israel when he could save a lot of money!
The husband then says "well I've heard of a guy who died and was buried here many years ago and he came back after three days. I'm not gonna risk that!"
Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?
No? Well, she is all right now.
BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.
In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...
Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*
What's the worst thing to hear at an antivax rally?
"He's having a heart attack! Is anyone here a doctor?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
I saw a woman attack a man with a jigsaw.
He looked puzzled.
A man receives a message from a neighbour....
Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact , much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to hospital
The next day he receives another message:
"Sorry sir spelling mistake, it's not wife but wifi".
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.
How did you die?
I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?
A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time looking for her from the basement to the attic. I got exhausted and had a heart attack.
It's ironic.
What is?
If you had checked the freezer first, we would both still be alive!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at the zoo I was let into the Lion enclosure
I said to the lion handler Why do I do if the lion tries to attack me?
He replied Don't be afraid it's very simple, if the lion charges you, reach behind your back, grab a pile of s**... off the ground and throw it in the lions face
I said to him But what if I reach behind me and there is no pile of s**... on the ground?
To which the lion handler said Don't worry it'll be there
Both Will Smith and me having our wives attacked
at least I didn’t get up and slap anybody, which is good
