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Attached Jokes

137 attached jokes and hilarious attached puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about attached that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh with no strings attached? Read this article for the best attached jokes you can append or tape to anything. From reattached to mismatched jokes, get your giggle on with these hilarious attached jokes!

Funniest Attached Short Jokes

Short attached jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The attached humour may include short attachments jokes also.

  1. A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
  2. A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?" "Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
  3. For sale: Guitar
    Yoyo
    puppet
    Kite
    £5 for the lot
    Genuine reason for sale
    No strings attached
  4. There's a greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks
  5. My grandpa just told me that he loves how reliable his fingers are and is really attached to them... Says he has always been able to count on them.
  6. Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?" The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."
  7. I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time.
  8. Nowadays with internet in some prisons.. ..How do they prevent the emails from having attached files?
  9. For Sale... Parachute: $300.
    Slightly stained.
    Used once; never opened.
    No strings attached.
  10. I asked a monk if they were allowed to send emails He said yes as long as there are no attachments

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Attached One Liners

Which attached one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with attached? I can suggest the ones about linked and associate.

  1. Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plan? The Jedi Code forbids attachments.
  2. Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
  3. Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo? No strings attached
  4. Free parachute No strings attached!
  5. How does Dalai Lama send emails? With no attachments.
  6. Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business? He got too attached to his work.
  7. Why can't you email photos to a Jedi? Because attachments are forbidden
  8. I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached.
  9. Why can't Buddhists vacuum under the couch? Because they have no attachments.
  10. I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. No strings attached
  11. How do Buddhist monks send emails? They remove all attachments.
  12. I miss my umbilical cord I grew attached to it.
  13. I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap. No strings attached.
  14. I attached all my watches together into a belt today. It's a complete waist of time.
  15. I had to return my Buddhist vacuum... It came with no attachments.

No Strings Attached Jokes

Here is a list of funny no strings attached jokes and even better no strings attached puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons No strings attached
  • My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why! People usually love a no strings attached policy!
  • My wife saw an ad in a window Which said "tampons 50cents"
    Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper...
    Very true, he said...."no strings attached"
  • I'm giving away a broken puppet. No strings attached.
  • I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached
  • I made a dating app for marionettes, and it failed. Everyone wanted No Strings Attached dating.
  • The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner. There still were strings attached.
  • I'm selling a guitar for £5 No strings attached.
  • I shouldn't have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues. There were no strings attached.
  • Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached...
Attached joke, Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar...

Fun-Filled Attached Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about attached you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contained jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make attached pranks.

51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...

With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.

Why do people who like b**... shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.


The next time your boss asks you to start your presentation with a joke...

...attach your payslip on the first slide.

Needed: Eyelids

A baby is born with no eyelids. The doctors need a solution, and fast. The best solution, and the one they arrive at, is to use his f**... for his new eyelids. They successfully attach his f**... as eyelids, with only one complication. Now hes a little c**...-eyed.

A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office

The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your t**...!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."
"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.
"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering-wheel attached to the front of his pants.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering-wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender says, "You know you got a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of your pants?" The pirate says, "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts."

I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...

They do this for two reasons;
One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.
And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.
(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)

Black guy and Jewish Genie

A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....

What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.

What is pinocchio's favourite kind of s**...?

No strings attached.

I like my women like I like my drain pipes.

Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall.

Twelve Italian priests...

...were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally n**..., in a garden while a s**..., beautiful, big breasted, n**... model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
As he bent over to pick it up… all the other bells started to ring!

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...

"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."

Pirate walks into bar. Barkeep notices a steering wheel attached to the pirate's groin, asks about it.

"Aarrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

It was attached to my bumper...

A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants

The bartender says, "Pirate, you know you got a steering wheel attached to your w**...?"
The pirate replies, "ARRG! It's drivin' me nuts!"

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.

He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his c**.... The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

The UK announced it's removing tax from t**... sales.

Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.

Why do tampons have strings attached?

So you can floss after you eat.
Alt ending: So the c**... can bungee jump.

A pirate has a steering wheel attached to his c**....

As he walks down the street someone notices and asks "Doesn't that hurt?"
The pirate replies, "Arr, it drives me nuts."

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer.

I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

A man and his son were at the grocery store today...

They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!

An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.

He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

A disciple asked, Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?

Yes, son, the guru quipped, as long as there are no attachments.

If your life is awful, get a rope and a stool

...and find the next tree. Throw the rope over a branch and attach the stool to the rope.
Now you've got a swing.

I tried to make a belt by attaching all of my old wristwatches together.

It was a waist of time.

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?
The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

Where is the line between romance and p**...?

Romance is s**... a woman tenderly with a feather.
p**... is when that feather is still attached to the chicken.

The difference between "s**..." and "perverted"...

Q: What's the difference between "s**..." and "perverted"?
A: It's s**... if a girl let's you watch while she's stimulating her nether parts with a feather. It becomes perverted if there's a bird still attached to the feather...

Tampax are releasing a t**... with tinsel attached to it...

It's for the Christmas period.

A forbidden love

"I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."
"Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"

Two conjoined twins, attached by the face, have successfully been separated today.

Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.
Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.

Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"
She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?
The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.

Woman goes to a doctor with a t**... lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?
Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!
Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?
Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear
One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...
...no strings attached!

Anti Vaxx

Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.

Why do pirates only have one type of weapon attached to their ship?

Because the other weapons are non-canon.

Is it ok for monks to use email?

As long as they don't have attachments.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the test papers and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying
"A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.

I had to quit my job at the Elmer's Glue factory...

I was getting too attached to my coworkers... I couldn't separate myself from my work.

A child point his finger at a toy plane attached to the ceiling

And he says to his mum mum I really want to be like that airplane when I grow up!
His mother: why? Because it flies really high?
Him: no, because it's hanging from the ceiling

You are allowed to send e-mails to people in prison

As long as you don't attach a file

My wife emailed me our wedding photos but I couldn't open any of the files.

I have serious trouble with emotional attachments.

His holiness the Dalai Lama

Sent an email to Xi Jinping.
Xi Jinping opened the email and clicked on the attachment.
It was malware and the Party's computer system crashed.
Xi Jinping got on the phone and angrily demanded an answer from His Holiness.
"With attachment, comes suffering", said the Dalai Lama

What do you call a nose that's not attached to a body?

Nobody knows!

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!

Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker upload his pics to email them to Padme?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Why do Star Wars Jedi absolutely hate having to open PDF files ?

Because attachments are forbidden.

Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.

Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.

Attached joke, Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.

jokes about attached