Following is our collection of particle humor and collider one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Atoms puns for adults, dirty electron jokes or clean molecule gags for kids.
There is an abundance of proton jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 90 funniest jokes on atoms. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ion witze you can hear about atoms.
followed by Batman.
Because they make up everything.
2 Na
2Na
It doesn't matter
(go ahead and down vote :P)
A ferrous wheel.
HeHeHe
The atoms family.
The first one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron!"
The second one goes "Are you sure?"
To which the first one replies "I'm positive."
He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"
The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"
"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.
"Wow," says the bartender, "that's BaNaNaS!"
HeHeHe
HeHe
Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.
HeHe
So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.
The other says, "Are you sure?" to which the other replies, "I'm positive."
...and one says to the other, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive!"
one guacamole
and orders two drinks, having one for himself and leaving the other one untouched at the stool beside him. The next day, the bartender notices that he does it again, and the day after, he does it a third time. When he does it a fourth time, the bartender finally asks him "why do you keep ordering two drinks but only having one?". In response, the physicist says "according to the laws of physics, there is a statistical chance that billions of atoms could align perfectly and form a beautiful woman sitting on the stool". The bartender then asks "why don't you just ask a woman to have a drink with you and see if she says yes?", to which the physicist replies "well what's the chance that that's actually going to happen?"
oh, they make up EVERYTHING!
They matter
...and the first atom is looking pretty glum.
"What's wrong?" asks the second atom.
"I thnk I lost an electron."
"My God!" said the second atom. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," said the first. "I'm positive."
Man! This threesome is getting me wet!
One of the atom stumbles and falls
Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.
Atom 2: are you sure?
Atom: I'm positive.
"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.
Made me so wet.
...when the first atom screams "Ahhhhh! I lost an electron".
The second atom asks "Are you sure?"
to which the first atom replied "Yes, I'm positive."
It was full of nerds so they split.
HeHe
"Hey Bob, why the long face?"
"I've just lost an electron."
"What, are you sure?"
"Yes..... I'm positive."
Ammoooaaanium
One suddenly says: Oh no, I think I lost an electron!
The other one asks: Are you sure man?
He says: Yes, I'm positive.
One of them says:
Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.
The other replies, Are you sure?
The first says, Yes, I'm positive.
*This is an oldy all over the internet, but very cute.*
tuNa
Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"
"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.
To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
They hold an *electron*.
One says, "I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
ATOM #1: are you ok?
ATOM #2: oh my god, no! I think I lost an electron!
ATOM #1: are you sure?
ATOM #2: yes, I'm positive!
You'd be doing me a real solid.
But instead they steal each others electrons.
How ionic.
2Na
Because they make up everything
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"To whom*."
___________________________________________________________
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?
Give him two test tickles!
___________________________________________________________
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
___________________________________________________________
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.
One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"
Why? Because it's a smashing time
they make up everything.
One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other inquires, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
All of a sudden, one stops and says oh my goodness I've lost my electron! The other turns to him and says are you sure to which the first replies yeah! I'm positive!
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!
One says I lost an electron. The other asks are you sure ?
Yeah I'm positive
But they don't come back after fusion.
Brine Atoms
2 Na
Two atoms walking down the street happen to collide into one another. The first one exclaims, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" says the second atom.
"Yes, I'm positive!"
They have mass.
One joke involved him asking her why no one trusted atoms. (Because they make up everything). My bf retaliates with his own joke... 'What do female bartenders like most about their male Patrons?.... Just the tip' 😎
Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world?
Me: I don't know, who?
Him: the atoms family.
Not bad for 7 years old.
Scientist 1: So everything is made up of these tiny particles?
Scientist 2: I guess so.
Scientist 1: What should we call the things they make up?
Scientist 2: Why name it? It doesn't seem that important to me.
Scientist 1: Are you sure? Cause I think it all Matters.
They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.
we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.
For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made up of particles called quarks and leptons, which are infinitely smaller. These were the smallest units in existence.
However, as science is always evolving, it has recently been proven that infinitely smaller than even these quarks and leptons is the number of people who have actually changed any political opinion because of what someone shared on Facebook.
It was time to split.
HA HA HA
Barium
Because they're no laughing matter.
One atom says to the other, "you're a weird dude. You know that?" The other atom responds "hey man, we all have some quarks."
Even though they are great at making things up, they always ending up Bohring me to death
TuNa.
covfefe
One said to the other,' I just lost an electron'
'Are you sure?' Was the reply
'Yes, I'm positive'
If they have such an exceptional ground state
"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"
Fig neutrons
Isn't it ionic?
they'll make up anything
They have their quarks
... one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron". The other replies "F*ck me, a talking atom!"
What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?
"He-He!"
(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)
Dozen matter.
Higg no rants
Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.
One turned to the other one and said, "we've got to go back in there, I left an electron" The other one asked, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm positive"
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
I told them not to trust them because they make up everything.
They asked me to leave.
The first atom says "hey, you just stole my electron!"
The second atom says "are you sure?"
The first atom says " yes, i'm positive."
Did you hear the one about the average of the sum of all organic compounds that contain an oxygen atom connected to two alkyl atoms?
No?
Mean ether.
One of them says, "I've lost an electron!"
The other atom responds by asking,"are you sure?"
The atom says, "yes I'm positive."
Atoms are happy when they have their shells filled. Can you be my valence-tine? Helium. Helium. Helium.
One atom says to the other, "Oh no, I've lost an electron!" The other asks "Are you sure?" To which the atom replies, "I'm positive!"
Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."
They make up everything!
Credit to wherever my awesomely lame chemistry teacher finds her corny jokes :)
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.