Atoms Jokes

Following is our collection of particle humor and collider one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Atoms puns for adults, dirty electron jokes or clean molecule gags for kids.

There is an abundance of proton jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 90 funniest jokes on atoms. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ion witze you can hear about atoms.

The Best jokes about Atoms

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar…

followed by Batman.

Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?

2Na

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)


What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Three helium atoms walk into a bar

HeHeHe

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

Two atoms walk into a bar.

The first one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron!"

The second one goes "Are you sure?"

To which the first one replies "I'm positive."

A chemist walks into a bar...

He says to the bartender, "Tonight all drinks are on me!"

The bartender says to him, "you must've had a good day today, what happened?"

"I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!" the chemist proudly replies.

"Wow," says the bartender, "that's BaNaNaS!"

That one about the three helium atoms is pretty funny.

HeHeHe


Two Helium atoms were acting funny

HeHe

Why should you distrust atoms?

Because they make up an awful lot of stuff.

What did the scientist say when he found 2 helium atoms?

HeHe

Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we're made of atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.

Two atoms are in a bar. One says, "I think I lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?" to which the other replies, "I'm positive."

Two atoms were hanging out...

...and one says to the other, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first says, "Yes, I'm positive!"

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

A physicist walks into a bar...

and orders two drinks, having one for himself and leaving the other one untouched at the stool beside him. The next day, the bartender notices that he does it again, and the day after, he does it a third time. When he does it a fourth time, the bartender finally asks him "why do you keep ordering two drinks but only having one?". In response, the physicist says "according to the laws of physics, there is a statistical chance that billions of atoms could align perfectly and form a beautiful woman sitting on the stool". The bartender then asks "why don't you just ask a woman to have a drink with you and see if she says yes?", to which the physicist replies "well what's the chance that that's actually going to happen?"


Why are atoms known for being such liars?

oh, they make up EVERYTHING!

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

Two atoms are sitting at a bar...

...and the first atom is looking pretty glum.

"What's wrong?" asks the second atom.

"I thnk I lost an electron."

"My God!" said the second atom. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," said the first. "I'm positive."

What did the oxygen atom say to the two hydrogen atoms?

Man! This threesome is getting me wet!

Two atoms are walking back home together...

One of the atom stumbles and falls

Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.

Atom 2: are you sure?

Atom: I'm positive.

Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.

"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"

"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."

The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

Two atoms were crossing the road...

...when the first atom screams "Ahhhhh! I lost an electron".
The second atom asks "Are you sure?"
to which the first atom replied "Yes, I'm positive."

Two atoms walk into a party at the Large Hadron Collider...

It was full of nerds so they split.

Two Helium Atoms Are Bonding.

HeHe

two atoms are talking..

"Hey Bob, why the long face?"
"I've just lost an electron."
"What, are you sure?"
"Yes..... I'm positive."

What do you call a nitrogen atom having a 5-way orgy with 4 other hydrogen atoms?

Ammoooaaanium

So 2 atoms were walking down the street...

One suddenly says: Oh no, I think I lost an electron!
The other one asks: Are you sure man?
He says: Yes, I'm positive.

Two atoms are walking together...

One of them says:

Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.

The other replies, Are you sure?

The first says, Yes, I'm positive.

*This is an oldy all over the internet, but very cute.*

What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?

tuNa

Two atoms are walking down the street...

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?

They hold an *electron*.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar

One says, "I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Two atoms are driving together, lose control and smash into a tree...

ATOM #1: are you ok?

ATOM #2: oh my god, no! I think I lost an electron!

ATOM #1: are you sure?

ATOM #2: yes, I'm positive!

Can you move my atoms closer together?

You'd be doing me a real solid.

You would think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to eachother

But instead they steal each others electrons.

How ionic.

Fish composed of 2 sodium atoms?

2Na

why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything

A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"To."

"To who?"

"To whom*."
___________________________________________________________
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?

Give him two test tickles!
___________________________________________________________
What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
___________________________________________________________
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.

One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"

The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"

All the atoms go to the bar Quantum Accelerator

Why? Because it's a smashing time

You shouldn't trust atoms..

they make up everything.

Two atoms are walking down the street....

One of them shouts, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"


The other inquires, "Are you sure?"


"Yes, I'm positive!"

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down a street

All of a sudden, one stops and says oh my goodness I've lost my electron! The other turns to him and says are you sure to which the first replies yeah! I'm positive!

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

Two atoms sitting in a bar..

One says I lost an electron. The other asks are you sure ?

Yeah I'm positive

Two atoms come back after fishin'

But they don't come back after fusion.

Who's your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

What do you call a fish made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

If your atoms had no kinect energy you'd be 0K.

-Two atoms walking down the street

Two atoms walking down the street happen to collide into one another. The first one exclaims, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!" 
"Are you sure?" says the second atom. 
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Atoms are catholic.

They have mass.

So my bf and I walk into a bar. We notice this guy kept hitting on the female bartender by telling her corny jokes as she fake chuckles.

One joke involved him asking her why no one trusted atoms. (Because they make up everything). My bf retaliates with his own joke... 'What do female bartenders like most about their male Patrons?.... Just the tip' 😎

A joke my kid told me today.

Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world?
Me: I don't know, who?
Him: the atoms family.
Not bad for 7 years old.

2 scientists see atoms for the first time.

Scientist 1: So everything is made up of these tiny particles?

Scientist 2: I guess so.

Scientist 1: What should we call the things they make up?

Scientist 2: Why name it? It doesn't seem that important to me.

Scientist 1: Are you sure? Cause I think it all Matters.

Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?

They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.

At one point in time...

we thought atoms represented the smallest unit of matter. Although initially thought to be indivisible, this was proven false and each atom is made up of proton, neutrons, and electrons inside.

For a time these were the smallest units, then we found that these protons and neutrons were made up of particles called quarks and leptons, which are infinitely smaller. These were the smallest units in existence.

However, as science is always evolving, it has recently been proven that infinitely smaller than even these quarks and leptons is the number of people who have actually changed any political opinion because of what someone shared on Facebook.

Why did the atoms cross the road?

It was time to split.

So three Hahnium atoms walk into a bar,

HA HA HA

What do you do with dead atoms?

Barium

Why are atoms so serious?

Because they're no laughing matter.

Two atoms

One atom says to the other, "you're a weird dude. You know that?" The other atom responds "hey man, we all have some quarks."

Why are atoms bad story tellers?

Even though they are great at making things up, they always ending up Bohring me to death

What do you call 2 sodium atoms?

TuNa.

What do you get when you mix an atom of cobalt, an atom of vanadium, and two atoms of iron?

covfefe

Two atoms are in a bar

One said to the other,' I just lost an electron'

'Are you sure?' Was the reply

'Yes, I'm positive'

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Did you hear Oasis's new song about the attraction and repulsion of atoms?

"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"

what kind of cookies do atoms eat?

Fig neutrons

You'd think that when two atoms in a salt bond, they're being kind by sharing electrons, but actually, one atom is stealing the electron from the other.

Isn't it ionic?

I've learned never to trust atoms

they'll make up anything

Why are atoms weird?

They have their quarks

Two atoms walking down the street ...

... one turns to the other and says "I think I've lost an electron". The other replies "F*ck me, a talking atom!"

Periodic table lesson

What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"



(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

What do two atoms argue in the hadron collider?

Higg no rants

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

Two atoms walked out of a bar.

One turned to the other one and said, "we've got to go back in there, I left an electron" The other one asked, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm positive"

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.

One says to the other, "Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive."

The other scientists in the lab were all talking about atoms.

I told them not to trust them because they make up everything.


They asked me to leave.

Two atoms are walking down the street...

The first atom says "hey, you just stole my electron!"
The second atom says "are you sure?"
The first atom says " yes, i'm positive."

Me neither

Did you hear the one about the average of the sum of all organic compounds that contain an oxygen atom connected to two alkyl atoms?

No?







Mean ether.

Two atoms are walking down the street,

One of them says, "I've lost an electron!"

The other atom responds by asking,"are you sure?"

The atom says, "yes I'm positive."

I think we'll have good chemistry.

Atoms are happy when they have their shells filled. Can you be my valence-tine? Helium. Helium. Helium.

2 atoms walk into a bar

One atom says to the other, "Oh no, I've lost an electron!" The other asks "Are you sure?" To which the atom replies, "I'm positive!"

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

Atoms are all liars...

They make up everything!

Credit to wherever my awesomely lame chemistry teacher finds her corny jokes :)

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes