Atomic Jokes

Following is our collection of fluorine humor and yttrium one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Atomic puns for adults, dirty electrons jokes or clean protons gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hydrogen jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 33 funniest jokes on atomic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bohring witze you can hear about atomic.

The Best jokes about Atomic

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

A professor makes a bet with a student

A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.

Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?

The student having no idea hands the professor $1.

Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?

The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.

Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?

The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

Why do asians have such squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty bright.

Datasheet of a Woman

Element | Woman

Symbol | ♀

Discoverer | Adam

Atomic Mass   | Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

**Physical Properties:**

1. Body surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint
2. Boils at absolutely nothing - freezes with no apparent reason
3. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

**Chemical Properties:**

1. Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning
3. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man


1. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2. Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must not make contact.

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable
- Possesses Strong Affinity towards Gold, Silver, Diamond, Platinum, Credit cards, Debit cards & Cheque books
- Money Reducing Agent


- Mostly found in front of the Mirror.
- It's highly flammable when mixed with in-laws.
- It has mixed properties when seated with parents.
- Very harmful to you if she sees you with any element similar to itself!

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"

The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium?

Atomic ache

I could talk about the atomic structure all day...

But I'd rather not Bohr you about it.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."

Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes?

Becuase atomic bombs are bright.

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The August 1945 atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?


Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

I Really Don't Like Atomic Science

Honestly, It's Such A Bohr.

I fell asleep in my chem class on atomic structure.

It was too bohring.

Who's your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

What did the Japanese man say as the Hiroshima sky was filled with the light of an atomic bomb, in a split second?

Wow this blew up fast.

This kid that used to pick on me would drink Red Bull and give literally everyone in the entire school a nasty super atomic wedgie, even the teachers!

He was certainly a hyperbole

What made Rice Krispies long before Kellogg's?

The Atomic Bomb

New (Periodic Table) Element

A new element added to the PERIODIC TABLE :

Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to ask.

Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love and care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.

Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum, diamond, branded clothes and other expensive items.

1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.

Mostly found in front of the mirrors.

Atomic Particles

I just lost an atomic particle. I'm positive.

What do you call a scientist who regularly cheats on her husband?

Atomic number 67

Where do the elements go to church?

At the Atomic Mass!!

Why did Niels help discover the atomic structure?

He was Bohred

What do you call a artistic atomic nucleus?


What do you do with a dead chemist?


For those of you that are having a hard time, Ba is the atomic symbol for Barium.

I actually survived the atomic bombing of my house in Nagasaki ...

I was on a college exchange in New York.

The Creation Of Sodium

Sodium, atomic number 11, was first isolated by Humphry Davy in 1807. A chemical component of salt, he named it Na in honour of the saltiest region on earth, North America.

The elderly with phones

It makes me nervous just watching the elderly trying to use phones it's like watching someone disable an atomic bomb.

There was once man named tom

There was once a man named Tom
Who dropped an atomic bomb
On the country we call Japan
He said next was Afghanistan
As he came in his palm

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

It's atomic symbol is Ah, and it's called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

What was the original name of the atomic bomb dropped on Japan?

The rice cooker 3000

I have 2 nitrogen atomic and 1 oxygen atomic

Wanna laugh? Breath them

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes